Boulevard of Broken Dreams

They arrived back at the castle a while later and the kids bounced up and down with Bernd’s leash in hand. “Can we go out and play with him?” Jusef asked. “It’s a bit too late to go out and play now.” The sun was making its way toward the horizon. “We need to eat then go to bed. Tomorrow will be a new day.” The kids let out disappointed ‘awws’ but she didn’t budge. “Now let’s go and drop Bernd off in royal quarters, eat dinner, and go to bed.” She had a feeling Bettina and Jusef would have a bit of a hard time sleeping, considering the fact that they were in a brand-new environment and everything… Plus, they were excited about the dog. She hoped they wouldn’t try to sneak out and play with him. She wasn’t sure if they knew how to light candles or not… The castle was incredibly dark when the sun fully set and even she generally didn’t dare venture out. Yes, there were lamps and candles that lit the halls for the servants that had to be active after dark, but it looked very different from the castle in full daylight. The kids pouted. “And don’t let me catch you trying to sneak out after dark to play with him. The castle is very, very dark following sunset and you don’t know it yet. It’s very large with a lot of winding passages. It’s over a thousand years old, so there are a lot of places you can take a wrong turn and get lost and possibly never be found again. Do you want to starve to death because you took a wrong turn?” Normally she wasn’t one to scare people into compliance, but in this case, it was honestly the bare truth of the matter. The kids very well could get lost and starve to death if they were in the depths of the castle where few people ever went. “O-Okay…” The kids shivered and tucked next to each other. She winced when she realised what she’d done. They were literally starving on the streets before she’d found them. They were still pretty much rail thin and needed to put more meat on their bones. But the damage was done. She’d said it and they’d gotten the message. Even she goofed up from time to time. There was no taking back what she’d said. She was telling the truth, but even so… Reminding them of the fact they were still pretty much starving wasn’t something she’d particularly wanted to do. She led them up to the royal quarters and handed the dog off to the kennel attendant, then led them downstairs to the kitchen. “Remember, please don’t leave the royal wing unless you have me, Hubert, or somebody else with you. The castle is very, very big and you can easily get lost. I wasn’t allowed to explore it by myself when I was your age for that reason. When you’re off lessons, the royal wing is large enough for you to play hide-and-seek in, or whatever other games you want.” She just felt bad that they only had each other to play with… At their age, she’d had so many playmates. Even Tobias, the oldest, spent time playing with her despite being fifteen years older. He had definitely been a bit of a carefree spirit, but he still held a strong sense of duty.  “Okay.” The kids were still quiet, obviously thinking over what Edelgard had said. That would probably take a couple of days for them to shake. Her heart hurt, thinking about what she’d done unintentionally. They were still pretty fresh off the streets, only two weeks or so. She had no idea how long they’d been on the streets and all of that. They ate fast and they ate a lot… She’d had to slow them down while they’d been on the road because the rations wouldn’t last them if they had continued eating like they wanted to on the trip back. “…I’m sorry, kids. I didn’t mean to upset you. I wasn’t thinking about what I was saying until it was too late. She wrapped her arms around them and Bettina clung to her. She could see tears in the little girl’s eyes and she was pretty sure Jusef was holding them back. She kissed Bettina’s head and held her close. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to impress on you how important it is to not walk around the castle without somebody guiding you. I didn’t think about your lives in that moment.” She didn’t get any responses which…hurt, but she had at least tried. She would definitely have to be more careful with her words in the future. She usually was, but she could be careless with them at times as well. She was only human and imperfect. Nobody could ask her to do more than she already did. She really tried to not hurt others, but she could only do so much. Hubert didn’t care if he hurt others or not because that was just his nature. He did care, but he couldn’t let it show because of his standing as her vassal. Well. At least until the marriage. Now they were on even footing and struggling to fully transition away from vassal and lady… They returned to the castle and she bade Ueli farewell, taking Bernd by the leash and went to the royal wing. She handed the dog off to a kennel attendant and gave him instructions to watch after the dog as best he could. By this time, Hubert had obviously returned to their room and she smiled at him. Jusef and Bettina remained close to her. “Good evening, my— Edelgard, Bettina, Jusef.” He smiled and the kids looked at each other, obviously freaked out. Yeah, Hubert and smiles weren’t the most natural combination… There was warmth behind his eyes but it was definitely odd to see him smile. “I know you’ve had a long day, Hubert, but can you go and get some food for us?” she asked.  He nodded. “I’ve already eaten, but your wish is my command.” He bowed and headed off. “How about let’s start getting you two ready for bed?” Edelgard said. The sun was definitely starting to get low on the horizon and she wanted them in bed before too long. “Okay…” Bettina said. Edelgard walked them back to the room that was now theirs and got some night clothes out for them. “We’ll skip it tonight, but you two can bathe tomorrow. Do you know how to use running water?” The pair shook their heads and Edelgard led them into the bathroom, explaining how the plumbing worked. It at least wasn’t very difficult and it seemed like they understood it. She led them back into their room before stepping out to let them get dressed for the night. She didn’t really need to watch them get dressed or anything… Of course, they were all dusty from the road and travel, but with what time they’d arrived and everything that had happened…there just wasn’t any time to take a bath. Hubert arrived a bit later with a tray of food and she knocked on the door. “Can I come in?” she asked. “Yeah,” she heard Jusef say. She opened the door and saw they were sitting on the bed. There weren’t any toys in here which made her frown. “…I’ll have the servants bring you some toys tomorrow. We haven't had any children in the Imperial household since I was a kid, so it makes sense that most of them are packed away.” They had to be bored out of their minds. But, again, it was late and with everything that had happened, she hadn’t really thought about having toys brought for them. Oh well. There was only so much one could do in any given day. “Anyway, here’s your dinner for the night. When you’re done, just put the dishes outside the door, okay?” “Okay,” Bettina said. Edelgard placed the plates on the nightstand and then left the room, Hubert in tow behind her.  They went back to their room and she sat on the bed while Hubert sat the food on the nightstand as well. She sighed and picked up her plate, starting to eat. “That was quite the hefty sigh,” Hubert pointed out. “Yeah, it was… It’s just… So much has happened in a short amount of time. I’m married, I’m pregnant, I suddenly have two kids…” She shook her head. “I have whiplash from everything happening so soon. And, before I know it, I’m going to have consorts around me. Well, potential consorts, but still. The point remains.” She was so overwhelmed by everything that was happening to her that she didn’t know how to handle it. She really had no idea how to handle all of this. It was dizzying how much had happened over the past month or so. She could still hardly believe she was pregnant… So far she hadn’t felt any changes, but she knew it was just a matter of time. “I assume you’re wishing it was King Dimitri instead of me, though,” Hubert said as he sat down next to her. Edelgard sighed. “Yeah… But it just wasn’t meant to be. Plus, not to mention the political headaches it would’ve caused… This is better for the Empire and Kingdom. Not to mention what the Alliance would think if that marriage had happened…” She shook her head. Yes, she really wished she could’ve ended up with Dimitri instead of Hubert, but he at least respected and cared about her. That really did seem like the bare minimum, but what else was she supposed to think and feel? Arranged marriages could and often did end up loveless. She still couldn’t be sure if she’d ever fall in love with Hubert, but she at least cared about him a great deal. “It would have caused quite some headaches, yes, but I would’ve preferred to see you truly happy.” He wrapped an arm around her waist, not enough to impede her from eating but enough to offer her some support. “I know this marriage may never make you truly happy… So if you do fall in love with your potential consorts…” He looked down. She sighed and finished eating quickly, then sat the dishes aside. She moved into his lap and rested her head against his chest. “I wish I could make you happy too…” She knew the idea of sharing her wasn’t an easy one for him. She may very well never fall in love with the potential consorts. Her father had truly loved all of the Imperial women, but she wasn’t sure if she would ever do that or not… All she knew was that all of this was hard, messy, and complicated. “Your happiness is more important than mine.” His voice was quiet and she frowned. She climbed into his lap and bumped their foreheads together. “No, Hubert… Your happiness is just as important as mine is. I wish both of us could’ve been happy. Unfortunately, being a noble is difficult…” She shook her head and sighed. Yeah, it really was. Politics and bloodlines kept people from being able to be happy quite a lot of the time. She wasn’t sure if Hubert loved both men and women or just women. He really deserved to be happy too… “If anything, I would’ve just married to continue the bloodline of House Vestra. You know that people aren’t the fondest of me. My mother probably would’ve arranged something in the next year had this not happened. My sister is married, but even so… We would need an heir from me to actually continue the bloodline. Though, with me now Emperor…it falls to her.” Edelgard nodded and sighed. “Yeah, that is true… I really wish you could’ve found someone you loved though. It would’ve been nice to see you truly happy as well.” She did wish she could’ve been with Dimitri, but he’d wanted things to stay purely as brother and sister between them. She wasn’t the forceful type most of the time, so she wasn’t going to try to push him into something he was uncomfortable with. Of course, he’d need to have his own bloodline continue, but even so… Wouldn’t it have been better to try to open up to her instead of deal with some arranged marriage to some noble girl he might not even know? Dimitri really wasn’t good with stuff related to the heart, unfortunately. “Life is unfair and throws a lot unforeseen things into the works.” Hubert shrugged. He didn’t really seem to care that he would’ve been married off just to continue the Vestra bloodline. Though with the fact that the Vestra bloodline was now mixed with House Hresvelg… That was definitely interesting. Of course, things would eventually move apart as time went on, but even so… The first generation would be immediate cousins to each other. That really felt odd to her. Hubert’s sister and brother were now her family as well, but she barely knew them… Then again, it was the same with Eike, his mother. She really didn’t know her… And without her on the throne, she’d not really get to know Eike until she returned.  “That’s unfortunately true… I know commoners struggle for a lot of things, but at least they can generally marry for love. Nobles… Not so much a lot of the time.” Yeah. Some nobles could and did marry for love, but a lot didn’t. She still wasn’t sure if her consorts would get along with her or not. She was really just looking for some women she could get along with and hopefully have healthy relationships in order to have children with them. She didn’t want it to be strained like with Helga who pretty much everyone hated. Not even all-loving Juliane had liked Helga in the end. Only her father had loved the woman… Helga was the only Imperial woman of the previous generation that Edelgard had not invited back to the castle because she knew Helga would start drama if given the chance.  Hubert rested his forehead against Edelgard’s and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Being a noble can definitely be difficult… But I still care about you no matter what, my— Edelgard. Even if you never return my feelings, I will always be by your side and I will always be loyal to you.” He kissed her forehead and held her close. She rested her head against his shoulder and snuggled close. “I know you will, Hubert. I know you will.” She yawned widely. “We should probably get to bed…” Yeah. He would be on the throne for the first time by himself tomorrow and she wanted to ensure he got enough rest. That and the travel had definitely taken it out of her. She wasn’t fond of long, hard travel. Yes, they’d been in a carriage, but that didn’t mean the travel had been any less hard on her…especially since she was pregnant now. She hadn’t started feeling anything yet but she knew she would in due time. It was only a matter of time until she started feeling the lives within her move and they’d be born before she knew it. “All right. Let’s get to bed.” He kissed her head. They got ready for bed and bedded down, her head tucked against his chest and arms wrapped around her.