Distant Memories
May 19, 2025 at 1:54 PM
As the early morning sun peered into the window, Ja'vassa was already awake and ready for the day. Or at least, he was mostly ready for the coming trip to the Black Market. In most cases, he'd generally find himself preparing his weapons in case anything went wrong or would ensure that he'd be able to defend himself and his students in the event of yet another skirmish. This morning was a little different, he found himself staring into a half-empty cup of coffee that sat upon the table of the Task Force's meeting room with the uncomfortable feeling of tears pricking at the corner of his eyes as distant memories of home flooded his mind.
For the most part, Ja'vassa was able to keep these often painful memories at bay, but they'd occasionally break through the walls he's put up around his mind. Despite his advanced age and many of his most traumatic events having occurred several centuries ago, he remembers much of it vividly; from the scent of his son's blood on his arms as he lay dying from an attack to the taste of his wife's lips as they shared their final kiss. Looking back at his past, seeing it filled with blood, destruction, and grief; sometimes self-caused, the old Dragonborn froze up, completely unaware of his surroundings or how much time had passed since he arrived in the room. Wracked with guilt and shame, Ja'vassa often wondered if the pain and sorrow he feels now is deserved after all that he's done. Countless people have lost their lives to his hands before, some of them were even innocent. They had done nothing except be in the way of his boundless anger and anguish.
In the short time since arriving in Kivotos, Ja'vassa found himself growing more and more attached to it. The city was beautiful, chock full of things to study and research, but pursuing his scholarly interests that led him to accidentally arriving in Kivotos was no longer his primary pursuit, but rather, it was the bonds that he's managed to forge with the students he'd met thus far. Even if it's only been a few short weeks, he's found himself growing more and more attached to them. Their smiles, the sounds of their voice, their warmth, how they genuinely seem to be happy around him. The feeling of joy they gave him was something he's been searching for years now. There was nothing but love and affection for his Inner Council and many of the other residents in Sjel Blad Castle, but being here in Kivotos gave him a sense of purpose, something else he had been longing for.
Spending years and years deep in the arcane research that Sjel Blad Castle was known for was a fulfilling life, and yet, it just wasn't enough. It wasn't what he wanted, but from the moment he first arrived in Kivotos, it's as if he finally found the life that was for him. A teacher, a mentor for the lost and hopeful. Despite that, the fears of his past returning to haunt him, even in a world beyond his home tugged at the back of his mind. The idea of his students rejecting him, fearing him after learning about what he's done terrified him. Of course, he could always keep it to himself, but they'd find out eventually.
As the morning sun continued to rise higher and higher into the sky, Ja'vassa hadn't moved an inch from where he was sitting, his expression never changing. However, at the moment the door flew open and the figures of his students filled the doorway, he jumped slightly, nearly spilling his coffee as he slowly recomposed himself.
"O-Oh... it's just you." Ja'vassa said softly, taking a moment to calm himself before continuing. "Good morning. I trust you all slept well." He did his best to mask the unease in his voice as the memories continued to claw at the inside of his skull.
Unfortunately for him, Shiroko seemed to pick up at his nervousness. Her ears twitched slightly as she looked towards him, slightly concerned. In the time she's known him; Ja'vassa had been cool and composed, unflinching even when faced with the barrel of a gun. "Is... is everything alright, Sensei? Did you get enough sleep last night?"
There was some slight hesitation before he'd respond; sighing softly. "I'm... I'm fine, just... some old memories resurfacing. I'll... I'll be alright, you don't need to worry. We've got bigger things to work on today." Ja'vassa replied, trying to deflect the conversation into any other direction.
His attempt failed miserably; they knew full well he was struggling internally. Without any hesitation on his part; he's offered financial, medicinal, and emotional support along with aid on the battlefield. It was only fair they offered him the same support. Taking a seat beside him, Nonomi looked towards him with a gentle, warm smile. "You can talk to us if you need, Sensei. The Black Market trip can wait, but we can't leave you when you're struggling like this." She assures him, placing her hand on his arm. "Can I ask about these memories? Sometimes, talking about them can help one relieve themselves of any pain and discomfort they might be causing."
Ja'vassa sighed softly, his gaze firmly on the ground beneath him. "I'm... I'm just reminiscing about the days before the foundation of Sjel Blad Castle. The deaths of my wife and my children. The death of my sister.. and the days leading up to the Second Great War." His tone was quiet, ringing with a painful loneliness. "I've done... some terrible things in my days, especially after I lost my wife, so perhaps the pain I experience today is simply what I deserve."
They hadn't even considered that Ja'vassa had been married, much less that he had children in the past, but given how gentle he's been towards them, it made sense. Nonomi's expression softened further, "I'm sorry, Sensei.. I didn't realize you've gone through so much. I wouldn't have assumed that with how kind and sweet you've been to us." She hesitated slightly, but asked another question. "Can... Can we ask about your story? About what led you here, to us? You don't have to, of course, but... if you're comfortable with sharing it."
Ja'vassa nodded in response, internally bracing himself for what might come after he shared his story. "I've been alive for almost two thousand years, I'm... not entirely sure how well I can tell such a story, but I'll try. I suppose my story properly starts when my sister and I first arrived in Skyrim. This was a few years before I'd foolishly accept the vampiric blood that courses through my veins now." He started, crossing his arms as he began to delve into the story that led to her death.
"Ja'vassa! We're closing in on Pale Pass. Though... Do you remember what the innkeeper told us back in Bruma? With the recent avalanches on this side of the border, the route may not be accessible. Even if it is, what about the Imperials that guard it? I've heard Khajiit aren't well liked in Skyrim..." Chiara said, a worrisome expression on her face as she followed behind her brother. The snow was fierce and the wind was relentless, but neither sibling seemed ready to give up despite the circumstances.
He knew that Pale Pass would likely be a problematic route, but he had also heard rumors of a network of caves that bypassed the fortress altogether. However, those same rumors claimed those caves were often home to goblins and ogres. Goblins weren't his concern, as they've slain many of them throughout their adventure across Cyrodiil, but ogres would certainly pose a problem. They were quick and agile like any Khajiit would be, but neither him nor his sister were all that physically strong. One punch from an ogre would no doubt be deadly if they weren't careful.
"We've got two options, Chiara. We can try our luck with the Imperial guards at the fortress... maybe we can claim to be merchants of sorts. Or we can search for those rumored caves and risk running into the ogre tribes. I suppose we could always try to climb the mountains..." Ja'vassa suggested, glancing back towards his sister to ensure she hadn't fallen behind yet.
"I... let's try the gate guards first. The worst they could do is simply turn us away, right? We don't have a bounty, so I can only hope they don't confuse us for some common criminal." Chiara was clearly nervous about them crossing the border, but so long as she and Ja'vassa remained together, she was certain they'd be safe.
After a lengthy journey from the outskirts of Bruma, they arrived a short distance away from the Pale Pass gates. Perhaps due to the recent avalanches, the old fortress seemed to have been completely abandoned. Not a soul in sight, none were even picked up as Ja'vassa employed his Detect Life spell. Seizing the opportunity, the pair took a moment to scout out the immediate location just to ensure that there weren't any guards waiting to jump out and take them by surprise. Seeing none and smelling none, they booked it towards the old gates. Slipping past them unnoticed, they'd continue to run and run until they'd finally arrived in Falkreath Hold.
Releasing a deep sigh of relief, Ja'vassa shot a smile towards Chiara. "See? I told you we'd make it here without a problem. Perhaps we should see if we can't find an inn to stay in for the night. I believe Falkreath is a little ways up the road from here. If we keep going, we might be able to make it by nightfall."
Chiara nodded in response, walking close behind him. "Are you sure that's wise, Ja'vassa? I've heard that Khajiit weren't even allowed inside the cities of Skyrim... you think they'll just let us waltz in there no problem?" She asked in response; always a bit more cautious than her overconfident brother.
"We made plenty of gold on that last mission of ours before we left Bruma, so maybe we could entice them with a few extra coins. Let's worry about that later." Ja'vassa replied, keeping his gaze firmly on the road ahead of him. Despite how cold it was around Bruma County, the weather in Falkreath Hold was surprisingly pleasant. Still a bit colder than he'd like, but it didn't feel like his fur was freezing solid anymore.
The roads were long and winding, with little sign of any life beyond the occasional rabbit, goat, or elk running through the dense forest of Skyrim's southernmost hold. At first, their journey was going swimmingly; they hadn't needed to draw their weapons, go into hiding, or deal with any unnecessary drama, at least it was that way until they reached the crossroads between Falkreath and Helgen. As they approached the road markers, the sounds of blades clashing and men yelling became clearer and clear until they were swept into a skirmish between Imperial and Stormcloak forces.
Seeing the armed Khajiit caused confusion on both sides, and both of them matched descriptions of wanted criminals that had been causing trouble in the area. Though the rebels were their main priority, if they could wrangle in a pair of wanted criminals at the same time, that'd make their jobs that much easier. Without warning, both Ja'vassa and Chiara found themselves clashing with Imperial soldiers. They knew little of the Stormcloak Rebellion, as news of it hadn't really spread beyond Skyrim's borders, but given that they just illegally crossed over into the province and had illegally crossed over into Cyrodiil, it wasn't much of a surprise that they'd be considered criminals.
It was much too late for them to surrender, given the intensity of the fight, neither of them would be leaving the battlefield free or alive. Still, even in the face of such adversity, neither of them were intent on giving up. They sought an escape from the clash, perhaps if they could find the opening, they could begin making their way back to Elsweyr. The moment of freedom never revealed itself, and despite their best efforts, they weren't going to make it out of this fight.
As the clash continued, disaster had inevitably struck. In a moment of confusion, Chiara was struck by a stray arrow, burying itself deep within her chest. Despite the chaos surrounding him, the sickening sound of her shriek was the only thing that Ja'vassa could focus on. Dropping his sword, he rushed over to his fallen sister, but, by the time he arrived at her side, it was already far too late. For all his skill in restoration magic, he wouldn't be able to pull the arrow out and cast a spell before Chiara bled out. Wracked with guilt and grief, Ja'vassa held her close to him as the life in her eyes slowly faded away.
"Don't blame yourself, brother. I know the risks I'd be taking when I left Copperstead with you." Chiara whispered weakly; sputtering blood with each word she spoke.
Tears filled Ja'vassa's eyes as he held her, the fighting around him seemed like such a distant thing. "Chiara... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." He repeated, forcing back the coming sobs. "I promised we'd return home together... I'm so sorry."
Reaching out, Chiara gently wiped away the tears that stained his cheeks. "Don't cry for me, Ja'vassa. This isn't your fault. For my sake... please, move forward. Don't let me hold you back. You... you were always destined for more than the rest of us. Don't let your destiny go to waste." She gave him a warm smile for a brief second until she finally went limp, her arm loosely falling to the side.
"Chiara..." Ja'vassa whispered weakly, tightly embracing his lifeless sister. The desperate sobs escaped him, he longed to hear her voice some more, but he knew he'd never hear it again. He had no idea how much time had passed, but after a while, an Imperial soldier approached him, tapping on his shoulder.
"I am sorry for your loss, but it's time for you to go, Khajiit." The soldier ordered, though he held a harsh glare in his eyes, there was a hint of empathy in his voice.
"Give me a moment to bury her and I'll go with you. I... I can't leave her body here for wild animals to destroy." Ja'vassa pleaded.
Much to his surprise, the Imperial officer allowed him to do so and even provided him with a shovel to finish the deed. It hadn't taken very long, but before Ja'vassa had laid Chiara to rest, he had taken the emerald pendant she wore around her neck, aiming to keep it in order to preserve her memory. Once she was properly covered, he approached the carriages the Imperials had prepared for them and silently climbed into the back of it. He hadn't a clue where the carriage was going to take him, but he no longer cared. There was no way for him to return to Copperstead without Chiara by his side. It was his fault that she had been killed; if he had listened to her and actually took some precautions before crossing the border, this might not have happened.
Overcome with exhaustion, Ja'vassa's eyes fluttered closed as he attempted to sleep the ride away. His attempts at taking a quick nap ended in failure each time, and as he woke up one last time, he had been acknowledged by another rider.
"Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Waltz right into that Imperial ambush. Same as us, and that thief over there." A Stormcloak soldier stated, giving him a somewhat empathetic smile as he spoke. "I'm not sure where we're going, but Sovngarde awaits."
As the first part of the story came to an end, Ja'vassa sighed softly, looking back towards his students. "It wasn't long after that we arrived in Helgen. My name wasn't on the list, but the Imperial captain insisted I be sent to the block, too."
The harrowing ordeal left the students with equally shocked expressions, none of them able to properly respond at first. Kivotos was often a chaotic place, but it wasn't often they heard of stories quite like his. Nonomi's hold on his arm tightened slightly as she took note of the guilt in his eyes and shame in his voice.
"Sensei... I had no idea, I'm sorry to have brought up painful memories for you." Nonomi whispered apologetically, tears pricking at her eyes.
Ja'vassa shook his head, giving her a small smile. "Don't apologize, Nonomi. I've come to terms with what happened." He glanced towards the windows; gazing upon the sandy landscape surrounding the school. "As painful as it was, I sometimes feel my sister's death was meant to happen. That moment has led to so much.. if we hadn't been caught up in that skirmish, I'm not sure I'd be here today."
His statement offered up much confusion; the girls briefly shared an unsure expression before one of them spoke up again. "What do you mean by that, Sensei?" Shiroko asked, her ears flattening slightly.
"If we hadn't been there, I never would've been carted off to Helgen. Alduin would never have interrupted my execution. I never would've made it to Whiterun and never would've discovered my heritage as Dragonborn." Ja'vassa stood up, approaching the window for a moment. "I loved Chiara dearly, but her death... it started so much. From me discovering the dragon blood within me to my great battle with Alduin, to becoming the vampire you see today. From dealing with Alduin, to battling with Miraak.. the foundation of Sjel Blad Castle. The pain and joy I've felt since then. None of it would've happened if we had never gotten caught up in that battle."
Shiroko nodded slightly; though she understood his explanation, she couldn't help but feel a tinge of sorrow for him. "You're obviously close to those in Sjel Blad Castle, but do you have any family outside it? A wife, children, any other relatives?"
There was a slight pause from him, but after a moment Ja'vassa shook his head. "I'm.. I'm not sure. Copperstead was destroyed during the Second Great War and I'm not sure if any of my family survived the attack. It's possible there were some surviving members of the Anair clan, but I haven't met any. As far as my wife and children... they died many centuries ago. I haven't found the strength to try and move on from Armani yet and I'm not sure if I ever will." He admitted quietly, shaking his head slightly.
"How... how do you keep moving forward after losing so much, Sensei? You have Sjel Blad Castle... and now you have us, but what keeps you going?" Serika asked, a bit quieter this time.
"Simple. I made a promise to Chiara.. and later reaffirmed that promise with Armani. I promised them I'd keep moving forward, no matter how difficult things had gotten. I'd be letting too many people down if I just gave up. It'd be an insult to my Inner Council if I just laid down and gave up.. they've served me loyally for centuries, paying them back like that for their service would be an insult and as you just said, I have you." Ja'vassa stated, taking a step towards Serika. "No matter how difficult things get, I... I can't just abandon you now that we've come this far together."
Serika stared at him with some slight surprise, hesitating for a moment before reaching out to softly embrace him. "Thank you, Sensei..." She whispered softly, hiding her smile in his robes.
"Aw, Serika's overwhelmed with emotion.. she's adorable, isn't she?" Hoshino asked with a slightly teasing tone. "But... we all hold similar sentiments, Sensei. Your commitment to us means a lot."
After a little while, Serika had pulled away from Ja'vassa and returned to her seat. "So... what made you start Sjel Blad Castle?" She asked, somewhat eager to learn more about him.
"I know it sounds strange given that it was the Imperials that took my sister, but I had joined the Imperial Legion myself.. I fought in the Skyrim Civil War against the Stormcloak Rebellion." Ja'vassa started, crossing his arms as delved into another story. "A few months after the war ended, we had to begin preparing for the Second Great War. I made a proposal to my superiors, the Jarl of Whiterun, and High Queen of Skyrim. In exchange for some land in central Skyrim and a certain degree of autonomy, what became Sjel Blad Castle would serve as an Imperial Fortress and the soldiers within would be legionnaires themselves. I trained them personally until the start of the Second Great War."
The idea of it being a military installation was both surprising and yet, it made plenty of sense, too. "The way you talk about it made it seem like that your castle was more of a research institute. Is it still an Imperial fortress today?" Ayane asked.
Ja'vassa nodded at her. "Yes, my men are always ready to take up arms in times of crisis, however, for much of its existence, Sjel Blad Castle has largely been an institute of arcane research. We stand as the center of magical innovation in Tamriel, developing various forms of magic not seen anywhere else, like those Milestones and the Void Storage. Sjel Blad has existed for 1,200 years and much of that time has been dedicated to creating more and more powerful magic." He explained, a prideful smile plastered on his face.
"The most powerful army in Tamriel, magic never seen before. I'd like to believe that Sjel Blad Castle is one of the few things standing in the way of another war breaking out in Skyrim." He paused, his smile briefly fading away. "But, that's not to say we're not without controversy. I sometimes wonder if the Imperials fear our influence, official visits always feel... tense. The locals fear our magic and are accused of worshiping the Daedra; though they aren't wrong about it."
Nonomi tilted her head at the mention of the Daedra. "Why would they care who you worship? Are the Daedra evil?" There was a bit of concern in her tone; the idea of her kindhearted Sensei worshiping something evil wasn't something she wanted to hear.
"Not necessarily. The Daedra are the inhabitants of Oblivion; a strange realm of existence divided into innumerable realms lorded over by a Daedric Prince. Some consider them evil, some consider them to be good, some... like myself consider them to be neither good nor evil. I have long served Hermaeus Mora as his Champion, and it's been through his gifts that Sjel Blad Castle has become what it is today, but our reverence of the Lord of Knowledge has drawn much controversy." Ja'vassa explained, briefly glancing out the window. Noticing that they had spent more time talking about his story than he planned, he figured it was time to change topics. They still had their Black Market trip to plan, after all.
Abruptly standing up, a sheepish smile crossed his face. "I suppose we could discuss our trip over some lunch... let's head to the cafeteria and get started. We don't want to waste too much of our remaining daylight."
Shiroko stood up with him, nodding in agreement. "Right. We'll need something that'll keep us moving throughout the Black Market. We can't afford to let ourselves get caught off guard."
With their shared sentiments, the group moved down to the cafeteria. The students gathered around the kitchen, watching as Ja'vassa prepared them some seared venison chops, roasted potatoes, bread, and some freshly made lavender tea. He wasn't quite used to the cooking techniques of Kivotos yet, so he largely relied on the techniques he learned back in Skyrim.
