The permafrost of our souls

Gen
R
Finished
4
Universe:
Pairing and characters:
Size:
45 pages, 16,777 words, 20 chapters
Description:
Publishing on other websites:
Allowed stating the author/translator with a link to the original publication
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Cell

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She ran her finger along the dusty wall, tracing line after line. Her fingers barely bled anymore—the cracks in her skin were healing, but every bend of her knuckle risked new ones. Kara was trying to draw from memory that slope with the cave entrance, the one that should have led to the lake. She and her brother hadn’t made it there, but the cave mouth was already imprinted on the inside of her eyelids. Whenever she closed her eyes, she saw it, or plunged into the same nightmare, staring at the greenish glow beneath the snow. The cell Kara had been in for an eternity was so small there was only enough space to dangle her legs off the bed, her knees nearly brushing the heavy door. Even getting to the toilet meant crawling over the bed, covered by a thin, lumpy blanket that offered no warmth against the damp walls. There was no light in the room, only what filtered through the murky window in the door from a lamp outside, but at night, she guessed, even that was extinguished, leaving her alone in the cramped space that would become her grave. Lost in thought, Kara didn’t hear the click of the door lock she awaited every day. She flinched when a large hand clamped around her wrist, smudging the last line. She was shoved, tumbling off the bed into the corner. Kara, trying to recover from hitting her head, pulled her legs towards her, dragging them off the mattress, and looked up at the dark figure staring at the drawing on the wall. Pressing cold fingers to the back of her head, she scrambled back onto the bed, feeling the large springs beneath her knees, and could just make out the Winter Soldier standing over her in the gloom. They said nothing to each other, just stared, as if in a contest. Kara was the first to look away, distracted by an unfamiliar smell, her hands fumbling for the aluminum bowl of food. She lifted it, trying to see what was inside in the dim light. The girl dug her fingers into the bowl, trying to catch an elusive, slimy, soft tendril. “Algae,” she mouthed silently, tasting it. Inside, disappointment warred with the knowledge she had no choice. Kara crunched the algae quietly, hearing only the man’s soft breath as he watched her intently. She looked up. “Don’t worry—I won’t croak.” “Sure?” His voice was hoarse from disuse. Kara gave a sullen smirk, fishing out another slimy frond. “Not for nothing I was looking for them,” she nodded at the drawing. “You found them there, right? Definitely there.” “What do you know?” His voice wasn’t threatening, but Kara detected no real interest either. Just following orders. “Sent to interrogate me?” Kara shrugged, feeling a strange surge of strength. She set the bowl aside, scooting closer to the wall to stretch her legs a little, her toes pressing against the door. “You wouldn’t want this to be an interrogation,” the Soldier leaned his back against the wall, trying to fit into the cramped room. “My grandfather found that place when he was young,” Kara lifted her head, trying to make out the gray ceiling in the dark. “His expedition wasn’t successful, and no one cared about the materials they found. But he told our family about these algae, never thinking they’d ever be useful. Our mother got sick, and they turned out to be her last hope.” The girl fell silent, fighting back tears. Her heart clenched with longing and the guilt of failing everyone, stuck in this forgotten place. She sniffed, then exhaled sharply, wiping away the nascent tears with a quick motion. Kara knew the man had noticed her weakness, and she’d said things she shouldn’t have, but there was no retreat. Especially since he clearly didn’t care. “She’s probably gone by now,” she finally said, the rustle of the blanket and her own clothes loud in the silence. “Thanks to you.” “What creatures were you talking about?” The Soldier, having ignored half her words, crossed his arms, looking at the door window. He knew the light would be cut soon. “You’ll see for yourselves soon enough,” Kara hugged herself, watching the man. “Not going to make life easy for you.” A hand of iron grip landed on the girl’s shoulder, a metal finger digging painfully beneath her collarbone. Kara arched forward, trying to breathe deeply to abstract herself from the pain. She heard the plates in his arm click, twisting her shoulder joint until her scream cut through every other sound. Kara yielded backwards, trying to counter the hold, but it felt like another moment and her collarbone would snap under the pressure of the steel fingers. Pain locked her body rigid; she couldn’t even move to free herself. In panic, she tapped weakly on his wrist, hoping the pain would stop. “Motherfucker,” Kara collapsed onto her back, trying to catch her breath and shake off the lingering pain that refused to leave even after the Soldier released her. She closed her eyes, clutching her aching shoulder. After that, she wanted to talk even less, but knew the opposite would be true. The bowl clanged as the Winter Soldier picked it up. The moment he stepped outside, the corridor light went out, plunging the room into darkness. Kara rolled onto her side, managing to cover herself with one arm. Opening her eyes, she tried to distinguish anything in front of her, but there was only blackness. Kara didn’t even remember falling asleep, but morning brought a strange relief. The air in the room was just as stale, trapped underground, but she breathed easier. Sitting on the bed, she ran her fingers through her hair, untangling knots, then stretched, working out the kinks in her body. She thrust her arms forward, interlacing her fingers, when she noticed her hands were almost healed. The girl brought a hand close to her face, examining how the cracks were now just pink scars where scabs had been. She sighed, hearing footsteps outside the door. Usually, no one passed her cell, so she knew they were coming for her. She stood on the bed, trying to see who it was, but barely meeting the Soldier’s blue eyes, she ducked down, grabbing her shoulder. He unlocked the door and looked at Kara, pressed against the cold wall with her back, knees drawn to her chest. She glared at him from under her brows like a cornered animal because he held no food bowl. That could only mean one thing. The Soldier grabbed the girl’s arm, hauling her to her feet and leading her into the corridor. Kara shuffled while he locked the door, feeling crumbs of concrete and an icy cold beneath her bare feet, as if standing on ice. The man gripped the back of her neck firmly again, tilting her head down so she saw only the floor and her own shuffling feet, but Kara already knew every turn on their route. They were heading back to where it all began—the small captain’s office where he was already waiting. He glanced at the Soldier, who sat the girl on a chair, then retreated to the shadows by a wall cabinet. Richard Kunze—that was his name. He’d introduced himself during their second or third meeting, then slammed her head into the table when she answered without permission. Since then, Kara hadn’t spoken unless asked, though breathing was hard enough with a broken nose, let alone talking. Richard took the girl’s hand, turning it palm down, examining the scars on the white skin. Kara stared only at the bowl where bright green algae tendrils coiled like a nest. The man, releasing her hand, slid the bowl closer, but she didn’t touch the food. “How did your brother end up under the rubble?” Kunze asked, making a note on some paper. Kara hesitated, remembering the flash of pain as her nose crunched against the table corner. “He fell into an underground tunnel,” the girl spoke slowly, awkwardly fitting her legs onto the crossbar between the chair legs. “Which I think is part of a network connected to the cave where you found this algae. I tried to pull him out, but there was water down there… where those eels found him, wrapping around his whole body. He tried to shake them off, but it caused the whole passage to collapse with snow.” “We found them,” Richard smirked, pleased with himself as if he’d personally caught the creatures. He gestured at the bowl, indicating she could start eating, and Kara didn’t argue. “Let’s see how these creatures affect you.” The girl didn’t answer, didn’t even lift her eyes, trying to catch a slippery piece of algae, but inside, everything clenched with uncertainty. She wanted to look at the Soldier but couldn’t move under the captain’s heavy gaze. She knew perfectly well that any extra movement would get her tied to the chair. Last time she disobeyed, Kara had sat in his office all night, and the marks from the ropes were still on her limbs. “Take her to the med-bay,” Kunze commanded, and the girl jumped in fright as the Soldier snatched the bowl of half-eaten food from her hands. She stood up, eyes still downcast, and walked out of the office before she could be shoved out, like before. They walked down the corridor, but at the next turn, the man stopped, grabbing Kara by the waistband of her gray jumpsuit, causing her to slam her shoulder painfully into the wall corner. She stood frozen, her back to the Soldier, unsure what to expect, when she felt his breath on her hair. “They didn’t find a body in that tunnel,” he said quietly, as if the walls could hear. Kara, covering her mouth with her palm, wanted to spill out questions, but the man pressed firmly between her shoulder blades, forcing her to move on. She exhaled silently, not understanding why he told her, but at least relieved his metal fingers weren’t snagging in her hair, ripping strands out. Kara looked around, peering into the door windows lining the corridor, until she spotted something strange. She stumbled for a moment, staring at a large iron sarcophagus in one room, a photograph attached to its shiny little window. “Cryo chamber?” she mouthed, unbuttoning the top button of her jumpsuit to breathe as the Soldier dragged her onward by the collar. They entered a spacious room, blindingly bright with white lamps. Kara shielded her eyes with her hand, trying to make out anything, but she was pulled further inside. Leading her behind a white screen made from a former bedsheet, he stepped back, leaving her facing a doctor hiding behind it. He ordered Kara to undress. Glancing at the gray silhouettes beyond the screen, she unzipped the jumpsuit, immediately feeling the room’s chill on her skin. Dropping the clothes on a chair, she stood with her arms at her sides, waiting for further instructions. The doctor approached, examining her. He pressed on one of the bruises, but Kara, accustomed to pain, didn’t even flinch. She thought about how soon this would be over and they’d feed her to the worms underground. That seemed less humiliating than this examination, which ended with her sitting on a cold leather couch covered by a thin sheet, having blood drawn for tests. “Take her,” the doctor rasped, and Kara lunged for the jumpsuit to cover herself, but the Winter Soldier didn’t hurry, waiting for the girl to emerge from behind the screen herself. Kara scrambled back into the clothes and stepped out to the Soldier, looking down at her legs, blue with cold. She stood beside him like a faithful dog and waited while the doctor explained something. The Soldier nodded at his words, but Kara heard nothing—she distracted herself from thoughts of the cold, simply dreaming of curling up on her bed with her feet tucked under her.
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