A Different Kind of Love

Keith had never fully understood what ‘love’ really was. No, of course, he knew what it meant to love someone. He loved his family, his younger brothers; he felt warmth towards children in general, because they were pure and had their whole lives ahead of them. He loved his best friend, the one who had saved his life countless times, the one he trusted like a brother. But it was all different from the feeling that was supposed to bind two people together, with the intention of starting a family in the future—that ‘love between a man and a woman’. He didn't understand those kinds of desires at all, and he considered men who so easily succumbed to them to be fools. In this regard, his friend was no better. No matter how much Alan told him about his wonderful dates with Yuki, it didn't impress him at all. Perhaps he would have liked to understand those feelings—especially when he saw that silly, but insanely happy expression on Alan's face. Apparently, he wasn't destined to experience this—at least that's what he thought at the time. But soon, significant changes occurred in his life, starting with the day he met Stella. He knew who she was, but they had never spoken before. And yet, she turned out to be a very pleasant woman, as he realized after a few more encounters with her. There was another important element to all this—the charming child she was raising, to whom Keith became attached very quickly. Not to mention the fact that all this time he had secretly hoped for a ‘chance’ meeting with the consigliere. But the truth was that with each meeting, he liked Stella more and more. No, it wasn't about ‘that feeling’—not yet. It was just that, at a time when he was completely disillusioned with adults, he was lucky enough to meet another person—besides Alan—who not only didn't disgust him but, on the contrary, was even quite likable. Spending regular free time with her and Yuuji, Keith involuntarily began to think about what he had been trying to turn a blind eye to for so long. If children and the concept of family were so important to him, then it was strange for him to ignore what led to it. Yes, it was ‘that love’. He thought he was incapable of loving like that, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe all he needed was to allow himself to at least try to do it. And just when he'd made up his mind, Stella dropped a bombshell. People had started seeing them as a couple, and she hadn't denied it. Only when she told him this did Keith realize—as strange as it sounded—that Stella was into him. Even though he was short, unattractive, stingy, and generally didn't fit her ideal man. He didn't know how to react, mumbling something about how he should have the right to choose, but... What choice was there, really? He realized that this was an opportunity he couldn't miss. So, when Stella invited him over, he didn't hesitate for a second. The whole apartment was cluttered with all sorts of stuff—and Keith thought women were supposed to clean up before inviting a man over. Stella just waved his comment away nonchalantly. It seemed that something like this didn't bother her in the slightest. And yet, she should have cared more about it. That's what Keith thought when Stella slipped on the cluttered floor and spilled the contents of a bucket on him. He froze in place, unable to move, feeling the very cold he had so dreaded. Horrible memories of the war years immediately returned to him. Images flashed before his eyes with terrifying speed, returning the sensations that still sometimes haunted him in his dreams—cold, pain, fear, hatred, despair. He was shaking, hugging himself, and chattering his teeth—just like then. It was as if he were really back in Siberia again, barely standing, slowly dying from the utterly unbearable cold and pain. And why else would he say it now? “I’m cold, Aramaki.” But Aramaki isn't here—Keith realizes this belatedly. The situation seems strange and unreal. He can't understand what's happening until… Until he's wrapped in comforting, warm arms. He finally returns to reality. No more Siberia, no more war—it's all in the past, left behind. Right here and now, Stella is beside him. She holds him close, comforting him like a frightened child—at least that's how Keith feels at this moment. Stella is still trying to calm him, promising that she will keep him warm until they bring a new spring to their country, and Keith relaxes. Nuzzling her shoulder, he whispers, “It's warm, Stella...” He really is warm—a nearly forgotten sensation, something he hasn’t felt in a very long time. Trying to escape the cold that’s constantly been pursuing him, he's always dressed as if winter has already arrived—a hateful psychological wound that is so difficult to heal. But who would have thought that such an embrace could help with that? It’s a shame he hasn't realized it sooner. Keith returns Stella's hug, burying his nose in her soft, sweet-smelling hair. She laughs softly, pulling him closer. It’s so warm, so good, simply incredible—he doesn't want it to ever end. But at some point, Stella suddenly pulls away and, cupping his face in her hands, looks into his eyes. “You’re crying,” she says, a faint smile on her lips. Keith immediately wipes his eyes. They're wet. Where did these tears come from? He shrugs and smiles too. “I'm fine.” They simultaneously lean towards each other, and their lips touch—for only a few seconds. Breaking the kiss, they meet each other's gaze and can't help but smile happily. It's then that Keith realizes that this feeling, so warm and incredibly exciting, is ‘the very’ love he's denied for so long. The evening ends with Stella, having lost control after just one glass of wine, practically begging Keith to marry her. Trying to calm her down and put her to bed, he listens to her slurred mumbling about how ‘they could make it work’. Smiling, Keith gently touches her hand and promises to answer when she's sober. In truth, he doesn't know what answer he should give. He can only think about how quickly everything is moving, and it's hard to believe. On the other hand, it's entirely possible that this is exactly how it's supposed to be. He's too inexperienced to say for sure. When he comes to see her the next day, neither of them mentions the events of the previous night. Keith figures they still have plenty of time. But the end comes too soon.   At Stella's funeral, he can't hold back his tears. Richard tries to comfort him, but he finds it difficult—after all, he himself needs someone to lean on. From that moment on, they are both united by this grief, as well as by the child who’s still alive and whose future they will certainly take care of. Even in death, she’s so beautiful. Keith leans down, kisses her cold lips, and pulls away after a moment. His tears fall on her pale face, rolling down her cheeks, and it seems like Stella is crying. He screws up his eyes for a second and then opens them again. There are no more tears on her face. Sometimes, the imagination plays strange tricks. I loved you, Stella. Later, he goes to her empty apartment where everything remains the same as it was before—just like that evening when she invited him over. When was that? Oh yeah... The day before yesterday. Kneeling by her bed, he clutches her shawl in his hands, brings it to his face, and almost feels Stella beside him. It's a deceptive feeling, he knows, so he doesn't even try to turn around. He remembers everything they said to each other in this very spot just recently, and tears well up in his eyes again. My words will never reach you now. He will never forget what she asked him that day. ‘If I die, please take care of Yuuji.’ Keith knows he will never abandon that child. If necessary, he will care for him for the rest of his life, he will stay by his side. And he will certainly protect him from any possible threat. He continues to hold on for Yuuji's sake, he supports Richard as best he can—and yet, he feels his soul slowly dying, shattering into pieces as he realizes more and more clearly that he’s lost two people on that cursed day. For all this time, they have received no information about Alan. He hasn't returned to his apartment, no hospital has heard anything about him—Keith has checked personally. And although there’s no confirmation, nor any denial, he isn't naive enough to believe that his best friend is still alive. It hurts, so damn much, that at one point he loses the will to live, but he quickly pulls himself together. It’s too soon to give up—he can still fight, and he will. He’s still needed here, he has no right to give up everything. I’ll avenge you too, Alan. All his hopes for the future, his entire world—it all finally crumbles when he looks at the dead Yuuji in a pool of his own blood. There’s almost nothing left of who he used to be. He supposes his soul’s been burned to ashes, and this body is now nothing more than an empty shell, with a single desire that eclipses everything else. Revenge. They will not go unpunished—for everything they have done, they will have to pay with their own lives. He sees that Richard is feeling the same way. Yes, he's turning into the same kind of monster that he himself has become, but neither of them minds. The grand boss tries to reason with them from time to time, but they don't listen. So what if Major Kaburaya is so actively helping them? He has experienced the same pain of loss, so he understands them better than anyone else. No wonder. On the day of their plan, he’s waiting for his victims on the roof of a building near the designated meeting place. This is the first time he’s done this job alone, and the very thought of it sends a cold chill creeping through his entire body. It’s all because the sun is gone. “It's cold, Alan.” He tries to pull himself together. Yes, now he’s alone, but his resolve will not waver. He’ll do what he has to do. He will definitely avenge Stella and Yuuji—their child, whom he has also failed to protect. With his own hands, he will kill the leaders of the Golden Dragon. He will personally ensure that no one interferes with Richard's plans. He’ll help him create this society without foreigners—a society where their countrymen could live in peace. Eliminating the morally bankrupt Chinese is vital. It’s the only way to achieve their goal. Watch over me, Stella. I will do everything in my power to achieve this world for future generations. I promise.