Awareness

What was Mary like in Jack's eyes? She certainly wasn't the object of his affection, and he knew it. Even if he wasn't so indifferent to everything, he thought, he wouldn't have paid any attention to Mary. She was modest, shy, too proper, and sentimental, and Jack didn't see anything about her that would attract him. She was just a his classmate, nothing more. Yes, she helped him with history and social studies, but Jack, whose self-esteem was very high, took it for granted. He noticed something strange in Mary's behavior back in March, when they were in the Year 9. Jack often caught Mary's gaze during class, and he noticed that their classmates often made sure to make them come close to each other. This annoyed him greatly. He had no idea what secret his classmate was hiding. Because of Mary's attention to him, conflicts often arose between the two. They mostly argued through text messages. During this time, Mary revealed a different side of herself to Jack. She was bold, sharp-tongued, and quick to respond, and sometimes even the guy admitted that she had "not scratched him, but buried him." He even found this aspect of her appealing. During one of their big conflicts, which took place in April, something unexpected happened: Mary confessed her love to Jack. After that, the pieces of the puzzle fell into place in his mind. He understood the reasons behind her attention to him. He realized why she always tried to be close to him, in every sense of the word. However, Jack was not interested in a relationship, so he told Mary that it would not work out between them. He tried to be gentle with her to avoid hurting her feelings. However, the girl replied that she had suspected this, but she just wanted him to know how she felt. This was their last exchange of messages. For the rest of the school days, Mary stayed away from Jack. His grades in history and social studies dropped significantly, but he didn't care. He felt a sense of relief knowing that Mary wasn't hanging around him, and he no longer had to feel embarrassed in front of his friends. In mid-June, after the classes were over, Jack saw Mary a couple of times at the consultation procedure on the subjects they choose to study in the Year 10. She choose to study natural sciences, while he choose professional sciences. Sometimes the guy noticed that the girl was looking at him sideways, but now he was even... not against it? Yes, that's right. "Let her look. Silly one," he thought. "It's the last time we can see each other." However, for the rest of the summer, something was bothering Jack. He couldn't get Mary and her confession out of his mind. The guy tried to distract himself as much as he could - he hung out on the phone and on the computer, went for a walk with friends, even once went to another district for a walk - it didn't help. There was always something in any place that reminded him of her. In the summer, it was the first time when Mary was dream of him. It was like this - in his dream Jack was just walking down the street, in the rain, when suddenly he saw her, standing with her back to him. Only Mary was somewhat different, not the way he was used to seeing her at school. The blonde hair, usually tied in a ponytail, was loose and fluttering in the wind, and even the rain couldn't stop it. Jack took a step towards Mary, and she turned around as if sensing his presence. Her hair moved beautifully in response, and a few strands fell onto her chest. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Mary looked into Jack's eyes and whispered softly, "Jackie..." Jack's heart skipped a beat, and he took another step towards Mary. Suddenly, he woke up. In short, Jack spent the whole summer thinking about Mary. It was the first of September: Jack caught a glimpse of Mary at the assembly, surrounded by her new classmates. She hadn't changed much over the summer, except for the fact that she was wearing her hair down, just like in his dream. Secretly, Jack watched her until she left with her new class. Due to their different schedules, they rarely crossed paths, and Jack even felt a bit sorry for it. He repeatedly caught himself thinking that he wanted to see Mary more often. Sometimes the guy was puzzled by himself - usually he was not attracted to girls, but the case with Mary was somehow special. And such his attraction to her appeared precisely after her confession. "What's wrong with you, Anderson?" Jack often addressed himself. "Have you fallen in love? Previously, you didn't notice Mary, and now suddenly such feelings appeared! What attracted you to her?" The first stage of acceptance is denial. Although it was difficult for the guy to accept it at first, it was true that he had fallen in love with his former classmate, even though she was an unremarkable-looking girl. What attracted him to her was her modesty and simplicity, perhaps because opposites attract. Once he realized this, he became even more eager to cross paths with Mary, not only to confess his feelings but also to find out if she still loved him. He first saw her in early October. Jack was standing outside the office with the guys from the physics class, who were also former classmates of his and Mary, and they were talking about this and that. And then he saw her. Surrounded by new classmates, Mary was walking towards the locker room. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, with a few strands resting on her shoulder. Jack had bangs that slightly covered his left eye. It was through those bangs that he squinted at the girl. Mary turned her head in his direction, and her green eyes widened when she recognized her former classmate. For a few excruciatingly long seconds, the boy and the girl glared at each other, after which Mary looked away (she always did that first) and went to the locker room. Jack sighed inwardly - if there hadn't been any guys around, he would have talked to the girl. A week later, the first vacation of the year began, and Jack thought it would be terrible. Now he understood what Mary had felt last year. "I wonder how she coped with it," he often asked himself. "I'll have to consult with her." One day, Jack decided to go for a walk. He decided to go to the forest from his house and walk there, and then go back. Autumn was taking its course, so it had already become dark by the time the guy walked through the forest. But that was not the half of the trouble - it began to drizzle. Jack cursed himself, and wanted to go back, but then a familiar voice called him from behind, giving him goosebumps: - Jack? His heart jumped. The guy turned around 180 degrees and saw her. Yes, there was Mary, she was standing in front of him, wearing an autumn jacket, without a hat, and with her hands in her pockets. Her bangs covered her eyebrows and slightly fell into her eyes, and her usual ponytail was visible from under the collar of her jacket. Jack was even mentally glad that it was dark, so Mary would not see the blush that had risen to his cheeks. Nevertheless, overcoming his embarrassment, the guy approached the girl and asked: - What are you doing here? - I'm just decided to take a walk, - Mary replied calmly. - And what are you doing here? - I'm also just decided to take a walk, - Jack said, trying to remain indifferent. - Why are you out alone at this time? The blonde-haired girl jerked her head up: - Someone appointed you as my bodyguard, Jack? I’m not going to report to you. Jack squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. "Why were you never this prickly in school?” he thought to himself. "But on the other hand, it's because of your this modesty that I love you." - Okay, forget it, - the brown-haired guy waved his hand. - It's even better that I met you here. I've been wanting to talk for a long time. From these words, Mary felt her heartbeat become palpable. "Talk?” she thought. "I wonder about what?" - About what? - the girl voiced her thoughts. Jack inhaled and exhaled a couple of times before continuing. - Anyway, I just wanted to ask you something... Do you still love me? Mary took a half step back, her green eyes flashing with some anger: - You're messing with me, aren't you? - What?.. Mary, why do you think that is? - Because I know you too well. If this isn’t some game or challenge, it must be your friends’ idea - just another joke at my expense. In fact, she wanted to tell him everything she felt for him. But her life experience had taught her not to trust people blindly. - Please, Mary, - Jack looked at her through his bangs. - I want to know. It's important to me. No one persuaded me to do this, I decided on my own. Just tell me, please. He didn't know how to talk to a girl he loved, but he tried to avoid his usual sarcastic remarks. His polite request melted Mary's heart, and she exhaled heavily before saying the following: - Yes. I've loved you since we were in Year 6, and I still do. And she wasn't lying. Mary, although she called Jack a fool and an idiot behind his back, and was disappointed in him because of his indifference to everything, never stopped loving him. Sometimes, of course, the girl's feelings were dulled, as they had been during her in Year 10, but now, on this rainy autumn evening, they flared up with renewed vigor. And Jack, in turn, felt some kind of unusual feeling inside himself. It was bright, light, fluttering in his chest like a trapped bird. In principle, he had felt something like this before, but Mary's words ignited this feeling more strongly. - By the way, why did you need this? - the girl asked after some time of silence. Jack gathered all his resolve and said softly: - Well, just... I think I am too. Mary heard his words well and understood their essence, but could not resist the temptation to tease her lover a little. - What are you saying? - she asked. - I didn't hear it. Jack hesitated a little. - I said I think so, too, - he said, a little louder. Mary pulled her left hand out of her pocket and stared at her nails. - I can't hear anything at all, - she said. - You're mumbling something under your breath, so I can't understand what you're saying. Just say it like you usually do. Jack rolled his eyes. "Women," he thought. "How did I ever fall in love?" - I love you, Mary! - he finally said in his normal voice, even a little louder. - I don't know how or why, but I love you anyway! The rain intensified around them, but Jack didn't care. Right now, the whole world was concentrated in the girl standing in front of him. What was she feeling right now? And how would she react? Would she accept his feelings or reject them? With her heart racing, Mary took a step towards Jack. Her green eyes scanned his face, searching for any signs of a prank. But there were none, and she took another step towards him. Jack noticed a question in the depths of her eyes the color of young grass, which she eventually voiced: - Are you serious right now? Without pranks? Do you really feel it? - I do, Mary, - Jack smiled at her slightly. - You are an incredible girl. I'm very sorry that I didn't notice it before... It was as if he wanted to say something else, but he didn't know how to express his thoughts correctly. Instead of words, he took a step towards her, and she moved towards him. Jack stretched out his arms as if in a dream and grabbed Mary under the shoulder blades, pulling her towards him. The girl, in turn, put her hands on his shoulders, her brown eyes met his green ones. They both looked at each other and smiled sheepishly. No one dared to be the first to break the silence that hung between them. Jack was the first to act; with one hand, he removed Mary's bangs from her eyes, then gently stroked her cheek with his fingertips, enjoying the softness of her skin. Mary closed her eyes, and then, as if on command, they reached out to each other. A kiss. Light, almost weightless, but it was a moment they had both been waiting for. When Jack felt her lips touch his, he felt like the happiest guy in the world. He didn't know what it was like to kiss the girl he loved, but he liked what he was feeling: it was a big, tender feeling that was unlike anything he had ever experienced. It was warm and comforting, spreading a pleasant pleasure throughout his body, and the name of this feeling was love. Love for this thin, blonde-haired girl, so proper, so sentimental, but so pure in spirit, whom he now held in his arms. He wrapped his arms around her tighter and held her close, wishing that this moment would never end. Mary felt her legs go weak, and if he hadn't been holding her so firmly, she would have fallen. What she was feeling was impossible to put into words. How long she had dreamed of this... And how she had lamented when she thought it would never come true. But now, as they stood together in the rain, kissing, she thought that anything was possible. Everything she felt for this brown-haired boy, whom she held tightly around the neck, clinging to him as if it were the last time, flared up to the point where it seemed to burn. It seemed to Mary that there were a lot of feelings, and that she was too small, and that sooner or later the feelings would burst out. Her heart was beating at a furious pace - she still couldn't believe that she was kissing the person she loved. Finally, they pulled away, breathing heavily, but they didn't break their embrace. Jack looked at the girl: her grassy green eyes were filled with happiness. Her hair, slightly wavy, framed her face, and Jack thought she was probably the most beautiful creature on earth. Mary suddenly looked at him and giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. - What’s wrong? - Jack asked, a little confused, trying to understand what had caused her reaction. - You have a mark of my lipstick on your lips, - the girl replied softly, giggling all the time. - Damn it! - the guy jokingly swore, wiping his lips with his fist. Mary, grinning, leaned her head against his shoulder and whispered: - Jackie… I love you so much. - I love you too, Mary, - Jack replied, hugging her to him. The rain had almost stopped, as if nature had sensed their mood and blessed the feelings that had flared up between them. They stood there for a while longer, then pulled away. It was already completely dark, and those areas of the forest where the lanterns were not shining seemed black and impassable. Jack released Mary from his embrace and said: - See you tomorrow? I want to get to know you better. The girl nodded, and Jack leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. Then, almost simultaneously, they parted ways and headed towards their respective homes. But suddenly Jack stopped and turned towards Mary; she looked at him too. The girl waved her hand in farewell, then went out, leaving the path; Jack watched her until her fragile figure was lost in the blackness of the forest. After that the guy too went his way. He walked with a sense of excitement in his chest, still thinking about their kiss in the rain. He was overjoyed that he had taken a walk today, and even more so that he had the opportunity to be with Mary. He had no intention of letting this chance slip through his fingers.