Chapter 3
November 16, 2025 at 1:16 PM
They say, "All good girls go to heaven" But bad girls bring heaven to you
For a while, Mikasa refused to go to church. Shame had completely overwhelmed her—she had acted foolishly, unseemly, and had clearly offended the feelings of the one who had so strongly captivated her. Mikasa was used to getting what she wanted here and now, and it would have been better for her to just back off, but now she felt that her impulse concealed something much greater than mere passion. She couldn't even bring herself to go to a party or meet up with friends. Her parents didn't understand why such a change had suddenly occurred, but for the first time in her life, they seemed to have done something she was genuinely grateful for—they didn't try to find out what was wrong. They didn't pry into her soul, which Mikasa herself was diligently excavating, trying to scoop out all the unnecessary feelings. As if on purpose, the dreams didn't subside, only growing brighter. Eren called and messaged, wanting to meet again, but she was no longer interested. She knew she had been unfair to him, taking advantage of his interest, but did it even matter now? She had done things far more terrible than ignoring a guy for one night. And yet, her conscience had awoken too late. Mikasa had been foolish, and now she didn't know what to do. She found nothing better than to go to that damned church, apologise to the priest, maybe even go through that silly confession again—if it would make Father Levi's life easier. From what she knew about priests, she had, at the very least, defiled his feelings, his faith. And however painful it was to admit that after the apologies she would never see him again, never go to the church so as not to torment her already tormented heart, she still decided to go. For once in her life, to do what was right. Outside, it was cloudy and windy. Her skirt prickled her legs unpleasantly again, making this walk even more unbearable. Her mother kept lamenting that some burden had clearly accumulated on her soul, and that God would forgive all her sins, and she would feel better. But Mikasa understood perfectly well that to feel better, one had to believe. And she didn't believe and didn't want to. To some extent, she was angry at the church, and at religion, and at the clergy, and at who knows what else. The church was unexpectedly cool and dark. The light walls seemed grey and tired, and only candles somewhere far behind the altar illuminated the only important part. Mikasa's heart sank when she saw him again, just as proud and unwavering. Perhaps Father Levi hadn't even thought about what happened, and for him, Mikasa was just a sinful, foolish girl. Maybe that was even for the best. She barely managed to sit through the entire service, forcing herself to stay still more than usual. Her nerves were stretched taut with every second, and the speeches meant to be calming only irritated her, preventing her from assembling her own thoughts into coherent sentences. Mikasa searched for words for her apology but couldn't find the right ones, the proper ones. Ones that would truly show her remorse. The words wouldn't come. And the more she searched, the more she realised that she simply felt no remorse. She felt awkward, ashamed, she hadn't wanted to offend anyone, but why should she feel guilty for her own feelings? Didn't their God speak of love as a bright and salvational feeling? She was so lost in thought that the service passed unnoticed, and with a heavy heart, Mikasa headed towards the altar. Levi was already waiting for her, watching her approach, and his gaze sent shivers down her spine. But she wasn't scared. Mikasa was merely trying to suppress her true feelings, which she didn't consider bad or depraved. "I wanted to..." she began, barely forcing herself to look up at him. Perhaps for the first time in her life, she felt genuine, unfeigned shame in front of a man. Shame for the fact that Mikasa couldn't control her desire. But before she could finish, he raised his hand, palm up, gesturing for her to be silent. Mikasa peered into his stern but softened face, watching as he gestured with his eyes towards the other parishioners. Mikasa waited until everyone had left, and then Father Levi gently, almost paternally, touched her back, guiding her forward into the room where she had first confessed. The touch immediately made her blush. She had never felt his hands on her before, and it was much more pleasant than Mikasa had anticipated. Suppressing the desire, she walked on stiff legs to the room, where Levi closed the door and finally gave her his attention. Mikasa had already opened her mouth to utter her apologies, but Father Levi interrupted her again. "You have nothing to apologise for. I see that you are young, that you don't understand yourself yet and can do foolish things. And I realised that I don't need to be angry with you, because you yourself feel that you acted wrongly. And the fact that you are here confirms my words. God is merciful, He will forgive you without my help. And I shouldn't have been so harsh with you." Mikasa, without looking away, watched his calm and unwavering face and felt genuine fury rising in her chest. She didn't remember when they had switched to the informal 'you', and she even less desired to hear some banal 'my daughter' from him. How could Levi talk so lightly about things that were so important to her? He simply didn't understand, and seemingly didn't want to understand. That kiss wasn't foolishness, it was a confession. As clear and open as any Mikasa had ever given anyone. With her apology, she had hoped to rid herself of the memories and feelings, but Levi hadn't even allowed her that. She was barely holding back from saying something right there in the church, when suddenly he walked behind her and took something colourful from a drawer. "I still hope that we could continue our communication. Even if you don't believe in God, I have no hopes regarding that, but you are a good listener." Levi handed her two tickets. A quick glance at the papers was enough to see the band's name and familiar illustrations. Her anger immediately turned to surprise, and then to confusion. Mikasa couldn't understand what she should do. She had come to apologise and never see this person again. "I think it will be easier to make up in a more informal setting," Father Levi added, and his face relaxed a little more, approximating a smile. With trembling hands, Mikasa took the ticket, indulging her own weakness. She knew perfectly well that it would be better to thank him for his kindness and refuse, but the thought that she could be near him again, that she could look at him just as she was now, with impunity, made her accept the invitation. She had just uttered a very quiet, almost hunted "thank you" when thunder crashed, and rain began drumming on the stone roof, echoing dully in the church vaults. A message immediately arrived on her phone that her parents were waiting for her in the neighbours' car, that they would give her a ride, and she had to hurriedly say goodbye, flying out of the church. Her heart was pounding wildly even at home. She couldn't even imagine having to see Father Levi again in a normal, familiar setting for her, and that even then she wouldn't be able to fully explain herself. Mikasa couldn't understand what was so depraved about her feelings? What was so bad about sex, about the sincere desire to possess another person for a few moments? Why did the church always try to restrict all the most pleasant things in human life? She asked herself these questions and found no answer, silently staring out the closed window as the pouring rain drummed loudly on the windowsill. Another melody was playing in her headphones, only plunging her deeper into her thoughts, but she had already agreed to go to the concert, and now she was thinking about how to behave, because Mikasa simply couldn't pretend that nothing had happened.⊹──⊱❈⊰──⊹
Having lied to her parents that she was going to the concert with Eren, seeing the approval on their faces, Mikasa rushed out of the house to the waiting taxi. It was getting much cooler outside, but Mikasa knew it would be incredibly hot in the club, and there was no point in dressing for the weather. She enjoyed looking at herself in the rearview mirror, admiring how the black leather jacket with studs suited her, giving the look integrity and completeness. Mikasa didn't deliberately try to choose a provocative outfit, but she believed that only those who had nothing to show were modest. A lace top peeked out from under the jacket—the top part of a short dress. Bold, dark makeup advantageously emphasised the interesting shape of her eyes, and Mikasa hoped that her bright appearance and outfit would attract someone who would help her cope with the incessant desire. Someone would surely console her sorrow, and she hoped he would be found quickly. In the bar, as always, there was a lack of air. Mikasa barely managed to squeeze through the crowd, searching for Father Levi with her eyes. He turned out to be not so easy to find. His short stature hid Levi perfectly in the crowd, and now Mikasa regretted that they hadn't arranged to meet at the entrance. Some warm-up band was already playing on stage. It was dark, hot, and stuffy. The beams of spotlights and lasers picked out human figures from the darkness, but none of them resembled the man she needed, and Mikasa simply decided that she wouldn't find him herself in such a crowd. Or maybe he hadn't come at all, and there was no point in looking for him. The music blared loudly from the speakers, irritating her eardrums. The whole situation seemed absurd to her, and even the concert of her favourite band didn't brighten her time here. And yet, just a couple of months ago, she would have been dancing with burning eyes along with the noisy crowd. Too much had changed in her during this time. "Hey, hello, can I buy you a drink?" A guy of pleasant appearance, clearly a bit older than her, approached Mikasa—just what was needed to soothe a broken girl's heart—but the can of beer in her hand was already doing a pretty good job. Besides, in her opinion, his hair was too light. "No, thank you," she said, turning away from the guy. "Maybe a shot then?" he insisted, and Mikasa wasn't in the mood to brush off annoying guys. With a displeased "get lost," she slid off the bar stool, feeling her shoes unpleasantly squeezing her feet, but ignored the pain, diving into the crowd. In the end, the music swallowed her. Pleasant rhythms, the words of favourite songs, alcohol in her blood, and smoke from vapes, hookahs, and cigarettes made her head spin, forcing her to relax in the dance, to let go of her thoughts for a while. She spun along with the other people, who kept bumping into her. There was incredibly little space. Mikasa felt the bodies of strangers pressing against her, felt the air getting thinner, but paid no attention, dissolving in the moment. She held the beer can high above her to avoid spilling it, but people still pushed and jostled her. "There you are," a velvety voice sounded almost right at her ear, and Mikasa shuddered, feeling goosebumps run down her spine. She was ready to believe that only men with such sweet voices could become priests. It made one listen intently. Mikasa turned around, not understanding how he remained so unflappable in this crowd. It seemed as if the people around him didn't even touch him, although she herself was starting to feel dizzy from the smells, loud music, and beer. Mikasa realised he had come so close only because she simply wouldn't have heard him otherwise, but his proximity was still pleasant. Even if she couldn't touch him intentionally, the crowd would do it for her. And the very next second, some man, clearly carried away by the musical impulses, shoved Mikasa hard forward. She involuntarily pressed into Levi, feeling her full breasts press against his hot torso, and exhaled noisily, feeling all the air knocked out of her lungs. Her cheeks instantly turned pink, and with awkward apologies, she tried to move away from the priest, but the crowd behind her wouldn't let her. She was about to apologise, with a guilty smile, even though she wanted to press against him more and more, but Levi gently wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her away from the crowd. "I couldn't find you," Mikasa said when they reached a more open space, further from the noise of the speakers. Suddenly, her outfit seemed too revealing against his black shirt, buttoned up to the top. She wanted to pull her skirt down, which she did. "There are too many people here, not surprising," Levi replied with a strange, incomprehensible expression on his face. Mikasa felt that a couple more moments in such stuffiness and she would either vomit or faint completely. "Let's step outside for a minute, please." "Are you alright?" A hint of concern seeped into his voice, but Mikasa chalked it up to his religiousness. "Yes, it's just stuffy." They squeezed through a bunch of people towards the back exit, where those who liked to smoke outside in the middle of the concert were gathered, and now their number was forced to increase by two. The smell of cigarettes was just as nauseating, but here, at least, it was fresh and there was significantly more air. Mikasa understood that her head was spinning not so much from the stuffiness as from her nerves stretched to the limit and the still-burning sensation of his hand on her waist. "Let's move over there, too much smoke." Levi waved his hand in front of his face, dispersing an approaching cloud of whitish haze, and Mikasa nodded, moving a little further away, where the yellow light of the duty lamp didn't reach. She barely had time to turn to him to say that she was feeling much better and that they could return in a couple of minutes, when unexpectedly and insistently, his palms cupped her face, pulling her towards him. The ground was swept from under her feet. Levi pressed his lips to hers, standing like that, in the darkness of the backyard of a dive bar. He was kissing her. Mikasa couldn't fully believe what was happening. His body still carried a scent of some church incense, mixed with the sweet smells of hookah smoke, but this aroma suddenly seemed incredibly attractive and alluring to her, and Mikasa greedily returned his kiss. Levi clearly didn't expect her assertiveness. He shuddered when she ran her tongue over his lips, but Mikasa felt that it was as pleasant for him as it was for her. His unexpectedly thin and soft lips gently intertwined with hers, and Mikasa realised that if they didn't leave right now, she would simply explode from an excess of feelings. And if this was another trick of her imagination, if she woke up in her bed again, she would curse this world for good. His hands slid lower over her shoulders. Levi pulled away for a moment. Mikasa couldn't make out his face—it was too dark—the light from the duty lamp barely illuminated him from behind, and his entire silhouette seemed to glow. He surely saw her lips, slightly parted in expectation, and her glistening eyes, and she hoped it wouldn't end there. "What about 'Fear God' and all that?" Mikasa asked in a voice husky with tension, mockingly quoting his own words. "Quiet," he said, unexpectedly sternly, and reached for her lips again, but Mikasa dodged, shaking off his hands. Before Levi could recover, she had already grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the exit. She hastily searched for an Uber on her smartphone, not even knowing what address to enter, and, turning around, handed the phone to him. "Shall we get out of here?" she asked, watching his still stern expression. Mikasa didn't understand how he could maintain such coldness at this moment, when a fire was slowly igniting in her body and only one thought pounded in her head—"don't refuse." Levi took her smartphone, typing something that Mikasa couldn't see anymore, hoping only that he wouldn't send her home. But he didn't. The taxi arrived quickly, and they hurriedly jumped into the back seat. The car screeched its tires as it started moving when Levi asked the driver to "go faster." The city lights blurred before her eyes. The alcohol in her blood was making itself known, but Mikasa couldn't look at Levi now. She wanted him so badly that she was ready to forget everything and start undressing him right in the taxi. Through the rearview mirror, she caught his silhouette, sitting ramrod straight. He had even fastened his seatbelt, for God's sake, but that gaze, hazy, completely new to her, was fixed on her body, examining it greedily. Those eyes made her uneasy, but Mikasa enjoyed them, revelled in them, imagining such a swift resolution to her longing. They quickly said goodbye to the taxi driver, and Mikasa saw his house for the first time. A shiver ran through her body when he touched her again just below the waist, nudging her towards the door. Mikasa couldn't understand her sudden timidity. Chalking it up to the fact that she herself understood how wrong what she was about to do was, she slipped through the open door much more hastily than she should have. A thought flashed that the priest wasn't so simple and sometimes practiced this with other women, but the awkwardness of his movements, his inexperience, clearly suggested that she just wanted to find an excuse to push him into sin, to clear her own conscience. But all these thoughts instantly vanished when he approached her again, reaching out his hands, touching her. Mikasa clung to him, covering his face with kisses, but her hands were already striving lower, towards the ringing belt buckle, which easily yielded to her deft fingers. She didn't even notice how they reached the bedroom. "Are you ready to compromise your faith for me?" she whispered hotly right into his ear, her hand slipping under the waistband of his underwear, touching his excited flesh. Levi only exhaled, doing nothing to stop her, and Mikasa sank to her knees, taking off her leather jacket, revealing to Levi the view of her full breasts.⊹──⊱❈⊰──⊹
Levi had thought often about when the terrible thing had happened. There, in the church, when that sweet girl with the pleasant voice had first knelt before him, he had never suspected that such filthy words would pour from her lips. He remembered how he had blushed then, how his flesh had reminded him that, even after taking his new holy orders, he had not become a saint, but remained a mortal man with his own base, godless desires. He would sit over the Bible, trying to cleanse his soul, but only sinful thoughts of her invaded his mind. Mikasa came to the church for sermons. He saw that they didn't interest her, and he could barely force himself not to look at her at every opportunity. No prayers saved him from the obsession. For the first time in his life, Levi desired someone so strongly that he couldn't control his own feelings. He regretted taking his vows and would immediately grab his rosary and prayer book, begging the Lord to forgive him for these low thoughts, unworthy of a holy father. Levi hoped the obsession would pass, that it was just another test of his faith, a simple temptation, but the more he saw her, the more the flame of desire burned in his soul. It was so wild, untameable, that it made him sick to his stomach. He thought about leaving everything, moving to another state, forgetting about her, but he was weak in spirit, unable to force himself to sever the connection with her. When he saw her in the shadow of the trees, so depraved, so blatantly dressed, he understood that she had been sent to him by the Devil himself as a temptation. Levi tormented himself for a long time for thinking about that moment, for remembering the touch of her lips. He agonised and spent hours on his knees before the crucifix, begging for forgiveness for his sinful adultery. But the more he prayed, the more he reflected, the more clearly he understood that he had fallen the moment he met her at the concert. He had taken a vow of celibacy, sworn before the Face of the Lord that he would never take a wife, never desire flesh, that he would subdue all that was human in himself and come one step closer to sainthood. But all his convictions shattered against her beautiful, yet so depraved, image. Could the Devil tempt him with the only bright and sincere feeling that the Lord God Himself had gifted him? Levi wore out his rosary with prayers, begging for this obsession to fall away from him, for him to be cleansed again and stop thinking about debauchery and sin, but nothing helped. He had pushed her away, recoiled from her soft lips as if scalded, not because it was disgusting or sinful, but because of the sweetness he felt in his body the moment he touched her. Levi pondered his feelings deeply, wondering why he allowed her to be near, to command his attention. Why had he pushed her away only after feeling the menthol taste of her lips? Levi kept calculating how many more hours he would have to spend on his knees, begging for the Lord's forgiveness, not knowing if the Father Himself would forgive him for this. In his ruminations, he reached extremes, verging on madness, twisting God's commandments inside out, turning them as he needed. Levi could not accept that he was now supposed to renounce this bright and great feeling of love, gifted to him by the Lord Himself. He could not believe that this could be considered a sin, that his thoughts were only of depravity. And when he bought the concert ticket to give to her, he already knew he had lost this battle, that he had already fallen, and that there was no salvation for him.⊹──⊱❈⊰──⊹
Mikasa noticed his confusion but didn't pay it much mind. She freed his erection from his underwear, tugging the fabric down his hips. She briefly thought about grabbing a couple of condoms from her purse, then smirked at the pointlessness. This priest clearly didn't know women, and without another second's hesitation, she ran her lips along his length, immediately trying to take him deeper. Levi hissed, and Mikasa looked up at him, trying to read his expression, to understand what he was feeling. She worked on him slowly, her tongue swirling, her lips tightening then relaxing, her cheeks hollowing, and she could feel he wouldn't last long. She pulled back for a moment, using her hand to spread her own saliva over his hot flesh, not letting the excitement fade, and looked up at him with a sly glint. "Admit it, you imagined me like this during confession, didn't you?" She was playing with his imagination, tickling his nerves, arousing him further, but he only remained silent, eyes squeezed shut, whether from the pleasure or because he had indeed imagined it. Smiling, she returned to her task, shifting impatiently on her knees. A tight knot of pleasure clenched sweetly low in her belly. The excitement that had built up in her for so long demanded release, and Mikasa didn't hold back any longer. She hitched up her skirt, her fingers slipping over the lace of her underwear, caressing herself through the fabric. Father Levi let out a noisy exhale when Mikasa ran her tongue along his flesh once more, and she suddenly felt his fingers tighten in her hair, pulling her back. She let out a quiet moan from the surprise and how arousing it was, and Levi finally surrendered, his hips moving in rhythm with her motions, making her take him faster, deeper, until her nose almost brushed against his dark pubic hair. Mikasa hastily took back the initiative, gripping him at the base, bringing him to the peak. She felt the hot, sticky release flow down her throat, filling it, and she hurriedly swallowed, trying not to keep the salty fluid in her mouth for too long. He suddenly released her, bracing his hands against something behind him—a table, it seemed—and breathed heavily, clearly overwhelmed by the sensations. Mikasa rose to her feet, smoothing her skirt down. Her underwear was soaked, unpleasantly chilling her heated flesh, and she wanted to get rid of it quickly, but she stood and watched Levi, waiting to see if he would make the first move. It took him a moment before he could look at her again. His dark, desire-filled gaze told her everything better than any words could. He pulled her to him, kissing her with much more confidence now as she fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. He then pulled back and hastily shoved his trousers and underwear down, leaving them in a pile on the table somewhere. Noticing the unjustly ignored bed nearby, Mikasa took his hand and led him to it. Sensing a certain stiffness in his movements, she understood she would have to take charge, and a completely new kind of joy rose within her—the chance to show this man the full spectrum of pleasures she could give him. Circling behind him, Mikasa gave Levi a slight push on the chest, making him sit on the bed, and then climbed on top of him, not caring that her skirt was riding up again, exposing her thighs. Father Levi, as if asking for permission, first reached his hands out, pausing for a moment, and then finally touched her skin, which seemed to glow white in the dark room. Mikasa let out a laboured sigh, continuing to admire his strong, toned body, forever hidden beneath that absurd black cassock. Now it belonged only to her. The mere thought that she was in a priest's bed made her underwear grow wetter, but despite the burning desire, Mikasa savoured his gazes, his short, timid touches, and sensual kisses. He had barely grown bolder, covering her neck with light kisses, coaxing quiet sighs from her lips. Levi hesitated, waiting for something he himself didn't know. He had been damned the very second she knelt before him. Like a demon from the depths, she played with him, inflaming his most base desires, uprooting all remnants of the holy within him. But Levi understood that he had succumbed to her tricks himself, had allowed her to touch him. He could no longer endure this obsession. Levi didn't understand how he would go to church, how he would lead services and perform rites. If anyone found out, he would be excommunicated immediately. With his own vices, he had destroyed everything he had built his entire life upon. He had had nothing but God; now he had only her. Sitting astride him in the translucent moonlight, shameless, depraved, but beautiful as an angel, she had captivated him, driving him insane, to the point of frenzy, and he yielded to her with extraordinary ease, as if this were the only right thing. Mikasa, sensing that Levi didn't know what to do, guided and prompted him, allowing him to explore her body, feeling him stroke her thighs, timidly squeeze her breasts. Even these awkward touches heated her to the limit. She rose up and quickly slipped off her dress, baring her full, youthful breasts. Mikasa wanted Levi to devour her body with his eyes greedily, and he did, becoming more engrossed with each second. No longer ashamed, he caressed her everywhere he could reach, but she couldn't bear it any longer. Mikasa wanted to feel him inside her quickly, to surrender completely to the feeling, to dissolve in it. Pushing Levi onto his back, Mikasa got out of bed again—she had to find her bag to get the condoms—slipped off her lace underwear, the last remaining obstacle, and returned to the bed, hovering over Levi. Slowly, savouring every second, she lowered herself onto him, but Levi wouldn't allow the delay. He boldly gripped her hips, unexpectedly firmly, forcing her to sink down completely. From the intensity of the sensation, Mikasa gasped, unable to suppress a moan, and Levi, as if in a surge, began to lift and lower her himself, setting his own fast, hard rhythm. Mikasa threw her head back, feeling the knot of desire tighten stronger, feeling electric jolts run through her body, and she could barely believe it was all real, that she was truly on top of the unattainable priest. Light moans of pleasure escaped her lips, and she lowered a hand, caressing herself, helping herself reach the peak sooner. The room was incredibly stuffy, hot. The silence was broken by the sounds of their bodies, arousing them only further. One last time, Levi thrust her down onto him forcefully, making her moan louder, and went still. Mikasa felt his hot cock pulsing inside her, felt pleasant spasms tightening her lower abdomen, but it wasn't enough. For a moment, she felt ashamed of her own desires, but just as quickly cast all doubts aside, collapsing next to Levi, using her hand to help herself finish. Levi covered his eyes with his hand, unable to believe he had been with a woman. With Mikasa. That he had succumbed to her caresses, allowed her to do all these depraved things to him, drawing out previously unknown pleasures of the flesh from his soul, and how good it had felt to be inside her, as she opened up before him like a flower, granting bliss, pushing him to the edges of supreme feeling. He pressed her warm, soft, and pliant body to his, and Mikasa saw that he couldn't even bring himself to look at her. He lay beside her, his face buried in her chest, regaining his ragged breath, and she hugged him back, stroking his back, the smooth dark hair on the crown of his head, burying her fingers in it, feeling only satisfaction and utter peace. Wild thoughts ran through her head about the expression on her mother's face when she found out Mikasa had dragged their priest into bed, but she knew she would never see that shock and utter horror, because if she wanted to continue their meetings, she would have to keep this little secret. Levi suddenly stirred, propping himself up on his elbows, and looked her over again, as if he hadn't been examining her body with its vivid tattoos just minutes before. Mikasa wanted to ask something, but Levi pressed onto her lips in a new, insistent kiss, his fingers finding her still-moist folds. Smirking against his lips, Mikasa wrapped her arms around Levi, pulling him closer. There was still a whole night ahead.
