How lucky I am to have you in my life

When two bright people are already on everyone’s lips, fans often forget about the existence of another, no less important member in the group.And this third member became for both of them at one time a salvation from the huge risk of falling apart. He did not let them break into pieces, just like the heart of a person in unrequited love. He did not let them crack in half, as would happen with the face of a watch, where numbers are depicted, and on top of those numbers — hands. He did not allow these persistent guys to give up just like that in the middle of their creative path… And then, in the distant past, he agreed to perform with them for a hundred dollars, when they called and said that they were looking for a drummer for a group with the same name Ziferbat. Someone is probably sitting now and thinking “How mercantile!”… But certainly not him. Remembering over and over again and telling this fateful story of their acquaintance, the young man is always calm and smiling. Looking at this kind face, on which you can rarely see anger, but most often only seriousness is visible, true connoisseurs of music and dynamic drum rhythms understand — he, a creative person named Fyodor Khodakov, has always been exactly like this. Focused on his favorite thing. The starting point is from the moment when, at the age of five, his father introduced him to drums. The family was creative, and the experience of playing in other groups played its role. The most important thing then, in the year of his arrival in the Ziferblat band, was to play and learn the part. Of course, he managed to do this with such precision that they, twin brothers with the surname Leshchinsky, were very surprised. They were so shocked that they asked where such a skill came from… Well, Fyodor himself, after many days of time spent together, one fine day told them that he wanted to become a full-fledged part of this group. Since then, it is impossible to imagine the three of them separately. Just like Paris is impossible to imagine without three things: pastries, art and a pair of famous superheroes: Ladybug and Super Cat. The drummer has already gotten used to the fact that his two best friends — twin brothers, one of whom is a blond-haired lead singer and the other — a curly-haired guitarist — have been watching the Eurovision Song Contest since childhood and constantly discussing it with journalists… Although Khodakov himself told everyone “I’m not a Eurofan”, he supported their desire to get to the world-class competition, like a true best friend. As many as three times. As they say, God loves a trio. After the third attempt was finally crowned with success for them, he realized one thing: there is a lot of work ahead… This balanced participant had already made his contribution to the winning song when he wrote the instrumental accompaniment… But on an emotional level, he influenced much more than it seems. And this is visible to the naked eye. With his presence, the drummer balanced the impulsive nature and explosive energy of the guitarist, Valentin, who constantly chats with everyone and skillfully jokes, defusing the situation. In one of the interviews, a blitz with the question “Who from you all?” happened that it came down to a phrase filled with passion and fact: “I’ll win you in the desert, in the snow, dude, anywhere!” addressed to Daniil, who smiled back at him. That’s the name of the vocalist and leader of the group, who on the day of victory at the National Selection seemed too emotionless to everyone. In fact, the frontman was a very kind, vulnerable person, with his own depth in his vision of the world and a talented musician who always dreamed of creating beautiful videoclips… From that day on, he fell in love with his work even more. Once again, Daniil was convinced that creating music is definitely his destiny. The mission of the soul in this world… However, this story will definitely affect his brother and best friend. Two months later, maybe even more, everything became a little different. An April day came when the group Ziferblat finally got out of their usual routine, which included meetings, communication with connoisseurs of their work and discussions of competitors. It was time to get ready for their destination… And this, for starters, was not the Swiss city of Basel, but the Dutch city of Amsterdam. It was there that the meeting with other contestants was to take place. For Daniil and Valentin, the gathering and the news itself became a whole event. Of course, because their participation in the pre-party and the trip abroad were already a reason for pride. While they were standing in the middle of the apartment and filming another video for TikTok, dedicated to a life situation for each trip, the same packing of suitcases, Fedor, as always, was sitting on the couch. He was as far away from the shooting as possible, so as not to interfere, and was drinking his favorite tea with bergamot… Suddenly, he put the glass aside for a while and got distracted, after which, looking at the screen, he began to read the comments under the video with a blitz questions… Usually people like to either stick their noses where they don’t belong, or wish others what they themselves would like for themselves in life. And so, one of them caught his eye. “I wish the drummer a wonderful musical future! He deserves the best relationship with other people” — that’s how this comment sounded. The wish caused a smile, and then it seemed to blow away with the wind. There is some truth in these words: everyone deserves to be treated better… At the same time, they forgot to ask Fyodor whether he wants to be treated differently. The only comment made him think. The phone screen was already turned off, and his thoughts were directed somewhere into the distance. A heavy sigh was heard from his lips, and his gaze gradually changed. It became clear in his eyes that he was very irritated by what was happening. Everyone has a voice. The drummer wants to say a lot, but more often than not he is not allowed to do so… Or, this also happens, there is simply nothing to add to what has already been said… With each new second, Khodakov for the first time becomes bitter to watch how the Leshchinskys are busy with something again and do not pay attention to him for the time being… He drives himself into silence and thinks, although there is something to say… The realization of his true value next to them happened right here and now. It spread like a soft white light across his head and heart, awakening wise thoughts. “I am a full-fledged creative unit next to them. I have been holding this wonderful musical future in my own hands for a long time. Since the time I first embarked on the path of being in this band. Actually, where I am now. Although they seem to be somewhat toxic, in fact this style of communication, with jokes and everything else, is normal for us. I understand this. Yes, sometimes I feel that Danya and Valya never have enough time to talk enough… But I am ready to listen to them and support them, because we think in the same direction. We create what we like. They want to joke, but they also let me add at least something to the explanation. And not only when this state of “impossible to calm down” known to everyone, and to me especially, stops.” After such a momentary state of awareness, when he accepted his thoughts and emotions at the present moment, it became easier for him to breathe… And his gaze is enveloped by an inexplicable fatigue and… Something similar to fog. Tears appear in his eyes. He simply wanted to refresh his memory of everything he really wanted to say personally… To remember all the good things and to thank him. First, closing his eyes full of tears, he imagined how he would reply to such a commentator. “Thank you for the wishes, of course, but I’m fine with them. I’m really grateful to fate for bringing us together so timely. Valya and Danya are very different personalities, but in music and their humor they are special. We are all living people, with our own characters and preferences. The guys, like me, are very temperamental, we are all expressive, but we always find compromises. We just have to wait a little while for our emotions to subside… I appreciate them for their sincerity and good mood too. Sometimes I have to listen to things that I don’t understand, but everything is only for the better. In general, I am grateful for the bright music that they write. I don’t always like the songs, but by creating an incredible atmosphere, having the same love for their work and background, I realize that this leads to success. I want to support them. We are on friendly terms and it always attracts attention. I want to continue working with them. We have different journeys ahead of us, but they are important for our interaction. At least I won’t let them down.” At the last thought, tears were streaming down the drummer’s face. The fear of letting down those who had become more than just colleagues, but also best friends, was overwhelming. A whirlwind of unspoken gratitude was swirling inside, just for who they really are… And it will not let go of the one who cries, showing the strength to admit, and not weakness. Now, crying Fyodor Khodakov, from the words hidden inside himself for a long time, wanted to discuss with his brothers, who for him are more than just gifted artists with burning eyes. To come up and say, “How lucky I am to have you”… And really emphasize that he was lucky.Without rushing anywhere, the drummer got up from the sofa and slowly approached his friends with his eyes closed, to feel the whole situation, while they were in the dark for the first time. At first, the Leshchinskys looked at Khodakov as if he were a miracle of miracles, and then they looked at each other in unison, feeling that something was clearly wrong. He, the one who was told “oh, good-natured, are you okay?” in that video, felt uneasy. They, frankly speaking, burst into laughter in that video at Fyodor’s gloomy expression and questioning look, as always, while he approved and managed to joke with them, then showing with his whole appearance how annoying it could be… Still, sympathy and the realization of how much they were at fault took over. At that moment, the brothers felt guilty, looking at their best friend, whose tears were pouring down on their own, like rain in the middle of a warm and sunny summer, which was just around the corner. The looks of both twins were also filled with anxiety, because they immediately noticed how difficult it was for them to support them now. It became unbearable to keep silent about what he felt, as it was in most cases. In front of them stood not the eternally silent Khodakov. More precisely, even his inaction did not sound like that. His silence concealed the state of his soul, and hot tears flowed down his cheeks, falling down. Everything was happening as if in a dream, but, alas, this is reality. His eyes still did not open. — Fedya, what’s wrong? Did you read the comments again, or…? — Valentin immediately began to ask, but he hesitated on the second question. The feeling of panic began to give pain to his heart when ten seconds had passed… In the blink of an eye, the guitarist failed to find out the reason, and the drummer did not even bat an eyelid. Fedya did not answer. In the mind of Valya a red light immediately flashed “Why?” And all because he was already tired. Tired of saying “So when will you calm down already?” “Let me tell” and other phrases when they just won’t stop. Only at these moments does he behaves differently. He behaves aloofly… He simply saves his words. And all for the sake of not falling through the ground. He doesn’t want to say too much and show a lack of tact. He, like any person, needs consolation. “He’s tired of us… But he definitely needs support right now.” — from this important realization, a chill ran through Daniil’s body instantly, although the room was warm. His cheeks immediately flushed, and there was a barely perceptible coolness in the air. The most sincere compassion appeared in his eyes. Seeing Fyodor standing in front of the two of them and crying was quite unexpected. And even more — it caught the thin threads of the soul. Conscience woke up, although it did not fall asleep at all, and sadness stirred the heart, like sea waves that smoothly roll one after another. As a person of a delicate mental organization, the leader of the group Ziferblat felt on himself in full measure, as if the heart was breaking into pieces from observing such behavior in a loved one. Leshchinsky felt that what was happening now could not be explained in words just like that, and even more so — to convey support, while his brother had that very “no words, only expressions” in his head… But Valentin is always influenced by one unspoken rule: cultural statements in relation to each other — above all. As is usually said, easy to say — harder to do… That is why the vocalist preferred to support with actions. Daniil stepped closer, silently expressing understanding, and then put his hand on Fyodor’s shoulder. Feeling a warm hand on his shoulder, the upset drummer shuddered, but despite this, he still remained silent, while he had the strength to cry. The worst thing that can happen is when cold and calm people start crying.

Deceived complacently…

A meaningful pause dragged on for quite a long time. There was no longer any strength to hide the fact that both felt offended. At what point did these two give in? When they gave in to their emotions, standing shoulder to shoulder. Now the lead singer is sobbing, while his eyes are red from pain, and tears appear immediately, although he is usually afraid. He himself could not even imagine that the most ugly and disgusting thing is hidden in one thing: he and his brother were deceived. Deceived about the true state of their friend.

Doomed to freedom…

Everything was resolved when the guitarist decided to approach the two participants who were nearby, experiencing emotions and slowly put his other hand on the free shoulder. He was prepared for the worst, knowing how quickly, because of some trifle, conflicts can arise… It happens in silence. The members of the Ziferblat group standing nearby are covered in darkness. A shadow that falls on their faces. They decided to stay close. The three of them, together, at the same time in complete isolation. Away from other problems and other people’s comments. They are doomed, even though they were free.

And time is running out from us outside and around us…

Before that, time was running out outside and around them, like loose sand in an hourglass… At such moments, an invisible entity put everything on hold. It seems that everything is frozen, waiting for a solution in this rather unusual situation. So the three stood there, looking now at the drummer, who was sadly beside them, now at the suitcases that had already been packed… And then — into each other’s eyes “It hasn’t happened yet” — flashed through both of their heads, forcing them to turn away… The suspended state did not last long for all three, but it felt like an eternity… Exactly until clarity tiptoed to everyone in a moment. Fyodor’s eyes slowly opened. A natural shine appeared in them, and the tears shimmered like diamonds in the sun. Daniil and Valentin moved away, continuing to hold him by the shoulders. “For all that is holy, as much as possible? Just let yourself be known. Tell us what happened” — these words can be read in their eyes. Impatience and interest in experiences appear. When the brothers' attention was already directed at the upset participant, like laser beams, he calmed down and smiled, feeling strong support from them. To say that Fedor trusted these two as himself is to say nothing. He is determined to move forward along the common path, as they began back then with the X-Factor. Wiping away tears, Khodakov nodded his head and paused, after which he spoke, making it clear that he is now ready to speak out and admit the obvious. — I want to tell you both one thing, so that you remember it for sure. — only confidence and friendliness can be heard in the voice. — In independence from our result at the Eurovision and at the parties as well. For the Leshchinskys, who had already let go of their shoulders and were waiting for an answer, smiling in response at that moment, the competition briefly lost its importance… And the fact that they still had to go to Poland, and time was running out — was now not so important. A mere trifle compared to what a range of emotions they lived through, watching how their friend allowed himself to cry… Now he reflected his characteristic peace and good mood. A radiant smile appeared on Fyodor’s lips, after which he reached out to Daniil to hug him. At this he only giggled from the tenderness prevailing in his soul… Valentin felt the charge and came closer to both of them and, opening his arms wide, found himself locked in a tight embrace. The three of them openly embraced, showing that everything was not in vain. The twins heard those very honest words, the expression of his gratitude. —How lucky I am to have you in my life.

Und bist du auch noch dabei…

Dann bin ich super drauf…

The fact that their best friend was completely immersed in this feeling certainly touched both brothers. Their connection became even stronger. Physical contact always gave them a good mood. The guitarist and vocalist felt better from the fact that they managed to feel how dear they were to him. They realized with all their hearts that their great value for them in such a difficult time will not go away. At least for another five years. — Thank you… — Daniil whispered barely audibly, hugging Fedor with warmth and such a desired feeling of security, warming from the inside. — And to us too. We value and love you very much as a friend, Fedir. — the twin brother immediately picked up and nodded, carefully embracing those who were dear to him with his arms. Everyone who found themselves in such a situation felt good in their hearts. Having opened the embrace, in which they felt like a real family, the participants of Ziferblat let go of all their worries and any concerns… All three agreed among themselves that it was worth remaining best friends… After that, Daniil and Valentin exchanged glances once again and, opening their mouths, realized that it was time to hurry up so as not to be late and began to get dressed, and Fedor in the company with them. Afterwards, as a person who always has everything under control, he kept an eye on the suitcases. A special reason for punctuality — the other Eurovision participants, who are definitely waiting in Amsterdam in anticipation.Everything ended in the best possible way, but beyond this story, the unconditional love for music and friendship, the respect of young people for each other continues. And will last as long as they have patience.