for the memory of Don Ritche

      It went dark earlier than usual today. It's like those grey clouds are waiting for a chance to cover ground. Huge waves are licking the cliff, the wind going through the cracks and openings between rocks as if they are whispering something. Sometimes the scream of angry souls of the seas are mixing with the wind. The Gap is waiting the eternity with the open arms. The greedy owners of the seaside the seagulls even they find their self a corner to hide.       Me, watching the rain drops on the window as usual. Just like life they start in a point and moving to the end. Some comes others goes down the window. Some met, join to another drop others leaving the window without even touching any other drop. I am waiting, again. I left to window to put some tea on stove. My absence on the window… Under endless possibilities, small gap that so small yet enough for many things to occur. And I m back on my watch. A watch to seek a negotiation with the angel of death on a lost soul. Is this really a negotiation with him or is it the devil waiting me on that table? Does it matter? I am doing the thing what I believe is good. Its not important that who I am dealing with. Hours that are chasing each other each one is just the same of previous one. I am ok with this kind of empty waiting, yet I am not sure will the destiny let me to just sit and wait by myself. I don’t know, probably not, at least not today.       I thought what if I won’t hurry, maybe it’s just a bored body who came here to watch the view. How can I be sure it’s a lost soul? But I guess not today. I really don’t think this is the best weather for sightseeing. I should get my coat.       He lighted the stove again before leaving. He put on his coat and those old military boots from the days he served for the crown, then stepped outside. With calm and confident steps, he walked toward the young man waiting on the edge of the cliff. “Hi, young fella. Is there anything I can help you with?” “—I am just mad at myself, and I don’t think there is anything you can do about that.” “Sure, you have your reasons to be angry at yourself. I obviously can’t know them.” “—How could you know? You can’t even imagine what I’ve lost so far…” “I can’t possibly know. And whatever you plan to do is really only your business. But if you like, I can offer you a cup of tea.” “—Tea? What on earth are you talking about? In this situation, tea?” “Well, it’s a cold day, a cup of tea can warm you up. And if you feel like it, maybe you could tell me about those reasons of yours. After the tea, you can do whatever you intended to do anyway. It’s just an offer.” “—You’re not trying to stop me, old man, are you? You’d be wasting your limited time you left on earth, on me. There’s no hope left here.” “Like I said, I don’t think anything I say is going to change your mind. So, all I can do is offer you tea. If you don’t want it, that’s okay.” “—Thanks, old man, but I don’t think tea is what I need right now. I mean, what can a cup of tea fix anyway?” “You’re right, it’s just tea, nothing more. Okay then, take care. I’ll be going.” “—Wait, that’s it? You won’t insist? In a few minutes, I’m probably jumping off from here to end it all, and all you’ll say is ‘Want some tea?’” “You yourself said no words of mine would change your decision. So, I can only offer you tea. If you’re not interested, there’s nothing else I can do.” “—Fine, I’ll come with you. Just a cup of tea, then I’m out of here. For good.” He looked at the young man with a slight smile and headed back to the house without a word. Young man followed him to the where a smoke rises from that small chimney. “Welcome. You can sit by the window. I’ll bring the tea.” The young man, still unsure what was happening, sat at the small table next to the window and waited. “—So, is that what happened? You saw me from here and decided to come offer me tea?” “Yeah, guess you got lucky that I had just brewed some. In fact, I used up the last tea leaves in the house. If you came tomorrow, probably I wouldn’t have any left.” “—Normally, I’m not a huge tea fan. But somehow, this one smells, different.” “It’s regular tea, just that sometimes I add something for aroma—whatever comes to my mind.” “— ‘Whatever comes to your mind’… I hope it’s not something strange?” “Sometimes cinnamon, sometimes clove, maybe cardamom. Strange as in poison? You’re not afraid I’m trying to poison you, right?” “—No, I’m not afraid of that. Why would it matter anyway, poison or the rocks down there?” “Exactly, not much difference. Only difference is that you’re choosing the time. That’s why you came to the cliff, right? So, you’d get to decide when.” “—It’s not that important. The sooner the better, that’s all.” “Probably so. But you must’ve walked a long way to get here, the town is pretty far.” “—Yes, you’re right. Why do you live here anyway? How does a person live in a place like this? The view is quite dreadful.” “You see dark skies and stormy clouds, so you assume it’s always this bleak. You should see how it feels at sunrise, or on a clear day. I don’t think there is a way that I can describe how amazing it is.” “—Still, isolating yourself from the rest of humanity just for a view… does that really make sense? Or maybe you too lost your hope in people and exiled yourself here?” “No, I haven’t lost hope in humanity, nor am I exiled. I just spent most of my life fighting for other people, and now I guess I’m living for myself. I’m not in a place anymore where I can sacrifice my own life for friends, relationships, or anyone else.” “—Betrayal, being lied to, being stabbed in the back, left all alone… And none of that was my fault, just that I let them hurt me. But it doesn’t matter now, not after today.” “It never really mattered, if you ask me. Your existence or your absence, for some people it’s just a memory. The question is whether your absence means something to anyone, but only you’d know that.” “—Even if it means something… I don’t know, it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I don't know, can I make things the way they were. I don’t know if any chance for anything to work out again. I really don’t.” “Sounds like you really don’t know much. If the only way you can deal with an unfinished book is to slam it shut and run, I guess you weren’t fighting that hard in the first place.” “—Woav, You have no idea what you’re talking about, old man. I’ve fought my whole life. I built my own business from scratch, got it all taken away when my partner cheated me. And on top of that, my girlfriend left me, the one I stood by even against to my whole family and even her family.. Yet she dumped me. So don’t tell me I’m not a fighter.” “So, your business partner screwed you, and then you got dumped. Must be tough. What you’re telling me reminds me of an old friend I had… you know?”       Back in 1944, I was serving in the Royal Navy. Maybe you heard about HMAS Hobart. I was on its crew. There was this kid James, a stoker in the engine room. We often crossed paths during night shifts. He had a fiancée waiting for him back in Pyrmont. One day, we docked for supplies, and we got some shore leave. That evening, he came back to the ship in a terrible state. I asked, “What’s wrong, James?” but he didn’t answer at first. He didn’t talk to anybody that night. Next day, I kept pushing him to tell me. Finally, he said that the Japanese had bombarded the coast, and his fiancée died at her home that night. And the worst part? He wasn’t there to protect her. We were stuck on this damned ship, doing what they tell us to do, day in day out. He said he wanted revenge on the Japanese, but all he could do was just greasing the engine. The young man was stunned by what he heard, and he just kept listening. “It’s kind of like your story. James and his fiancée were so in love they got engaged despite their families’ objections. James didn’t speak to his family for two weeks because of it, then somehow reconciled, but I’m not too sure on the details. After that… well, you know how it ended. Like the old saying, ‘Till death do us part.’” “—Yeah, that’s… that’s a really sad story. Um, if you don’t mind, could I get one more cup of that tea please? I think I’m starting to like it.” “My cup’s almost empty too. Sure, I’ll bring another. Just a moment.” One more cup of tea.. That was all I wanted to hear.