The Harlequin's Curse

      – Are you ready?       – Yeah... I think ready.       – Are you sure? You're shaking. Luan looked down at her almost completely bandaged hands, which were indeed shaking quite a bit. Only a few seconds later did she realize that her entire body was shaking – either from fear or from helplessness. "What's happening to me?", – the poor girl thought, but she was interrupted by the voice of a familiar boy.       – Luan? Are you okay? – Benny asked softly, after which he carefully sat down on a small chair next to the bed. The comedian didn't know what to answer. And what can you answer when you are terrorized by a part of your own personality? Here you can only take a deep breath and quietly cry into the pillow, praying for it to end. "But I almost managed to get rid of this nightmare", – the girl thought for a second, but immediately threw such thoughts aside. "No, no and no again, I can handle it. I won't take my life because of this stupid mime. I'll show you who's boss here", – Luan firmly decided for herself, then slowly sighed and took a more comfortable position.       – Yeah, I'm fine, I can handle it, – the patient said quietly.       – Great, I'm glad to hear that, – Benny said with a smile. – Then let's try to talk and figure everything out, okay? – Luan nodded slightly, and the guy took a small notebook and pencil out of the inside pocket of his snow-white coat. "Well, here it goes", – the girl thought to herself.       – I know what happened. However, I would like to hear from you – what's the last thing you remember? – Benny began the conversation, taking the pencil more comfortably and getting ready to write everything down. Luan immediately froze in doubt. What exactly did she need to be told? About what she thought were the last moments of her life in the bathroom or about the mime she had seen literally half an hour ago, shuddering under its oppression? For a second, the thought crossed her mind that if she told about the mime now, the poor girl would certainly be put in a psychiatric clinic and forever locked in a white room covered with soft mattresses, in a straitjacket instead of her beautiful costumes. "What if they really help me?" – Luan thought and looked at the guy sitting opposite. Benny didn’t seem like a terrifying doctor from horror stories for kids, but on the contrary – he seemed to radiate kindness, care and, most importantly, hope. Even though Luan had known him for less than an hour. "To hell with it, come what may. But I’ll probably start from afar".       – If talking about what happened still at home, then the last thing I remember is how... h-how... h-h-how I made these cuts, – Luan whispered with a heavy heart, and tears rolled down her eyes again.       – Okay, I heard you, but let me ask a question – what did you mean by «still at home»? Did anything happen after that? Suddenly Luan realized that idea to start from afar hadn't worked out very well – Benny immediately saw through such a trick. Apparently, it was not for nothing that he became an assistant doctor at the main hospital in the city at such a young age. Together with a deep sigh, the realization came to her – now she had to tell everything as it was. And also try not to burst into tears and not hide from horror.       – You see... That night, when all this... happened, I began to see a terrible creature. It made me do this... a-all of this, – the girl stammered.       – So, what kind of creature is this? – Benny asked with interest, writing something down in his notebook. Luan hesitated a little – after all, she was incredibly scared to admit such horror, scared for her future, for her life. But the desire to defeat this damned nightmare took over.       – T-this is... me. This is m-my figure, only in a m-m-mime costume. A bloody m-mime with burning eyes and hands. Benny raised his eyebrows and noticeably darkened, leaning back in his chair. "Well, that's it, I'm finished. They won't let me out of here", – Luan managed to think and regret her words a thousand times, but surprisingly she didn't hear any stern and expressive comments from the guy. On the contrary, he made a few notes in his notebook and turned to the girl with a serious but worried face.       – Luan, it's very good that you said this right now. This is really important information that will seriously help us in your rehabilitation, – Benny answered calmly, despite his expressive first reaction. The girl was a little taken aback. She clearly didn't expect such a reaction. She expected to be locked up in a hospital for many years, to be sent to a mental hospital for life, to be tried for all the crimes in the world. She even expected to be finished off right here and now. But this didn't happen, and this briefly knocked Luan off track.       – So... y-you will really help me? And you wouldn't even send me to some mental hospital? Benny made a few more notes in his notebook, which slightly tensed Luan, but, noticing this, he immediately hurried to calm her down.       – No-no-no, what are you saying, we are not going to send you anywhere. It is really very good that you found the strength to talk about your problems now. Almost all patients need several days, or even weeks, to finally share their problems with doctors, – Benny said calmly, smiling slightly. – And it is depressing – many people could have avoided being sent to medical institutions and having their lives and destinies ruined. But often a broken psyche doesn't allow you to open up and understand the true problem and its cause. And with you, the situation should go faster, – the guy in the robe finished positively, which cheered Luan up a little.       – Okay. I really hope so. I don’t want this.       – Hush-hush, don’t worry, everything will be fine. Shall we continue the conversation? – Benny asked and received an uncertain nod from the girl on the bed. – You said that you saw yourself in a suit o-o-of, – the guy continued, quickly looking at the notebook, – a mime, right? Luan nodded weakly, and immediately a shiver ran through her – memories of that fateful night, that very terrifying emptiness and the frightening figure in front of her surfaced in her head. Quickly shaking her head, the girl shivered again and looked more closely at Benny, who seemed to be expecting more information from the girl.       – Yes, that's right. It's very scary. Not just scary, it's terribly scary. As if this figure really controls me, and I'm just a puppet, – Luan babbled with pity in her voice, trembling from the realization that this could be true.       – Understood you. Tell me, do you have any ideas, why a mime? – asked the guy in the white outfit, but immediately noticed how Luan tensed up from the last word. – You feel uncomfortable when you hear this word, right? Luan nodded quickly – she really feels uneasy even from the mention of this monster. "As much as I love pantomime, if I get out of here, I will definitely burn all my black and white striped suits", – the frightened girl assured herself, but something in her own phrase confused her. A couple of seconds of thought was enough to understand what exactly. "Not «if I get out», but «when I get out». I will definitely succeed", – Luan confidently said in her head, although she herself didn't fully believe in it. But she really wanted to believe.       – Okay, then I won't say this word. And still, do you have any ideas, why exactly this creature? – Benny continued, calming the frightened patient.       – Honestly, I have no idea. Although... I have always really liked this kind of art – silent, sensual, expressive. There is something in it. Or rather, there was something like that, – the storyteller lying on the bed quickly stopped, which didn't go unnoticed.       – You shouldn't give up your favorite creativity just because of the existence of such difficulty. I think that we can help you while preserving your love for this silent art form, – the guy said with a smile, clearly trying to win Luan over. And he was succeeding. Little by little, but he was succeeding.       – I really hope so, – the girl said, – but I will definitely burn a couple of costumes. Or throw them away. Or sell them.       – A couple? – Benny raised an eyebrow questioningly. – Are you really that passionate about the world of comedy and performances, yeah?       – Y-yes, how do you know? – Luan asked with slight distrust. Smiling at the corners of his mouth, Benny got up from his chair and went to the table at the other end of the ward. Taking something from this table, he returned to the bed and handed the girl some cards.       – Your family has told a lot about you during your stay here, including leaving several of your photos and memorable cards here. Luan carefully took everything that Benny handed her and looked through the contents. They were some different moments of her life – the first ventriloquist dolls, her first performances, some pictures from different comedy shows. And with each new photo, Luan noticed – the older she was in the photo, the sadder she looked. In the early cards, you can see a naughty girl with hazel hair who likes to joke and tease everyone. And everyone likes it. In the more recent photos, Luan is already grown up, still just as cheerful and funny, but much more serious. "Growed up, realized some things", – thought the brown eyes. And in the newest photos, Luan sees – she smiles with difficulty, only for the sake of the photo. An inexperienced eye wouldn't notice it, but the joker herself understands it perfectly well. Too many thoughts in her head, too many worries, too many things to do. No time to have fun anymore, no time to fool around anymore. "Grew up", – Luan realized sadly.       – It's not the first time I've seen you myself, – Benny said, interrupting the girl's stream of thoughts and showing her several photos on his phone. With a suspicious glance quickly thrown at the guy with brown, disheveled hair, Luan took the phone and was stunned, looking at the screen. In the open photo, she saw Benny's selfie against the background of a familiar scene, in which a girl in a bright and colorful suit was laughing. "This is..."       – It's me? – Luan asked intermittently.       – Yeap, it's you, – the brown-haired man answered with a slight smile, – I've been to a few of your performances. To be honest, it was quite a long time ago, when all my time wasn't taken up with studies and work. "I hope he really has a lot of work to do and this isn’t just an excuse to console me", – Luan thought, remembering the words of the nightmarish mime figure.

*Flashback*

"No one needs you here."

"Haven't you noticed that your jokes aren't laughed at even in this house anymore?"

"You have become a real problem and a burden for them."

***

The girl's head began to burst from memories, the phrases sounded louder and more terrible, the voices began to resemble her family. This scared Luan quite a lot, but she found the strength to drown out all the chaos in her thoughts. No matter how painful and scary it was, now was not the time to think about it. Her temples almost stopped pulsating and responding with wild pain, and for a second the girl really felt calm.       – Luan, are you okay? The joker opened her eyes and even jumped a little in place from surprise. Hearing Benny's familiar voice, she was both happy and tense – she had completely forgotten about this difficult conversation.       – Y-yeah, everything is fine, I was just thinking.       – Will you tell me what you were thinking about? – the brown-haired guy said, bowing his head.       – I think yea... Although it is indirectly related to what... happened, – Luan thought for a moment. – Can I tell you about it a little later?       – Of course you can, you even should, if it will make you feel better, – Benny said, nodding his head, making notes in his notebook. "Now he definitely won't forget. Well, I would have had to tell him anyway."       – Okay, let's continue. We stopped a-a-at... Oh yeah, at these photos and that mim... creature, – Benny quickly stopped and decided to continue the conversation in a different direction. – Okay, I understand why everything happened like this. And what can you tell me about the reason itself? You mentioned that it was this creature that made you do this. Were you really not in control of your body or it seemed that way to you?       – What do you mean by «seemed»? How can I understand this? – the girl in the hospital bed looked at the guy questioningly.       – Okay, let's start a little from afar – were you trying to resist your body or were you kind of looking at it from the outside?       – Of course I tried, – Luan responded dumbfounded, not quite understanding where the conversation was going, – I screamed for help, tried not to look at it, but my hands seemed to be destroying me themselves. Despite my pleas for it to stop.       – Let's notice something – you did a lot of things, – Benny said, starting to bend his fingers. – First, you screamed. Second, you tried not to look. Third, you begged to stop. But I didn't hear a single real action, not a single real and physical attempt to stop it. Only requests and persuasions. It was like you were watching a movie in which you didn't decide anything. Do you understand what I'm getting at? Luan listened to Benny and had a hard time understanding where he was leading. "Hmm, that's true. There were no actions. But what does this mean? Have I already lost control of myself?" – the frightened patient thought frantically, not knowing where to go or what to do.       – Honestly, n-not really...       – I mean, life is not a pre-planned movie or plot. Life is a game in which you decide what will happen, who will be your friend and who will be your enemy. And judging by your story, it was as if you were playing a pre-prepared record, and there are few reasons for this. There are two, to be precise. The first reason is that you really wanted it, but this scenario is quite unlikely, considering how scared you were when you came to your senses. But the second option seems true to me – you were too scared to resist. The last sentence made Luan freeze in place and stare at one point, her face twisted in horror. A buzzing spasm seized all her organs, as if all the words spoken had gathered into one big monster and hit the girl all over her body at once. As if they had flattened and ground her. "It can’t be... Am I afraid... of myself?" – Luan literally screamed to herself, trying to find some other reasons for such behavior and such actions. But there were no reasons.       – No... This c-can't be... I'm afraid of m-myself, – the girl mumbled in a whisper, salty tears gathered in her eyes, and her voice began to break and falter.       – Hush-hush, Luan, everything is fine, – Benny rushed to calm the patient trembling with horror, throwing a notebook and pencil on the table. The girl's soft hair covered part of her face, which expressed true fear and despair. Tears began to roll down her delicate skin, and quiet sobs spread throughout the ward, piercing the heart through the thin fabric of a white coat. Benny had seen enough patients with similar problems, even though he had only recently started practicing here. And almost all of them were terribly afraid for their lives. And Luan was no exception – she was afraid too. But she was afraid somehow differently. Her fear seemed more sincere, more real, as if she was the only one of all who fully understood the whole situation. And the guy, who was not yet quite accustomed to such emotions, was greatly affected by this. He carefully extended both his hands to the girl and, when her bandaged hands cautiously responded to this initiative, he gently pressed her to himself, hugging her as if she were a little daughter who had lost her favorite toy or dropped a scoop of delicious ice cream on the ground.       A warm wave of care swept through Luan's body, the room seemed to become warmer, and this rather hard bed became not so uncomfortable, but quite the opposite – soft and familiar.       – You are very smart that you understand this. If you realize your problem, then you are already halfway to solving it, Luan. And that's wonderful, – the object of fleeting joy and calm of the tired and scared girl said in a quiet and ringing voice. The tears on her face dried up, a small smile even appeared on her face, and Luan carefully clasped her hands on the back of white coat. Now she felt so good, as she had never felt since that fateful night. At least for a short time she felt confident and peaceful.       – I think we had a very good conversation, – Benny said, slowly breaking the embrace, feeling with his whole body the gaze of deep coffee eyes that asked not to move away. – Now you need to get some rest and gain strength. I'll give all the information to the doctor and let your family know that you've regained consciousness. But given your condition, visiting is strictly limited for now – only a couple of people can come to you. I think it will be your parents, and the most I can bring to you is one more visitor. Think about who you'd like to see first. And yes, if you need anything, press that button, – the guy continued, pointing to a small red button next to the bed.       – Okay, Benny, – Luan answered with a dim smile. – And... thank you very much. Benny, who was already standing in the doorway, smiled and narrowed his eyes.       – There's nothing to be thankful for yet, Luan. But just for yet. With these words, he left the room, leaving the lump of doubts and thoughts alone. The sound of the heart monitor was turned off, and the ringing silence created an atmosphere of horror, but now Luan felt safe. Until a whisper was heard...       – Well, well, well. Even if there are doctors nearby, it doesn't mean that I haven't keeping an eye on you since then, – was heard from all sides of the room, after which an ominous laugh was heard. Now Luan had definitely forgotten about safety and peace. Calmness was replaced by fear, and the bed again became hard and terribly uncomfortable.       – No... not you... Leave me alone! – Luan blurted out as quietly as possible, trying to maintain her composure.       – Did you miss me? Admit it, you missed me, – the familiar voice continued to mock.       – Hardly... I definitely didn't miss you and I won't miss you! – Luan began to press, noticeably emboldened and even starting to get angry.       – Whoa-whoa, hold your horses, sister, – the voice of darkness sounded with barely audible surprise, – all the most interesting things are yet to come.       – Even if I'm afraid of you now, it doesn't mean that I can't defeat you, – the girl hissed with intolerant determination, her caramel hair almost trembling – either from fear or from anger.       – We'll see, puppet, we'll see, – a voice was heard, noticeably moving away with each second. – Oh yeah, don't think that the puppet is just a metaphor. A shiver ran through Luan, which made her decide to lie down and fall asleep as quickly as possible. And although the voice of the terrifying mime didn't return, she couldn't asleep right away and had to toss and turn a little to finally fall into the long-awaited kingdom of Morpheus. The wonderful feeling of hugs was noticeably spoiled by the appearance of a real master of the mind. But now it doesn't matter. We must be ready for anything. Something's coming. Something big...

"Yeah, that's right. Something big and terrible is coming. The fall of the laughter's angel. Yeah, sounds good, I think it'll do. I should mark the day on the calendar or something."

"I'M not GOING to MISS this... NO FREAKING WAY"