Kitsune: The Flip Side

“Hello :) Remember me? You leave me card. Here, decide write.” “Of course I remember :) Hi! I’m so glad… I’ve been waiting.” “Really?” “Of course! (God, if you only knew how! Two weeks! Two weeks of hell! Fourteen bloody days, every single one of them twenty-four hours of waiting and rotting away on socials!)” “I read about you in Internet, you star, it turned out :) Very like last album—cool! Listen now all days. Sorry if no understand what I write—is translator.” “And I’m listening to your songs. Don’t apologize, please!” “I told there was fight. You okay?” “Yeah, it’s naught. Already healed, don’t worry :) (God, she’s worried! She actually cares how I am!)” “And what you do in our city?” “Wanted to see you… hear you live. (I wanted you so much! Wanted to pull those clothes off you and just hold you, looking straight into your eyes. Feel what you’re like… how you’d arch against me, shivering from every touch. To smell your skin… leave marks all over your neck and your chest… hear you say you love me. And instead—a smashed face, a cold shower, and this hollow loneliness. I’m like a pathetic teenager again, for fuck’s sake…)” “Serious?! %) You serious? Fly from England to look at me?” “Yes.” “Sweet :) Such fans I not have yet. Listen, have Skype? This chat not comfort.” “I have, of course. Here, add me…” With shaking fingers, Louis opened Skype and waited for the new contact to ping. Her avatar was a fennec fox, baring tiny, vicious teeth. He’d have preferred her face, obviously… but still, there was something about it. He thought for a second, smiled at his own realization, and renamed the contact. Kitsune—that’s who she was. A clever ginger demon with a fan of tails. A shapeshifter spinning illusions you couldn’t tell from reality. From that moment on, he only called her that—Kitsune, Kit. Kitten and a Japanese fox-spirit all in one. The first time they spoke, it wasn’t for long. Lou had to get to a recording session; he didn’t let go of his phone for a second, right up until he hit the studio, and only turned it off when the sound engineer started screaming at him. The annoyance of being interrupted was drowned out by pure bliss—they were finally talking! His sudden disappearance and return with a split lip and mangled knuckles hadn’t gone unnoticed by his mates or family. He told Tom everything. He didn’t have anyone closer than Tom. His brother tapped a finger against his temple and then said, “Right then, show me this queen.” Louis had a sea of photos from the gig. Tom scrolled through them for a long time, watched a clip, listened. Then he tapped his temple again. “Better than the gear, I suppose,” he summarized and left it at that. Though he immediately started taking the piss out of his brother, taking full advantage of the situation, but Lou knew how to handle that. After a week of talking, Lou gathered his courage and asked Kit if she had a boyfriend. She just laughed—sent a bunch of emojis—and said she didn’t want to answer. Wasn’t in the mood. She knew… she understood everything perfectly. Like a fool, he’d shown his hand way too fast. And with that refined cruelty only women possess, she began to tear his heart apart. She’d pinch off a piece, examine it, savour it, spit it out. Only to reach for the next bit. Kitsune. Bloody demon. He had her tattooed across his shoulder blades now, and fate hadn’t wasted any time sending him a real shapeshifter as a reward. Or a punishment. While young girls do that sort of thing by instinct—and usually fail—she did it with purpose, backed by life experience and a deep knowledge of how men’s heads work. And in just one week, he’d become so addicted to their talks! She was endlessly interesting; Lou was discovering worlds he never knew existed. The language barrier only added a surreal charm to this strange romance. Everything was grand as long as they talked like friends. But the moment Louis hinted at something more, the mockery began. “It’s not funny… Is it that hard to say if you’ve got a bloke or not? Why act like a bitch?” (Shit, shouldn’t have sent that—she’ll take it wrong…) “You call me bitch?!” “For God’s sake, no! Ask your friend, he’ll explain what I mean. (Aaaargh!)” “Now.” And she vanished. Didn’t show up that evening, or the next day. Nothing on socials either; he checked. Lou was losing his mind with anxiety. She still hadn’t given him her number. What time was it there? Ten at night. She should be online… Louis checked Skype a hundred times a day, and another fifty during the night. All he saw was the “Kitsune Offline” icon. Then he broke. The songs started pouring out of him. He couldn’t write them down fast enough, choking on the words. His heart ached, burned—he could feel it even in his sleep. The lads in the band heard what he’d written and were absolutely floored—it was proper sick, they were going to blow the roof off with the new album. It was another level. Completely new. Beyond. Lou barely slept, barely ate. His face went gaunt, leaving nothing but those big brown eyes. The look in them scared even Louis when he caught his reflection in the morning. And that book she’d told him to read… it turned his soul inside out. He was already thinking about buying another plane ticket when she popped up. Simple and casual, with a basic “Hi!"—as if they’d just been chatting yesterday. “Where did you go? I was worried…” (God, I nearly died while you were off god-knows-where!!!) “Very worried?” “Enough. (Here we go…)” “Just went away. No Internet there. And phone no have Skype. I learn English now, not to torture you :)” “Kit, don’t do that again, alright? I’ve learned some things too. And I read The Master and Margarita.” “Kit? Why Kit?” “Search the word Kitsune.” “Ahahaha! Cool. Kit is Kit. You have this thing on back?” “I have this thing in my heart. (Shit… God, don’t let me do something stupid! Break my fingers so I don’t write that I love her!)” “Hm… You still want job be my boyfriend?” “Is it impossible? You don’t like me at all? Or are you married? Answer me, Kit, honestly. Don’t mess with my head. Please. (PLEASE! I love you so much, if you only knew!)” “Where I and where you? Who I and who you? You think. Also, you are mazhor %) These boys I not like.” “Don’t get it… Mazhor?” “M-m-m… mummy boy… from rich family. Not know life, problems. We very different.” “Baby, you serious? Is having money a bad thing? And I’ve been earning my own for ages…” “Much money is not freedom. No be sad, no miss me, no lose: * I must go. I promise not disappear. You are very good, truth. With you interest. Bye, Louie…” He waited until she went offline, looked at his phone with pure loathing, and smashed it into the asphalt at his feet with everything he had. The case, the battery, the screen—everything shattered into a spray of shards. It didn’t make him feel any better, and a bitter tear crawled down his cheek. Louis wiped it away with a jagged fist.