Hot coals, warm embers

      Kissing Neil always feels like a drug that Andrew can’t get enough of. Neil is always so eager for it, never failing to assure him that he wants it. It is absolutely disgusting, and Andrew’s heart does strange things when Neil is concerned.       “Andrew,” Neil says in between kisses. Andrew will never tire of hearing his name from Neil’s mouth. The same one that gets him in trouble so often.       “Can we–?” Neil doesn’t finish the question, but there is no need — Andrew understands perfectly.       He gestures vaguely towards his drawer with a collection of various dildos and packers, accumulated over the years. At the beginning, he bought the more 'natural-looking' ones, so beige and realistic shapes. Over time though, his taste has changed as he has grown bolder with his choices, and the collection has been graced with more adventurous toys.       Neil’s eyes sparkle at the permission to browse the collections freely, and he basically runs to the drawer while Andrew stays in bed, quietly observing. Andrew rolls his eyes at the excitement. A while back Neil didn’t even know what a dildo is, and now look at him. Andrew has created a monster.       After a minute of rummaging through the drawer, Neil chooses a dildo with a two and a half inch knot at its base. Of course. Who would have known that Neil Josten would grow to be a size queen.       It doesn’t take long for Andrew to get his harness on while this time it is him being watched, his skin prickling from the intense gaze. The purple dildo stands proudly between his legs, and the clear lust in Neil’s eyes at the sight of it makes Andrew want to do unthinkable things to the man. Neil is quick to get on the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight, and he hovers over Andrew, careful not to touch him. To Andrew’s surprise, he leans down and sucks on the dildo’s tip.       “What are you doing,” Andrew says in a flat tone.       “I’m getting you hard.” Neil winks — winks! — and licks the toy from the base to the tip.       Okay, he’s successful in his mission, because Andrew’s clit starts throbbing.       Neil on his knees giving a sloppy blow job is doing something to Andrew’s brain. The toy makes Neil’s cheeks bulge, its size too big to take it all the way without gagging. Not that Neil isn’t trying to, the competitive bastard. Drool covers his chin as he takes more inches into his throat, fighting his gag reflex all along.       Andrew can’t wait any longer or he’ll explode right here. He grips Neil’s curls and forces him off the dildo just to kiss him hungrily. Neil makes a surprised sound, but gets right to it, letting Andrew draw the pace. When they take a break to breathe, the tension in the air only grows thicker. They don’t say anything out loud, but their bodies betray how much they need to do something now.       Neil hands Andrew a small bottle, and Andrew wastes no time to cover his fingers in lube. One goes easily into Neil’s hole, then it quickly becomes two, Neil moaning with each new insertion. Andrew makes sure to brush his fingers against Neil’s prostate to draw out more of the pleasurable sounds.       “Andrew–” Neil says pleadingly, gripping the sheets, his cock hard.       Well, Andrew doesn’t need more encouragement, and frankly, he has become impatient, too. As soon as he withdraws his fingers, Neil straddles his lap and sinks down onto the dildo, but not all the way, his hands placed on Andrew’s chest for support. Andrew holds Neil’s hips, marveling at the blissful look on his face.       “Okay?” Andrew asks, drawing circles on Neil’s hipbones.       “Need a minute,” Neil says, breathless. The knot at the toy’s base sits at his entrance, and he makes small movements to ease it into his hole, his face scrunched up in concentration.       Andrew has the sudden urge to kiss him, but he resist the temptation for now.       The knot finally pops into Neil’s hole, the stretch making him groan. Andrew patiently waits for the okay to move, though the fire in his body urges him to do the opposite. And oh, how he’d love to.       Neil starts to move tentatively, gasping when the dildo brushes against his prostate. His cock is dripping on Andrew’s stomach, driving Andrew crazy with desire. It says something about his willpower that he lets Neil set the pace instead of fucking him relentlessly.       When Neil’s movements become faster, Andrew moves his hips up experimentally and gets a beautiful moan in response. He needs to hear it again, so he starts fucking Neil in earnest, his hands gripping Neil’s hips which for sure will leave bruises. The mental image of it adds fuel to the fire coursing through his veins, and it nearly becomes unbearable.       Impulsively, Andrew flips them both over, so that Neil rests on his back, his blue eyes staring up at Andrew with softness behind them.       “Staring,” Andrew says, a bit breathless.       A dopey smile stretches Neil’s lips, and Andrew wants to wipe it off. He catches Neil’s mouth in a kiss before the man says something absolutely stupid or disgusting, as is in his habit.       The new position gives Andrew more freedom to move, so he seizes the opportunity. Neil groans at the hard thrusts, his hands gripping the sheets tightly and head thrown back. Andrew kisses his neck, sucking at the skin to leave a mark.       “You can touch, shoulders and up,” Andrew says quietly, close to Neil’s ear. The man doesn’t waste time in latching onto Andrew’s shoulders, his blunt nails scratching red lines on Andrew’s back. The slight pain makes Andrew move faster, the urge to take Neil apart taking over him completely.       Neil’s moan is the only sign he gives before he cums completely untouched, his whole body clenched in ecstasy. Andrew fucks him through it, jerking off his own dick, only a few strokes bringing him to completion.When Neil starts squirming to get away from the stimulation, Andrew stops his movements and gently eases the dildo out, then throws it somewhere at the floor to be washed later.       Neil opens his eyes, and something squeezes at Andrew’s heart when they eyes meet. “Can I–?” The question is hesitant, some fear lying underneath the words.       Instead of answering, Andrew lies down on his side and opens his arms in invitation. Neil shuffles towards him carefully, looking at Andrew with his intense gaze for any signs of discomfort. And this right here scares Andrew the most — being so seen.       Neil’s body fits perfectly in Andrew’s arms, his body like a furnace against Andrew’s colder one. When he finally stops squirming, he lets out a content sigh that caresses Andrew’s collarbone, making Andrew’s heart do some strange things again.       This right there is something Andrew really, really wants for the rest of his life, but he shouldn’t –the later disappointment isn’t worth it. Bee keeps telling him again and again that loving someone doesn’t always equals a disaster, but there still is a part of him that is scared of being left behind, even though Neil has been nothing but reliable and loyal.       Neil’s breaths even out, his face smoothing out. Andrew can’t help himself and he traces his finger along the scar on the cheek, healed a while ago. He swallows at the reminder of the horrible events of that one memorable night.       Neil leans into the touch, sighing in his sleep, the sound too cute to comprehend, but Andrew will never admit it out loud, even on his deathbed. He takes a deep breath and focuses on the present, the warm body pressed against him banishing his traitorous insecurities away.       Maybe, a small part of him whispers, he will really stay.       They lie together for w while longer, the night cocooning them in their small world.