Carry You

Weiss spent the next several hours in the library, furiously marking down notes and transferring her thoughts to the copies of the books she'd gotten. She ignored the usual snack that Blake said that fae had. Blake tried to get her to eat something, but she mostly wanted to spend time focusing on the task at hand. Sadly, though, Blake put her hand over Weiss' book when dinner came around. "You can mark up things after dinner if you want to, though won't you also want to help Lilyana with evening feeding?" Weiss sighed. "Yes, I do..." She just wanted to focus on reading right now though... She had limited time until she started her lessons. Yes, that would help teach her things she wanted to learn about but even so... She just didn't feel like dealing with it. Skipping one meal wouldn't hurt, right? She could handle one meal. Her stomach growled in protest and she sighed again. "Fine." She stood up and left her books where they were, following Blake down to the dining room. She took up her usual spot next to Valerie and the fae smiled. "Hey Weiss, what's up?" She really didn't feel like talking tonight. She wanted to eat quickly, but she wasn't sure how that'd reflect on the Belladonnas. She felt relatively trapped. She had things she wanted to do but she had already reflected poorly on them beforehand with not understanding the dutchess' relationship. She didn't want to cause another faux pas that would make people think lesser of her. She was trapped once again by propriety. So much of her life had been dictated by propriety and she couldn't escape it even here. It was so beyond frustrating. She offered a strained smile. "I'm in the middle of reading a lot of magic manuals. I have the possibility to use magic so I'm trying to make an educated choice on whether I want to pursue it or not... I'm not sure if I want the extended lifespan that comes with it or not." She'd live up to a thousand years with the percentage of fae blood she had. That...felt far too long. She had no real desire to live that long, but if she did end up with a fae... Granted, she wasn't particularly looking for a relationship, but something like that might happen. Though she occupied a strange area between fae and human with her dilute Misum blood. "You seem like you're in a hurry to get back to it. Would you rather just focus on eating so you can get back to your books? Though...don't you want to help Lilyana with evening feeding?" Weiss sighed again. "I do but...I'd rather focus on my studies for tonight. And I'm not sure what fae propriety says about leaving dinner early..." She had stayed until the end of each meal until everyone dispersed. The only time she'd seen anybody leave was to come back in order to use the bathroom. That was literally the only time she really saw anybody leave the table. She hated not knowing fae manners. She really needed to learn more about them. But she wasn't sure if there was any sort of manual on it or what... "Well, it is polite to stay until the end of the meal, but you are technically part of the Belladonna family now. You don't have to stay if you're part of the hosting family." That...did make things a lot easier, but she still felt awkward about the potential to leave early. She was raring to get back to her studies but... Ugh. All of this was so complex and frustrating. "Weiss, if you're really that eager to get back to your studies, then go ahead." Kali spoke to her and Weiss felt her face heat up a bit. Of course she'd overhear with the cat ears. She probably should've just asked Blake about it. Weiss nodded meekly. "Thank you." She just really wanted to get all of her sticky notes and such transferred over before too long. She focused on eating and then excused herself, heading back to the library. The manor was still absolutely massive, no doubt on par with or even exceeding Schnee manor. She had so much to deal with and so far to walk. It seriously took like five to ten minutes to get from Point A to Point B no matter where they were in the manor. She was already getting tired of having to walk so far. How did the fae deal with this on a daily basis? Not even Schnee manor took that longto get between areas. But she settled back down at the table and dove into her studies again. She quickly lost track of time until she yawned widely. She checked the time on her pearl and frowned. It was already eleven... All nighters were nothing new to her between her dust studies and messing around with her Semblance, but she hadn't pulled one off in quite a while. She heard footsteps start to approach and her heart froze in her chest. "Would you mind going back to your room? I need to sleep too." The librarian kept her words polite but distant. Weiss rubbed the back of her neck. "Sorry." She left her stuff where it was and headed back to her room. She changed into her night clothes and settled down on her bed, though sleep came a bit hard. Her mind churned over and over, running a million miles an hour as she thought about everything she had left to transfer over. She had so very much to continue transferring over. Would the Belladonnas mind if she just spent the day tomorrow working on it? She hoped not. She didn't want to reflect badly on it. Eventually, though, the quiet of the night claimed her and she fell into slumber, books echoing in her dreams as she tossed and turned. The night proved to be difficult for Weiss to sleep and she found herself sleeping past dawn. She eventually heard a knock on her door and jerked awake, then answered the door. It was Blake. "Are you okay? You look rough. Lilyana was worrying where you were since you didn't show up on time. She wanted to know if she should hold off morning feeding for you." Weiss yawned widely and shook her head. "Tell her to go ahead. I just didn't sleep well. Is breakfast soon?" She wasn't trying to hold anybody up. It was just a rough night for her. It happened every once in a while for everyone. Right? She couldn't be the only one that had rough nights. She'd wanted to pull an all nighter but the librarian had demanded she go to sleep. She frowned. "Is there any way to pull all nighters?" "Yes, breakfast is soon. But Weiss, it's not healthy to pull all nighters. I do have a key to the library and I suppose I could make a copy for you but...it isn't healthy to do that." Blake looked concerned and Weiss sighed. "It's not like I do that every night or something, Blake. Just once in a while. Maybe once or twice a month." She seriously didn't spend much time doing it... Not unless there was a good reason to, such as figuring out how her Semblance worked. It had been the only time she'd been able to get any sort of combat training in before President Jacques had relented and allowed her to take up training during the day. She really wasn't doing to many all nighters now, unlike when she'd been younger and had needed to try to build as many skills as possible for going to Beacon. At least she didn't have to worry about any of that anymore. "Well, all right. I guess you're going to spend the rest of today doing the same?" Weiss nodded. "I'm going to go to the library after breakfast." "You are obsessed with books. And I thought I was a bookworm." Blake shook her head. "This is the first time I've had unfettered access to knowledge. If you enjoy learning and reading, how would you react if you’d had only access to propaganda on a strict basis then, suddenly, had access to a treasure trove of thousands of years worth of knowledge?" She couldn't really explain it beyond that. Atlas' knowledge was all propaganda. Winter had reinforced that Atlas lied to its people and that Gele only doubled down and filtered through the lies even more to make his own. He only taught them what he thought was good. She hadn't had much idea what that all entailed, considering she had never left Atlas and never had any access to anything that wasn't lies fed through more lies. "I guess that does make sense. But seriously, don't squander this time. You'll be going into lessons soon enough and things will be pretty intense then. You don't need to spend all your time reading right now... You'll get plenty of time to do that otherwise." Weiss shook her head. It felt like the opposite. She wanted to read as much as she could in the free time she had now so that way it did interfere with her studies. Why couldn't Blake see that was what she was doing? Some people. Blake rolled her eyes. "Anyway, why don't you get ready for breakfast? It's in about twenty minutes." "All right." Blake closed the door and Weiss saw that her clothes had already been picked out for her and laid out on the hangers... Apparently the maid had come in while she'd been asleep and done that. Well, it did make life easier. So she got dressed then had Sayaka flitter onto her shoulder. The little starling made a few happy noises before speaking. ”Good morning, Weiss! I probably should've woken you up before now... I know how much you enjoy spending time with Lilyana and helping her with morning feeding... But after seeing you toss and turn so much, I couldn't help but let you sleep.” The little bird looked down. Weiss shook her head and patted the bird's head gently. "It's fine, Sayaka, I had a rough night and the extra sleep will help make up for what I lost." She wouldn't blame the bird for anything. If she had been so bad she'd kept Sayaka up, well, that showed just how much she had needed the sleep. Part of her was tempted to curl back up after breakfast, but she had studies to do. After that, Sayaka helped guide Weiss down to the dining hall and breakfast was as turgid as it had become. She had no idea what the fae were discussing outside of the fact that religion was a pretty common topic. It seemed they were incredibly religious and there were multiple deities... Quite a lot in fact. At least if she were understanding things correctly. More than even a few dozen. The pantheon was absolutely massive. But it seemed as if most fae had only one or two they worshiped on their own. She was learning a surprising amount by just listening. After breakfast, Weiss headed back to the library and went back to her studies until lunch when Blake basically had to wrench her out of her seat. They headed down to the kitchen and, after they sat down, Blake offered a key to her. "Here. You can use this if you want to pull an all-nighter. The library lights will close down when the librarian leaves, but there are small lamps at each table that'll illuminate the surface. You'll need a flashlight to get back to your room if it's, like, three in the morning. We don't leave our lights on past about eleven or so." She also handed Weiss a strange object that was simply an orb. "It'll light up even for non-magic folk." Blake showed her how to operate it and it cast a decent amount of light around. "There you go." "All right then." She pocketed the little orb and it was around then that Kali and Ghira came over. Weiss swallowed a bit, hesitating. She still felt uncomfortable around them. Kali just offered her a warm smile as they sat down. "It's all right, Weiss, honey; we're not going to hurt you. We may not necessarily agree with how Blake handled things, but we're not going to toss you out into the cold or anything." Weiss sighed. "I'm just...way too used to adults treating me poorly." Men at that. Her mother wasn't even in the picture at this point. It was all sleeping pills and alcohol. Atlas was so patriarchal. Men twice, three times her age had often showed interest in marrying her and she couldn't even imagine that. Men old enough to be her father or even grandfather. Not that being married to someone ten years her senior would've been any better, but it was at least less disgusting than being married to someone that much older than her. Wouldn't have increased how she'd been treated, though. "Well, that won't happen here as long as you're with us. You're still very much a child by our rules and culture, but we won't treat you as any lesser. You're very much an adult by Serlia's rules and laws and y ou're used to being treated with a certain level of respect." Weiss nodded a bit. Well, she was a woman and women in Atlas didn't get any respect whatsoever... It was basically just shut up and be silent or else be treated poorly. Women were just property in Atlas... She was no exception. "Well, not that I'm used to too much of that in Atlas." She sighed, resting her cheek in her hand. Yeah. The only respect she got was from Winter. Even Whitley looked down on her. He was younger, but he was still above her considering the fact he was a male. She hated all of this so much, but there was nothing she could do about helping to change Atlas. Not unless she got her freedom fully and could take over the SDC somehow. But she knew she would never be allowed to take it over... She was heiress in name only. The power would actually go to her husband. Thankfully, she didn't have to worry about that anymore. She could only imagine the havoc that Auria was wreaking in the human world since she didn't seem the type to just roll over and accept things. Kali gave her a smile, probably out of pity. Kali wouldn't understand what it meant to be constantly oppressed and such... Constantly beaten for the smallest of infractions and to try to make her 'perfect.' How could she ever hope to sympathise with Weiss? It had to be pity; there was nothing else it could be. "Well, you'll get it here. Some people might talk down to you especially since you don't really know fae culture, but you're clearly keen to learn and are trying your best. Nobody could ask for anything more." Weiss sighed. "Unfortunately, trying doesn't usually get you anywhere." She had to be perfect or else. There was nothing else she could do. It was all or nothing. Trying was too messy and resulted in less than perfection. How could anybody possibly agree with less than perfection? She was stumbling so badly. The dutchesses Varela had proven that. She hadn't known homosexuality even existed and had screwed up by doing what she had. Trying was too messy. She had to get it perfect or else there would be severe consequences. She'd already proven that. And it wasn't like there was a manual on fae culture either. Changelings were raised here from birth. They understood the ins and outs of the culture naturally. She...did not. She would probably be forever an outsider. Kali shook her head. "Most fae are more than willing to meet you halfway as long as they're not Misum. Trying is better than just giving up. So I guess it is better to keep you in the Lider court until you get a better handle on our manners and such. But the fae around you are willing to meet you halfway. Valerie is a good example. You're meeting her halfway." If anything, Valerie seemed to be meeting her more than halfway. The dutchesses had still been incredibly upset when she'd apologised... She hated it all so much. She wasn't used to any of this. "Perfection is the only thing that matters." Winter was the pinnacle of perfection and she knew it. Winter tried not to have any emotions. Weiss was just punished for doing so. Having no emotions was better than showing anything at all. She didn't want to show emotions in the slightest. All they did was open her up for being manipulated and abused even further than she'd already been. She saw Kali, Ghira, and Blake exchange glances but they didn't say anything. "Anyway, have you made any decisions about magic yet?" "It looks interesting... Though I'll have to start at water manipulation then go to other elements?" That seemed a little bit on the odd side, but she had seen there had to be a logical progression to get to higher levels of magic. In due time, she could eventually learn to make things from literally nothing. Even with as many fae as there were, they didn't need to mine anything because they could literally just make all needed materials from thin air. It broke basically all laws of physics, but what else could she expect from something as ethereal as magic? But if she could make dust from nothing... She could probably push fae society into a new age... Dust made things so much easier. Kali nodded. "Even three and four year olds can start to learn to manipulate the elements. Granted, we start it off as games but as they get older and can understand theory, even one as young as Blake can become a highly proficient mage. She's very good for her age." She smiled and Blake's ears flattened. "Mom!" she hissed. Kali's only response was to giggle. "But yes, even very young fae like Blake tend to be very proficient in magic since it's easy to make the lowest levels a game. But given how you operate, games wouldn't work very well for you at all, or so I would think," Kali observed. Weiss nodded. "Yeah. I've never played a game in my life to be honest." She wouldn't know how to in the first place. So...yeah, studying theory would be best for her. She could understand and apply theory very easily. Dust theory was her highest level of that... She was about twenty years beyond what most scholars would even think possible. The magic manuals she was reading were very easy to understand, so she could probably start putting it into action on her own. Though, yeah, having guidance would be helpful. She didn't want something to accidentally blow up in her face. "I mainly don't know if I want to live that long though..." That was her main sticking point. Magic led to an extremely long life when it came to fae magic. She would be interested in applying the theory she was learning, but it would come with a high cost. "Remember you can always call on Melanthios if you ever just get too tired," Blake reminded her. "That is true but..." She just... She didn't know if she wanted to live for a thousand or more years. There was so much that she could do in that time, but with the afterlife being a reality...she didn't want to outlive Winter by such a wide margin. She didn't give a damn about Whitley, but Winter... She missed her sister horribly already. They hadn't been apart that long, but she really missed Winter. She always missed Winter if she were frank about it... "I understand, it's a big choice to make. When you think you only have about eighty to a hundred years, to live up to ten times that... I can't imagine what it would mean for me." Kali smiled at Weiss. Weiss nodded. Yeah, it was a massive choice to make. Even if she did have the choice to make it herself, but she just... She didn't know. She felt incapable of making that choice. "I would probably have to make that choice soon if I wanted to, huh?" So far, she'd noticed most fae didn't look above twenty or so. Some looked to be in their forties when she'd been out and about with Blake, but they were in the minority. She couldn't take ten or so years to make the choice if she wanted to live the longest life possible, or so it seemed. "Within the next three to five years, yes. Fae stop aging once they hit around twenty. Technically, we age at the same rate humans do until then. We go through the same stage of physical development, but not mental. Due to our culture, fae are still acting as children until well into their fifties. The brain fully matures around age twenty-five, but that doesn't mean they act on it. We play and act as children until about our sixties. Even then, we're still technically considered children, but we can start to take part in society more and aren't treated as annoyances." Weiss frowned at that. "Would I be treated as a child like that if I decided to take up magic?" She was basically a fully functional adult as far as the Atlassian upper class went. She'd been betrothed and was being expected to marry soon enough. So she would've been pregnant no doubt within the year after marriage... She shivered a little at the thought and tried to push it back. She didn't want to think about children. She just... The idea scared her. Especially when her only education had been 'insert tab A into slot B.' Men scared her to no end. Kali shook her head. "No. You're human and you clearly act like an adult. Our age of majority for humans is twenty, so you are still technically a child. You won't be able to get a job until then. You'll still be in lessons, but if you want to go out and about by yourself you can...at least once you learn fae manners. You've already seen how we are about it." Weiss nodded and sighed. Yeah. She had. She simply hadn't known any better about homosexuality. She hadn't even known women loving women or men loving men was a thing. Let alone about genders outside of a binary. Her world was unfortunately small and it was obvious. She was trying, but it was hard. There was so much to learn. It was why she was staying in the library the whole time. She just wanted to learn as much as she possibly could before being left alone in fae society. "Would working with Lilyana count as a job?" She frowned. She didn't want the Belladonnas to get in trouble in case that were a thing. "Right now, it's a hobby. It's only a job if you're paid." Kali winked and Weiss smiled a little. So that left her in the clear of working with Lilyana if she ended up taking to falconry a lot more. They could officially hire her at some point after she turned twenty. That...would be four more years though. She couldn't believe how long away that felt. Then again, it wasn't like she had any marketable skills... She was good with science and reason but she wasn't sure how that would transfer over to working in fae society. She was basically unparalleled in the field of dust but again, it didn't exist here... How could she possibly use that to her advantage? "But as for jobs, is there anything in particular you excel at?" "I'm good with science. Like really good. I'm twenty or more years ahead in the field of dust. I love science and math. I'm great at understanding chemical equations and such." "There would be plenty of work for you then. We always need people who can replicate natural materials so we don't have to go about mining. We don't use dust, but stone, graphite, and other things... Well, we could always use people. Since you're so good with elements, maybe being a jeweler would be a good fit for you." Huh, she hadn't considered that... She'd never studied jewelry before, but making natural materials... "You have to understand the chemical components of any material you want to create. Gold, silver, and bronze are the ones that are most heavily regulated. You don't want random people able to understand how to create our currency." That made sense. She knew the basic composition of gold and silver, but she hadn't studied how the atoms worked or anything... "But that would require magic," she pointed out with a sigh. Kali nodded. "That would require magic. There are low-skilled jobs that don't require much magic, but those are mostly relegated to commoners. Like our staff. All commoners. Cooking and cleaning and such are generally low-skill jobs that technically anybody can do. But with your Misum blood and general standing, I don't think you'd enjoy having a low-skill job." Weiss shook her head. "No. I've never cooked or cleaned a day in my life." There was no way in the world she'd be able to handle something like being a maid for the rest of her life. Eighty years of that? No thank you. "I guess I need to pursue magic if I want to have any sort of productive job that I'd excel at..." How frustrating. It seemed her mind was made up for her like so many other things. She would have to see what all jobs there were... But working with precious metals or jewels or something did appeal to her. Something where she could study science and be of use to society. She didn't want to sit on her butt the entirety of her life and mooch off the Belladonnas... Kali nodded a bit. "I wasn't trying to pressure you, but for high-skill jobs, you need magic. And since you're good with chemistry and such, it seems like it'd be a good match. I'm not sure what you'd prefer since we don't have dust, but I'm sure you could figure something out." "I'd have to study other chemical compounds to figure out what I'd want to do. Do jewelers make their own jewels and inlay them or are those two separate professions?" Precious gems sounded more up her alley. They were chemically complex and would probably take quite a bit of knowhow to make. Especially for different facets and cuts... Unless the jeweler also cut them down. She didn't know. She had no idea what would be expected of a jeweler. "It depends on what you want to do. You can just make gems or you can cut, inlay, and make your own jewelry. The latter would require metallurgy and forging knowledge though. While you can't technically get a job until twenty, you take apprenticeships once you hit seventeen. So if you want to forge and do metallurgy, you could get it once you're the proper age. Do you think you'd be interested in that? But if you just want to make gems... That's perfectly acceptable." Weiss nodded a bit. "Yeah, I think that'd be better... Not the forge or anything. Just the gems." That sounded more fun to her. Working with metal didn't really sound fun to her... She could easily just be a supplier. She would make things, but art wasn't her strong suit by any means. She could do needlework but that hard qualified as art in her opinion... She had seen the beautiful bracelets and such that other women wore. She didn't think that she could replicate that. She would probably have the precision to do so, but thinking up new designs wasn't going to work for her. "Maybe Blake will take you out to talk to a few jewelers in a couple of days. I can get things set up for you if that's what you'd want to do. Though if you think making other materials like stone or something would be in your wheelhouse, you can let me know." Kali smiled at Weiss warmly and she nodded a bit. "Okay." Jewels just appealed to her for some reason. She knew stone and such was important. A lot of buildings couldn't be built without stone and brick. But such mundane materials just didn't appeal to her. She was just far too used to working with dust and other such precious materials that required precision. Though... She tapped her chin. "Do you guys need chemical makers for stuff like sodium bicarbonate or hydrogen peroxide or anything?" Those were important too and, honestly, those would probably appeal to her far, far more since it was chemistry. Dust chemistry was her bread and butter, but she was pretty good at normal chemistry too. Kali blinked but nodded. "For the people that work with chemistry, yes, we do need people to make those chemicals. But keep in mind the market for such chemicals would be much smaller since it'd be isolated to the chemistry and science community. But if that doesn't bother you..." Weiss shook her head. "It doesn't bother me at all. Even if I wouldn't be producing on a large scale, science and chemistry like that are my bread and butter. I mostly study dust chemistry but I've still studied plenty of other types of chemistry. So if I could get a job like that, it'd work out well for me." Yeah, she really didn't need to do dust to be happy. It was her happy place in the end, but she didn't need it. She would be perfectly happy doing normal chemistry or maybe working with gems. "Well, we'll see about hooking you up with that community too then. It might take a bit longer than a few days since it's not like we require giant factories like your world does to produce things such as steel. We can manipulate metal with magic and most things are still handmade. But with magic, we can make things a lot more precise and a lot quicker than in your world. Like we don't have to wait for metal to heat up to work with it. Just a quick tap and it's up to par. Another quick tap and it's perfectly tempered. Even most of our cooks and bakers use it for temperature control. We can keep our fires at the perfect temperature for cooking specific things such as bread." Magic really was useful. Not that she hadn't thought that before, but hearing its wide-ranging uses definitely made it clear just how important magic was to this world. "That's fine." She looked down at everyone's plates and saw they were empty. "I should probably get back to my studies..." "All right then. See you at dinner." Kali smiled at her. Weiss had Sayaka lead her back up to the library and she settled in until dinner to go over things. When she got down to the dining room, she didn't see Valerie, which wasn't great. She settled next to Blake and listened to the conversations the fae had which didn't interest her in the slightest. She just didn't find religion to be an interesting topic. It seemed like they were pretty heavily ingrained into the religious community around here from how much they talked about it. She really enjoyed her falconry conversations with Valerie... Even if they often didn't go the furthest places. She was trying her best to settle into falconry and learn whatever she could. But she'd only been at it for a few days, so it wasn't exactly like anybody could expect her to be an expert in it immediately. After dinner, she went back up to the library until bedtime. The librarian basically kicked her out around 10pm and all she could do was just accept it. She settled down into bed and fell asleep, holding her stuffed animals close.