Mindf*cked

“Can I ask you something?” Josephine said as she towel-dried her wet hair after her shower that night. “Ask away,” said Palma. “Why didn't you just tell me upfront that you didn't have any kids?” “Well, I didn't exactly think I could get you out here if I told you my true intentions.” “A little deceptive of you, don't you think? If I'm going to do this, I want you to level with me from now on, okay?” “Okay, I'll level with you.” Palma slowly walked over to her and ran her fingers through her damp locks. “Every time I would see you in your cell, I would want to unlock the door, kick your celly out, and have my way with you.” Josephine stared into Palma's dark eyes, now just inches from hers. She still felt a mix of surprise and flattery. She'd never guessed Palma was attracted to her back then, and she certainly wouldn't expect her to be now that she was older and heavier. But it wasn't a dream. The Palma that had been one of the few positive highlights of her six-month stay at Phoenix's Estrella jail really was coming on to her. Josephine smiled and laughed nervously. "Is this why you were always so nice to me while most of the others dreaded the thought of you working their area?" Without saying a word, Palma moved her lips toward hers, and they locked in a heated kiss that lasted a moment or two. When Josephine pulled back, she wasn't sure what to make of the experience. She just didn't know what to feel. Maybe that was because she couldn't feel anything at all. Was it because of losing Burton? Because she was older? Or could it be that she still had doubts about Palma and just how much she should get involved with her? Palma was still attractive—just a little older and heavier like herself. She just wasn't sure if she could trust her. Saying she had three kids that she didn’t have was a huge lie. She shouldn't have had to trick or manipulate her in any way. Yet the offer was still a little too good to pass up. If she accepted, she would either be pleasantly surprised or she might be making the biggest mistake of her life. The rest of the night passed smoothly. They didn't talk much, and when they did, Josephine found that she was asking Palma more questions about her than was being asked of her. Wasn't Palma more curious about whom she might be accepting into her home? They watched TV—some reality shows that Palma was a lot more into than Josephine was. In fact, Josephine found it a bit rude that Palma didn't ask if she wanted to watch them as well. Josephine tried to tell herself that it was Palma's house and not her decision to make, but Palma's lack of interest in her and her apparent selfishness still bothered Josephine to a degree and made her unsure as to whether accepting the so-called "job" was really the right thing to do. Deciding to wait and see how the rest of the night went, Josephine tried to will herself to relax and just enjoy it. After all, she would be leaving in the morning—less than 24 hours. Palma’s cell phone suddenly started playing a seductive-sounding Latin song. She muted the TV with the remote and then answered the call. Sixty seconds later, she was shouting and swearing and making threats that would terrify even the toughest of people. Josephine went from being stunned by the depths of Palma's anger to anxious. As her anger grew in intensity, Josephine literally became scared. Palma continued to swear and threaten the caller in both English and Spanish and even kicked at things within her reach as she paced back and forth—the couch, the table legs, boxes sitting by the wall. Josephine was afraid she would be kicked next. Her mind told her to go into the other room until Palma calmed down, but her body remained frozen in place. Josephine eventually darted across the room and down the hall into the bathroom. Palma continued her rampage—something about not receiving something she had been expecting and someone not following through on their word, then insisting someone "had them." This was it. This was what would make up her mind for sure. Josephine was not going to accept the job. Palma simply had too much of a temper for comfort. She wasn't even sure she wanted to stay for just one night. What if she, however unintentional it may be, ended up pissing her off as well? It was scary enough hearing her direct her rage at someone over the phone. She hated to think of herself as being the target of such fury. The only thing she had to decide was whether or not she wanted to tell Palma upfront. She knew she should because that would be the nice thing to do. She didn't want to leave Palma hanging with any false expectations. She was just a little concerned about how she might react to the news. With her ear pressed against the bathroom door, she listened to Palma's side of the conversation to try to get a better idea of what had set her off so much. Something about someone having something with them, which really didn’t tell her much. Things went quiet for a few seconds after she put her ear to the door. She assumed Palma was listening to whoever was on the other end of the phone when a fierce pounding began on the door. Josephine nearly screamed at the sudden, loud, and unexpected sound. Palma may as well have beaten her fist right on the side of her head. Taking a deep breath and trying to keep from shaking, Josephine opened the door. "Is it safe to come out, Tiger?" Palma laughed as if it had all been one big joke. "Of course it is. Just some sorry sack of shit that screwed me is all. Don't worry, you're safe." She then opened her arms as if expecting her to step out of the bathroom and right into them. Josephine stepped out of the bathroom, but not into Palma's arms. "I'm sorry you got screwed," she said, trying to lighten the mood. As she walked past Palma, she could sense a little disappointment in the former detention officer. "Hey, everything all right with you?" "Yeah," Josephine said, sitting back down on the couch. "I was just surprised by how angry you got—and so fast too—but of course I don't know the situation." "No, you don't." Palma's eyes turned jet black and a bit scary-looking. Then they softened, and she added, "You don't want to know, trust me." "Okay," Josephine said, trying to force a smile. "Hey, Palma?" "Yeah?" asked Palma as she headed into the kitchen right off the living room. "I'm pretty tired after it being such a long day and all that. The interviews were really draining. Do you mind if I turn in early tonight? That way I can get an early head start back home tomorrow." Palma looked at her, and Josephine thought she saw a hint of suspicion in her eyes. "Well, what about our deal?" "We agreed I would think about it a while longer." "We did?" Palma said with mock surprise in her voice. "Seems to me you said you were in before my call came." "Yeah, I guess I did, but I don't want to lie to you. This just feels too weird after all these years, though I assure you it's nothing personal." "No?" Palma asked as she popped the cap off a beer. "Want one?" "No, thanks. I'm not a drinker." "You don't seem to be much of anything, Miss Josephine. Perhaps you need to liven up your life a bit with a little adventure. Take a chance. Be more daring. Be bolder." "I'm not saying that I won't take your offer. I'm just not sure at the moment if it's what I want. Not until I at least get back home, sit inside my house, take in my surroundings once again, and ask myself if I'm absolutely positive I could give it all up. It may be expensive there, but I have so many fond memories of Burton there, and well..." "I would have thought all the memories would be very painful and make it even harder to move on." "Sometimes they are. But in some ways, returning to Arizona would be a bit of a setback in my mind." Palma scoffed, almost as if she were taking personal offense to her referring to Arizona as a setback. "It has nothing to do with you," Josephine quickly explained. "It's me and all the horrible times I had here." "Yeah, but you can't base the future on the past." "Sometimes it's hard not to, even if you're doing it deep down on a subconscious level that you're not even quite aware of." Afraid to rekindle Palma's rage, she said, "Don't worry. I'm almost certainly going to return. This all happened so fast. I just need to sleep on it a bit. Literally." Josephine smiled, again trying to lighten the mood and get herself to relax even though she was feeling increasingly uncomfortable by the minute. "Follow me," Palma said with a nod of her head. Josephine followed her down the hall and into the master bedroom. Palma then made a sweep of the room with her arm, gesturing her toward the bed. "I thought I would be sleeping in your guestroom tonight." Palma stepped closer to her and brushed the side of her face with her hand before running it through her hair. "You thought wrong, sugar pie." Then she leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "Get comfy. I’ll be back soon.”