Forever Fall

Raftina followed Elaeah back into the house and they headed to her room, though Raftina hovered by the doorway. “Something wrong, Lady Raftina?” Raftina sighed. “It’s just been…a long time since I’ve been in somebody else’s room like this.” It was one thing when it was Cecilia’s room and the princess—queen, she had to remind herself—was suffering and needed help in order to sleep, or felt unsafe. The long journey from the Second Demon War had taken its toll on her and Raftina… The Metal Demons had spared nothingto try to destroy Filgaia. Raftina had fought long and hard with The Heralds in order to bring the Demon Mother to her (metaphorical) knees. It was only on Malduke that they had finally destroyed the remnants of the Quarter Knights and their ilk. Zed still lived, but he was about as threatening as a mouse. Raftina could’ve ended him, but he just wanted to help Aura, the little girl that lived in the village that Alhazad had so callously turned into monsters… She had invited Aura to come to Adlehyde, but she preferred to stay with Zed. Even though she was half human herself, she didn’t always understand their logic. “Well, you’re welcome in.” Elaeah smiled and waved her in. Raftina hesitated but walked in after slipping her shoes off. She walked over to the computer and let Elaeah do a search on Queryn. “Well…some options for easy things are aura candle rolling, wispcatcher making, glowglass pebble painting, and tinklethread chimes. Do you know what all of those are?” “I’m familiar with most of those, yes. I’d do them as fundraisers for children’s groups like the Verdant Wardens…” She paused. “Are they even still a thing? Or something similar?” She knew the Verdant Wardens had been broken up and cast aside during the First Demon War and nothing of them remained on Filgaia. It was a children’s group that helped children learn leadership skills, organisational skills, and wilderness survival among other things. It had been a great organisation that had gone on for many millennia…even children from other civilisations had joined when Filgaia had been star faring because it helped them learn about Filgaia. “Mmm. Maybe something similar, but I don’t know. I wasn’t in anything like that. But you did fundraisers?” Raftina nodded. “It was pretty good PR, I will admit. Show up, do some arts and crafts for a few hours, help raise funds for troops… It wasn’t hard. I did all sorts of stuff like that, back in the day.” Times had still been complicated, but she’d at least been somewhatmore emotionally stable and able to handle herself. She wasn’t falling over herself to do things and to simply stay aliveand hoping that she’d get enough calories in a day. She hadn’t been fat, per se, but she’d been a healthy weight. Now she was incrediblyskinny to the point it wasn’t healthy. She needed to put on weight, but it was sohard with how much energy she burned. “That sounds like it’d be fun.” Elaeah smiled at her. “Do you think you’d like to do that here?” “I mean I wouldn’t mind it, but at the same time, it’d probably put me back fullyinto ‘Lady Raftina’ mode, rather than focusing on attempting to heal and restore myself.” The Elw still believed in her and she could feel how deep the belief was. She had immense power here, but it wasn’t worth putting herself into jeopardy over. She really wished she could help people, but it was all about helping herself first. It would take decades and she felt beyond guilty over abandoning Cecilia, but she really did just need to focus on herself… When she was so strapped for her own health, it was better she stay relatively secluded and only go out when necessary. Elaeah sighed. “Yeah, that’s entirely fair… It would be nice to let you get out like that, but you’re probably right. You’re here to heal for a bit so you can better serve Filgaia in the future. You don’t need to be making public appearances and all of that. Though…if we go out to community centers or anything of the like, you’ll probably be hounded. I’m not sure how much shopping you could even do.” Raftina nodded and groaned. “Yeah… The Elw have a special place in my heart for obvious reasons, but even in Adlehyde, I had people coming up to me and beggingfor help. I often couldn’t shop on my own, at least in my typical sorts of outfits because people would pick me out too easily. If I was in breeches and a tunic, I was less likely to be hounded. Also if I had my hair down.” It was amazing how easily people couldn’t recognise another person if they changed something minorly. Granted, Cecilia couldn’t go out into town on her own regardless; she was queen now and had to have armed guards. She knew Cecilia hated it, but there wasn’t much they could do about it. That, or Raftina took her into town. But then, they reallygot hounded. There really was no winning for them in the end. “Do any of those sound appealing to you?” “Aura candle rolling might be fun… I enjoy a good candle. Thankfully, I’m not like a bird where if I catch smoke of some kind, I can die.Candles and incense can be nice.” It wasn’t something she often got of her own volition, though. Birds were constant companions in Tenno homes, so most Tenno homes hadn’t had any sort of air fresheners, sprays, candles, wax warmers, or incense. Rites and rituals to the Guardians had to be altered so that way their companion birds wouldn’t die. Many people carried their birds with them and let them fly around, so scents like that were pretty strictly controlled in Tenno settlements. At least until they’d all died on the Day of Falling Feathers. She shuddered and pushed the thought away. “I know it’s honestly not that hard of a craft.” Elaeah nodded. “For something more complex… Threadlight weaving, etherlace embroidery, harmonic tinkering, chrono-knot jewelry… Any of those sound good, if you remember what they are?” “Chrono-knot jewelry is out… I’d rather notremember things if I can help it.” She shook her head. It was a beautiful craft in and of itself, but keeping the memories at bay was quite difficult. The only reason she couldsleep right now was because of the heavy-duty tranquilisers that had been given to her. Otherwise, the nightmares would’ve kept her up indefinitely. She hated the nightmares so much… She just really wanted to avoid memories wherever possible. She needed help eventually, but right now was not that time. She needed to focus on recovering physically first. For her, physical had to come before mental because physical impacted mental. If she didn’t have the physical fortitude to stand up to the memories, she didn’t have the mental fortitude either. Elaeah nodded. “That’s entirely fair. What about threadlight weaving? A lot of people enjoy threadlight accessories. They fell off in popularity for a while, but they’ve been back in vogue for about a century now.” Raftina tapped her chin. “It may not be a bad way to make some money then…” She knew she couldn’t let it overshadow her healing, but a small business might not be a bad idea. She could take limited orders and fulfill them. Or sell things through an online store. She would need to master the craft first, of course, but right now, having something to do with her time and keep her mind and hands busy would be extremelywelcome. Something to help fill her time… That was what she really needed right now most of all. She just…didn’t know how to handle free time whatsoever. “I mean, not that you really needmoney. Your account has been accruing interest for over a millennium; it’s not like you really needit. Plus, you’d have to do taxes…which remain a headache.” Elaeah sighed. Raftina sighed as well. “That’s entirely fair. Taxes still exist on Filgaia, though not in the same way that they do here. I’ll think about what to do. But yes, threadlight weaving sounds like it could be a lot of fun.” She had never taken up a handicraft like this before simply because she didn’t have the time. Politics and diplomacy had taken up all of her time… Filgaia had simply needed her too muchfor her to want to consider stepping back. She just… It did hurt to see that Filgaia didn’t need her like it had once had. But at the same time, she did need to focus on her own healing and recovery. She could do that here. The Guardians were being revived bit by bit and Endolia was back. The planet would return to its former glory eventually. There were still things in the near future that would need to be handled like the reintegration of the Elw, but for now, it wasn’t a worry. It’d be some decades before they really needed to worry about that. For her, a few decades really wasn’t that far off. “Well, it will take you some time to really learn threadlight weaving… I’ve heard it’s not the easiest thing to master really. But still. It’ll happen in due time.” Raftina nodded. “I can master things that usually take decades to master in just a few years.” She was incrediblyintelligent and her brain ran faster than most people’s due to the Fast Draw magic. She would never get to teach Fast Draw magic to the Elw because they simply didn’t haveit. Garret and Elimna were educated enough in order to pass the information down to humans that showed up with the ability. They had been trained by Coldbird very thoroughly, and then Raftina had continued their education. She had no qualms with teaching them about it as it was a verydangerous type of magic to have without any sort of knowledge. But they’d both been in the Fenril Knights, so they had a solid foundation. Elaeah nodded. “I don’t doubt that you can master it in a short amount of time, but quick mastery isn’t the pointright now; it’s healing and recovery. You don’tneed to push yourself to mastery as quickly as possible, Lady Raftina.” She nodded. “I know, but my perfectionism definitelywon’t want to lag behind…” It was going to be hard to learn to kick back and relax and enjoy the process for what it was. When it came to politics and languages, there wasn’t timeto learn to enjoy the process. It was all about results and getting things done as quickly as possible. She always needed to master things quickly. There wasn’t timeto be imperfect… There wasn’t timefor mistakes… This entire stretch of time was going to be at odds with thousandsof years of habits and mindsets formed. She was reallygoing to struggle with this entire healing process. Last time she’d allowed herself to take time, it had harmed Filgaia for centuriesafterward. Elaeah had died and she’d grieved for months and Filgaia had fallen into shambles. The effects had been felt for so longand she still felt guilty for it. But Filgaia had been without her for 1200 years. She had become integrated into Aldehyde politics but that was it… She still felt bad for abandoning Cecilia, but for Filgaia’s future, she desperatelyneeded to rest, recover, and recuperate her mind and body. “Well, if there’s anything the Elw are good at, it’s helping people heal. We’ll help you recover in every aspect.” Elaeah smiled up at her and she felt her heart skip a beat. It was still so hard to believe that Elaeah was back and right in front of her. She was struggling with treating her like she was a complete stranger. In Elaeah’s eyes, they werestrangers while Raftina remembered everybit of their relationship together. From the fights to the deep winter nights, curled in front of the fire… She missed pretty much all of it. She had wanted Elaeah back for so long and now that she was back…she didn’t know how to handle it. She just… All of this was so complicated and difficult to deal with. She hated that she was basically a smitten schoolgirl mixed with a deeply mourning widow. “Yeah… I know.” She brushed her bangs out of her face, her heart thumping in her chest. She really needed to get herself under control, but it was difficult with how sweet Elaeah was. There was a strength to her that didn’t exist in her previous life, though. “The Elw have always been talented in healing.” A lot of Elw were sex workers in the sense of sacred sex. That was a culture clash between human and Elw. Humans were much more prudish than Elw were. Elw weren’t all free love, but they expressed affection through sex and other physical means. When Filgaia had gotten further along, it had been tough for humans to not legislate Elw sacred rites away… She still remembered that conflict coming up far, fartoo many times…and if the Elw returned, it would be a conflict yet again. But it wasn’t hers to worry about, nor something for the immediate future. The near future, sure, but not the immediatefuture. A few decades was near for her… “Well, do you want to go to the craft store to pick up supplies?” Elaeah’s smile continued. “Yeah, sure. Do you know where to get them?” “Aura candle rolling is a pretty common thing for children, so it’s pretty common in craft stores. Threadlight weaving is a more specialised craft, though, so it’s got its own specialty stores.” “Let’s go, then.” Elaeah nodded and got up, then they went to the teleport pad. They were quiet while on the way there, not having much to talk about. Well. Raftina had so much to talk about that she felt like she could have exploded, but imposing her memories on Elaeah wouldn’t be good—or ethical—in her mind. They were giving this a chance, but in Elaeah’s mind, they were still strangers. She really didn’t want Elaeah to feel like she had no space to be herself, the one true to this lifetime. It was so hard to strike a balance on Raftina’s end. She really just wanted to hold Elaeah close and say sweet nothings to her, but it would probably freak her out. She at least had really good self-control, so it wouldn’t be a worry, but it was still hard. She was curious about the sacred sex thing…but it felt inappropriate to ask. As they entered the craft store, Elaeah looked at her. “You feel tense, Lady Raftina.” Raftina sighed. “This is hard on me. To have my memories of you, but to not act on them is incredibly difficult. I don’t want you to feel pressured to enter a relationship with me even though I’m still in mourning. I’m just…torn.” Normally she wouldn’t be so vulnerable with somebody, but Elaeah… It was Elaeah.Plus, if they did end up together…it was better to start being honest nowrather than holding back and coming clean later. She really wasn’t used to being honest with anybodyabout her feelings… She hadn’t had therapy in over a century and Elaeah had died millennia ago… She was simply alone and not used to this anymore. Even the other Guardians couldn’t bully the truth out of her. Elaeah frowned. “I’m sorry… If this is too hard, I can leave you alone. I wish I could remember, but…” “It’s not your fault; the Elw elders were behind this.” She shook her head. It wasn’t Elaeah’s fault she felt like this. And she knew she couldn’t force Elaeah to remember either. It would be cruel and unethical. Really, this entire thing was unethical by Elw standards; reincarnated Elw were supposed to be allowed to live their lives, unencumbered by their previous lives. Seers could tell who their previous lives were, but most chose not to seek out their previous lives. It just wasn’t what most Elw wanted. They wanted to be able to live their lives to the fullest extent. Of course, if they regained their past memories, it did hurt quite a bit, but they weren’t supposed to be bound to their previous incarnations. “Yeah, you’re right.” Elaeah sighed, her ears drooping. Then she perked up. “Anyway, enough of that; let’s go look at crafts.” She smiled. Raftina nodded and followed Elaeah to the aisle with the candle rolling supplies. A number of children with their parents were in the aisle since it was usually seen as a craft for children. It was easy to do for anybody, regardless of race or age. There were more advanced types of aura candle rolling, but the basics were reserved for children, and it was an easy craft to learn at base. “So what would you be interested in?” “Honestly, it’s been so long since I’ve done aura candle rolling that I can’t remember much about it.” She sighed. “Plus, it’s probably evolved past what I remember anyway.” That was an entirely fair point. Things continued to evolve and move beyond what they’d been in the past. Elw were good at handicrafts and stuff like this, so they really did preserve a lot of stuff. Even if they preserved it, it didn’t mean it wouldn’t continue to move on past what it had been in the past. New avenues would be found, new scents experimented with and mastered, new types of aura would be as well… She couldn’t assume what she did remember in the past would be applicable here. She really couldn’t. She should assume everything she knew was null and void and she’d have to start from scratch again. “Probably… Though I’m pretty sure the core of what you did do back before the Demon Wars would still be applicable. But I guess it is easier to just assume you don’t know anything.” Elaeah paused. “Granted, it’s not like I’ve ever done this before… You probably know more than I do.” Raftina rubbed her chin. “It’s been so long since I’ve done it that I really don’tremember anything. And again, I mostly just did it as a public relations thing at arts and crafts days.” She looked at the aisle. The parents and kids were clearly startled she was there. She smiled sheepishly. “We’re just looking and shopping like you are…” “I— You’re Lady Raftina, aren’t you?” one woman asked. Raftina nodded and clasped her hands in front of her. “Yes, I am.” She wasn’t sure if the older Elw were from before the Demon Wars or after… It was really difficult. She knew coming out in public would be hard, but she hadn’t expected it quite so soon… This was why she often stayed holed up inside. She understood why people treated her like she was a literal deity—she was.But when she was just trying to be a normal person,it got difficult. Like now. She was just looking at arts and crafts like everyone else was. She was just looking for a hobby that could help keep her occupied, and that she could grow with. That was it. She wasn’t looking to be worshiped or treated any differently. She really just wanted to shop and find somethingshe could do with her time. The woman bowed deeply to her. “I must thank you for your contributions to Filgaia through the years, Lady Raftina. My partner and I… We were in the closet when you went on your crusade to bring equal rights to same-sex couples.” So this woman was from that far back, huh? Well, that was definitely something. She didn’t expect to see such an old Elw here. Raftina offered the best smile she could. Those days had been hard, but it had been easier since Elaeah had been by her side. Now… She didn’t know if she would be able to get Elaeah back by her side or not. They were trying, but that was all she could say. They were trying.“I’m glad to have been able to help you.” That was true. She didn’t regret marching on the governments of Filgaia at the time whatsoever. The event had shaped her and Filgaia for the long haul. It was crazy how Elaeah confessing her love had shaped the entire history of a planet so much. Just one little declaration. Sometimes, that was all it took to change history forever. “Do you and your partner still live together?” She couldn’t help but wonder. Elw tended to be dedicated to one person for the long term, but she’d seen plenty break up or be polyamorous. The Tenno were a stark difference, being dedicated to only one person unless their mate died… “We’ve had a few breaks here and there of a century or so, but we’re together right now.” The woman smiled warmly, her tone equally as warm. “We do see other people now and again just because it can be tiring to stay with the same person for eternity. But we know we’ll always be dedicated to each other deep down. What about you? From what I know, you never—” “So what are you here for?” Raftina normally wasn’t the type to interrupt people like that, but she didn’t want to talk about that, not in front of Elaeah. Nor did she want to travel down those awful memories. It was so hard to deal with. She avoided those memories for a reason and as intensely as she possibly could. She hadn’t even talked to a therapist about Elaeah’s death. It had just been far, fartoo traumatic for her. Waking up and finding Elaeah dead in her arms… She would have to confront it sooner or later, with Elaeah now standing right next to herbut she couldn’t—not yet. It still hurt far, far too much to think about what had happened… All of the victories they’d won and all of the losses they’d had… Both bitter and sweet at the same time. She had no idea if Elaeah would ever get her memories back or not. Either way, it would hurt pretty badly… There was no winning in this particular situation. The woman went on to chat about how she was here to get some stuff for her daughter who had recently been born. Raftina listened with rapt attention, not interrupting her again. She just did notwant to talk about her own personal issues especially with random strangers. She hoped that it would be understandable she didn’t really want to do that. She put in when the woman left an opening for her, but the conversation soon wrapped up. The woman left and Raftina sagged under the weight. People didn’t really have much conception about how hardit was for Raftina to have her issues brought up like that in front of others. She straightened up a moment later and smoothed out her blouse. Elaeah looked at her. “Are you okay?” “It’s just hard when people bring up my own issues like that without thinking.” She shook her head. “We might as well finish up here as quickly as possible.” She didn’t want to be caught off guard like that again. Elaeah nodded a bit and they quickly gathered the materials for the crafts they were going to do, then checked out. They headed to the warp pad and went back to the manor. “I think I’m gonna need to rest,” Raftina said, wings pressed against her back. She had basically all of eternity, so a little extra rest wasn’t going to hurt her. It was just mentally exhausting to have to deal with people poking their noses into where they didn’t belong especially in public. Why was it so hard for people to keep their minds to themselves? She could understand curiosity, but that just went fartoo close to home… People could be incredibly unsympathetic at times. Thankfully, the woman hadn’t seemed offended when she’d gotten off the topic. “All right. When you’re done, just come track me down and we can get started.” Elaeah smiled and headed off to her room. Raftina did the same. She made her wings disappear and crashed on her bed, pulling her pillow over her head. She really hated this… She was a mess and there wasn’t much she could do about it. With a sigh, she closed her eyes and drifted off into an uneasy nap.