to treasure a thousand words, a thousand years

Blake found herself tossing and turning that night, completely unable to sleep. So she got up and changed into a casual outfit, not bothering with a corset. Then she headed out the door of her family’s quarters. She wasn’t at all surprised when she heard the shuffling of cloth behind her, though it was nearly silent even to her cat ears. She paid the black-clad Weapon no heed, though, and headed down and out to the nearest castle courtyard. She looked up at the moon, the shattered pieces starting to disappear as the body rotated. It stood silently above her, daring her to let go of her frustrations. She did nothing, though. She wished to escape the castle and the current issues plaguing her. The chapel would be open, but she would have serious explaining to do to Queen Maryam if she went so late at night. Earlier had been fine as she so often went to her chapel to think and pray. She depended on the Paragons and Dark Father for guidance. “Why dd you say that?” she whispered, gaze on the shattered moon. She had seen the murder of crows outside her window after she’d gotten back from chapel. It was a sure sign she was supposed to go meet this human. She didn’t understand why He would go tell her to meet a human. Humans were so destructive and this one would certainly destroy herif she got too involved. She had seemed well spoken and intelligent, but humans were even more dangerous than men. Neither could really be trusted to make decisions that weren’t destructive… Nothing came in the chilly hour Blake sat out there. No signs, no omens, no nothing. She didn’t know what to do. She really didn’t. None of this made any sense. She returned to her room and sat up to read. There was no point in trying to sleep when she simply couldn’t. Naliaka, her raven, settled next to her and let out quiet noises to try to comfort her. She was glad the bird was loyal to her and nobody else. So much could happen if Naliaka told anybody about what was going through her mind right now. She was so lost and adrift right now and would only be moreso once she left the safety of the castle…

✧

Morning rolled around and Blake yawned. What a ridiculously long night. She could normally sleep fine, though sometimes unknown nightmares bothered her. A man clad mostly in black with a blood-red sword and a white mask covering half of his face… Screams of people as they died by her very own hand… They were rare but they cropped up every so often. At least last night had not been one of those nights. It always took her several days to recover from those nightmares when they happened. She changed from her night clothes into her day clothes, then left her room. Felicitia and Radulf sat at the table with Milda, her youngest. She rocked them back and forth, singing softly. Blake smiled as she settled on the couch next to Alya. “Good morning, Blake!” Her little sister smiled brightly at her. Alya was such a sweetheart. “Good morning, Alya.” Her heart twisted in her chest a little. She would have to leave behind this sweet little ball of sunshine soon. The queen couldn’t stop her from going on her Peregrination, but she could delay it herself…She really wanted to talk to her mother first, though… If her father knew, he would report her to Queen Maryam which would basically put her under house arrest. “Mother, I was wondering if I could talk to you alone in my room this morning after breakfast.” She didneed to go on her Peregrination before she turned twenty; she was getting dangerously close to that age. If she didn’t take it, she would be even more of a pariah than she already was. She really couldn’t have that, not with as much trouble as she was already in in general… Jatta looked over and smiled. “Of course, honey. It’ll be finished soon.” Blake did sense her father look over top of his book but she said nothing.S he really hated that she couldn’t keep much from him. He always had his nose in her business and reported her to the queen if she set a foot too far out of line. He was always putting pressure on her to conform when she didn’t want to. She tried her best to conform but he always reminded her of how much she disappointed him. All she wanted was soul magic, not weather magic… Breakfast was a relatively quiet affair with small talk on what everyone’s plans were for the day. She was still reeling from the previous day’s reprimand. She was going to be expected to put most of her time and effort into studying the weather. But even Queen Maryam couldn’t stop her from going on her Peregrination. No member of the royal family could. She was thankful for that but she knew both the queen and her father would explodeonce she declared it. And she was not looking forward to that. Alya and Felicitia helped clean up the table while Jatta walked over to Blake. “My room or yours?” “Mine’s fine.” Thankfully, all rooms had soundproofing spells on them so nothing would leak out to her father. Once inside, she sighed and sat on her bed. “Last night, I met the person on the end of my soul bond.” No point in beating around the bush. She didn’t want this conversation to take too long. The queen had limited time to speak to family members each day and she didn’t want to miss that small window. Jatta’s ears stiffened and her eyebrows shot up as well. “You did? That’s wonderful, Blake!” Her mother smiled but Blake didn’t return it. She wrapped her arms around herself. “It didn’t go like you thought it would, did it?” Blake shook her head and Jatta sat next to her. “The person on the other end is a human. Do you know how awful that is?” She still couldn’t get over it. It felt like the end of the world! She’d built it all up in her head since she’d been a child. She’d meet some lovely Faunus and they’d fall in love, maybe have some children, and be happy. She’d never assigned sex or gender to them… It didn’t really matter to her. She’d had her whole life with this person planned out, but she was a human. Blake blinked as Jatta took both of her hands. “Blake, it’s fine.I know what you’ve been told all your life about them—heavens know I was told the same things too. But they’re not entirely true. I spent most of my Peregrination in a human-majority area and learned they aren’t so different.” Blake stared at her mother. Not so different? Nothing could be further from the truth! Most wars in history had human nations as the instigators. Humans practiced slavery far more than Faunus did. All humans did was destroy and make war. It was absolutely disgusting! “We talked for a little while last night… I know I shouldn’t get to know her, but I offered to use my Peregrination to do that…” She would still be in somuch trouble if this got ou. She knew she could trust her mother to keep her secrets unlike her father. He did everything he could to keep her in his view of what a member of the royal family was like.He had married in, so she didn’t understand why he was so obsessive. “Blake, honey, can you try to put aside what you’ve ben told is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ for a moment? Can you try to figure out what you want to do for yourself for once?” Blake hesitantly looked at her mother. Andolus had really pounded that into her head. He neverlet her forget she was a princess who existed to server the kingdom and nothing more. She wasn’t supposed to have her own wants and needs… “You can do it, sweetie.” Jatta kissed her forehead. Blake sighed and closed her eyes. Thoughts and emotions whipped around her head and her father's voice sounded above all else. She had never tried to silence it before. It felt wrong. He had been the one to instruct her in the ways of being a royal and kept a close eye on everything she did. She was supposed to listen to him and Queen Maryam above all else. If she didn’t, she was essentially betraying the whole nation. To do so was one of the worst things ever… After a long while, Blake found her mind completely quieted. It was strange in some regards. Her father’s voice almost always persisted in the back of her mind. Connecting with her genuine core was unsettling. She knew why she acted the way she did—because she had been told to. She almost never did anything she wanted to because it was punished. To have her own wants and needs outside of prescribed allowances was forbidden. She touched on her feelings toward Weiss. She had to let go of what she’d been told. Without all of that… She looked at her mother, confused. “I…want to get to know her? But that…” Made no sense. Everything she’d been told was to stay away. Humans were terrible and only capable of great evil. How did that work? She didn’t understand. She wanted to get to know Weiss despite everything… A certain warmth compelled her toward the human despite what she’d learned about them. Why was she so warm toward a person she’d only just met? “You should trust yourself more, Blake. What Queen Maryam allows isn’t all there is to life. You haven’t even found your Simulacrum yet, have you?” Blake’s ears drooped and she shook her head. No, she hadn’t. It was too difficult when she had so little time to herself. Most of her days were spent in her various lessons, learning to run the kingdom on the odd chance she got to take over someday. It wasn’t likely to happen, but something may happen… She wasn’t allowed any space to do anything but conform. How was she supposed to have a unique power when she had no chance to do anything but she was told? “No, I haven’t.” Others in her age group had already found and started to evolve theirs. She hadn’t even found hers. It was so embarrassing to admit. She hated it. She was so isolated from her peers by her father… She had never really been allowed to play as a child except for with her own siblings. “Use your Peregrination to find yourself, honey. Go crazy. You can date, not court.You can have sex. You can do whatever you want. You aren’t beholden to what we think is okay. And the queen can’t stop or punish you.” Jatta giggled and Blake’s cheeks heated. “Mother!” She wouldn’t get so crazy on her Peregrination. The worst thing she’d probably do was talk to Weiss. Though if she reallydid want to, she could get her magic behind the queen’s back. It would ostracised her even more, though. She wasn’t trying to get kicked out of the family. She just… It was a conflict between the one want she had and the desire to please the people most important to her. Jatta smiled and patted Blake’s head. “Now why don’t you get your veil on and go talk to Queen Maryam?” Blake nodded and sighed. “Okay, Mother.” She didn’t want to talk to the queen after yesterday, but she had no choice. Sher eally did want to talk to Weiss deep down. She felt the draw and the warmth toward the human girl that she couldn’t explain. It was all so much to try to comprehend…

✧

Blake took in a breath then let it out. She sat in the queen’s receiving chambers again. The door opened and Queen Maryam sat on the couch across from her. “What do you want now, Blake?” The queen’s icy cold tone made her flinch internally, but she didn’t show it. This took a lot of guts to do… She was directly violating her orders from the previous day. “Good morning, Your Highness. I came here to ask to be allowed to go on my Peregrination.” She took in a breath and held it, her heart practically stopping. The queen’s eyes narrowed and her hand formed into a fist. “So you came to mock my punishment? Is that what you’re doing?” Blake shook her head, shifting uneasily. This was difficult. “No, Your Highness; that isn’t my intent at all. I’m seventeen. I figure it was time I took this important journey.” After what her mother said, it did actually feel pretty important. She could analyse her behaviors but very few came from a place of legitimately motivated by her. She didn’t have an essential part of herself. She really did need to find it… The queen folded her arms and sighed heavily. “There’s nothing I can do to stop you. Let’s see where I can get you set up—” “Um, actually, I did have a request about that if it’s okay.” Maryam’s eyes narrowed and Blake pulled out her atlas. She opened it to the exact page and had the town circled. She placed it on the table and pointed. “I was wondering if I could go here. It’s not too far from the castle. Alya should turn fourteen while I’m away and I’d like to be there for her first hunt with her eagle if at all possible. I won’t have have to travel for days if I’m there.” It wasn’t the real reason she wanted to be in that exact spot, of course, but it was plausible and realistic. She was aware of the teleportation hubs around the world, but she didn’t know where they were. Plus, if she needed spiritual feeding, she could easily head back to Frosthollow and to her capel for a day. She really didn’t need to travel too far from home as anywhere would probably be a big shock to her in general… “Your mother does have some friends you could stay with. I can arrange for you to leave in a few—” “I’d like to leave today if at all possible.” She kept her tone meek and respectful. Normally, it could take a few days to a few weeks to make arrangements for a Peregrination. It usually wasn’t rushed. Blake wanted to be out of the castle as soon as possible. The longer she waited, the more liable she would be found out which she couldn’t risk. All she could do was hope the queen would agree. Maryam’s eyes remained narrowed. “You’re pushing your luck, Blake. But I suppose I can have you leave in the next hour if you can get packed before then.” Blake nodded. “I can do that, Your Majesty.” She wouldn’t waste any time. Normally, packing would be left to the servants. She could handle it by herself this time, though. It’d be quicker and easier. She had her leather bag with infinite storage so she didn’t have to worry about space. She hesitated before speaking again. “And I would like to bring Kalena.” Her Peregrination was hers to do with what she wanted. She wanted to hunt. She wanted to see Kalena soaring on thermals.S he wanted to see her take down prey. And Blake would be the one to do it by herself. She’d learned a lot about the environment and tracking, so she felt confident in her ability to hunt by herself. Tracking and scouting had always come naturally to her, so she felt comfortable to go on the hunt by herself almost everyday. “You expect me to let you take a royal eagle?! Are you mad?!”The queen’s fist pounded on the couch arm and Blake flinched. This was a pretty big ask. She knew it was. Plus, as a falconer, she was pretty inexperienced… She hunted almost every other week but that was hardly the daily hunting the royal falconers did with a lot of birds. But she would gain that necessary experience if she went out by herself everyday for a season. All of the skills falconry offered had always come naturally to her. She would really enjoy having a season to herself… “It would be a valuable experience for me. Caring for a royal eagle would teach me to care for another being before I have children. Plus, it would give me practical experience in reading and responding to the weather first hand.” She bowed her head, rubbing her hands together. All about the weather with the queen… The Donait family were known for controlling the weather and had ascended from peasants to royalty after using their powers to win a decisive battle about five hundred years ago. “That’s true… You’ve never been particularly responsible. That gives me pause in allowing you to take her but it would do a lot for that.” Maryam was quiet for a few minutes. “I suppose I can allow you to take her.” Blake internally sighed. She couldn’t imagine being separated from Kalena for two full seasons. This was great. “Be ready within the next two hours. Doyou understand, Blake?” “Yes, Your Majesty. Thank you.” Blake stood and interlaced her fingers behind her back before bowing. With that done, though she left the queen’s receiving chambers and scurried back to her family’s quarters. “I’m going on my Peregrination and I’m leaving in the next couple of hours!” Blake slammed her door behind her, giving her family no further warning. She tossed her bag down on her bed, then started tearing her clothes out of her closet and various other wardrobes. She sorted things into seasons, then thrust everything into the leather shoulder bag.It really only took her forty-five minutes to have her room emptied of most important possessions and her necessities. Granted, she didn’t notice the crack in door as she packed. She only did once when she sat on her bed, breathing a little heavily. Huh? Who was— “Oh, Alya, come here, honey.” She opened her arms and her sister flung the door open. Tears poured down her face as she clung to Blake for dear life. She sobbed into Blake’s shoulder with her full body. Blake ran her hand up and down her back, offering what support she could. “W-Why are you leaving so suddenly? I-I need you, Blake!” Alya wailed. Blake’s heart broke. She was being incredibly selfish with this snap decision. But what her mother said was true. She needed to find herself. She had never been allowed any sort of space to try to find herself. She really did need this but… She was hurting her little sister in the process. “I have my reasons and I’m following the queen’s orders. She told me to be ready in two hours. I’m sorry to do this so suddenly, Alya, but what Queen Maryam says goes.” She glanced at the open door. If she said anything, her father wouldoverhear. The spells only worked when the room was a closed system. “I’m sorry to upset you. But I need to go. You can call me whenever you want to and it’s not like I’ll be gone forever. I’ll be back with Kalena for your first hunt next season, okay? I’ll be gone physically, but I’ll see be here in your heart.” Alya hiccuped and stayed attached to Blake. She was being so selfish, but she needed to do this. It wasn’t like she was leaving Alya forever. She’d be back in roughly a year and a half. They could call whenever Blake wasn’t in the field. She hummed and reassured Alya things would be fine for a while until Naliaka flew into her room. “Your escort is here, Blake.” “I have to go now, honey. I’ll be back before you know it.” She kissed Alya’s head and the little girl hiccuped again. Blake held her arm out for Naliaka and headed down to the carriages. This was a relatively normal one, not meant to stand out. The driver wore a dark blue uniform, not the typical greens and golds of the royal family. For all intents and purposes, she was another subject of the kingdom.She still did hold her royal authority, but she wasn’t supposed to use it unless she had no other choice. She was supposed to simply live her life as any commoner would. She honestly had a lot of learning to do, but she was looking forward to do it for the next year and a half…