Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Edelgard woke when dawn peeked through the curtains and she looked around. Hubert still lay next to her, his breathing soft and gentle. He was still asleep. She rested her head against his chest, glad for a brief moment with him. With him on the throne and her off, she really didn’t have a lot of time with him. She wished she could’ve had the full several months she had anticipated in order to get pregnant, but no… Jusef and Bettina had thrown a twist on the plan. She justneededAugusta, Juliane, and her other mothers’ help in order to raise them. They weren’t really warming up to anybody yet, but she really needed to get them to warm up… She hoped that she could in due time. Katinka would probably be the hardest to get them to adjust to. She was a good woman, no doubt, but she was very rough and tumble. She loved Katinka, but she was definitely one hell of a woman to try to contend with. A little bit later, she felt Hubert shift and he wrapped an arm around her to pull her close. “Good morning, my— Edelgard.” His voice was incredibly quiet. “Good morning, Hubert.” She matched his tone, snuggling close. She knew they’d have to get up sooner rather than later, but she just wanted a little bit with him. It didn’t feel like too much to ask. She knew he had to get to the throne, but Juliane would be able to handle it for the time being. She just… She wanted her husband. No, she didn’t love him, but he was still her best friend in the end. They were so rarely apart, so being without him now, when they weremarried,was incredibly difficult on her. He ran a hand through her hair and held her close. The sun rose a bit higher in the sky and she burrowed her face into his chest. “I don’t want you to go today…” She was feelingincrediblyclingy today but she knew he needed to go sit on the throne. The Empire needed its Emperor. It also needed its Empress, but its Empress needed as little stress on her as possible so that way the children in her womb wouldn’t miscarry. She couldn’t risk that, no matter what. She absolutelycould notrisk the two children within her. The Empire wouldn’t accept Jusef and Bettina as legitimate heirs since they didn’t care Hresvelg blood. Shehatedthat, but they would still have a bright future in the Empire… “I know, and I’d rather not leave you as well…but there isn’t much that we can do about it.” He kissed her head, rubbing her shoulder. “It would look bad on both of us to not have at least one of us on the throne. I have put those advisors in their place rather well, though. They aren’t questioning you being off the throne during your pregnancy.” “Good.” She sighed. “I know you have to be there for both of us, but it doesn’t make it any easier. It’s just so hard to not have you by my side all the time.” She had grown used to him being her shadow almost all hours of the day. She really did depend on him to take care of her dirty work, but mostly, just to keep her safe and allowing her to feel secure. He was instrumental to keeping her feeling safe. She really just wanted things to be normal again, but they were irrevocably changed. She was pregnant with his children, married to him. He was Emperor now, not Minister of the Imperial Household. She couldn’t just rely on him to be with her 24/7 anymore. “Trust me; I wouldmuchrather be with you than sitting with those noxious vipers, but I need to bear the brunt of the work whileyoutake it easy and make sure our children safe by staying as calm as possible.” He put a hand on her lower abdomen and she flushed a little. It was still odd to think there were two little ones inside of her right now… It didn’t feel likeanythinghad changed in her body yet, though she knew it had. It would really just be a matter of time until she started feeling the changes. Nothing had really startedyetbut in due time… “I know… It still doesn’t make iteasy,though.” He kissed her forehead. “It’ll be over before you know it.” “I hope so.” She shook her head. “Anyway, we should probably get around for the day… Bettina and Jusef are probably wondering where I am. And they’re probably hungry too.” She hugged him gently, then slipped out of bed. She got changed quickly and pulled her hair up into an elaborate braid with her signature purple ribbons. She was just glad her favorite outfits still fit. It would be soon enough that they wouldn’t and she’d be horribly uncomfortable. She hoped that was still months away, though. “See you later?” He nodded. “Of course. See you once I’m doing with those noxious vipers.” She walked over to him and kissed him, then left the room. She headed to Jusef and Bettina’s room, knocking on the door. “Are you two awake?” “Yeah, Your Majesty.” Bettina’s voice came from the room. “Can I come in?” “Yes, ma’am.” Edelgard entered the room and saw Bettina and Jusef already dressed. Well, that was good, at least. She didn’t have to prompt them to get dressed. She still wasn’t entirely certain what to do with these kids, but she had taken them on, and she needed to be the one to care for them…at least until they got more comfortable. She was trying, but she was definitely in over her head. Two traumatised little kids was hard to deal with. She could only imagine how Juliane must have felt when dealing with her after the experiments… The woman had endless patience, though, and she was so blessed to have such a good woman in her life. She was really glad to have such good women in her life. She wasn’t sure what the women Hubert had sent messages out to were like… She trusted him and his research, of course, but research could only go so far especially withpeople.People were complicated and had so many layers to them. She just… She was in over her head and didn’t have Juliane to support her through this. “Good morning you two.” She smiled at them, then offered her hands to them. “Are you hungry?” They nodded. Bettina walked over and grabbed one of Edelgard’s hands, snuggling into her side. Jusef was more hesitant, but took Edelgard’s other hand. “Let’s head down to the kitchens.” She needed to eat as well… She was honestly glad to adjust back to smaller meals over the course of the day rather than having several larger meals. It was how she’d had to eat shortly after the experiments. She simplycould notaccept much food physically shortly after, so she’d had to go to six small meals during the day. Adjusting to three larger meals again had been hard… She had had to for the sake of going to Garreg Mach though. Rhea wouldn’t have allowed her to eat during classes. “Is there anything in particular you want for breakfast?” “Um… Not really…” Bettina said. “You know you’re allowed to ask for things, right?” Edelgard looked down at them. “Youaremy children now.” She’d keep reminding them of that until they really accepted it. She wasn’t sure if either of them really feltsafeyet or not… She was trying to make sure they did feel safe, but they had been on the streets forso long.How long, she didn’t know, but long enough that they were to the point they were attempting to steal from her in order to get money to pay for food. She felt so bad for them. She knew there were plenty of other children that needed to eat, but it wasn’t like she could take in all the children from the Empire from the streets and give them a home here… She really wished she could, but she had to temper her expectations and help only a couple of children… Her advisors would’ve beenfuriousif she had adopted more than two or three children off the streets. Bettina looked down and Jusef looked away. She sighed internally. Yeah, that was about the reaction she’d expected unfortunately. “If there are any meals you especially like, then you can tell me and I’ll have the cooks make it again, okay?” She wastrying,but traumatised kids from being on the streets was beyond her. She hoped that Katinka, Augusta, and the other Imperial women (aside from Helga…who wasn’t even at the palace anymore) would be able to help her. Shedesperatelyneeded Juliane’s help, but she was on the throne alongside Hubert. She just… She missed the Empress so much. All she wanted was to be curled up next to her in bed, but now that she was married, she needed to stay with Hubert. She just… She didn’t know what to do with herself. The kids gave small nods but didn’t look up. She was really trying, but it was hard. They made their way down to the dining room and Edelgard sat the kids at the table, then went into the kitchens and asked for a small meal for all of them. After that, she sat down with the two kids. “So is there anything you’d like to do today?” She wanted to engage them on their level. She should definitely leave them alone to explore sometimes, but right now, they were extremely clingy and didn’t want to be apart from her. “I’ll probably start teaching you some writing, but other than that, we can do whatever you want to. Oh, and we can go visit Ueli and Helen, the bird people, again.” They were definitely too young to be flying eagles, but they could at least learn to be mannered around the birds. Honestly, she wish her family had allowed her to be mannered around the birds at a younger age than her randomly stumbling on Helen and Ueli’s house. That really would’ve been nice. “Seeing the birds again sounds nice…” Bettina said. “I don’t wanna learn boring stuff though.” She frowned, then tensed. Edelgard ruffled her hair. “I know; lessons are boring, but they’re important. You need to know how to read and write. You won’t take over the Empire, but you can still have important places in the future. And knowing how to read and write will be necessary.” They were still young and didn’t understand the ins and outs of politics by any means. Even at their age, Edelgard didn’t understand the ins and outs of politics, nor did she care about them. Anselma had cared about them, but as a child, she really hadn’t been aware of them. Now that she was a parent…trying to convey the importance of the future to kids that justdidn’t carewas hard. They were kids; they deserved to play and have fun to a large degree, but they also needed to have at leastsomeform of lessons to work toward their futures in the ruling class of the Empire. “It’ll just be some reading and writing, not much else.” “‘Kay…” Bettina pouted and Edelgard ruffled her hair again. She really was a cute kid, though traumatised kids were well beyond her skill level. All she could do was try her best. She’d err, but all parents erred. No parent was perfect no matterhowhard they tried. She knew she was going to mess up, but that didn’t make it feel anylessterrifying to know she’d make mistakes with Bettina and Jusef. That was probably how all parents felt. They really did want to do the best by their kids they could, but it was hard when they were human and fallible to anything. “Come on, Tina… We do need to do it… Like Her Majesty said, it’s important,” Jusef said. “You can call me by my name,” she reminded them gently. “Youaremy children now.” She knew it would take time for them to warm up to her, but she at least hoped they’d call her by her name sooner rather than later. She’d leave it up to them if they ever called her Mother or some variation of it. That wasentirelytheir call. She didn’t want to feel like she wasforcingthem into being their new material figure. Well, she was but she wasn’t… It was complicated and she wasn’t really sure how to put it into words. Jusef fidgeted a bit. “We do need to do it, Tina.” “‘Kay…” Bettina still didn’t look convinced. “It’s justboringto do…” “I know it is; I wasn’t too happy with lessons when I was your age.” She’d hadlonglessons at their age. Anselma had really pushed a lot on her at a young age which wasn’t great. She did miss her mother in some regards, but in others…she was happier to have had the Empress as her maternal figure. She couldn’t remember most of what Juliane had done for her, but the woman was warm and she wasincrediblyattached to her. She really hoped that the Imperial women would be able to help her raise these two as well as the twins growing inside of her… She just…really wished she could do more for them, but she also had to meet them halfway. “Why do ‘em then?” Bettina asked, still pouting. “Well, I’m not asking you guys to do evenhalfof what I was expected to do at your age. I’m just asking you to do some reading and writing. I was expected to take history, math, magic, and other things.” Bettina wrinkled her nose. “That isn’t fun.” “No, it wasn’t. But it was important. For now, we’ll just focus on reading and writing and some etiquette…” At least those lessons could be short, like half an hour. She knew that pushing them too hard would backfire on her. She’d just beenincrediblyobedient as a child herself, so she hadn’t had much chance to rebel or speak her own voice. She didn’t want to repeat what Anselma had done to her. Anselma had seen how Helga’s daughters had acted and had wanted to avoid that which she couldn’t entirely blame her mother for. But by the same token… It was Tobias, her eldest brother, that had been the one to see that she needed to justbe a kidsometimes. Despite the decade and a half age gap, he had been her best friend. She missed him so terribly… She knew he’d be kind to her and the kids if he were still alive…but if he were still alive, she wouldn’t even be in this position in the first place… It was so hard to deal with. She just wanted him back, but he’d been dead for years at this point. There was no getting him back. “But etiquette soundsboring!”Bettina whined. “It is, but again, it’s important.” She wished she could really explain to these kids how important etiquette and reading and writing were, but there wasn’t a whole lot she could do about it. They were just going to have to learn. She had to put her foot down in regards to this as well as lessons in general as they got older. She didn’t want to be the bad guy, but apparently, parents did just need to put their foot down sometimes. It was rough, but they really did need to learn. They needed to reflect on the Empire well and, if they were ill mannered and illiterate, it’d reflect poorly on her and Hubert. She still questioned if Jusef could take up the mantle of House Vestra, but that remained to be seen… “Why we gotta do manners and stuff?” Jusef pouted. “Well… Think of it like this. You know how dogs are trained to behave and go potty and stuff?” The kids nodded. “If a dog is well trained, then that means they’re generally a good owner, right? It means they’ve trained their dog to behave.” “Are you saying we’redogs?That’smean.”Jusef frowned. Edelgard sighed. “I’m not saying you’re dogs. It’s just the same idea… If you guys are ill mannered and badly behaved, then it reflects poorly on me, Hubert, and all of the Imperial women. It’s not going to look very good for us. Noble life isverydifferent from commoner life… Commoners don’t generally need to worry about manners and etiquette and stuff… But nobles do. You’re nobles now, so you need to learn toactlike it. I’m not expecting it right away, but as you grow up, you’ll really need to learn to behave like nobles.” She knew she was asking a lot of them, but it wasn’t like she was just adopting some random adult off the streets and expecting them to behave in noble court… They were kids and they had time to learn about noble life and expectations. “I guess that makes sense…” Jusef sighed and frowned. “We gotta do it, Tina. It’s not fun, but we gotta.” “I don’t wanna…” Bettina whined. “I know, but we gotta.” “Fiiiiiineeeeee,” Bettina whined again. “Good girl.” Edelgard smiled and petted her head. “I promise the lessons won’t be too long, like half an hour. Then we can spend the rest of the day doing other stuff. You can ride Anni and we can go see the birdies.” “That sounds a lot more fun,” Bettina said. “I know that it is. But after breakfast, we’ll have your lessons, then we can go do fun stuff. Sound good?” “Fine…” Bettina folded her arms. Jusef nodded. He was clearly a little more mature than Bettina was. He looked about a year older than her, so it did make sense. That and hewasher protector… He probably knew how to get through to her in ways that Edelgard never would. She really wanted things to be calm between her and the two kids, but that might not always work out… People could explode and have tantrums, even adults… These kids had been through a lot in their short lives especially over the past couple of weeks. They were handling themselves fairly well, all things considered. A servant brought their meals out and they ate, then headed to the library. She started teaching them how to read and write for a little while. Bettina clearly wasn’t enthused, but Jusef encouraged her in a way that Edelgard couldn’t. Then she had an etiquette teacher start with some basic manners. Neither child was enthused aboutthatlesson and she couldn’t blame them in theslightest.Etiquette was extremely boring to learn, but itwasimportant. She wasn’t sure what roles they would have when they grew up, but being well mannered around other nobles wassoimportant to how they functioned. Court was absolutelyviciousand she knew it… Hubert and Juliane were the only reason she hadn’t been rolled over like her father. Plus, her purge of the courts had also played a hand in it… A number of her friends from Garreg Mach were in positions they thought they wouldn’t have formanymore decades. “Okay, what do you guys want to do first: go see the birds or go ride Anni?” The kids looked at each other and tilted their heads. “Um… Anni was really nice,” Bettina said. “We can go ride her, then.” Edelgard smiled and led them down to the barn. She watched while the kids had lessons for about half an hour apiece. It was nice to see Anni be such a gentle horse that was so well mannered. She was pretty old now, so Edelgard should probably mostly retire her, though keeping her active wouldn’t do any harm. Light riding was better than no riding and helped keep the horse in shape. After that, they headed over to Ueli and Helen’s house. She heard some sort of bird screaming at the top of its lungs…multiple birds. They were making a ruckus. She knew that birds screaming was never a good sign and that something was wrong. She had no idea what was going on, so she took the kids’ hands and led them over to where the screaming was coming from. Brown birds with reddish shoulders and white underneath their tail feathers sat in mews. They were battered in a way Edelgard had never seen before and they were attempting to get out of the mews. They had jesses on which was standard, but they clearly were unhappy with their situation. She frowned. These must have been the birds that Ueli had told her about, the pack hunters. Why separate them? It seemed cruel to her. Just like clipping the macaws. She still wasn’t sure what to do with that entire situation, but there wasn’t a lot she could do about it right now. She would have to discuss withsomebodywhat to do with the poor birds. But, right now, the most pressing situation was these birds. They were crying up a storm. The kids looked uncomfortable. “Come on, let’s get to the house.” She left the mews and headed to the house. Annika sat on the couch while she couldn’t see Helen or Ueli anywhere, but that didn’t matter. She settled the children down in some chairs and patted their heads, then turned to Annika. “What’s up with the birds making all the noise? I thought that was a bad thing.” “Oh, you must be talking about the ones that were taken from the wild by Mr. Harris. Yeah, they’re awful noisy, aren’t they?” “I think your father mentioned to me that they were pack hunters? Shouldn’t they be housed together?” She knew better than to house most raptors together unless they were breeding, but these were a different type altogether. She had never heard of birds flying and hunting in a pack. She still had to decide what to do with the macaws, but that would come later. Right now, what she was most worried about was those birds in the mews since she wasright here,right now. “Well, raptorswillkill each other if they’re housed together unless it’s breeding season… They’re real territorial.” “I know that, but this case seems different.” She really was worried about the animals’ wellbeing. She had seen how the macaws had plucked and mutilated themselves while being housed in the cages. They clearly weren’t in good shape. Not much was known about birds and their behaviors outside of what was kept normally. The macaws weren’t animals that were kept normally, and Ueli specialised in raptors, but he was pioneering a new species. It was crazy to think there were pack hunters… “They just seemincrediblystressed at being away from each other.” “C’mon, let’s go see.” “I’ll be back in a bit, kids.” She smiled at Bettina and Jusef, then headed outside with Annika. They were once again greeted with the sounds of crying birds which only got louder as they drew nearer to the mews. The birds were honestly very gorgeous in her opinion. She had never seen anything quite like them before. Golden eagles were beautiful in their own right, of course, as they were the symbol of the Imperial family. But still… These had their own beauty to them. However, they were clearly trying to get to each other through the mews. Their feathers were battered despite the bars on the mews for safety. Annika frowned. “They do seem awful stressed. I’ll be back in a minute.” She left, then came back with two gloves. “What should we do, you think?” “Let’s see which birds are trying to get to each other, then at least pair them up.” There were six of them. One mews wouldn’t be enough to house all six of them, but they could pair up, at least. Annika nodded and they each grabbed a bird which was freaking out. They bated and hung underneath the glove, clearly not mannedat all.Considering they were wild take, it only made sense they weren’t manned like the birds that had been born in the captivity of the Imperial breeding program. The pair watched the birds for quite awhile until they made clear connections. They paired up birds and they quieted down quite a bit. They still clearly all wanted to be together, but there wasn’t much they could do about it right now. “I guess I’ll have to convince Pa to build a mews just for them. But at least they aren’t so noisy now. Anyway, we should probably get back to the kids.” “I brought them here so that way they could be mannered around the birds. I won’t allow them to start hunting at such a young age, but I thought it was a good idea to let them get used to being around the birds and be mannered.” She sighed. “I was only so well mannered around your family because I’d been taught how to behave around people in a royal manner. These two don’t have any etiquette lessons yet, so they aren’t mannered in the same way I was.” “I’ll grab someone, then, and you can go into the house.” “All right,” Edelgard said with a nod. She left Annika and headed back into the house. The kids were clearly bored, but they at least hadn’t been destructive or anything of the like. They were just clearly bored out of their minds from having to wait. “Sorry to take so long, Bettina, Jusef. But I’m back now. Annika’s bringing a bird with her.” She smiled at them. “Okay!” Bettina looked a bit more excited than she had been earlier. Edelgard took her glove off and sat it on the table, then settled in with the kids on the couch. Annika came in a few minutes later with a peregrine. It turned its head around and preened its feathers, obviously not having any cares in the world. “Your father used Romy before, but it’s probably best to just let the old girl rest,” Edelgard said. Ueli had said she was nearly blind which…only made sense. The bird was up there in age. It would be quite the sad day when Romy died, but she was in her twilight years. She had been a good bird to learn with. She wasn’t sure if she would’ve preferred to learn with a peregrine or not, but Romy had been good, mannered, and able bodied when Edelgard had first started learning falconry. She wanted to see Evelin, the eagle she’d inherited from Tobias, but eagles and children so youngwould not mix.There was areasonmost Imperial children didn’t start learning to be around birds until they were teenagers. “Yeah, the old girl can startle pretty badly if she hears something she can’t see. She’s broken a lot of feathers by bating when we try to work with her.” Annika sighed. “We just leave her alone now, mostly. She’s completely retired.” Edelgard nodded. “Yeah… That makes sense.” It was unfortunate to lose an animal that had been so pivotal to her own education and life, but everything had its own end of life. She was surprised Romy was so old; it wasn’t often that raptors that weren’t golden eagles made it to fifteen or so years old. “Anyway, kids, why don’t you come over and talk to Catrin?” Annika asked. Bettina looked at Edelgard, no doubt for permission. Jusef was less shy and walked over. Edelgard nodded and gently pushed Bettina over to follow her friend. The two kids looked at the bird, obviously very curious. Bettina gently stroked the peregrine’s keel bone. “Feel how there’s a lot of fat there? You can feel the bone, but it’s not super sharp?” “I think so, yeah,” Bettina said. Annika smiled. “That’s because we’re fattening her up. We want them to grow strong feathers for when they go out and hunt again. We don’t want those feathers breaking when they’re growing in, so we give the birds asmuchfood as they can possibly eat. Then when it’s hunting season, we start using that fat and make it into muscle by training them.” Edelgard smiled, glad to see how gentle Annika was being with the kids. Then again, she did have twin siblings she’d had to spend time around. She was considerably older than the twins. It was probably just something that had come naturally to her over time. Then again, it wasn’t like Annika was somebody that was aggressive or mean; she was sweet and gentle. Edelgard trusted her with the kids. “How do you make fat into muscle?” Bettina asked. “Can we do that?” “Well, you have to use your muscles to convert fat. You gotta do alotof work to make your muscles big and strong. Our birds do a lot of work in the colder seasons to get big and strong. Theyreallywork their muscles to do that. Do you think you could work to make yourselves big and strong?” Bettina pouted. “I don’t think so…” “I think you could,” Edelgard said. “I was older than you when I started learning to fight, but I was pretty strong after a while.” Granted, part of that was magically enhanced strength, due to her extra Crest. But she wasn’t going to talk about that to the kids. They didn’t need to know about the dark, horrible truth of what she’d been through when she was younger. Maybe in the future, but definitely not right now. It may very well give them nightmares… And she didn’t want that. Bettina continued to frown. “I think we can!” Jusef said, his attitude resolute. Edelgard smiled a bit. “I think I can! I wanna protect you!” She still wasn’t sure if Jusef would be able to take on the role that Hubert had to Edelgard herself. He was very uneasy in general and she had a feeling a lot of his words were bravado. But still… She was glad that he was trying to make Bettina feel better if nothing else. She really was glad that they could work together and make each other feel more comfortable, given the current circumstances. A knock came on the door and Edelgard blinked. Annika answered the door and Edelgard recognised the normal messenger. “Your Excellency, forgive the intrusion, but His Excellency and Her Eminence have requested you in the throne room. They understand why you can’t be on normal duty, but this is of the utmost importance.” Edelgard frowned but nodded. “All right.” She knew she wouldn’t be fully off the hook when it came to ruling unfortunately. She looked at the man, then at the kids. “Could you take these two back to the royal wing?” The man nodded. She ruffled Bettina and Jusef’s heads. “I’ll be back later, all right? I have some important business to take care of.” Bettina especially pouted but nodded. She headed off at a jog and spent the next several hours dealing with mind-numbing politics. She really didn’t like ruling, but she was the only person that could take over the throne… It was late evening before she was let out, really about the time she’d be going to bed. She sighed, feeling bad about pretty much abandoning the children. But it wasn’t like she could just stop ruling… Thankfully, the issues hadn’t beentoostressful for her, so there was no risk of her coming down sick from the stress. She had at least been allowed to have her normal meals so she wasn’t too worried about that. She went to the kids’ room and kissed their heads. “I’m sorry about not being able to spend the whole day with you, but this isn’t going to be permanent… I will have to spend most of my time on the throne once I have my twins and have recovered.” The kids were already becoming dependent on her and she felt awful about it, but there wasn’t a lot she could do about it either… It would help ease them into royal life and lessons, though, rather than just completely tossing them into lessons without Edelgard. Bettina frowned. “But I don’t wanna be away from you.” “Now, now, we have quite a while until then… For now, did you eat dinner?” Edelgard smiled and Bettina nodded, then yawned. “How about we get you to sleep?” Bettina pouted but nodded. Edelgard tucked the kids in and kissed their foreheads, then headed back to her and Hubert’s room. She let out a breath as she sat down. “I don’t think I feel up to dealing with a bath tonight.” “That’s perfectly fine, mi—Edelgard.” He was still struggling with that, but it made sense… “Let’s get changed and then sleep.” She nodded. That sounded lovely. They did just that and settled into bed. She snuggled up against him and closed her eyes, soon drifting off into sleep, the warmth of Hubert’s body lulling her into a peaceful sleep.