wanderer's lullaby

The alarm blared at about four the next morning and Winter hit the off button, rolling back over. She slept until dawn when the light from the sun roused her entirely. She sighed and started getting ready for the day though it was still somewhat early. She wasn’t used to not getting up early. All her life, it was early to bed and early to rise. No later than 9pm to go to sleep, or at least go to her room, then about 6am to wake. She just worried the rest of the house wouldn’t be awake, so she didn’t want do anything that might wake anybody up… But she needed to shower. With a sigh, she crept into the bathroom and was as quiet as she could be, though the water inevitably made noise as did her footsteps. She was right next to Yang and Ruby’s room and hoped she wouldn’t wake them. The thing was, that once she was awake, she was awake. She wasn’t one to nap or anything like that. Daylight was when she woke up and it really set her system to making sure shestayedawake. Sunlight was all she needed to fully wake up. Annoying, but it was just how things were. The door remained shut when she crept out of the bathroom and back into Summer’s room. She pulled out her hair dryer and diffuser and started blow drying her hair on a low setting to hopefully not wake up the girls. She just… She really didn’t want to wake them up. She did share a wall with them and she wasn’t sure if the noise of the air blowing would wake them up or not. She just… It was hard to know anything. The girls were usually up and ready for school by time she got back from the bakery. She didn’t bother with the shower and everything until after she got back. But it was Saturday, so they wouldn’t be going to school… She wondered what she should do with her day aside from going to the general store and apologising. Well, she had promised Sarah to take her to Star of Hope sometime this weekend to work with some of the birds, or at least see them. She would have to accompany the girl for Sarah’s mother to feel safe to allow her to take public transit… She might as well just get them a cab because that was quicker, easier, and more direct especially for a trip that would be shorter. Taking public transit would make them have to have a full day out to be worth it in her opinion… It was so long compared to the direct A to B nature of cars. She finished up drying her hair and sat at the computer, not really sure what to do. Of course, the AI popped up. “Hey Winter, what’s up?” The volume was normal and Winter held her finger up to her lips. “Ah, right, it is early… I guess the girls and everyone else is asleep huh?” The volume had turned down considerably almost to the point she struggled to make out what it was saying. “You can turn the volume up a little bit more,” she whispered. “I can barely hear you.” “How’s this?” It was a bit louder and not as hard to make out. Winter nodded. “That’s good.” She sighed. “I’m just really not sure what to do today… This lack of structure is abhorrent.” She really hated the amount of freedom she had right now. Most people would probably find it great, but she didn’t on a personal level. Her life had beenentirelystructured aside from the few months that the general had had her living with him and her rescue from Schnee manor. Once he’d gained her trust, then there had been structure. Fighting, lessons, and more. She had had a very structured life aside from a month or two while he gained her trust. She’d had to get over herself when it came to the Ace Ops so she could be trained somewhat before going into boot camp. “Summer preferred a less structured day when she was alive.” “I’m not Summer. I’m used to my days being highly regulated from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I’m used to having everything have its time and place. I reallydo notlike this amount of freedom…” She was franklyboredas well. She knew she could study for her GED but that would get old pretty quickly. And there was no real rush to get it either. She might be granted citizenship through the protection program, but that didn’t equate to a quick job search or anything like it… She still had no idea what she wanted to do with herself until she could bring the SDC down. That was still the main thing she held onto. She wanted the SDC to go down so she could take over and kick Gelé out. The company wasrightfullyhers, not his. He’d only married into the family and had stoleneverythingfrom under her mother’s nose. “Well, maybe we could figure out a scheduleforyou? I mean I’m no slouch when it comes to time management skills. I can do pretty much anything. If you’d like, we could even use something like a PDF planner that you can print out or a spreadsheet or whatever else have you. Would you like me to start figuring out a schedule for you?” “I don’t know.” She sighed. Then she blinked and tilted her head as something hit her. “Oh that’s right… I remember Warrant Officer Bree told me about some friends she has here in Vale that are here for a time… I wonder if she’d put me in contact with them…” She’d completely forgotten about them until now. The complete upheaval of her life had resulted in a lot of things completely slipping her mind. She was more settled down now, even if she wouldn’t exactly call her lifestablefor her liking. But she was a bit more at ease with how things functioned and Valian culture…even if a lot of things didn’t exactly make sense to her. “Eh? Friends? I didn’t know you had friends here in Vale.” “Not me; one of my associates in the Atlassian military. She mentioned having some friends here. One of them is trans?” She really had no idea how that worked still… She’d met with Raye but she still didn’t quite understand how being outside of the gender binary worked. But in the end, they were stillpeopleandpeoplewere deserving of warmth, kindness, understanding, and empathy…at least as long as they weren’t absolutemonsterslike Gelé. She doubted they were anything like Gelé, though… Harriet wouldn’t have thought to put her in contact with them unless they were relatively good people. “Well, hopefully you can get into contact with her and see what’s going on with them. If she wanted you to meet them, then I doubt they’re bad people.” Winter nodded. “I sincerely doubt she would put me into contact with people that are malicious. I will admit I still don’t really understand not identifying with your birth gender… Sex, I guess, from the book I read. But they’re stillpeoplein the end. They deserve respect and kindness as long as they haven’t done anything as abhorrent as a lot of upper-class men.” She was pretty sure women outside of the Atlassian upper class were just as capable of horrible things as Atlassian upper-class men, but right now, she only knew that Atlassian upper-class men were capable of such great evil. She just… She was nervous she would slip up though. She sighed. “What would happen if I were use the wrong pronouns?” The AI sat down on the taskbar. “Winter, relax. Unless you’re being absolutely malicious and continually deadnaming/misgendering the person, most trans and non-binary people are pretty cool. If you mess up, just correct yourself, then continue on. Don’t make a big deal of it; just fix your mistake and continue. I think thatthese peopleof all people would understand that you’re not attempting to be malicious and thatyou’re learninghow to treat others correctly. It’s one thing if you’re being actively malicious and ignoring what people are telling you. It’s another when you’relearningand haven’t interacted with many people outside of a small bubble.” Winter nodded a bit. “I’ll do my best…” The AI smiled. “That’s about all anyone asks. You’re human; you’reallowedto screw up. Plus, you didn’t know the trans person before they transitioned, right?” Winter shook her head. “But I’m aware of…their name and gender prior to what happened. It was before I was born, but it’s still talked about in the upper class. I’ve heard people talk down about…them since I was little.” She wasn’t sure how this person identified, so they/them felt a lot safer. She didn’t want to be unkind even without them around. It just felt strange because Atlassian didn’t necessarily work the same way as Valian did… She had learned quite a lot about Valian since coming here and interacting with the AI along with everyone else. She was just glad she had studied it so much because she would’ve been completely overwhelmed otherwise. She was glad she’d been taught Valian from her youngest years. If she hadn’t, then she absolutely would’ve been overwhelmed with the language and not able to speak it, or at least not very well. But it had been drilled into her head along with so many other topics to the point she was glad for it. “See, Winter? You’re already learning how to handle this sorta stuff. Why don’t you try calling your associate? It’s close to noon in Atlas already.” Winter nodded. “I might as well.” She opened her scroll and found Harriet’s contact information, then dialed it. It rang several times before Harriet answered. “Oh, hello, Winter! What’s the occasion for you to call like this? It’s rare you call me… And since you’re not military anymore, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever hear from you again. How’s life in Vale? You enjoying it? It’s a great place, right?” Winter grimaced. It was the complete opposite for her. “Good morning, Warrant Officer Bree. Vale is…much different than Atlas. That aside, do you think you could get into contact with your friends? In light of everything that’s happened, with so much upheaval, I almost forgot about meeting with them… Though it has been some weeks. Are…they even still here in Vale?” She frowned. That honestly hadn’t occurred to her until just now. It’d been several weeks since she’d arrived here in Vale. They may have already left… She hoped they hadn’t. “Nah, they’re still there. May’s between different surgeries right now. You’ll have to go to the hospital to meet up with ‘em. Though Jo and Fiona will be able to leave. I’m not sure if May would want a Schnee in her room quite yet… How about you give me a little bit to call them and see what they want? Though, isn’t it still pretty early in Vale right now?” Winter nodded. “Yes, quite early… I’m trying to not wake up the little girls I share a wall with right now.” “Eh? Does Qrow have kids or something?” “Two nieces, Ruby and Yang… It’s why I’m speaking quietly.” “I see. Well, give me a bit to call them and see what they wanna do. Is that all you needed?” “Yes, it is. Thank you, Warrant Officer Bree.” “No worries, Winter. Talk to you in a bit.” The call clicked off and Winter put her head down on the desk. “See? That wasn’t so hard now was it?” the AI asked. Winter sighed. “I’m still terrified I’m going to screw up…” She felt a spectral hand on her head, a rush of warmth coursing through here.It’ll be okay, Winter. I promise that most trans people are understanding like the AI said. I don’t think I need to repeat it again. But your anxiety is getting the better of you as well as your own ego… You expect perfection from yourself when nobody’s perfect. “Ihaveto be.” But there was no bite to the statement, just dejected sadness. She wasn’t perfect… From the talk she’d had with Qrow about PTSD, it really just sounded like all of this was an unhealthy coping mechanism for the life she’d lived in Schnee manor. But she didn’t know how else to act… She just… If she wasn’t perfect,who was she?Who was she supposed to be without the SDC, the military,Weiss?She closed her eyes and felt a few tears well up in her eyes. She tried to push them down, but they slid down her cheeks silently. She just… She was so lost and adrift right now. She didn’t know what to do with herself or all the free time she had. She was trying but she felt like she was drowning… Drowning intoo manychoices yet somehow still being too restricted. She felt Summer continue to run her hand through her hair, warmth radiating from her hand. She just laid there until her scroll ringing some indeterminate amount of time jostled her. She hadn’t been expecting itat all.She quickly picked up. “Yes, hello, Warrant Officer Bree. Do you have a report?” She snapped back to herself as quickly as she could. It was all she knew. She had no idea how else to act… “Calm down, Winter; this isn’t a sitrep. It’s just a normal-ass conversation. You don’t have to be so uptight about everything. Yeesh.” There was a small pause and she was pretty sure Harriet was shaking her head. “Anyway, Jo and Fiona said they’d meet up with you before letting you meet May. Needless to say…they’re worried about how’d you take handling her. Remember, Mayisstill a woman even though she wasn’tbornin a woman’s body.” Winter nodded. “Of course. Just because I do not understand how it necessarilyworksdoes not mean I will disrespect her if I can at all help it. Though…I may slip up on usage of pronouns…” She trailed off in a way Harriet probably wouldn’t be familiar with. She just… She couldn’t hide her anxiety over this particular topic. Unless May had done something on par with Gelé or the other upper-class men, she still deserved kindness and respect. “Relax, Winter. You said it yourself: it’d be a slip up. A slip up is completely different from willful and malicious misgendering. As long as you aren’t doing it to be terrible to her, then she’ll understand. It’ll be okay even if you make a mistake; I promise.” She couldhearthe smile in Harriet’s voice. Unfortunately, it didn’t really help soothe her anxiety about the topic at all. She would just have to do her best… That was all she could do, really. She hoped they wouldn’t tear her apart for a misstep… She’d gotten that far,fartoo much in Schnee manor. “That’s what…a friend said. I did meet with a nonbinary person that Qrow knows some time ago and it seemed to have gone over well…” “Oh, really? Well, if that went okay, then this should be fine. Relax, Winter. Nobody’s going to come after you as long as you’re doing your best. They said they could meet up with you around eleven in Vale at the Hazelnut Hatter Room. If they’re okay with you, they’ll take you to Hope Haven Gender Clinic.” Harriet paused. “Wait, you never got a driver’s license. How will you get around? Do you know Vale’s public transit system?” “I’ve used it once… But I was planning on just using a cab.” She looked at the AI and typed in both to the chat bubble. It brought up a map that showed the address of both places and Winter nodded. She mouthed ‘thank you’ before turning back to Harriet. “I figured that would be the easiest way to handle things.” “Yeah, you’re probably right. Though they are way more expensive than public transit… Wait, if you don’t have a job, how are you getting money?” “A few people on Patch are paying me under the table and General Ironwood is giving me a stipend every two weeks. Though, I have all my food and lodging taken care of… I don’t need to worry about spending much.” She had a big enough cushion that she could handle most things that came her way. She was pretty sure Qrow was getting her on his insurance, though she wasn’t sure how far he was in that process. She’d lost her access to insurance when she’d been discharged. Atlas was cheap and didn’t care of its people when they were discharged. She’d seen far,fartoo many former military on the streets of Mantle without shelter or food… She hated it, but there wasn’t much she could do about it… Well, if she got control of the SDC, she could definitely make use of those people… “I see. Well, glad you’re comfortable and taken care of. How’s Qrow been treating you?” Winter sighed internally. She really didn’t want to talk about this, but it wasn’t like she had much of a choice. Harriet was probably just worried about her… That was the easiest explanation. Harriethadbeen one of the ones to help train her before she went to boot camp. She wouldn’t call the Ace Opsfriendsbut they were definitely closer to her than most people would ever get. “He’s a very kind man that has my best interests at heart. Though he had to go back to work recently. It’s mostly me in the house by myself while everyone’s away at school or work…though today is Saturday and that’ll change.” She kept her explanation shallow and she heard a noise of discontent from Harriet. The woman was a bit of a gossip and wanted as many details as people were willing to give. Well, Winter wasn’t willing to give up too many personal details. She wasintenselyprivate and only gave out details to the people she trusted…and she wouldn’t say she had a deep, inherent trust of Harriet. She had warmed up to Qrow quite a bit, but it still wasn’t the sort of trust she had in the general. “Yeesh, c’mon, Winter. You can give me more details thanthat.How are you two doing as a couple and all that?” “Those details are private and personal. You ought to know how much I dislike giving people details.” Harriet sighed. “Yeah, I do… Well, as long as things are going well. Glad to talk to you again, Winter; don’t hesitate to call if there’s anything you need! Talk to you later!” “Talk to you another time.” The call clicked off and she shook her head, resting her chin on top of her folded arms. “She is quite…exuberant, to put it lightly. But thank you for the help.” She glanced up at the webcam in the computer. “No problem, Winter. I’m here to help as much as you need it.” “So there are entire clinics for transgender people?” The AI nodded. “They’re not super widespread, but yeah. They’re usually more for counseling and getting on the track to medical transition rather than being for surgeries and such, though. I think they offer housing to people that are coming from Atlas to get diagnosed and start their journey to self-love. So they might be staying there for that reason. Vale is more permissive of immigrants and people on temporary visas, but it’s still a pain in the ass to find an apartment on a month-to-month lease or rent. The clinics and government subsidise certain housing for people that’ll be here for a while to do different transition surgeries. But the clinics often have a couple of rooms where people can live rent free. It’s usually for family but… Do you know the backstory of this person?” Winter nodded. “Vaguely. May was once part of the Marigold family, a prominent Atlassian upper-class family. But because her gender identity didn’t align with her sex, she got booted out onto the streets. That’s all I know. Of course, what I heard in the upper class was amuchdifferent take on things… May is constantly called her birth name and referred to as ‘him’ since Atlas is so close minded.” The AI winced. “Eesh. Well, you know better now. And see? You’re doing all right right now. Just keep in mind that May’s a woman and not a man and I think you’ll be fine.” It smiled. Winter nodded a bit but sighed. “I suppose so…” She justreallydidn’t want to upset anybody. At all. She felt awful just at the thought. May was trying to get her identity in line with her body and was likely having to pay a pretty sum of money for it… She really hoped that May wouldn’t be upset if she accidentally slipped up. Granted, it wasn’t like she’d be meeting May straight away; Harriet’s friends would be meeting her first. Hopefully, they wouldn’t think she was an awful person and attempting to hurt somebody. She truly did understand them being tentative about meeting her since she was entirely tentative to meet them. “Anyway, I ought to go have breakfast…” It was around eight now, so that was fine by her. She didn’t want to wake anybody up, but she was getting peckish. She was used to eating well before now and her body was rebelling for her having waited so long. “All right. See you later!” The AI waved to her and she left the room.