The permafrost of our souls

They dragged her to his office as soon as the corridor lights came on. They tore off the blanket and lifted her emaciated body, wrapped in a gray sheet that had once been white. Holding her under the elbows from both sides, they led her down the corridor, not allowing her to come to her senses or stand firmly on her feet for even a moment. In the office, they handcuffed her to a chair, arching her back and thrusting her protruding ribs forward. She remained silent, having forgotten how to speak during her confinement. The lights in the corridor had gone out at least seven times while she was locked up, and for all that time, her existence seemed forgotten, leaving her alone with the cold of the rock. “Talk,” Kuntze squeezed the girl’s cheeks with his fingers, lifting her head to look into her dull eyes. “Still wondering when I’ll give up and die?” Kara didn’t remember his question and dropped her head to her chest again when he released her face. Air rushed noisily from the girl’s lungs as the man struck her in the stomach. She leaned forward, thinking it would help ease the pain, but only felt the handcuffs scraping the skin from her wrists. “Fine,” he exhaled, sitting on the edge of the desk. “Once more. What did you see in the tank?” “Nothing,” Kara was inwardly glad the question was so easy but regretted not hearing it properly. “It was like a dream.” “Then why did you and the Soldier put on that little show?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I got scared when I realized where I was,” the girl’s gaze cleared and grew more resolute. “And as for his actions, I believe you’re responsible for him, not me.” Instead of another question came a stinging slap, which Kara didn’t even notice until she heard the sound and felt the pain. She licked the blood from her bitten cheek with her tongue and raised her eyes to Kuntze. “And how do you manage not to lose your mind for so long?” The question was mostly rhetorical, but Kara smirked, and in the next moment received another blow to the stomach. “I think I can rid you of that fear.” Kara remained silent, pooling blood in her mouth, waiting for a moment to spit it out. Kuntze swung the door open, and two soldiers entered, unshackling the girl. They led her down the corridor to the showers, and a flicker of hope for a hot shower warmed the girl, but seeing the pressure gauges on the wall, her spirits sank. They thrust the familiar gray jumpsuit into her hands, shoved her into the showers, and closed the door. Steadying herself, Kara placed the clothes on the floor, untied the sheet, and threw it into a bucket by the door. Turning the creaky faucet, the girl broke out in goosebumps, forcing herself to stay under the cold water. On each partition between the showers lay a bar of soap, which Kara later struggled to wash out of her hair, but in her situation, she couldn’t even dream of a shower. Drying her squeezed-out hair with the jumpsuit, the girl put on the disgustingly clinging clothing over her wet body and stepped back into the corridor, feeling the now-familiar pain spreading through her body. Back in her cell, she sat on the bed, pulling her knees to her chest. Her body shook from the cold, but her thoughts were occupied with the plan Kuntze had devised for her and the Soldier. She had to outmaneuver him, to win the Soldier over to her side before the plan was executed. Kara knew they didn’t have a memory-wiping device, and that played into her hands. They lacked the leverage to erase all her interactions with the Winter Soldier, and that was one reason he treated her as he did. The key turned quietly in the lock, and Kara was on alert when the door opened, but it was only the Soldier, holding the familiar bowl of seaweed. The girl exhaled, her shoulders slumping, and reached for the bowl herself. “Quiet,” he ordered, and the girl didn’t resist, pulling a green strand from the bowl. She looked up at the man, but he, pressed against the wall to stay out of sight through the door’s window, stared at the floor. Kara shrugged and continued eating, ignoring the pain from the piece of her cheek that kept catching on her teeth. Setting the empty bowl aside, the girl settled more comfortably on the bed and looked at the man with a silent question. He pulled out a jar of ointment that had been started and gestured for Kara to take off her jumpsuit, but she took the jar from his hands, unzipped the jumpsuit, and slid her cream-covered fingers under the fabric. “Is that all you came for?” she whispered, letting the ointment dry without fastening the jumpsuit. The Soldier gave her a heavy look. “Hardly anyone else comes here.” “What did he ask?” The man glanced at the door’s window and sat on the bed. “About the tank,” Kara shifted closer. “I think you’ll have problems. And me, but for different reasons.” “Said the wrong thing again?” A barely noticeable smirk touched his face. “Something like that,” Kara smiled, setting the ointment aside. She moved closer, placing a palm on the man’s shoulder, hoping he could feel her touch through the rough fabric of the suit. Neither could lift their eyes to meet the other’s, feeling each other’s breath on their skin. Kara wondered how many more eternities their standoff would last, but the Soldier gave in first, making the girl the winner. He ran his fingers through her hair, and the girl felt the metal scales of his hand tangling in it, but she didn’t care. It had been so long since she’d felt the warmth of a human body; it didn’t matter who they were in this situation—prisoner and guard or two victims on opposite sides of power. Their kiss seemed eternal, so timid because each expected to be caught at any moment, yet so greedy because of it. When footsteps sounded in the corridor, the Soldier pulled away from the girl sharply, running his hand from the back of her head down her back, untangling his fingers from her hair. Kara, slightly dazed, looked at the door, but the footsteps faded around the corner, having spooked them for nothing. She zipped up her jumpsuit and handed the bowl and jar back to the Soldier. “This is a mistake,” the man said quietly, taking the items from her hands, but she shook her head. “Is it?” she whispered, letting her hand linger on the Soldier’s forearm. “It’s the one thing they have no power over. Especially if they don’t find out.” “I hope so,” the Soldier took another look at the flushed girl and left, locking the door behind him. Kara collapsed onto her side, wrapping herself in the blanket, trying to gather her thoughts. The fact that the Soldier had given in first was an advantage she could use. The girl felt a little ashamed of using him this way, especially since he wasn’t the only one who had been waiting for it. She hit herself on the forehead, realizing she liked the person who had imprisoned her here, but she didn’t know how much longer she’d be in this damp cell, so she figured she might as well brighten her days by doing what she wanted and kissing whomever she liked. She turned onto her other side, wincing in pain, and closed her eyes, but on her eyelids remained his clouded, frightened gaze when he’d pulled away. Kara rubbed her eyelids, realizing it was useless to try to gather her thoughts, and decided to try to sleep.