The permafrost of our souls

Her eyes were closed, and Kara didn’t want to open them, not wanting to shatter the emptiness that had displaced all thought. She didn’t understand what was wrong with her, where she was—a calm filled her entire being, its soft waves following her breath. Unconsciously running a hand over her thigh, she felt something separating her fingers from her skin. Something slippery, unfamiliar, something… Kara’s eyes flew open, understanding that such calm couldn’t simply settle upon her in her situation. Through the cloudy glass, she saw doctors, the Soldier, and Kuntze crowded in front of her. The girl spun around, pressing against the walls of the glass cylinder she was trapped in, the oxygen mask on her face the only thing separating her from the murky, yellowish slurry surrounding her. Kara wanted to scream, but accidentally knocking the mask off with her hand, she gulped down the slurry, unable even to spit it out. She thrashed inside the glass, searching for an exit on the cylinder’s lid, but everything was firmly sealed. She couldn’t understand, couldn’t distinguish where the sound of impacts was coming from. Was she pounding so dully against the iron lid, or was the sound coming from outside? Another dull thud, and all sounds became sharper, more saturated, as if the fluid was draining away, pulling her senses outward with it. Kara turned when her feet touched the platform, meeting the gaze of the Soldier, who still held his hand raised for another blow. Kuntze was shouting something at him, but neither the Soldier nor Kara heard him. She couldn’t guess what thoughts were churning in his head, but hers were occupied by his frightened eyes on a serious face. They both clearly understood that such an act would not go unnoticed. Kara, drawing in air through her nose mixed with strange mucus, shattered the remaining glass with one motion, causing it to rain down on the floor in fine crumbs. She stepped down, climbing out of the remnants of the cylinder and shivered on the cold floor, realizing the doctors had stripped her. Trying not to look at herself and resigning herself to the fact that everyone had already seen her naked, she snatched a sheet from the nearest gurney and wrapped herself in it, wiping herself off in the process. “Creature…” Kuntze grabbed the girl’s throat with strong fingers and pulled her close. Kara, gripping the edges of the sheet, saw in his steel eyes exactly what he wanted to do but was restraining himself with his last ounce of will. He shifted his gaze to the Winter Soldier. “Stay here.” Shoving Kara away, Kuntze yanked the sheet, tangling the girl in the fabric, and wrapping her slippery hair around his fist, digging his knuckles into her scalp, dragged her out of the room. “She needs to be examined!” one of the doctors ran out into the corridor after them, trying to stop the commander, but he didn’t look back, hauling his prisoner around the corner. Kara, trying not to whimper from the pain, hurriedly gathered the edges of the fabric with one hand to avoid tripping and meeting the eyes of the soldiers they passed. They pressed themselves against the corridor walls, not wanting to attract the man’s wrath, merely watching the bloody trail that would soon become a permanent brown stain on the concrete. One soldier dutifully opened the cell door before snatching his hand back from the girl’s snarl. Kuntze shoved Kara into the cubicle they called a room, and the girl cowered on the bed like a fox driven into a corner. She bared her teeth, feeling her fingers go numb from gripping the sheet so tightly in anger, understanding that if she didn’t fight back now, it would all be over for good. “What are you trying to achieve?” His voice, turning into a growl, didn’t frighten the girl. She didn’t answer, looking at the lit corridor behind his back. Wondering if there would ever be a right moment to escape. Would there ever be a moment at all? Her thoughts were interrupted by a blow to her cheek—hot, heavy, sobering enough that Kara involuntarily lunged forward, caught the man’s arm, twisted it, and yanked him toward her, causing Kuntze to slam his head against the wall next to the girl. She recoiled, seeing the man rising beside her. Kara raised her eyes and caught the gaze of the guard who had seen everything. The girl clamped a hand over her nose, holding her breath to calm herself, but through the tears welling in her eyes, she could make out the object in the young man’s hand. A syringe. She lay on the bed, wrapped in her only garment—a once-white sheet—and, stretching an arm upward, looked at her thin fingers under the dim light seeping through the door’s window. A minute later, the light went out, and Kara realized night had fallen again. At first, she had marked each night with a line on the dusty wall, but then she understood there was no point. No one would come and tell her she’d done well. Kara tucked her hand under the sheet to warm it somehow and turned onto her side, feeling the springs dig into her ribs. Isolation. Another method of mental pressure. Not a single word, not a single glance. Complete absence of contact, which Kara had thought she could handle easily, but through experience, she learned that people cannot live without society. At first, she tried to get the guards' attention when they brought her food, then she hoped the Winter Soldier would find a way to contact her, and then she simply lost interest in everything, sinking into a shadow on the bed. They never brought her clothes, never took her to a shower, and Kara understood that even these were privileges in her situation, not basic needs. She was literally inside a mountain where no one would find her and realized she would remain here forever if she didn’t do something. The power she had received seemed to have left only scars on her body. No one wanted to teach the girl how to use it. Perhaps they didn’t even know what it was? Kara squeezed her eyes shut, realizing how logical that was. So, it was in her interest to learn to control what the underground creatures had bestowed upon her. She needed an advantage. When the light came on again, Kara, sitting cross-legged, watched the flat pillow balancing in the air, enveloped in a faint green glow. She hadn’t slept all night, trying to achieve this, and the pillow was the only thing not bolted to the floor or wall. Relaxing her fingers, the girl lowered the pillow back onto the mattress and lay down on it, giving herself time to rest. Now she knew she wouldn’t go mad in these silent days of isolation; on the contrary, no one would distract her.