Our "blessed" union

A warm house, a cozy armchair, and the familiar wooden table. Today had been full of adventures and all sorts of exhausting amusements. I had gone to the festival with Noelle and Susie. I can't say just how happy the doe was, but she seemed utterly pleased with everything—unlike me, who knew exactly what was wrong with it all. Memories of the fading day fray my nerves and kill my appetite. Or maybe it's the smacking of that rude girl, devouring my mom's dinner right across the table?.. Ah, if only I had her appetite. This little feast looks so beautiful... After a long day of grueling battles, I should be eating all of this like I was starving. The white-furred monster sitting across the table ate her portion slowly, creating a stark contrast to Susie's behavior. Meanwhile, she kept glancing at me, watching as I pushed the food around my plate with a fork, barely eating a thing. And so, our difficult dinner proceeded, set to the soundtrack of contented murmurs coming from my new friend. - Kris, honey? What's wrong? - Toriel says, pulling my attention away from the day's events and onto her slightly worried face. She rises from her chair and walks around the table, approaching me from the side. One of her hands rests on my forehead, apparently checking for a fever. Does she think I'm sick? "- Kris? You usually always have room in your stomach for everything I make for you. Did something happen? - Dude, you can't seriously not be hungry? The festival day was packed and all, but you're not gonna pass up your share, are you? - the dinosaur girl encouraged me, giving my shoulder a friendly thump. I snapped back to my senses instantly—I had to respond. - Sorry, Mom, I'm really not hungry. - I force the words out, my gaze drifting down to the table's surface. It catches on Susie's purple arm, which is, surprisingly, calmly and slowly eating her piece of pie. Overall, the atmosphere in the house is typical, except the living room is now missing one big, old TV, leaving a faint sadness and emptiness in its usual place. It's raining outside again, and the kitchen is lit by the warm glow of the lamp. - I'll just eat more at breakfast. - Susie and I already ate quite a lot at the festival. - The dinosaur girl cut into the conversation again, sustaining at least a little warmth in the atmosphere with her peculiar brand of care and obliviousness. - Kris, can I have your slice then? I silently pick up my plate and slide it toward my friend under my mother's thoughtful gaze. I don't know what thoughts about me are in her head right now. Does she think something changed today because of all the time I spent with my father at the festival? No, I'm just overthinking... Everything is fine. My eyes mindlessly watch my former bully shove the pastry into her mouth, demolishing the piece of pie in a second. A whole mountain of crumbs falls onto the table from this performance, earning only a chuckle from Toriel, though her eyes now hold a hint of reproach. The yellow-eyed girl, interrupting her chewing process, even starts looking back with a somewhat guilty expression, then swallows everything she had been chewing and begins to speak. - Sorry, it's just really good. - It's alright, I'll wipe it up. - Hey, can I ask something? Yesterday you offered for me to stay over, can I sleep at your place tonight? - The girl distracted herself from dinner, moving to the topic that interested her. The goat, in response, only squinted, causing Susie slight panic. - Well... I mean... Please? - There. Now you may. - She replied, allowing the scaled girl to exhale in relief. I never asked my friend where she lives or under what conditions, but judging by her sincere reluctance to go back there, I can say that forcing her to go home to sleep would be unkind. - Where can I sleep? I don't mind sleeping on the couch again at all... Though I still feel bad about your TV. Should I refuse Susie's company for tonight? I really want to be alone after the whole day at the festival. I so want to push Noelle away until all this is over... I look at the middle finger of my hand and feel a prickling sensation, my insides clenching at the mere thought of yesterday and today as well... - Mom, maybe Su- - You know, dear. I don't think you have to spend another night on the couch. - Mom interrupted me, answering the monster girl's question. I probably just spoke too quietly. - Kris will show you the free bed in their room. Sweetie, you don't mind sharing your room with your friend for the night, do you? I hope you'll behave well and not break anything like last time. - We'll be quiet as... umm... mice! - My friend began nodding her head affirmatively. Great, now it's all decided for me, and there's no way out. - ♥️ I don't mind. - I say affirmatively, to my own surprise. Damn my mouth... - Well, good then. - The goat monster's hand strokes my head as I continue to sit motionless in place. - I can see how tired you are today. The day must have truly been very eventful. How about you tell me tomorrow about all the interesting things you did there? No, I'm not insisting, of course, but I'd like to know how your evening with Noelle went. You were the one who invited her to join, right? - Noelle? - Susie chimed into the conversation where her opinion hadn't been asked. Please, just be quiet... - Well, she was acting like she was glued to Kris, but overall she seemed happy. - Glued? - Mom repeated with clear surprise, smiling thoughtfully and looking at me. - Kris, honey, you're finally starting to get closer to others. First Susie, now Noelle... You've been full of surprises lately. Great. The more changes she notices in me, the sooner she'll start thinking something's wrong... No, I'm panicking for nothing. The plan should be carried out long before she starts worrying about all this. The only real problem now is going to be hiding my... relationship with the younger Holiday, especially given her character progressing in a direction I can't quite grasp. This confidence, this drive to be useful to me, this urge to demonstrate her "growth". - Anyway, children. It's late, and it's time for sleep. Kris, show Susie where Asriel's bed is, alright? Just what I needed... I can't pull out the soul with Susie around. I can't even contact anyone now... Whatever, I'll shove the cage under the sink and do what needs to be done. What a pain...

***

Nothing's new in my room. The same two beds, the same contrast in different corners. One of my brother's star-shaped badges now sits on the shelf above the headboard of my bed. The window facing the street is closed to keep the raindrops out; to the left of the entrance is the desk with the computer. So, nothing new. Susie saunters into the bedroom, heading straight for Asriel's bed. Well, no need to explain to the dinosaur girl where the unoccupied bed is—she was already here this morning. The only light in the room comes from the doorway, framing Toriel's silhouette and only partially illuminating the space. Mom seems to look pleased, probably thinking I'll be starting a family soon or something like that, though she can only guess which of my friends is actually my "girlfriend." Honestly, I don't see the point in planning anything, at least not in this situation. - Good night, you two. Don't make too much noise in here. - Toriel said and closed the bedroom door, allowing a soft darkness to thicken in the room. - Yeah, night, I guess... - Susie replied belatedly into the emptiness, her words no longer addressed to anyone. Susie sits down on the surface of the bed opposite, stretching her arms above her head with a slight groan. Her draconic maw, full of teeth, yawned as wide as her anatomy would allow. For a moment, I even caught myself thinking how easily those teeth could splinter a wooden plank. I take my phone from my pants pocket and power it off. I definitely don't need any calls right now. Especially from her... Susie shrugs off her purple jacket, tossing it flat onto the nightstand of my absent brother. The girl, much like me right now, is staring at some empty spot on the floor, thinking about how to start the conversation, and I'm praying it doesn't happen. - Dude... Not cool. - She finally lifts her concerned yellow eyes to me. A faint hint of reproach is visible in the reptile's gaze, barely illuminated by the moonlight from outside. - You remember our deal, right? - Not to involve others in all this. - I half-whisper with my lips. - I'm sorry it turned out this way, but sooner or later Noelle would have figured it out. You know that. - Do you think telling her about the dream a second time wouldn't have worked? - she exhales thoughtfully, rising from the bed. Her legs begin pacing in circles around the center of the room. - Noelle... Noelle, damn her... What if she blabs? She's friends with everyone and talks to everyone; if she slips up and says something, people might even believe her... - Susie, just calm down and sit. - Hell no, I'm not sitting down now, - she retorted irritably, not letting up. - So... Are you sure she won't talk? I hope she at least won't try to follow us on our adventures... - She won't tell anyone... - I try to soothe her before continuing. - ♥️But we can't leave her out of this either. - Can't? - I believe the prophecy can be rewritten if we change the key elements... - I spout nonsense, trying to avoid an even more destructive argument. Or is it not nonsense? I don't even know myself! - All those shards in the church were beautiful, but they didn't show us the exact future. So... What if there are four heroes? - F-four? - the dinosaur girl stammered, stopping her pacing immediately. - N-no. Kris... Kris, listen... Kris. - Don't worry, we'll all protect her. I promise I won't let her get hurt. - But, Kris! Ralsei told us... He said... - The purple-skinned girl was scrambling through her thoughts, searching for something to hold onto, while I found arguments with strange ease. - Susie, she could be one of us. What am I saying?! She is one of us already! Think again, Susie! Remember the whole day we spent at the festival, and then the time we spent sealing the fountain! She helped us a lot, and it wasn't a burden to her at all, right? - Kris, we can't~! - ♥️Ralsei will accept her, Susie. We'll write our own story with her help! You saw her power. You saw how the Knight was forced to retreat! - Kris, we can catch him if we just try again! Just give us a chance! - she was now openly pleading for me to stop pushing my agenda, but unfortunately for both of us, there seems to be no turning back now. - Wake up! You're chasing phantoms! There's no cage that can help us catch him... The three of us combined don't have enough strength... ♥️We need her help. - On the edge of my own breath, I try to find more and more reasons for Susie to relax and not worry about this. Meanwhile, the back of my mind keeps chipping in its two cents, making things clearly not any easier. The reptile and I stare at each other. We're both breathing heavily, both with small droplets of saltwater gathering at the corners of our eyes. And now we're silent... - We'll... talk it over with her... Okay? - The dragon compromised, and my heartbeat noticeably slowed. This isn't in the plan... What the hell is happening? Why are you even agreeing with me? - Kris, listen... We managed to find another piece of the code; there's one last one left, and neither of us knows where to look... I've never seen Susie look this grim. Before, back before we were friends, she used to try to look threatening in the eyes of others, but now... she's genuinely worried. And to hell with the fact that by morning, this will all become reality. We'll dissolve into the work we have to do, only accumulating more questions on top of the ones we already have... She'll accumulate them, and along with them, suspicions. The masquerade is nearing its end. I get up from my spot and walk towards the emotionally charged brute. She listlessly lifts her snout in my direction, a weary gesture showing she's paying attention. If I think about it, this is the first time I've seen Susie without her jacket in the Light World... I step closer. Uncomfortably close. And then I hug her... Hug her? It's my action, no doubt about it. And yet, how did I even dare to do something like this? My human straw-like arms wrap around her monstrous body. It seems Susie is my first real friend in a long time, the first one who sees me for who I essentially am, despite all the secrets surrounding me... The purple-skinned girl hesitates. She looks down at me, thinking about something previously foreign to her. She hugs me back, but only partially. Her hands are firm, yet careful. - Dude, you've changed. - I don't answer... I don't need to. Let her just smell my shampoo again or whatever. - I just... What if we don't find the next Fountain? What if we can't stop what the Knight is doing? - We'll find the Fountain. Ralsei will help with that, I'm sure. - I let go of the girl and slowly step back toward my own bed. If only you knew everything... The dinosaur girl steps back and heavily flops onto the bed where she's meant to spend the night. We both lie flat on our backs, staring at the ceiling... A minute passes, then another... - You're seriously sleeping in your clothes? I know I'm a girl, but if you at least changed your sweater for a t-shirt, it'd be fine. - She lightens the mood with her question. Well, at least I don't have to lie about this one. - Yeah, I've kinda gotten used to sleeping like that lately... What about you? - Heh... Good night, you dork. - She smirked and turned toward the wall. At least we ended the day on a somewhat decent note. Susie occasionally tosses and turns, hugging a pillow, not even covering herself with a blanket. My brother will be thrilled to lie on a pillow that smells like reptile drool when he gets back.

***

Ten minutes pass, then twenty. Neither of us ended up under the covers. I don't need it since I wasn't going to sleep anyway, but for Susie, it was probably modesty from being a guest. She's already asleep, which means it's time for me to get up. I rise to my feet with surprising ease. I feel no resistance in my own movements. Did It fall asleep too? Well, that makes things simpler. I pick up the birdcage from the trolley. I tiptoe out of the room and creep downstairs as quietly as possible. Mom is asleep now too, everything will be fine, I've done this before, it's not that hard... I slip into the bathroom, flicking on the light switch on the wall. My feet, shoeless but in socks, meet the ceramic tiles. I place the cage on the counter with the sink, raise my hand high, ready to tear the monster out of my body... But my legs buckle abruptly. I fall, even bumping my forehead against the counter slightly. A faint ringing fills my head, my ears feel slightly plugged. I shouldn't have tried this so openly; of course, It was expecting my attempt to lock that sadistic creature away for a while. I scramble back up. My lungs greedily chew the air I'm starving to inhale. It shouldn't be able to control this much, but apparently, it can now. My hand refuses to rip the false owner from my chest. With quiet, deliberate steps, I walk out of the bathroom and head back towards the stairs. - What do you want, you damn psycho? - I whispered aloud, surprising even myself. I can speak, but I can't move? Things are bad... I enter my own room. The only thing I can do is scream, but there's no point in waking the peacefully sleeping Susie. I'd have to explain everything, and she already suspects too much. My body walks over to the computer desk and opens one of the drawers, pulling out a couple of random notebooks and a pen. Everything is done quickly and without unnecessary noise; apparently, the puppeteer also has no plans to disturb the guest. It starts shoving the notebooks under the sweater, all except one. It's trying to change the rules of the game, looking for a way to circumvent my will. I won't resist; let it wonder if its control is working or not. I walk back out into the hallway, closing the door behind me. I go down the stairs, re-enter the bathroom, throw the notebook and pen on the floor, and drop to all fours in front of the prepared set. What are you plotting, monster? The hand opens the notebook to the middle; the pages are blank... Well, to be honest, I really don't write much in class, which probably plays right into the soul's hands. The fingers grab the pen and start writing under my forced gaze. The handwriting is quick, impulsive, sloppy. "Let's talk, buddy?" I close my eyes. Good luck having a conversation with me when I'm not reading anything... ♥️ Think about the Knight. ♥️ Think about the Knight. ♥️ Think about the Knight. ♥️ Think about the Knight. ♥️ Think about the Knight. ♥️ You are thinking about the Knight, Kris. - A turbulent stream of commands floods my mind, giving me no time to think. The picture the soul needs is already being pieced together from another place that I vaguely remember. And the Knight is standing there, holding a helmet in their hands... I open my eyes before my head can finish the thought. I'm breathing heavily, staring at the open notebook. "Let's go upstairs and scream into Susie's ear that you are traitor?" - The hint is unmistakable, it sobers up my attempts to resist. - What do you want? - I agree to the dialogue. He's mocking me, no other explanation. My hand returns to writing, trembling fingers once again tracing out the words. "The common good." — Am I supposed to believe that? After everything you've done? No one in the world would be happy about her suffering, you fucking demon. — This thing has a sick sense of humor, that's the only thing I've managed to understand from the first words of our communication. It's useless for me to talk to it, but I can't stop. "I am not creating anyone's happiness through her pain, child. I am merely directing her emotions in the right direction, for she fully deserves the development I grant her. Her heart is full of love that overflows. Love for you, no matter how hard she tried to deny it at first." - The scribbled text on the paper was hard to read, and painful, but I couldn't stop. - Susie... She loves Susie, you cruel wretch. - I go into denial, and it seemed to have been waiting for just that. "A new spark born of the age is nothing compared to feelings that have smoldered for years. The feelings you fostered all this time. Your cheeks are flushing, Kris. Her feelings for our new friend are not mutual, let's be honest, but yours~" - Enough! Stop writing this nonsense! - I exclaim, halting the pen mid-path. It doesn't write... Is it searching for words? A moment of thought, and the ink flows onto the paper once more. "Our dear doe is a bit confused in her desires, but there's nothing wrong with showing her true emotions. You've grown apart, but it's fixable. A few adventures and your support will make her into who she should be... Or perhaps you'd like to explain why you chose to burn all bridges between you?" - It's not for you to decide what she can want and what she can't... It's not for you to decide what she should be... "Why are you blaming me, Kris? What did I even do? I forced her? No, just guided her. Victims on her way? Darkners don't have any real value, I think you aware of that. Berdly? He deserved something like that. He will be fine eventually, few days of good sleep can fix anything. Just one long Icy nightmare and he could return to what he was. Honestly I don't mind visiting him with you at hospital, after all you feel like it's your fault and you want to take care for him, am I right? You know what? How about you tell me what exactly do you want so I'll make your wish come true?" - I hate you... You hurt her so much... You hurt everyone so much... - Tears from my eyes fall on the paper, where words keep appearing, imprinting themselves in my mind. I ignore the ones about granting a wish. They're just bait for chatter and information, nothing more. "Don't cry, Kris. I really just trying to help you here. Bus I still have a question for you... Why are you willing to keep going with everything I've done? I'm not blind, kid. I see this masquerade. You, Ralsei, Knight... Who else is involved, Kris? I don't know what you're plotting, but I don't blame you, honestly. You and Ralsei must have your reasons for doing this, am I right? How about sharing those reasons with your best friend? No... Not even a friend. How about sharing those reasons with yourself?" - Fuck you... - I spit out distilled vexation. If an entity could laugh out loud, it would probably be drowning in laughter right now... Though no. Something else resonates in my chest: either disappointment or irritation. "Be more polite. Am I trying so hard for you just for you to treat me like this? Anyway, it doesn't matter, Kris. I'll do anything for you, and we'll reach the desired ending together. You, Noelle, Susie, Ralsei... Oh, poor Susie. Her heart will be shattered to pieces when she learns about all the lies you two are hiding. You're her first friends in a long time, and what are you doing to her? Building an entire scheme on her naivety. It's scary to imagine how she'll live after all this." - You're one to talk about manipulation. Once I reach the end, I'll get rid of you... - My chest heaves heavily and painfully tightens as oxygen flows down my throat into the center of my respiratory system. Lonely tears fall down my face. Anger contorts my grimace. "You can get rid of me, but not the consequences. And I will do everything you wouldn't dare to do to achieve our shared happiness." - I finish reading, almost ready to whimper from the painful images in my imagination. What kind of vile things will Noelle have to do at the behest of this otherworldly creature? - "You don't have to live alone, Kris. Tell me, can you feel her heart resonating with yours? Even when you're so far apart, you're still so close. You understand that no one else could ever be worthy of her, even partially, right? You were made for each other, and the angel personally blesses your imminent union... You are happy, aren't you?" · Please stop... *sob* I... I'll renounce the promise I made to the Knight... I-I'm begging you... *sob* - I speak to the notebook on the floor, quietly praying for my hands to cramp up, but the only thing that happens is the pages getting soaked with my salty tears. And my fingers keep writing and writing. - I've fallen out of love with her! Honestly, I have! *sob* "You don't have to lie to me, I'm not your enemy at all. And now you will close your eyes, Kris. You will close your eyes and start thinking about Noelle. We will think about her TOGETHER." - No! S-stop! - I whimper, begging to end this nightmare if not for me, then at least for her. - Don't do this! I'll do anything you ask, just leave her alone, finally! But the angel didn't listen. And my eyelids closed... Come on, Kris! Think about something else! Think about Temmie! Yes, that's right! Temmie! Temmie right now~ ♥️Think about Noelle N-no! I don't think about Noelle! I think ab~ ♥️Think about Noelle I- I think a-about~ ♥️Noelle ♥️You think about Noelle, Kris. N-no... I... ♥️Noelle. WE think about Noelle. ... Yes... I think about Noelle...

***

I open my eyes. I've never seen things from this perspective, that much I can say for sure. This is Noelle's room, except I seem to be looking from somewhere above, from a place where the ceiling should be, but there is none. I see everything clearly: the sofa, decorative snowflakes, walls, desk, bed... and her sleeping silhouette under the blanket. The room is completely wrapped in an unappealing gloom, except for the faint light from the window. Yet, I seem capable of seeing through the darkness with inexplicable ease. Even in this darkness, I clearly see her calm breathing, her fair hair spread across the pillow like golden rivers, her delicate hands, and her... her finger with the ring. The branching object with tiny thorns didn't adorn the girl; it only harmed the innocent image that was already gradually crumbling on its own. It's extremely unpleasant to wear, but apparently, because of my influence, she doesn't even think of taking it off. "Noelle will become stronger"? Yeah, right... I'm filled with dread that she actually believes that. The thorns of the ring dig into her fur, hindering her finger's movement, but seemingly not piercing the skin. The feeling is that she was already almost indifferent to wearing this "accessory" on her finger today. A marvelous garden covered in snow, coated in frost, dead in the biting cold... What have I done? Why I didn't thrown this thing away? But what worries me most is her face. A serene and cold smile... Despite the piercing frost that penetrates a body I physically don't have there, I still feel an acute warmth emanating from somewhere near her, from her aura. An aura that whispers to me to answer. My insides are full of heat, my ribs feel like they're melting from the temperature of my own heart. A thread of this warmth weaves directly from me somewhere toward Noelle... I feel her breath in the air when we connect like this... She opens her eyes in mild surprise. I don't know how, but I woke her up without meaning to. Or did I wake her? She sits up slightly but remains silent. Her gaze is sleepy, but her face is clearly smiling wider. She's thinking about something. The hand with the ring rises, touching her cheek, stroking the place of our "connection." The thorny ring seems to trace the surface of her fur with a strange tenderness, scratching her only partially. - Kris... - She says into the emptiness. Damn it... - When everything was over, we... We never talked to each other... Alone. I remain silent. Go back to your sleep, Noelle. The room is empty. - I really liked today. I became much stronger. I became much more confident in all my actions... I feel like I finally know what I truly want. - Don't say that after everything that happened, Noelle... The snowflakes hanging from the ceiling slowly spin in a breeze that somehow fills the room. Her eyes don't even try to find me; I am a ghost. - You made me understand what's happening around us. All these dark worlds and the terrible knight sowing chaos... I fully understand what you're preparing me for, and I'm ready to walk this path with you. Just promise me one thing... Promise you won't abandon me when it's all over... - She finishes, apparently waiting for a response. I remain silent. Just go to sleep. I'll tell you in person tomorrow. ... ♥️I promise I will never leave you. - Really? - The doe perks up, as if hearing something without a sound. I felt it too - a response came, even through my silence. The decision was made. ♥️ I won't leave you when it's over. I will never leave you. I feel as if I have a hand, and this hand reaches toward Noelle, touching her face and stroking her warm, soft cheek. I don't know if she feels the touch, but she definitely senses my answer to her question, and that deeply unsettles me. She closes her eyes, smiling quietly, making me even more uneasy.

***

And only now do I open my eyes. I'm on all fours, breathing heavily over the tear-streaked bathroom tiles and a notebook blurred by tears. On the damp paper, a bunch of hearts are drawn, with a silhouette of a person holding a horned monster's hand at the center. A Deltarune is drawn above, either for symbolism or as a mockery. On the adjacent page, there's also a message clearly meant for me. "It is foretold, Kris. You share one fate, and you know it." - But Ralsei... *Sob* He showed me... He said what would happen if... *Sniff* I just can't... *Whimper* How can you not understand? - I whimper aloud, seemingly receiving a sign of empathy from the puppeteer, who detached one of its hands from the floor and began wiping my face with my own sleeve. The other hand, holding a pen, temporarily served as a support. But once my human face was dried, everything returned to how it was, with new text being written in the unfortunate notebook. "Ralsei meant well; he even shared a lot with you. But let's be honest with each other: He couldn't tell you absolutely everything. And even if he did, I highly doubt you agree with every single word he said." - I... I'll kill you... - I mumble hopelessly into the void. Wiping the tears from my face had calmed me down significantly, giving me a respite in our conversation, but I still felt awful. Physically hurt, even. "You can't kill a god, Kris. Beings like me are no strangers to death, and you clearly won't achieve my true end. We've lingered here long enough. While I'd cherish talking with you all night, I won't allow it. You need proper rest before tomorrow. Don't forget to wash your face, brush your teeth, and if not a hair wash, at least give it a good brush." - I won't obey you. "Quiet now. Just a few final things before we settle into a long, awkward silence. First: I love you, Kris." - What? - I ask the angel, truly bewildered for the first time today. Even my disgust has nearly vanished. Utterly untouched by my reaction, it continues. "I love you, Kris. I love you so much it hurts, and that is the only reason I forgive everything you do. We have been through so much together, with so much more ahead. I see you almost as my own reflection, for that is what you are to me. If anyone cares for you without any hidden motives, it is me." ... ... A pause follows. A long one. Neither of us attempts to convey any thought to the other. I breathe slowly and heavily, staring at the notebook splayed on the floor. What do I even say to this confession? To this nonsense scrawled on the paper? It's a cruel absurdity about our twisted relationship. Without the angel guiding our party, we wouldn't have come this far, that's obvious, but the price we pay in exchange is too terrible. Second by second, my mind steadies into a stable state, and I stop feeling as pathetic as I did a minute ago. My hands begin to fill the page with words again under my watchful gaze. "Buddy, on your date with her tomorrow... I expect you to kiss her. She won't leave without it. I'd even leave your body, so as not to ruin the moment for you. I'll watch from afar." - I'll run away... - I exhale in a half-whisper. "She's stronger and faster, we worked very hard on that." - Go to hell. "We are responsible for those we have tamed, second one. Good night, and I'll see you in the morning." The writing stops. I feel weakness throughout my body. I easily seize control of my hands. It wasn't my will overpowering his; he is graciously allowing me to expel his presence from me. Disgusting. Still on my knees, I shove a hand under my sweater, pulling out the notebooks stuffed there. I raise my arm higher and, with one sharp thrust, ram it into my ribcage. I've never understood how it works, but the important thing is that it never fails, right? I tear out my unwanted companion. My body shudders. A convulsion racks my limbs as true control returns to me... I unclench my fist. A heart-shaped entity throbs slowly in my palm, radiating warmth. - No one will remember you. - It's the only thing I can say, with no retort from it... Shoving this thing into a shredder is what I want most in the world... But I can't allow that. And what am I even saying? I could never forget this wretched thing myself... I stuff the red bastard back into its familiar birdcage. It doesn't resist my actions at all. I move the cage to the cabinet under the sink and cover it with a towel so no one will find it. I close the cabinet door... I lift my eyes to the bathroom mirror, studying my reflection. This is me. This animal being led to the slaughter bears my name and face; I have no doubt about that. I think this is the first time in my entire life I've felt such pure terror. Before, I could share my burdens with friends or at least had an idea of how to fix things, but now... now it's clear things are following the worst possible script. I sigh heavily. I can't stop halfway; it won't work. I'm fated to continue. I study my reflection more closely. The sleeves of my sweater are damp with tears, my cheeks are red, my nose is sniffly, my eyes are bloodshot, my back is hunched, my jaw seems to be trembling slightly. My breathing is steadying, but my lungs still feel heavy and exhausted. I adjust my sweater, smoothing it out as best I can, and notice a long hair in one of the folds. It's definitely not mine. I pick up the light-colored strand, rolling it between my fingers... He's the one who broke you, Noelle... Changed you from within. And what did I do to stop him? That's right, absolutely nothing. Or rather, I took action, but it was more like treating the symptoms while the disease itself went unchecked and grew stronger. I never stopped loving you, and I'll probably forever hold onto at least an echo of those old times when everything wasn't so complicated... I'll take responsibility if I have to. After all, it's my fault. But I don't have time for this. I turn on the tap, washing away the evidence of my meltdown. I fix my face. I feel drained, but the cold water on my skin brings a slight alertness. I'm gradually starting to feel alive again. I'm not even feeling nauseous anymore. I pick the wretched notebook up from the floor, glancing at the scribbled pages. I won't reread this heresy. I start disposing of the evidence, tearing out every page the entity touched and shredding them into a dozen pieces. I immediately throw the pile of scraps into the toilet and flush it all down the drain. I gather all the notebooks in the room into a stack and leave the bathroom, heading upstairs. I didn't call, but whatever. To hell with it. I'll deal with it in the morning. My pillow upstairs has been waiting long enough for me to start whimpering into it...