Kitsune: The Flip Side

Flashes… before his eyes, in his head, in his gut. Blurred frames, rhythmic pulses, sweet jolts. Her wet, swollen lips, soft moans, that heavy look from under half-closed lashes, the shivers running down her stomach… The sound of his heart filled the room like a tolling bell. Lou would have sold his soul to the devil just to be there, on the other side of the screen, right next to her. He didn’t look away for a second, catching every movement of her body. The pleasure grew, reaching some unreal, insane peak. He never imagined it could feel like this. He’d been shy at first, clumsy as he undressed under her sharp, studying gaze. All his confidence in front of a camera, all his years of professional shoots—it all failed him before the modest little eye of a webcam. He felt gaunt; it seemed his body was made of nothing but elbows, knees, and tattoos. How could she like this? But she said it was “beautiful” and asked to see everything, using a word so filthy it made his head spin. Where did she even hear that?! It was a massive turn-on. Lou felt the heavy, slick heat of himself. Then she licked her fingers and started to touch herself. And the shyness vanished. All that remained was a feverish thudding in his chest, his temples, his groin—a madness that crowded out everything else from his mind and heart. It sucked the oxygen right out of the room. She arched, leaning forward, biting her lips, sighing. She ran her fingers through her hair, smoothing over her lush body. Asked him to take her. Louis cursed through gritted teeth and followed her, trailing her warm tracks. Knowing that if she were actually here, he wouldn’t have lasted five minutes. She closed her eyes, trembling, arching into a bow, moaning… She called his name. That was it. He couldn’t—didn’t want to—hold back anymore. The spasms of orgasm were sharp to the point of pain, violent. Hot, messy, shaking fingers. Lou breathed like a hunted animal, in jagged gasps, beads of sweat crawling down his temples and onto his sharp collarbones. She leaned toward the screen, licking her lips. Smiled. Asked him to kiss her. He pressed his lips to the webcam. It was hard to imagine anything stupider or more tender than that kiss. And then she disconnected. Maybe she did it, or maybe the Internet just cut out. “I love you…” Louis said, his voice raspy, to the closed video chat window. He stroked the screen. Pressed the laptop to his chest. Then he dragged himself to the bathroom on buckling legs. He got under the warm spray of the shower. His legs wouldn’t hold him, and he slid down the wall to the floor. The water poured down. He smiled a stupid, happy, mindless grin. And then he started to cry. His tattooed shoulders shook with sobs. The water washed the tears away instantly, but they kept coming, again and again. It was beautiful. She was so far away. She was a clever, beautiful demon who had ripped the soul right out of him. He loved her to death. For two days after that madness, she didn’t come online. Louis was almost glad; he didn’t know what to say or how to say it. He realized he was gone—completely and utterly. There was no undoing this, no forgetting it, no cure. Nothing else could replace it. Now it was either Kit or… nothing. If she said “no,” he’d rather die than carry on with an existence that didn’t have her in it. He drew a lot. A massive amount. Piles of sketches. Orange, black, green. Almond eyes and fluffy tails. Lines from their Skype chats. A fundamentally new design for his clothing line—something he’d never done before. He drew and wondered how to tell her those three simple words that could move mountains. How? He came up with a hundred ways and then tore them to shreds, rejecting them one by one. Everything inside him was singing, like someone was playing a steady, perfect melody on the tightly wound strings of his soul. When the rain started, Louis took Austin and went for a walk. The restless dog ran circles around him, trying to swim in the river and catch frogs. Louis smiled at his own thoughts, letting the fine, warm droplets hit his face. He decided to rent a flat. The family home was big and comfortable, and his brother was right there, but he suddenly felt a desperate need for something of his own, something separate… Just for him and Kit. And Austin, of course. “Hi, ginger :)” “Hi, baby :) Ginger? Why?” “I mean—orange, with the hair. It suits you so much. (Whoa, am I 'baby' now? Cool.)” “Ahhhh :))) How are you?” “You even have to ask? Super! You’re just insane. And now I am too.” “I am glad :)))” “Kit, tell me your address, please? And your phone number while you’re at it…” “Why? %)” “Don’t worry, it’s not so I can stand under your window like a freak, or pester you with calls—calling at night just to breathe into the phone (though, maybe that too…). I want to send you a gift.” “I hope not check for sex Internet services? %)))” “Kit, for fuck’s sake! Flowers!” “Joking. To me it is a bit… how you say… indecent?” “Ashamed? Uncomfortable?” “Yes.” “Why?” “I not do this before.” “Me neither. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You’re beautiful, and seductive, and desirable… so bloody much. I wish everything was for real… Kitty, kitten, fly to me? (And I’ll show you the tattoo I got for you… Lily spent ages giggling before she started. But what was I supposed to do? I’ve barely got any clean skin left.)” “Fly for sex to England? Expensive pleasure. For me :)” “I can’t fly out myself right now… I’ve got recording… then the tour… I’ll pay for the flight. Kit, I miss you, I want you… (Great, now she’ll be offended. She’ll say I’m trying to buy her, or something like that. Shit! Why is this so hard? Absolute hell! And for the record—having no money is a lack of freedom, too!)” “Used to get all you want? Snap fingers—and I am in your bed? I have my life, work, music. I also cannot just drop everything.” “Dammit, don’t say that… Kit, I love you… I’m losing my mind over you! I don’t want anyone else, I want you! I don’t even notice other girls. At all. There’s only you. Day. Night. In the studio. In the car. When I eat, when I draw, when I sleep. You’re in every second of my existence. (Well, there it is… said it. Like a total wanker—typed it in a chat. Brilliant.)” “…” “Kit?” “…” “Kit, just don’t stay silent… And don’t you dare vanish.” “Love?” “I love you.” “But you not know me at all. I have nasty character. And habits. And I eat meat. And I drink blood %))” “That’s bollocks… God… Kit… what does any of that matter?!” “Louie, you are wonderful… Truth. Handsome. Charming. Sexy. With you interest, your music is magic. But it all together looks much like a fairy tale. No such thing as fairy tales.” “Did someone hurt you, baby? So much that you don’t believe anymore? Don’t want to believe? Or are you not free?” “Free. Already :) I am just too big girl.” “Give me a chance at least, Kitty.” A couple of hours later, Louis sent his “too big girl” a basket of predatory tiger lilies. And a certificate for the ownership of a binary blue star in a certain constellation. A star named after her. No such thing as fairy tales? Please…