Forever Fall

By time they got about halfway to the vacation home, Raftina wasmassivelyregretting having traveled during the day. Her mother was working, but it didn’t mean it was a quick or easy process. They were still traveling across desert land after a certain point. The sun beat down on them terribly and she could see Elaeah wilting like a flower would. She sighed and found a small oasis, telling Moonspark to stop there. They landed and Elaeah looked at her. “Why are we stopping?” “I got used to desert travel thanks to our misadventures in handling the Metal Demons, but you’re not used to this sort of hot travel during midday. We’ll wait here until the sun starts to dip. Would you rather travel when the sun’s super hot or the night is very chilly?” Elaeah frowned. “Good point. I can handle chilly. This heat is justwaytoo much for me. Everything in the Elw dimension is verdant so temperatures are relatively normal… We mostly congregate in sub-tropical zones that are a little warmer than deal with going to the northern stretches where there’d be winter and no sunlight about half the year. From what I understand, our populations haven’t bounced back even with over a millennium to reproduce… What do you know of pre-War Elw populations?” She sat down in the shade of a tree and Raftina took one of the waterskins, then gave it to Elaeah. She drank from it deeply but cringed at the taste. “I’m so used to clean, purified water, not…this.It’s nasty.” “Well, it’s what we have for travel. If this were by horse, we’d be at a much slower pace.” Yeah, sun-warmed waterskin water wasn’t a great taste. But with the limited water resources on Filgaia, it wasn’t like they had much of a choice. This oasis could be used to refill their stock, but they really only had about five, six hours of total travel thanks to pegasus flight speed. They’d gone about three hours, but Elaeah was clearly too hot to continue during the day. They would have to wait until the sun started to descend. “As for pre-War populations… The total population of Filgaia without Malduke was around three billion. Humans were the most populous, of course, at around 60%, Tenno at 25%, and Elw at about 15%. Of course, percentages don’t say much about the real demographics…That put the Elw at around 450 million in terms of population. Do you know how many are alive in the Elw dimension now?” She couldn’t help but be curious. Raftina still had no idea how badly the population had been decimated during the First Demon War. Granted, around 750 million people or more had been wiped out in a single day, so over 30% of the planet’s population had been mercilessly wiped out in one singular fell swoop. “I think we’re around ten million… That’s…quite the population bottleneck.” Elaeah’s ears fell and she looked down, squeezing her hands together. Raftina reached over and put a hand on her shoulder. “Oh… That doesn’t even account for the fact that the Tenno…” “It is what it is.” No, that wound had not healed. It likely never would. She felt beyond distraught over losing her people… She had had no real time to mourn the loss of basically an entire race, not to mention the collateral from the cities falling on the surface where most people lived. But she really didn’t have any choice. Keep going and moving on or break down and allow Filgaia to possibly be completely destroyed. She couldn’t allow her planet to be destroyed, so she kept moving and marching. Elaeah frowned. “Youcan’tjust shrug off losing basically your entire people like that, Lady Raftina.” However, she stopped herself. “Sorry. We’re essentially strangers. I shouldn’t be prying into your own healing journey.” She looked down. “I’m used to it.” She was beyond used to Elaeah pushing her way into her own psyche even if it’d been millennia at this point. Not that this incarnation of Elaeah would know that… Elaeah was more than willing to call her out on her bullshit when she was pushing herself too hard. She definitely needed it most of the time. She was way too stubborn for her own good and needed people to put their foot down…even if she rebelled and protested against it. “Just because you’re used to it doesn’t make it right.” The frown remained etched on Elaeah’s face and she fell silent. It wasn’t a companionable silence but an awkward one. She knew Elaeah well enough by now to know when she had a lot to say on a topic but didn’t want to voice it. Elaeah was a passionate person and loved deeply… But considering the lack of memories, it only made sense that she wouldn’t feel comfortable speaking up. Right now, this was Guardian and a random person, not two former lovers reconciling. Part of her wouldn’t have minded Elaeah speaking up but by the same token…Elaeah needed to get to know her since she didn’t have the same memories that Raftina did. Things remained silent for a good long while until Elaeah spoke up again, though it was quiet. “I wish I had my memories.” Granted, to Raftina’s ears, it was loud and clear, but for a normal person, it would’ve been extremely quiet. But considering she could hear for 25 kilometers around in one direction… Yeah, someone right next to her whispering was basically yelling in her face. Raftina frowned. “I’m not really sure what to say to that. I wonder if Helana, the Guardian of Memory, would be able to restore your memories or not. But…don’t you think it’s unfair to place that burden on yourself? I don’t want you to feel pressured to get with me just because we were in your previous life.” There was no way she could stress that enough. She wanted Elaeah to make that choice for herself, not because outside forces were pushing on Elaeah. It felt like it was the latter, not the former. But there was no way to make the external forces go away either… Raftina herself was an external force and it wasn’t like she could just stop talking to Elaeah if Elaeah wanted to talk to her. “It is unfair but…Ugh. I just feel so conflicted. It feels calming to be with you but I don’tknowyou in this lifetime. If I could have my memories back, that would make this a lot easier…” Raftina shook her head. “If you had your memories back, it’d upset you. I’mnotthe same Raftina I was back then. That wasmillenniaago… I’ve changed a lot since then and the Demon Warsreallywrecked my psyche.” There was no denying it. She wasn’t the same old Raftina that Elaeah had known back then. Millennia had a way of changing people. Especially since she’d refused to touch on Elaeah’s death in therapy once that had become an option. That wound was just too raw… Even now, she knew it would likely never heal. She had no idea if this would work out or not… She wasn’t trying to force Elaeah into anything. She was trying to give her informed consent as much as possible. Elaeah frowned. “You have? I mean, I guess it makes sense you’d change over time. Elw are prone to change as well. That and I thought most Guardians didn’t change much… What made you change so much?” “I have a brain and body just the same as you do and the same as humans and Tenno. I wasbornthrough normal conception, not just spontaneously created out of nothingness like with the rest of the Guardians barring my mother. It’s not like they’reimperviousto change, though; it’s just not super likely unless an event ismassivelytraumatic.” She hadn’t known Luceid before her early change. Apparently Luceid focused solely on desire and nothing else. That led to a lot of sleeping around with mortal men until one had raped her andreallymade Luceid think about things differently. Now she was locked down and rather harsh… She was still a good person, but yeah, locked down and not the most friendly of individuals. “I can be prone to mental illnesses and such just like any other mortal.” “I guess that makes sense then.” Elaeah sighed, looking down at the ground. “It’s hard to be here though… Yes, I can feel Lady Endolia returning the planet to its previous life, but the planet is still screaming in agony. The scars godeepand I can feel one a long way away… The planet weeps for that area. Even with Lady Endolia healing it, the planet won’t forget that scar.” Raftina frowned. “You’re probably talking about the area around the Sand Sea where Mariel lives. It was where the Guardian Blade went haywire and scarred the planet. It was actually created by an Elw attempting to use the same technology that made the Demons’ bodies.” She remembered that all too well actually. It had been in the middle of a battle and had caused massive damage to both sides. The Demon and Filgaians alike had lostmonstrousnumbers that day. It wasn’t a victory for the Filgaians; it was a loss because they just lost more and more people… Elaeah frowned. “Vassim.” Raftina blinked. “You know that?” “Every Elw is taught about the Guardian Blade and how to not let technology get too out of hand again. We live in relative harmony with the dimension we created. We still use technology but only what we can interweave with magic. If we can’t combine it with magic somehow, we won’t do it. We just can’t allow our dimension to fall like Filgaia has, or else we’ll all die.” “So therehavebeen changes in Elw culture… I mean it only makes sense. Even for Elw, twelve hundred years is a long time.” Elw would use technology much like humans and Tenno had. It had placed more of an emphasis on coexisting with nature, but not so much as she saw now. Elw houses looked like they blended in with the environment now. They had looked like that early in Raftina’s life, but the more technology progressed, the less the Elw had cared since they integrated with the mortal races far more… But they’d reverted back to their old style. It was odd to see the mixture of ancient and more recent. Elaeah nodded. “It is a long time… We have entire generations that have never known Filgaia at this point… I mean I’m one of them if you don’t count my previous life.” She frowned, obviously still struggling with that. Raftina couldn’t help but feel bad for her… It at least didn’t seem like the elders had groomed her in order to make her Raftina’s wife. If she found out they had done that… Well. Hell hath no fury like an angry Raftina. She was known as the Blade of Love forverygood reason and the elders would do well to remember it. Without her, the First Demon War would’ve been lost. It was only for her experience in all sorts of different warfare that had allowed them to eke out the victory…though the planet wasn’t without scars. “I’m sorry, Elaeah; I wish they hadn’t done this to you. It’s not fair.” She pulled her knees to her chest and looked down. She couldn’t entirely hide her feelings from Elaeah. She had a lot of mixed emotions over this… Her heart hadn’t moved on from Elaeah despite it having been millennia at this point, but…it wasn’t fair to Elaeah to force this on her. She would step back atanypoint should Elaeah choose to abandon this. She probably ought to find somebody else but still… She couldn’t entirely let this go to waste either. There was no winning in this situation, it seemed like. “It’s not your fault. Even my soul itself feels this is right even if it’sincrediblyscrewed up… We’ll just have to try our best to figure out exactly what we want.” She took a drink from the waterskin, flinching at the taste. “This is still nasty.” “I imagine you have all sorts of natural springs and aquifers to drink from in the Elw dimension… I mean they have to rely on natural water sources here too but…with the desert…” She shook her head. It was nasty business. She hated how little water there was on the planet. Stoldark was thankfully working to restore depleted water sources where they were currently so that way people could rely on them but that was still work that would take years… With her mother back, it would hopefully go a lot quicker… Her mother could restore large swaths of land to what it had been before which was definitely good… But it seemed like she was taking the route of smaller areas at a time at least for now that way she could talk to people individually and start reigniting belief in the Guardians… Humans were the true Guardians of Filgaia in a sense, but the planet was still designed to function with divine beings helping it along… The mortal races could only do so much without Guardian support. Elaeah nodded. “We havehugesprings and lakes and stuff… Since we have the natural water cycle of pre-War Filgaia, they get refilled every rainy season. Nobody lives near the deserts since there are so few of us compared to the pre-War era. We just…haven’t had the chance to repopulate fully.” She frowned. “It hurts that Elw reproductive cycles are so slow compared to mortal ones.” Raftina nodded. “Yeah. I think my mother purposely designed you guys to not overwhelm the planet, but she didn’t think about the same thing with the two mortal races. Even the Tennomassivelyoutstripped you guys by quite a bit.” She could imagine the hundreds of millions of Tenno and the floating cities that hung above Filgaia. It had taken millennia to get there, but, with Tenno being flying beings, they wanted to be as close to the sky as possible. Elw were nature elementals, so they preferred to stay on the ground. Tenno had been grounded much of Filgaia’s history, but once they had achieved flying cities… Well, they hadn’t wanted to go back to the ground. And it was that hubris that had pretty much decimated the population and left the planet with only a handful of Tenno after the Day of Falling Feathers. Raftina shuddered a bit, trying to turn the memories out from her her mind. She felt Elaeah’s hand on her arm and she looked over at her. Her long, rabbit-like ears were low, worry apparent in her eyes. “I’ll be fine.” She was so used to burying everything at this point… She’d be fine. Elaeah didn’t look too convinced, though. Probably came from the crack in her voice despite everything. She was trying to not worry Elaeah, but what could she do? She just… Ugh. There was no way to not think about the Wars and what had happened during them. The century-long conflict was less than a decade old for Raftina. The memories were still vivid and she was still recovering. She just… All of this was so hard. She hated it, but there was nothing she could do. All she could do was leave it to the rest of the Guardians to take care of Filgaia and leave it to her mother to restore the planet. They sat in silence for the next several hours as the sun sank lower onto the horizon and Raftina stood up, stretching her arms and wings. She flapped them a few times for good measure, then tucked them up against her back again. “Okay, the hottest part of the day is over. We can resume our travel. It shouldn’t take more than a couple more hours.” Elaeah nodded. “All right.” Raftina still wasn’t entirely sure where they were going, but Moonspark seemed to know. She sometimes hated her mount with as stubborn as she was, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. All she could do right now was trust the pegasus’ instincts and allow her to carry them to their destination. They mounted up again and, in due time, darkness fell and brought the icy desert winds with it. Raftina saw Elaeah shiver something awful and frowned. It wouldn’t be long until they arrived, but at the same time, she didn’t want her to suffer. Raftina had long grown used to frigid temperatures because of her travels to various planets. Some peoples lived near the arctic circle of their planets, just like Arcticahadexisted on Filgaia. But the kingdom wasdecimatedat this point, razed to the ground by the Demons. In some respects, she was glad… They were highly sexist and had seen her as nothing but a siren that would tempt women away from their husbands. Somehow, they had completely construed Raftina as a negative force when she’d done nothing but help Filgaia. Raftina nudged Moonspark closer to Elaeah’s pegasus. “Do you need a coat or something?” she asked. “I-I’m f-f-fine.” She couldhearElaeah’s teeth chattering. The Elw rubbed her arms and breathed into her hands. Even a person in a coma would be able to see that Elaeah wasn’t doing well with the cold night temperatures. Raftina signaled for the pegasi to land and she teleported herself up to her home in the heavens. She pulled out a faux fur coat and blanket, then teleported back down. “Don’t worry; it’s faux fur. Not real. The blanket should help keep your legs warm.” “T-Thanks…” Elaeah shot her a thankful look then put the coat on and tied the blanket around her waist after mounting again. Raftina tucked the blanket under her legs so it wouldn’t go crazy and flap about while they were traveling. After that, she mounted Moonspark again and they headed off. They arrived at a small, seaside village some time later with a massive villa set aside from it. Raftina took the coat and blanket back to the heavens, then they headed to the manor home. Raftina knocked on the door and it took someone a while to answer which only made sense because it was night now. The woman who answered the door yawned. “Who are you and what do you want…?” “I’m Lady Raftina Adlehyde and I’m here with my friend, Elaeah. I would hope you change your attitude quickly when speaking to the Guardian of Love and a member of the royal family.” Her wings twitched a little. She didn’t like pulling rank, but by the same token, she was used to averyhigh level of respect and service. The woman flinched and bowed deeply. “Please, come in, Lady Raftina! Forgive my impertinence! I’ll have someone attend to your pegasi—” “No, I’ll attend to Moonspark myself.” Moonspark wouldnottolerate the touch of anybody else. She had been designed for Raftina andnobody else.If Raftina ordered it, she wouldtoleratesomebody else handling her, but it was best to just handle things on her own. Moonspark would protest ateveryturn if she was being handled by somebody else. Raftina knew better. Plus, it wasn’t like it’d take a long time or anything. It would take just about five or so minutes to get her untacked. She headed out to the stable and got Moonspark untacked and rubbed down with a curry comb, though it wasn’t the rubber ones of eras past. The pegasus snorted in protest. “I know, girl; I know. It’s not like how it used to be. But what else can we do?” she asked. There really wasn’t a whole lot theycoulddo about it. She was trying to make Moonspark as comfortable as possible, but the pegasus really wasn’t happy about any of it. She just… There wasn’t a lot she could do about it. Eventually, she got Moonspark all rubbed down and turned her out to pasture which, thankfully, there was grass around here. Adlehyde city was on the edge of the desert and the ocean winds did help offer some greenery, but a lot of the land was used for farming rather than livestock and understandably so. People tended to keep just chickens and maybe goats instead of cows. Milk and butter were necessities for certain, but even so, people preferred goat over cow in this era. She wasn’t the biggest fan of goat cheese, but she’d learned to accept it by this point. She returned inside and found a servant waiting for her. “Let me take you to your room, Lady Raftina.” The woman bowed deeply and Raftina nodded. She was led up to a room in the royal wing, though she frowned when something hit her. “Where’s Elaeah, the Elw that was with me?” “She’s in the guest quarters. You’re part of the royal family and she’s not—” “Bring her herenow.” Raftina kept her tone level but firm. The woman shrank away a bit but nodded and pulled away. Raftina sighed and went into the room. Everything had already been brought up and she started unpacking. She’d brought so much stuff with her that it could honestly probably wait until tomorrow. Plus, with the lack of light, she definitely couldn’t see all too well what she was getting out of her bag and what she was putting where. All she had were a couple of candles and not much else. Shaking her head, she summoned an orb of light which cast a soft, gentle glow around the room and she nodded. That was much better. With the lack of prevalent mages, it only made sense they wouldn’t have magic lights… After a bit, she heard a knock on her door again and the servant approached warily. “We’ve brought her here.” “You can put her in the room next to mine,” Raftina said. “Also, tell the cook that Elwdon’teat meat. Dairy products, yes, but no animal flesh.” She was pretty sure that hadn’t changed in the time between the end of the First Demon War and now… Elw hadn’t always been vegetarians, but they had become so a few centuries after Raftina started to work with Filgaia’s politics. They had managed to figure out how to be healthy without animal flesh in their diets. “Yes Lady Raftina.” The woman bowed a bit, holding her candle up. “Do you need anything?” “Some water.” She needed to take her meds for the night. She didn’t feel like digging out the waterskins and they had probably been taken anyway. “I’ll come with a pitcher as soon as possible.” “Thank you.” The woman looked spooked at the thanks and quickly shuffled away. That left Elaeah outside the door, looking around awkwardly. “You should probably head to sleep, Elaeah.” “I know I should but…are you going to sleep? From what other Elw have said about youandwhat you’ve attested to yourself, you’re a workaholic that doesn’t sleep much…” “I’m getting the water to take my meds so I can sleep.” That wasn’t a lie in the slightest. Shewasgoing to sleep. She needed pretty heavy-duty narcotics to knock her out though. With her hyperactive metabolism, she needed about five times the normal minimum dose of all medications in order to have them work effectively. She was definitely a heavyweight when it came to drinking alcohol, but it wasn’t something she did too often. It was mostly reserved for special occasions or times when she couldn’t really avoid it. Going to gay bars and such definitely counted as ‘couldn’t avoid it.’ People often wanted her help when at bars, so she would often give it. She’d have a couple drinks, though it usually took about four bottles of wine before the stuff started havinganyeffect on her. “Okay then. Have a good night.” Elaeah bowed and went to her room, closing the door. Raftina could hear her rummaging around in her bag and could hear her changing clothes. She tried her best to turn her mind away from it, but it was hard when the sounds weresofamiliar at this point… She could really imagine what was going on. Her cheeks heated up and she did her best to put it out of her mind by busying herself with putting her clothes away. Thankfully, she heard Elaeah’s soft breathing eventually start, meaning she was asleep. That was a bit of a dodged bullet… Her minddefinitelywould’ve wandered to something else that she reallydid not wantif she would’ve continued listening to Elaeah. Her mind and body still ultimately craved the Elw’s touch and… The sound of footsteps at the end of the hall caught her attention and they stopped outside of her door. She opened it before the woman even had a chance to knock. The woman looked startled. “How did you know I was there?” “I have sensitive hearing.” That was where she left it. “Thank you very much.” She took the pitcher of water from the woman and closed the door before settling the pitcher on her nightstand. She changed over to a nightgown and poured herself a small glass of water and took her meds. She finished the glass then yawned, settling down on her bed. It didn’t take too long after that for her to fall asleep.

Θ

She found her dreams filled with the sounds of wings. Not those of her people, but ofbirds. She caught glimpses of all sorts of different wings and tails. They surrounded her and tugged at her, begging for something. What it was, she couldn’t quite catch. But they begged for something. She felt the need to obey, but she couldn’t figure out what they were asking for. She knew they needed her help, but she wasn’t surewhatthey needed itfor.

Θ

As dawn crept above the horizon, Raftina’s eyes fluttered over and she looked around. The birds… She remembered the birds… What did they want with her? She frowned. She only dreamed like that when the planet itself was trying to speak with her. Where exactly on the planet was she? She really needed to check, but good maps were hard to come by. She wondered if anybody in the heavens had a good map to place where she was. The dream was definitely something related to the Tenno; that she could be certain of. But what it meant, she really had no idea… The birds were speaking to her, begging her for helpsomehow.She knew this was supposed to be a vacation, but what was she supposed to do if this dream kept bugging her? It was getting past even her nightmare blockers… It would take a massive amount of energy to get past such hefty medications. It had to be the planet itself talking to her. For now, though, she put it to the side and got out of bed, stretching. She started digging through her clothes and found an outfit to put on and she dragged her hand along her hair, putting it in a complex up-do for the day. It was her usual style, one that wasn’t very common anymore and nobody would understand the meaning behind it… It was the typical style of mourning for Tenno. She did wear other hair styles, of course, but…she still grieved for Elaeah and, now, she grieved for the planet and all those lost during the First Demon War. Billions of people completely wiped out… The planet was maybe at five hundred million compared to three billion before the War… She put the thoughts out of her head and went down to the kitchen where she frowned a bit. These people would have no idea how much food she needed. “Good morning, Lady Raftina! What can we get for you?” the cook asked. “Actually…I should go up to the heavens for breakfast. I’ll probably deplete your stores within a week if I eat here.” She hadn’t thought about that until getting down here. She needed, at bare minimum, twelve thousand calories a day and she gotmaybethree thousand. The other Guardians would kick her ass if they knew she was skipping out on necessary calories now that Geden and her helpers were back. She felt bad for not eating with Elaeah, but it wasn’t like the normal races of Filgaia could enter the heavens… Raftina hadn’t even been allowed in until she’d ascended to the rank of Guardian. She dipped her head to them politely before disappearing. She appeared at the heavenly kitchens where, somehow, evenmoreGuardians filtered in and out of. Aside from her and her mother, the other Guardians didn’tneedfood as they were purely spiritual beings, but hell if they didn’t act like mortals sometimes. They loved their food and a lot of them loved alcoholeven more.But alcohol was strictly off limits during breakfast…not that it was like Guardians could even get drunkin the first place.She shook her head at the thoughts and went in. She had to dodge past more than one tiny Guardian as they danced merrily around the dining hall. A lot of them were happy to see each other again which she could understand, but… She hadn’t seen the Guardians this giddy since Malduke had been finished. They would probably be celebrating for a good century or so because of everyone being together again… Not that most of them would even remember the millennium apart. But even if they didn’t, it didn’t mean they wouldn’t take the chance to celebrate. Guardians loved a good party. She frowned as she saw them rabblerousing and even drinking. She grabbed a tray and a spoon, then stood up on one of the tables, banging the spoon against the tray. The Guardians quickly quieted and looked at her. “I can’t believe you guys are breaking the rules so much. Come on; you’re Guardians; you should know the rules by now! Drinking and merry-making goin the tavern.This is supposed to be a place where you can eat in relative peace and quiet. I know you’re excited to be back and see each other again, but if you need to party,do it away from the dining hall.”She couldn’t blame them for being happy or anything, but there were rules and they needed to be obeyed. A lot of the Guardians grumbled and got up, leaving the dining hall. A good third left the place which left it alotquieter than it had been before. Anybody that was drinking took their cups and mugs and left with their trays of food. She would normally feel bad for breaking things up like this, but it was already giving her a headache to deal with. She didn’t need a headache to start her day off. She justdidn’t.Yes, it was kind of a selfish reason to break up such merriment, but she was supposed to be on a vacation. She didn’t need to spend two, three days down just because some Guardians had forgotten the rules of conduct when in the dining hall. She got off the table and flipped the tray around, going up to the buffet-style layout and starting to fill her tray with her first round of food. “Anything in particular you want?” Geden popped up behind the count and Raftina shook her head. “I won’t force you to make something specifically for me. You know I’m not super picky at this point.” She just wouldn’t eat things that were charred beyond recognition or charred in general. She just…she could not do burnt anything even though some delicacies on some planets were like that. Grill marks were one thing; charred all over was another. “Well, if you want anything in specific, just let me know.” Geden smiled at Raftina. “I’m not afraid to cook a meal for you even though you need a lot.” “I know, but for now, I kinda need to eat and run.” “Don’t skimp out on calories, Raftina! Iwillcome down and abduct you until you eat enough if you do!” “I’m not going to, Geden; I’m supposed to be on a vacation but there’s something calling to me… Something from the planet itself.” She wasn’t sure what it was. She could probably ask her mother, but that would take time away from revitalising the land, even if it was just a couple of minutes. She wanted to figure it out herself… It clearly had something to do with the Tenno. Wings, birds, and Tenno were inextricably linked. She knew she’d figure it out in due time. She just needed to try to reflect on it, even though the message escaped from her like trying to hold onto water… “Why don’t you just ask Lady Endolia about it?” “She’s busy.” She didn’t need to interrupt her mother from herveryimportant work. “Is anybody keeping an eye onherto make sure she’s not overdoing it?” Raftina had inherited many things from her mother and her work ethic was one of them. They both tended to overwork themselves to the point of exhaustion and she knew her mother would continue on until she was forced to stop. “Zephyr is keeping her in check.” “Gotcha.” Well, that was definitely good. She knew Endolia didn’t want a relationship with anybody but her father who had died millennia ago, but Zephyr was pretty good at keeping her in check. He was charismatic and knew how to lead, but he was not the most socially graceful when it came to the individual level. She could inspire hope in millions but if he got on the individual level… Wel, he was way more socially awkward than even Cecilia was. The poor Guardian was really caught between a rock and a hard place when it came to his own domain. “Anyway, I should eat.” “All right. Enjoy!” Geden smiled and went back into the kitchen. Raftina took her tray over to a table and started to eat. The thrumming of wings remained in the back of her mind, distracting her to the point she didn’t notice other Guardians congregating around her. “Lady Raftina, are you all right?” Another Guardian finally got her attention and she started a bit. “Woah, I’ve never seen you startled before.” She gave a wry smile. “Sorry. I have something on my mind.” Too many things, really… Between the thrumming wings and Elaeah… Well. She had a lot on her plate right now. She really did. She had given up the politics of Adlehyde, but that didn’t mean she’d given upeverything.Dealing with Elaeah was going to be hard enough… And she knew she’d crash and burn sometime soon mentally. All of the trauma from the Demon Wars would catch up to her and she’d be rendered useless until further notice… She really hated the fact that she knew her patterns so well. “Please leave me alone.” The Guardians looked at each other, concerned, but dispersed. She felt bad telling them to leave, but she really didn’t want to deal with it. She didn’t want to answer their questions about what was going on with her. She would have to have one of them help with her when she did collapse, but she’d deal with that when the time came. She hadn’t collapsedyetbut…it was really just a matter of time and she knew it. There was no way that she would last like this forever. All of the pent-up emotions and trauma from that century-long conflict, then everything else… She really just wanted to curl up and die…not that it would do any good. She would just be sent to the heavens and stay there, tormented by her own mind. She finished up eating and went back to Filgaia where the sun was still barely over the horizon. She went to the bathroom and got ready for the day, taking the time to fully wash her hair which was still in a sad state of affairs. Without the usual shampoos she’d gotten used to, the normally shiny, golden locks were limp and dull. People complimented her on it, but she knew better. She knew what her hairought tolook like but it sure didn’t. People who had never been around her just didn’t know how she’d made her own formulas and paid to have them made so that way she could look her best. She finished up in the shower and shook the water from her wings outside. The air was a bit cooler here than in Adlehyde which made it perfect for sunbathing and letting her feathers dry out. Those, too, were dull, limp, and had all sorts of stress bars on them. They were normally pure white with black banding as if a snowy owl or white gyrfalcon but they were a noticeable shade of grey due to the darkened stress bars going across them. It wasn’t molting season yet, so she just had to deal with the stress bars. Plus, the lack of proper diet until just now hadn’t helped either. She wasnotin good shape and she knew it. She heard footsteps coming up behind her and she turned around, hand on Alastria. Elaeah looked beyond spooked and stepped back half a step. Raftina let her hand drop. “Sorry. I was deep in thought.” It was hard when she was so consumed by thoughts of her appearance and how thingsshould berather than what they were… She knew hanging onto the past and everything wasn’t healthy but…it was hard when she knew how Filgaia ought to look and how she herself was no longer at the height of her appearance… “Have you had breakfast yet? I need to eat.” Raftina nodded. “I’ll be having all of my meals in the heavens. It’s the only place that can sustain the amount of calories I need.” “Well, come on regardless. I need to eat! C’mon!” Elaeah grabbed her hand and started down the stairs. Raftina shook her head a bit and smiled, letting go of the thoughts and allowing Elaeah to take her down to the kitchen. This was why she was here. No point in fighting it.