Anywhere

Warmth wrapped around her, one like she’d never felt before…or even knew existed. It seemed to seep into her very bones. How could something be so soothing? It didn’t make any sense… But nothing was making sense anymore. From Qrow to aura to the world at large, she was beginning to see that her own world was so very small. She’d glimpse it with Coco over time. What little she spoke of Vacuan culture confused her. But now being blindsided by Vale and more… She just didn’t know what to believe in any longer… Her head dropped onto Summer’s shoulder, hefting out a sigh. Seriously, why did her world have to not be orderly anymore? What she wouldn’t give for James to come back… He’d know how to make the world neat and tidy again… Though, once again, she found time ticking away. The warmth from the other woman… It was intoxicating. How had her life been so bereft of it? It felt like she’d been robbed… The only thing that came even remotely close was loving her sister. But even then, it was dying embers compared. How could that be? Weiss was her everything but that paled in comparison to what this complete strangercould show her… She squeezed her eyes together, a breathy sob finding its way out. She really was nothing but a failure. She really was nothing but a failure. She’d thought she’d accomplished a lot in about two and a half years, but apparently she not. She wouldn’t stop fighting until Weiss was safe and happy. But it felt so far out of reach now… She was just as much of a failure as Gelé told her she would be if she ever left… How could she truly call herself a Schnee when Nicholas would be so disappointed? A familiar soft chittering caught her attention and turned it to the floor. Kiyay’s white feathers sat in her periphery. What was he up to? She pulled herself off Summer and watched as the falcon rolled on his back, flapping his wings a bit. A small smile found its way to her lips. What was he doing? She’d never seen something so ridiculous before. But she couldn’t say she minded entirely. His ridiculous antics were at least helping distract her a little. It felt quick, but the bird seemed to just be good at raising her spirits. “There really is something special between you two.” Huh? Her gaze settled on Dove again, a soft light in her red eyes. “There’s a special bond between you two. I raised him to be tolerant of other people for teaching purposes, but he isn’t like Mono. He was only ever meant to be mybird. Yet he’s taken quite a shine to you. I can’t imagine him being happy if I took him back.” Winter stiffened at the statement. She hadn’t meant to take the bird from her. She really didn’t know what she was doing in the first place! Birds were Qrow’s thing, not hers! She was— Dove held up a hand and shook her head. “Breathe, Winter. Take a breath in, then let it out.” Somewhere in her awareness, her body reacted to the statement. It lie beyond the simulated breaths in this strange limbo area. But why? Dove was just confusing her more. “What I meant was that there is indeed a special bond between you two even so soon. Yes, I raised him to be mine alone. But animals make their own decisions. Especially aura breeds. It seems as if he decided to attach to you, so to take him away would likely cause him distress and harm. Yes, it’s only been a short time, but sometimes, things just happen quickly.” The woman offered one of her warm smiles and Winter looked away. How was she supposed to take it? She was quite fond of him but it’d be unfair. He lived wild and free (or so she assumed) with the tribe. Being cooped up in an apartment and moving around would do him no good. “I haven’t the time or knowledge to care for him.” Or Mono for that matter. They were a pair bond, right? Separating them didn’t feel right. She just was not equipped to handle two large falcons. Falconry wasn’t in the cards for her. She wouldn’t be able to keep up with it and her job. Plus, wasn’t there probably some sort of licensing for it…? “Qrow can teach you. He was always a prodigy with them. He even helped train an owl once.” Dove chuckled, eyes filled with warmth. She couldn’t help but feel like she was missing something. What was so different about owls compared to falcons…? “I…see.” Would the woman ever stop throwing out things she didn’t understand? Probably not. She seemed to enjoy tripping her up. “Anyway, yes, Qrow can teach you. As long as you pay attention, you seem like you could be an excellent caretaker for them.” She really didn’t feel like it… How was she supposed to get away to hunt? These birds had to be highly complex to care for with their intelligence… Then there was the language barrier. How as she supposed to cope? And… She wasn’t gifted. She never had been. That was all Weiss. She’d always been the gifted one. She was the genius, not Winter. All she’d accomplished was through pure grit and determination alone. Cooking, cleaning, training with the Ace Ops… All pure stubbornness. No natural talent. Weiss was the one worth to change the world once she was free to leave Schnee manor. She would never be a worthy falconer to these beautiful, complex creatures. “Hey Winter, about that language barrier…” Her gaze settled on Summer again, tears once again misting her eyes. “If I could borrow your body for a few hours in your room, I could write an algorithm for the AI that would hasten the learning process with the animals.” “Ex…cuse me?” Borrow her— What was she talkingabout?! “Yeah, you’re probably more familiar with the term ‘possession’ but ghosts usually prefer ‘cohab.’ It’s a voluntary process so yeah…” The woman’s face flushed as she rubbed the back of her head. Winter stared. Give up control of her body like that?! It was beyond reproach! Coco used her Semblance to share her vision sometimes, sure, but there was a big difference between that and this outlandish suggestion! To lose control of the onething she had… And yet. She looked at Kiyay, his head resting on her lap contentedly. It…would be nice to understand him more quickly. “Maybe we could try for a few minutes then go from there?” He, Mono, and Iroki all deserved better from her. She’d learn in time. She always did. But having two-way communication would be nice. “Completely reasonable. I don’t want to take your bodily autonomy away. Your body, your rules.” Summer’s hands came up and Winter raised an eyebrow. What an odd sentiment… First boundaries, now this ? Just what wasVale’s culture? “How about we get back to the main topic…?” They were wasting time with this tangent. Just how much time had elapsed since the memory ending and now…? Her unseemly breaking down had no doubt severely cut into their time. She didn’t want to waste Clover’s time. “Are you ready to?” Dove’s attention feel onto Winter and she gave a noncommittal shrug. There was no point in waiting any longer. She would never be ready for someone to bare their soul to her… “To pick up where we left off…that is the truth of your reality. But for people like me, my children, and our people, emotions are strength . They allow us to live life authentically and openly with others. To be shut off as you are… We can’t understand it. It’s another facet of how we live that neither can truly understand.” She…really didn’t and couldn’t begin to comprehend. How did others not take advantage of that? She had to hide even her love for her sister. How could one possibly everlive like that? And how did one draw strength from such inherent weakness? “You’re right. I can’t understand. How can you be so confident you won’t be betrayed or used by others?” That finally earned a visible reaction out of Dove other than kind patience. She took in a very long, slow breath then let it out even slower. And Winter once again found herself tensing. She knew thatreaction too well too. She’d angered the woman. What would happen now? She was so much stronger than Winter—a member of the Branwen tribe that had fought for countless years? Surely— Dove shook her head. “Yes, that did hit a sore spot, but I’m not angry at you. To live like we do doesn’t mean we are confident won’t get hurt; it means acceptance. It’s an understanding of consequence that life is both good and bad. It is wholly neither positive or negative. We strive for balanceas best we can. It isn’t always possible, though, as a bad betrayal or great loss can send that balance tipped the wrong way.” This was starting to get a bit complicated. What did she mean, balance? There was no balance in anything. It was all good or bad. There were no in betweens. She did pause, though. “What…does your aura look like…if it’s not overstepping.” Even if she didn’t understand boundaries in the Valian sense, it didn’t mean she was rude. Pushing too deeply personal was notokay. Dove remained silent for a moment before giving a slow nod. Red streaked her body, her aura spark a blazing inferno. A few areas of black did gash across the crimson. But they were far fewer than Winter’s scars. Apparently she’d sustained far less trauma than Winter despite the much longer decades of her life. How? She glanced at Summer, wincing a bit. Black and silver created a checkerboard across her soul. Her aura spark was almost invisible underneath the black sphere surrounding it. How much pain and sorrow had she gone through in life to attain thatlevel of distrust? “Yeah, I went through a lot of shit in life. The AI you talk to is a more idealised version of myself. I programmed it to understand the trauma I went through but not to implement it in its decision making. So you’ll notice inconsistencies as we talk more.” That…made sense, she supposed… She was beginning to see how the trauma inflicted by Gelé had shaped her and continued to impact her despite being free of him and his influence now… Something more objective was of farm more use than being crippled by trauma… “Is there any way to undo…this?” Winter looked at her hands, closing her eyes. To think those scars ran as deep as her very soul … There had to be somethingshe could do, right? Some sort of fix to this. Right? Then again, people were so resistant to change. She’d only ever seen her sister and Coco shift at all… The two older women looked at each other before Summer sighed. “Yeah, but it essentially boils down to having to trust others in some shape, way, or form. Maximum healing comes from trusting psychology professionals. A high level of healing can come from finding a Grade Twelve but those are rare. Some level of healing can come just through talking to someone you trust.” Winter’s heart froze at the idea. There was Coco and General Ironwood, sure, but to talk about what had happened to her? How could anybody do that willingly ?! It gave someone somuch power over her… Even hre relationship with Coco was mutually beneficial. Coco got a consistent hacking target. It challenged her skills to get to the deepest level of the SDC servers. She still gained somethingfrom it no matter how minor. The general got one of his most loyal and skilled soldiers. All parties walked away with somethingin the end. How could anybody trust unconditionally like that ? It opened up so much room for betrayal and manipulation. Professional or not, anybody would do anythingto gain a foothold into the Schnee family. Coco would get her day of it eventually. And the general got the smug satisfaction of knowing just how much he’d screwed Jacques over by taking his oldest daughter and let her have a successful military career. Kiyay chittered and she looked down, blinking when she couldn’t see properly again. Damn it. Stupid, silly little girl. Too naive to do anything on her own. She was so, so weak.. Crying at the drop of a hat now… How far she’d fallen in…however long it’d been since they’d started. “Nobody said they had to be a human…or Faunus, you know.” Huh? Summer’s familiar grin greeted her. “You trust Kiyay, right? Sure there’s a language barrier, but you can talk to him. Aura breeds are amazing at understanding emotions even seven in lieu of words.” Talk…to Kiyay? It…was definitely more appealing than anybody else. She trusted Coco and the general but emotions just…didn’t come naturally to Atlassians. Obviously. “Think you could manage that much?” “I think so but…” She stared squarely at Summer. If she or that AI were hanging around, that wasn’t exactly private. Coco would probably listen in too, but that was different. Coco was almost always listening in. “I can go bug Raven or watch my girls if you want privacy. You can also ask the AI to delete any recorded data from that. The most it’ll do is keep a log on why the data’s not there. Like ‘Winter’s request’ or something along those lines. That sound reasonable?” “I suppose.” It was probably important for the AI’s counting to have some sort of log, but even so… To know it was recording and retainingsuch sensitive information was…unnerving. What if someone go their hands on it? Knowing she had spoken to it would be enticing for anybody that might find it… This was all so uncomfortable… “Shall we get back to the main point, dear child?” Her gaze fell back to Dove and she nodded. Normally she didn’t get distracted so easily, but it was hard here. She was so off balance. It didn’t take much to distract her. Not that she was really understanding what the old woman was saying… Balance—what a ridiculous notion. “The reason I reacted the way I did to what you said is because I havebeen betrayed. I wasn’t expecting that to come up. “My husband betrayed my trust in a horrible way. He abused both of our children. If you weren’t so reactive to anger, I’d share my confrontation with you. But with your severe reactivity, it’s best I don’t. “I neverthought he’d do that to him. He was always so loving toward me and them when we were together, he never raised a hand to me once. We argued at times, but most couples do. He doted on me and Raven so much. He was a good man much of the time but…” She put her hand on her cheek and sighed. She pitied the woman but couldn’t understand. That sort of two-faced behavior was standard for Atlas. To not suspect him was Dove’s own fault. It was always better to remain cautious than allow such a thing to come to pass. But she somehow still trusted people? It really made no sense. How could these people allow themselves that possibility again and again? Even so, the sorrow and guilt came through the woman’s face. It was her own fault but Winter did pity her. Somehow her aura was brighter and far less damaged than hers or Summer’s. How did any of this work? “I’m sorry.” What was she supposed to say to know that—to any of this? She really just didn’t know. A question did pop into her mind. “What does any of this have to do with Qrow—my view of emotions and yours? Your husband abusing your children. We’ve strayed from the main point of you sharing your memories.” She really needed to let them stop distracting her. She was sucha failure right now… The general would be so disappointed if he saw just how scatterbrained she was letting herself be. “Actually, it’s all important to understanding my son. The philosophy of emotion is how he sees things. Unfortunately, Summer’s death strayed him from seeking balance, but he’s still an advanced aura user. This philosophy still forms the basis for how he approaches the world.” Dove want to continue but Summer held her hand up. What…? Why did they keep switching? “Winter, I know you’ve been off kilter but you’re observant. Think for a few moments. Haven’t you noticed how Qrow almost has two personalities? When he’s focused on me and anything else, he’s down and depressed and always on the verge of drinking. But, when he’s focused on you, he’s calm, patient, and observant.” Now that Summer mentioned it… “…You’re right. Why do you ask?” All of these tangents had a point. She just couldn’t see the full picture. Her world was too small to allow for it. Damn Gelé and Atlas… She was truly beginning to understand just how limited her scope was. She couldn’t even beginto imagine the things Dove spoke about but she seemed so certain they were true… Maybe reality was more subjective than she thought? “It’s because that’s what trauma response in an advanced aura user looks like. They have a warm gentleness that lets them see what’s going on around them. That is the balance Dove’s talking about looks like. It’s about the presentmoment, not the past or future. “Go back to the talk you had with Qrow about PTSD. Can you see any similarities between that and when he lapses into his more withdrawn state?” She blinked as things started to click a bit finally. He…was having the same responses at her? He had marked reactions to any reminders of memories of Summer, he seemed to want to stay away because of his Semblance, his drinking was incrediblyreckless and self-destructive as were the sorts of missions he went on… His hatred of Atlas in general… “I…think I’m beginning to see.” There were still a few things she couldn’t quite piece together, though. Why did he react so badly toward the general? Why was his behavior so inconsistent by and large? Why those two halves of his personality? That did earn a smile from Summer. “Now you’re starting to use your head, Winter. Notice any similarities in yourself?” She blinked. Her…self? What? Why? She didn’t get it… Unless… “When I’m off kilter, I dwell in the negativity and I can’t think like not long ago. But I’m able to think right now due to my focus being on you… No, outwardly.” Dove had talked about balance… So there had to be more than just the internal. Qrow focused on her and relaxed. So it had to have something to do with the outside perception too, right? Summer smiled and nodded. “Bingo.” What…was bingo? She shook aside the thought and refocused on the woman. “The core of advanced aura is balance between the self, the world, and others. That’s how Qrow approaches the world when he isn’t trying to protect himself from further harm.” Just…like her. How were they so similar? They were from literally opposite walks of life. Yet they both wanted to protect themselves and not be hurt. “Remember the abuse Dove mentioned? That was Qrow, Winter.” Winter wrapped her arms around herself, feeling her cheeks heat. Oh. She really was stupid. How could she not have put that together? Dove was Qrow’s mother; of coursethat was he and Raven she’d talked about. Summer’s grey eyes twinkled with amusement before she shook her head. “It’s fine. Although to answer thatquestion…how did your own father treat you? That’s how Fallon treated Qrow.” Of course, she stiffened at that, nails digging into her skin. “How ?” She could barely choke the word out. She hadn’t said anythingabout her father in any of this or within Summer’s hearing as far as she could remember. “One: aura reading. “Two: your reactions to Qrow in general. “Three: this is Gelé we’re talking about. I met the rat bastard once while I was alive. His soul was blacker than night. Plus, not like how he treats his employees is any secret. His soul was blacker than night. Plus, not like how he treats his employees is any secret. For someone like him nurtured in Atlas, of coursehis daughters would be on the receiving end of a lot of shit.” Summer shrugged. She’d met. That had to have been before she was born or something, right? She would’ve remembered somebody like Summer Rose traipsing through the mansion. The gossipy hens on staff wouldn’t have stopped talking about it for weeks if that were the case. Even shehad heard a lot of the gossip about the staff despite not even knowing them by name. “I…see.” She thought she’d hid her reactions enough. Then again, the constant freezing was such an overt sign. She was weak… So very weak… Gelé would always have a hold over her… “Have you ever meditated before?” Huh? Meditation? What was that? She’d never heard of it before. She shook her head. “No. How can I do something that I’ve never heard of before?” That where was this coming from? Yet another massive digression from all of this. Would they ever get back to the mory? All of this was a confusing morass now… “It’s a special type of sitting with yourself that serves as the base for advanced aura. Maybe ask your friend for the scientific facts ‘cuz it has some good physical benefits. Plus, if you do it enough, you might get to Grade One or Two.” Summer grinned and Winter sighed. These digressions were infuriating. “Can we please get back to the main point, please? I’m not sure how much time we’ve wasted with all of of these side chats.” Wasting more of the Ace Ops’ time remained low on her priority list. Seriously, just how long had they wasted? She did appreciate the added Understanding how Qrow saw the world, but the memories really were the point here. Summer place a hand over hers, brushing Winter’s bangs out of her eyes. “Relax a bit, Winter. We’ve only been at this like five real-world minutes. Aura exchange like this happens much quicker than real-world talk. It just feels like it takes a lot longer than it actually does.” Only five minutes? It felt like it’d been hourswith all the crying. How did any of this work logically? She just… Why did she suddenly feel so weary? Her head felt light and she rested it on Summer’s shoulder. “Why am I so tired?” She never let herself get this way normally. She could power through even the worst injuries…but just a couple of minutes talk hit her like a ton of bricks. “Seeing more of the world is never easy. Especially when you’re already in a vulnerable state. Anxiety can be outright exhausting. Add into that being triggered over and over again… Sometimes mental strain can be more training than the worst physical wounds.” Summer’s voice was soft and she took both of Winter’s hands in hers. Warm… Just like Qrow’s… Why was she so drawn to it? Part of her wanted to stay curled up like this forever. It felt like nothing could harm her except her own mind. The location was so out of place but warm in a way she hard only ever felt at the general’s house… She could feel Summer shift a bit then she squeezed her hands. “How about we pick this up tomorrow after you’ve had some time to rest and process? And before you argue, rest isimportant. You have that meeting with the Ace Ops and you don’t want to look weak in front of them, do you?” Any protest that might have formed died in her throat and she shook her head. She couldn’t let them see her like this, not at this point. They’d seen her at some of her worst just out of Schnee manor. But that had been then . She’d been an inexperienced, stupid child. She was major Schnee now. To show anything less than her full strength was unavoidable. “Okay.” She really was quite tired…