Forever Fall

Raftina once again found herself rising with the sun as she normally did. Even the heavy-duty tranquilisers in her system could sometimes only do so much for her natural circadian rhythms. She wished she could sleep in more often, but she was just too used to rising with the dawn. They were in a sub-tropical area so the days and nights would be relatively equal length year ‘round, but still… Honestly, if anything, she should’ve been upbeforedawn. But right now, she was just trying to relax and let herself recover from the effects of the Demon Wars. Dawn was more than early enough. She could hear people shuffling around above and below her as well as hear out to the ruckus Moonspark was making. She sighed, not wanting to get out of bed yet, but she had promised the stablehands she’d talk to her unruly pegasus and make sure that they could handle her. She opted to just change into a simple dress and pulled her hair back with magic. Breakfast probably wouldn’t be for a little while, so she could come back up and lay in bed for a while. An honest-to-goddess mattress wassomuch better than the ones down on Filgaia. Memory foam was her preference byfarover the downy pillows and feathers that went into Filgaian mattresses and pillows. She went down to the barn and found Moonspark making a big ruckus in the field. She banged her hoof against the fence. She could easily get out and over the fence evenwiththe magical barriers Raftina could sense around them. Moonspark’s powersfarexceeded what a normal pegasus was capable of, so they were really no barrier to her. She was simplythemost powerful pegasus that had existed in the history of Filgaia since Endolia had created her. “All right, girl; all right. Calm down. I’m here.” She approached the fence and Moonspark snorted. “You need to get here sooner. These stablehands don’t know what they’re doing.” Raftina sighed. “Moonspark, you’re going to have to listen to them. We’re going to be here forquitea while most likely and I can’t be down here to take you into the barn and let you loose in the pasture all the time. Just let them lead you and give you grain. And if you need a bath, let them do that too. Okay?” She was tired and didn’t want to argue with the pegasus too much. But right now, she definitely needed to lay down the law. She really just wanted to go and lay in bed for a while until it was time for breakfast. Moonspark snorted again and her ears laid back.“But—” “No ‘buts,’ Moonie. Please just listen to them,” Raftina said wearily. Even Moonspark could no doubt see her weariness due to the fact she didn’t argue any further. She just bobbed her head. “I can get you your grain at least.” “All right.”Raftina opened the gate and let the pegasus out. The palomino followed her obediently and went into a stall. Raftina went over to the grain storage and looked at what all they had. She knew enough about horse and pegasus biology to figure out what she needed based on what they had. So she made the mix and left some notes on the smartboard about what to feed Moonspark. She took the bucket over to the stall and the pegasus put her head in. “I’m going back to bed. Just listen to themplease.I wrote down what grain proportions you need. But, for the most part, you’ll be out on grass, okay?” Moonspark flicked her tail, letting Raftina know that she’d heard her. But she was far more concerned with her grain, so Raftina took the clear dismissal and went back up to her room and laid on her bed, closing her eyes. She had missed having what she deemed a proper mattress. For someone like Cecilia, downy mattresses were no doubt incredibly plush and supportive, but for Raftina, they were lumpy, inconsistent, and terrible to lay on. She had grown used to adaptive beds that changed support points naturally so that way a person would always be cocooned comfortably. Most mattresses by the point of the First Demon War could be adjusted in terms of firmness and softness as well. This mattress seemed to lack the adjustability, but she wouldn’t complain. It at least had the support points that changed as she moved through the night. She’d slept like a damncorpselast night. She woke only once or twice to glance at the clock which was fairly normal. She closed her eyes and pulled the pillow which was similar. Of course, pillows couldn’t be adjusted, but these ones were fairly soft which she preferred. She didn’t like a hard pillow like a lot of people. The mattress was a little hard for her liking too, but it was still better than the lumpy, inconsistent messes that were mattresses on Filgaia. She did have the account, so she could probably get the mattress replaced. She just had to check with Elaeah to see if they would allow it. But even if they didn’t…it was better than what she’d had to deal with on Filgaia since her reawakening. She was picky about what she slept on, but by the same token, it was hard to complain too much when she was sleeping relatively well. Normally she wouldn’t be so keen to just zone out and not do anything but after awakening like she had… She just really needed to zone out a bit. Her mind was finally catching up to her and she needed to rest. It would probably only be a matter of time until she slept for around a solid week, week and a half. Though she knew that skipping meals wouldn’t do her any good. But sometimes, her mind and body just absolutelyshut downand there was nothing that she could do in order to stop it. She was both dreading and looking forward to it. Just a solid seven to ten days of nothing but the void of sleep. But by the same token, she’d be absolutelystarvingwhen she eventually did wake up… She fully settled down into bed and let herself just drift off again. She could still hear the goings on around the house as people started to rise and take care of their chores and jobs, even hearing out to the barn where she could hear Moonspark rapping her hoof against the stall door. If anything, the hardest thing that made it hard to rest was her hearing. All Fast Draw users had sensitive hearing, but considering she was a literal goddess, she had the most sensitive of all. For most, it extended maybe a few hundred feet out, but for her, it was kilometers out. So many kilometers. She could hear so far… She was glad there weren’t any cars. This manor home was more isolated so there wasn’t much outside of the house she had to worry about when it came to hearing. But even so… She could still hear squirrels chittering, birds flying, and so much more. Thankfully, she did manage to drift off again though it felt far too soon when she heard someone knocking on her door. She curled up and kept her eyes closed, the pillow over her head. “Lady Raftina, it’s time for breakfast.” It was Elaeah’s voice which…wasn’t surprising. They did need to get the feather oil that day or at least contact the person that had said they were capable of making it. It would be best she talked to them because sheknewwhat was necessary for good Tenno wing feather oil. She sighed and rose, rubbing her eyes. Yeah, her sleep often felt so brief because she could and often did fall asleep hard and deeply when she did sleep. “I’m coming, I’m coming…” she said. She’d let her hair down and pulled it back up with magic into the traditional Tenno mourning style. It had become her signature style. Or, at least, the signature style of Tenno of the era that Elaeah had died in. Almost nobody past a certain point understood what the style was. It had gained some popularity some one thousand years later among Tenno because she was always wearing it… Ironic to see a statement of grief become fashionable… It happened every so often for a couple of centuries before escaping back into obscurity. She opened the door and Elaeah smiled brightly at her. “Good morning! Are you hungry?” Raftina nodded. “I am, actually…” She’d been starving for quite some time now. The First Demon War had robbed her of any and all large amounts of food she needed. Same for the Second Demon War and the current state of Filgaia… She was so thin and light now in a way she shouldn’t be. But the over century-long conflict and state of Filgaia had made her get used to lesser amounts of food. Shereallywas glad to have properly spiced meals again. Her bodystrainedfor proper nutrition and she could feel it. She placed a hand over her stomach and sighed. She really did need to eat something. She glanced at the sun and calculated the general time… About 10AM. She’d only slept for a few extra hours. “Also, don’t be surprised if you find me asleep or I don’t respond to your knocking. My body is starting to get out of fight or flight and is collapsing a bit. I’ll be resting a lot more. So sorry if we don’t spend time together…” She knew that was why Elaeah had been sent to Filgaia: to spend time with her. But she needed to take care of herself first and foremost and, right now, rest was the main thing she needed. Elaeah looked down but nodded, her ears low. “Okay. I understand.” Raftina put a hand on her shoulder. “It’s nothing against you, Elaeah. My body has been stuck in fight or flight for over a century. Can you imagine that?” The Elw shook her head. “I really can’t… There haven’t been any wars here in the Elw dimension period. The First Demon War traumatised the older generation of Elw so much…and to have so much of the population killed off…” She balled her hands in her skirt. “I don’t know what war or true suffering is, not like you.” “I’m not asking you to and I wouldn’t wish it onanybody,truth be told. But you do at least know what fight or flight feels like, right?” Elaeah nodded. “Imagine that for over a century.” “That…would wreak absolutehavocon your nervous system…” “And then add on the countless other wars Filgaia has been through as well as the that of other planets.” “That…sounds like a horrible existence.” She clapped her hands over her mouth, eyes wide. “I’m sorry, Lady Raftina. I—” Raftina shook her head. “No, it’s okay. Itisa horrible existence to experience war after war after war. Nobody should have to do it.” She sighed. “The other Guardians unfortunately don’t understand… They’re largely static and don’t have physical bodies like I do… They don’t get worn down in the same way…” Guardians weren’t really meant to grow or change outside of her mother and herself. It was a horrible way to live to just constantly experience so much trauma. Watching millions die year after year, planet after planet. She just… She had no way of dealing with all of this trauma. She knew she needed to get back into therapy, but for right now…she really just needed to focus on caring for herself first. Elaeah’s ears drooped. “I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience that…” Raftina shrugged. “It is what it is. How about we go get some breakfast and leave this behind us?” She smiled at Elaeah. She really didn’t want to dwell on the copious, ugly wars she’d been through, especially the First Demon War. Dwelling on it wouldn’t do her or Elaeah any good. She just… So much had happened to her and it still felt so fresh. The stasis she’d been in had really screwed with her sense of timing and everything… She followed Elaeah down the stairs to the kitchen. “Is there anything in particular you want, Lady Raftina?” the cooks asked. She shook her head. “I’m not super picky thankfully. Just make whatever you want as long as it’s not spicy for the sake of spicy. I’m not a fan of that.” A lot of cultures were spicy just for the sake of it. She didn’t mind flavored spice and some heat, but she didn’t like heat for the sake of it. She really didn’t understand people that ate the reaper pepper for the sake of eating the reaper pepper. All the power to them people if that was what they liked, but it wasn’t what she wanted in her cuisine personally. She could handle all manner of oddly-tasting spices thanks to her long years of working as an interplanetary delegate. The cooks nodded and started to cook. She sighed as she rested her cheek against her hand. All of this felt…too mundane for her. She wasn’t used to just sitting around, eating three squares a day and not doing much else. She was too used to being engaged in politics and just…dealing with other people’s problems, not her own. Everything was buried so deeply within her and now some of it was coming to the surface… She was in for abadtime. She just knew it. She’d have to find a therapist sooner or later but she really didn’t want to do that… The rest would give way to her just utterlycollapsingthen needing help. “Is something wrong?” Elaeah asked. “Just…a lot on my mind is all. I know how these cycles go.” She really didn’t feel like divulging much beyond that. Elaeah was her former partner, sure, but…that was thepreviousElaeah, not the current one. Telling Elaeah anything right now just felt…wrong. This wasn’t the childhood friend she’d grown up with, the one she’d been so close to. She could see the similarities, but there were also differences. It seemed like Elaeah was still Elaeah at heart, but that didn’t mean a whole lot to comfort her. This was still a different person with a different upbringing with a different past and a different personality. She knew it was the PTSD talking when she thought they couldn’t connect… The PTSD and the trauma. She really didn’t want to get truly close to people because they’d all eventually just die on her… Cecilia was the exception because Cecilia had really needed her…but now, she had abandoned the princess in order to take care of herself. How could shenotfeel guilty for doing that? She was pretty sure Cecilia would understand… The princess—queen… It was hard to think of her as anything else—had desperately needed Raftina to stand up for her and keep the advisors at bay, but now, with the other Guardians returning, she didn’t need to bear the weight of Filgaia on her shoulders completely anymore. It hurt to know that Filgaia would move forward without her…but yes, she really did need to take care of herself… At least until the cycle started again. Once Filgaia really started building up, politics would kick into gear and her expertise would be needed. Especially in Adlehyde. She wondered if her mother was going to try to transition them back toward democracy or if she would keep monarchy instated for a few more generations… There was no telling. She laid her arms on the table as well as chin on top of them. She was just so tired and there were too many unknowns on Filgaia right now. “Youaretired… Should I have left you to sleep until dinner, you think?” Elaeah asked. “No, I do need to eat,” Raftina replined. “It’s just hard when you have an entire planet’s worth of weight bearing down on you…” She mentally cursed herself for letting that slip. Elaeah looked concerned but didn’t ask any further. Nobody truly understood the amount of weight and expectations she put on herself at all. Nobody did. She was a politician by nature due to the march she’d led to fight for the rights of same-sex couples on Filgaia in days long past. It had almost ended her relationship with Elaeah multiple times, but it was justso hardto let go when Filgaia had come to depend on her so much. That had started to happen again, but she’d been pulled away from it by this. She just really had no idea what to do. Free time and her had never really agreed. She was so used to filling what free time she had with work… It’d been millennia since she’d had a partner to try to rope her in. Workwasher life. “That’s got to be hard,” came Elaeah’s response. Raftina nodded. “You havenoidea.” Nobody did. She was the only Guardian on Filgaia that had been involved on such a deep level with politics, bar Hoshino. The Guardians helped in their own ways of helping Filgaia and working with the people. Due to their nature, most Guardians just didn’t understand mortals fully. Guardians were ultimately a bit shallow compared to mortals in the end… Raftina was stuck in the worst of both worlds. She felt everything as deeply as a mortal did, but she also had the immortal life of a Guardian. She had been born and raised as a normal person until Elaeah had confessed her love to her… Goddess, that felt like a million lifetimes ago at this point. She wished she could go back to those halcyon days rather than be stuck like this… She wished so badly that she could go back. “I’ve never met with the elders really… If anybody would understand, it’d be them. Maybe you could try talking to them?” Raftina shook her head. “Only the oldest elders would have any chance of understanding what I’ve been through. Even then, they probably won’t entirely. Elders deal with smaller communities, not things at a worldwide or galaxy-wide level like I have in the past. I’m a bit surprised they went back to elders following the war…” That really was a surprise. When government had been far less centralised, Elw had relied on elders to make decisions for the communities, but as nations began to be built and laws affected everybody, the prominence of elders had fallen away. There was really no need for elders when large governments could and would account for the needs of everyone and not just small communities. Elaeah shrugged. “It’s the only form of government I’ve ever known… Granted, it’s probably more complex than what you were used to as well. I don’t really know how to describe the ins and outs of the current governmental structure.” Raftina sighed. “That’ll have to beanotherthing taken into account if my mother wants to bring Elw back to Filgaia…” That wouldn’t be an immediate concern, but she knew that her mother would want to bring the Elw back in due time. Filgaia wasn’t meant to just be a place for humans and only humans. Endolia really did have a lot of considerations to make when it came to Filgaia and its future. Raftina would probably have to help her mother weigh the positives and negatives of each option… She was not looking forward to that headache when it happened. It would take a long time to get Filgaia back up to operating order… The twenty or so years she would spend here would be nothing in the grand scheme of things in the end. She still felt beyond guilty though… Well, maybe she could look at this as learning about Elw society and the current state of the Elw people to help her mother make the best decision possible when the time came for it to happen… “I wonder if she will or not…” “She probably will. Keep in mind these are stillher childrenand she sees them as such. She created the Elw, humanity, and the Tenno. She sees every race and creature as her own child… Well, aside from those monsters that the Metal Demons introduced.” Hopefully those would be well taken care of by time she returned. Her mother would be working with the humans and other Guardians as they were on the planet. The Elw wouldn’t have any idea of the hardships Filgaia currently faced because they hadn’t stuck around the past twelve hundred years. Granted, most if not all of them would’ve died off because the planet simplycouldn’t sustainthem… The dimension had definitely been a survival strategy. “I wouldn’t know… I never knew Lady Endolia. So it’s hard to know exactly what she wants.” Raftina nodded. “That is entirely fair, but she ismy motherso I understand her and her policies pretty well. She wouldloveto have the Elw back on an emotional level, but someone like Hoshino is going to bepivotalin trying to get humanity and the Elw to understand exactly what the other wants out of the return of the other… I’m glad the other Guardians are getting revived by my mother; Filgaia survived without them, but it didn’tthrive.”Yeah, Filgaia had fallen into complete and absoluteruinwithout the Guardians guiding them and without their power to heal the planet. But without someone like Raftina, it was hard for humans to truly grasp how the Guardians worked… She just… It was hard to see her beloved planet in such disarray, but by time she got back, it would be in a much better place, at least… “That’s true. I’m assuming you’ve worked closely with her throughout the years?” Raftina nodded. It was right then that their meals were placed in front of them, her plate absolutelyburstingwith food compared to Elaeah’s. But she needed every spare calorie she could get. She wasfartoo light for her own liking and knew that she needed to pack on weight. She did feel self-conscious about having so much food in front of her, but nobody commented on it. She just neededso muchfood that it was unreal. “My mother isn’t really a politician at heart; she’s very warm- and soft-hearted. She doesn’t have the acuity to really deal with something as cutthroat as politics… I was like her once, but I hardened. She’s just really not the type to handle harsh topics well.” “I have heard she was relatively kind and gentle… You’re a contradiction from what I’ve heard of your reputation. You can be soft, kind, and gentle, but you can also be unrelenting, aggressive, and almost impossible to make stand down.” Raftina rubbed the back of her neck, feeling warmth in her cheeks. “Both are definitely very true. It’s not really contradictory in my eyes. Both have a place. When dealing with people on the individual level, you need kindness and warmth in order to treat them well. But when dealing with politics and large-scale stuff, sometimes youneedto be an immovable object. People won’t listen to you if you’re meek and quiet. So Ihadto become rough and stubborn.” Her throat stuck as a thought tumbled through her mind.In order to protect you.But she couldn’t say it. The first and main reason she’d become so hard in the first place was to protect Elaeah… Elaeah had been so soft and meek and needed someone to stand up for her… “That does make some level of sense. I just don’t know much of politics because I’ve never been involved with them. The elders handle everything.” Elaeah shrugged. Raftina could definitely could understand that… Politics weren’t something to get involved with lightly. They could be rough, hard, and incredibly cutthroat. She wouldn’t suggest just anybody start getting involved in that particular realm. It had been hard for her to make a name for herself since she’d been so meek herself at the start… But she’d evolved and changed as a person massively. She really had… All for Elaeah… All to protect the love of her life. She took a long swig of water to try to push down the massive knot in her throat that was forming. It was hard to be around Elaeah… This version of her still had the kindness and the softness, but there was definitely a steel to her that hadn’t been there in her previous life. The only time she’d seen Elaeah have much of a backbone was when it came to Raftina herself and making sure she took care of herself. Raftina neglected herself, but it was for Filgaia. Filgaia was far,farmore important than she was as an individual… She just… All that mattered was Filgaia was taken care of and it didn’t matter if she herself withered away. “Something wrong?” Elaeah asked. “No, I’m fine.” She smiled and the lie came out as smooth as butter. She was far too used to wearing her Lady Raftina mask and having somebody get under it would be hard… She wasso afraidthat she would end up hurt again. Between Elaeah’s death being so traumatic for her, and then everything that had happened with Arlan, she wasn’t ready to love again. Arlan’s betrayal still feltextremelyraw for her and she couldn’t really get around it. To think the line that sprung from her had lasted 1200 years and some change… And yet, Cecilia still bore a close resemblance to her in stature. The Adlehyde women were rather thin, of an average height at around 5’4”, and had anincrediblyamount of magic. Not to mention the fact they were incredibly bookish and loved to learn… Hard to believe that those traits were still intact after over a millennium of space between them and their originator… It was so mind-boggling to think about. Elaeah didn’t look convinced but also didn’t say anything. “Well, what would you like to do after we finish up here? I’m almost done, though it looks like you could use some more time…” Raftina looked down at her meal which she’d begun to pick at. She’d barely touched even half of it. The stress from everything was creeping up on her and the stress unsettled her stomach. “Well, we need to talk to the artisan that makes the feather oil…though I’m not sure why he’d even be adveritising in the first place but I’m glad for it. After that…I really don’t know. I don’t know what there is to do around here.” Unfortunately, she probably wouldn’t eat much more after this. The stress from everything had caught up to her and she just…didn’t feel hungry anymore. “I’m not really hungry now.” Elaeah sighed, her ears going down. “You said you were hungry earlier… But yeah, I can show you around town and all of that if you’d like. This villa has plenty of things to do on your own if you want to. There’s also a spa in town if you ever want to do that.” Raftina shook her head. “I don’t like people touching me, even if for non-intimate reasons. Tenno bodies are sensitive. Like parrots, we generally only let our significant others touch our backs because they’re so sensitive.” She didn’t want to say it causedarousallike parrots, but it did cause asignificantamount of stimulation that she really didn’t like experiencing unnecessarily. Unlike most Tenno, she preferred closed-back clothes just because she was definitely on the more modest end of things. She justpreferredto have more skin covered. She wasn’t averse to a t-shirt and shorts, but that was about as far as she went. A tank top if it wasexcessivelyhot. She was fine with bikinis for swimwear, but that was swimwear. Elaeah frowned. “That’s too bad… You could probablyreallyuse a massage. I can only imagine how many knots you have in your back from stress.” She put her silverware down and handed her plate off to the staff. “Do you want to go now?” Raftina put her silverware down as well and nodded. “Might as well…” She wasn’t hungry anymore. She just wanted to get away from here and distract herself. Elaeah nodded and stood up. “Let’s go then.” With that, they headed out of the house and into town.