The Criminal Diaries

      Three days later. It’s about eleven o’clock. Despite a great wish to see her close people and let them know that she is alright, Helene does what Elijah wants patiently, still living in the apartment of his brother. She spends time coming to herself a little after everything she went through and gives some attention to her health, which has gotten worse. Not to think about bad things all the time, the girl gets busy reading books since the man has a lot of them, and watching interesting movies and shows that she did not have time for. And now she is sitting on the sofa in the living room with her legs on it and finds a movie that makes her so interested that she decides to watch it.       Helene gets so busy with it that she does not notice that Elijah comes back to the apartment, opening the door with a key quietly and locking it after crossing the doorstep. When he is in the living room, the man puts the keys from the car and his sunglasses on the table near the sofa. It distracts the girl from watching TV and makes her move her eyes to the former accomplice of Marcus, whom she has almost stopped being afraid of, because she sees that he really aims to help her.       “Woke up already?” Elijah asks.       “Yup, recently,” Helene replies thoughtfully, running her fingers through her hair gathered on the top with a hair claw.       “How are you feeling today?”       “Much better. I cough much more rarely. And my nose is not runny anymore. And I no longer feel the weakness.”       “That’s good!”       “I see you’ve been awake since the early morning. Running somewhere and fretting.”       “I have a lot of things to do, but I have so little time.”       “I see… But I liked not to be in a rush so much that I’m gonna spend a lot of time weaning myself away from it.”       “I get it…” Elijah sits on the sofa next to Helene. “Having a rest is always cool.”       “Honestly, I never had a vacation for the years of my work. I went to work strictly on schedule. I actually had to go to work every day without weekends at one of the first workplaces. But I managed to find time to do other business.”       “Are you a careerist?”       “Nope, I wouldn’t call myself the one. I just always followed the order of my grandfather and grandmother about having to work hard and a lot. But first of all, to be encouraged and made a role model.”       “Their generation always cared about what people would think of them. They didn’t care about how much money you earned. They cared about what you did for everyone’s well-being.”       “Right, they cared about it a lot. When I was growing up, I always heard such words as, ‘Think about what other people would say about you!’ They always told me to be like everyone and not to stand out.”       “And after these words, many people gave up on their talents. Because they were told to be like everyone and to work for others, not themselves.”       “I’ve managed to analyze my life for this whole time. And I realize that I didn’t almost please myself. I graduated from school with good scores for my grandparents. I went to the university and graduated for them. I gave them all the money I earned. And I left pennies for me. I did it secretly. Because they took everything to the last cent. I never spent my full salary on myself only.”       “Did they take your money by themselves?”       “Yes. And they loved shaming me when I decided to keep everything with me. They reminded me of raising me… Like, I must’ve been grateful to them. Reminded me of people thinking something bad about me if I act like an egoist and give them nothing, in their opinion.”       “Well… As far as I know, teachers earn enough money. But you said both of them worked at school.”       “Yes, their salary was good, but it wasn’t enough to live in luxury. And I earned… Well… Maybe a little more.”       “And were you happy with everything?”       “Not quite…” Helene replies thoughtfully. “Yes, I was happy to help my grandfather and grandmother. I wasn’t greedy to give them money. But I felt hurt ‘cause I worked super hard and got nothing in the end. Though I really wanted to buy myself tons of beautiful clothes and cosmetics… Not asking anyone. To wear what I liked. Not what they thought was good. They literally bought me clothes. And banned me from looking at cosmetics. I… I’m used to telling them about every single thing I buy and warn them about my plans. And they weren’t always approved. Sometimes my grandfather or grandmother could… Ban me from it. And I had to give up on them.”       “You’re an adult person, Helene,” Elijah notices. “You don’t have to tell people about what you spend your own money on. It would be fine if you lived on someone’s account. It would be okay if a man provided for you. It would be okay if you emptied his bank cards. But you work and earn money yourself. You have a right to please yourself with good shows or a couple of beautiful dresses.”       “When I was younger, I was mad and resentful. And now I’m starting to understand them. Especially after finding out the mystery of my birth. I understand that my grandparents just… They were just afraid that I’d turn on the wrong side. So, they tried to control me in everything and didn’t let me live on my own. Though they crossed the line when being overprotective to some extent. And before his death, Grandfather realized it and asked me for forgiveness for that many times.”       “If their condition was a good education and a good job with a great salary, you can now decide how to live. Nobody can ban you.”       “Grandfather Roger decided everything back then. He was always very harsh but fair. He treated Grandma and me with respect, but was mad when we went against him. As you understand, I tried to resist it. That’s why he punished me often, hitting me with a belt, putting me in the corner, taking something from me, and strengthening the control. And Grandma did everything he wanted silently and didn't go against him.”       “Did the situation change after your grandfather died?”       “Yup… Grandma Scarlett has always been much softer and tried to pour oil on troubled waters. After Grandfather’s death, she stopped controlling me so harshly. She didn’t take my salary away, changed her mind about my relationship with men, and didn’t make me tell her about everything I did. No matter how rude it sounds, I was able to breathe in fully after my grandfather’s death. I got much more freedom.”       “I see…”       “Though some things haven’t changed. For example, she keeps caring about other people’s opinions. And she hasn’t changed her mind on illegitimate children. She always says: if you want children, get married and give birth to a child with your husband.”       “She’s right to some extent. Though a marriage doesn’t give you any guarantees except the proprietary rights nowadays. Besides, if a person doesn’t like something, they won’t take it and will leave, not being afraid to be judged by society. People are now much more loyal to divorces and don’t call them a shame.”       “I don’t judge divorces. Anyway, people can decide how to live. And I’m especially for them when you feel bad about someone, or they treat you terribly. Though I agree about children in a marriage. I don’t wanna give birth to a child from someone I’m not married to.”       “Do you actually want to get married and have children?”       “Yes, I want it now. I’m ready now.”       “Didn’t Peter and you plan to get married?”       “Nope, we’ve never talked about it. Though if he proposed to me, I would accept without thinking. I don’t doubt that he would be a wonderful husband and a good father.”       Helene swallows nervously, locking her fingers tightly.       “Though… I’m not sure that our children wouldn’t inherit the genes from their father. Schizophrenia, depression, suicidal tendencies… Peter is not healthy. I can’t deny it. He has the predisposition to self-harming and depression.”       “It can’t be changed…” Elijah throws his hands up. “All the illnesses Marcus and Peter’s relatives suffered can be inherited. It would be strange if your boyfriend didn’t get just something. And there’s a high chance that your children may have them too.”       “At least, you can control it all under the view of the doctor.”       “Are you ready to do this?”       “I love Peter anyway, Elijah. Even if he’s sick, even if he’s healthy. Even if he suffered from a bunch of mental illnesses, I wouldn’t be able to reject him. That man is really important to me. And I know he needs me.”       “But it’s a risk. You understand that you can expect anything in this case.”       “I completely understand it. And I’m ready to get through all of this. I’m sure that I can handle it.”       “As you wish. I won’t change your mind because I don’t know what Peter actually is. I only know something about him thanks to Marcus. Who knows nothing about his son, too.”       “When everything was fine, the guys and I thought Peter was okay. He was more or less happy. And he looked funny when he didn’t have problems.”       “You’re an adult person who’s responsible for your actions. If you think you’ll feel good with him, it’s your right.”       “I’m so worried about him,” Helene confesses with sadness in her eyes. “How’s he doing now? How’s he living with the thought that I’m allegedly dead? Are our friends helping him? Didn’t he withdraw into himself? Doesn’t he suffer from depression? What if Peter thinks about killing himself again? I wouldn’t handle it.”       “You will know the answer to all your questions.”       “Say, how long do I have to be here? How long do I have to pretend to be dead? When would I finally meet the guys?”       “If you really want it, you can do this today,” Elijah smiles shyly.       “What?” Helene rounds her eyes. “Today?”       “I think it’s been a long enough time. So, you can get out of the hole and come back to your regular life.”       “But… What about Marcus? What about his accomplices?”       “They’re all arrested,” Elijah replies confidently. “Nobody is free now.”       “Are you sure?”       “I am. The information is checked. Confirmed by some relatives and friends of these people, whom I contacted recently. They confirmed that all these guys are going to be sentenced for their tricks. And the Internet is full of news about Longbottom, while they talk about him on TV.”       “And it means…”       “You’re free, Helene. You can come back home and do your business.”       “Are you serious? Aren’t you joking?”       “Not at all,” Elijah shakes his head with a slight smile. “I did everything I could do. And I think my mission of saving you has been completed.”       “Oh, my God…”       Helene closes her mouth with a hand, looking at Elijah with mistrust.       “Really? Finally…” Helene smiles a little wider. “I can’t believe it…”       “We waited for some time and made sure that there was no danger anymore,” Elijah replies. “And I also found out that Marcus has been released from the hospital after he accidentally poisoned himself and has been put in prison. He is going to wait for the trial, as well as those who are there already. They will pay for harming you and doing many other things, their fault for which it’s going to be easy to prove.”       “And you?” Helene asks hesitantly. “You’re Marcus’s accomplice, too.”       “Yeah, I’m the only one not to be caught yet. And I know they’re looking for me. And they’ll find me early or late.”       “Are you gonna wait for them to get you arrested?”       “Nope, I want to surrender to the police.”       “Surrender personally?”       “When you leave, and I finish some business, I will go to the station so they put a handcuff on me, put me in prison, and take my personal stuff.”       “Your fault for all of that is not as serious as the fault of the others.”       “But there is the one. And I have to pay for it.”       “Maybe, a full confession would help you shorten your sentence and be released earlier than the others.”       “Let things happen as they want.” Elijah shrugs. “My duty is to surrender and pay for my tricks. That I regret a lot now. I am sorry about being Marcus’ henchman and being a part of his business for so long.”       “I hope you’ll be much luckier. After talking to you a little, I realized that you weren’t such a bad and mean man. You have a lot of good things.”       “Sadly, you start to understand some things too late. When you’re pressed to the wall and made to get through what you literally asked for.”       “Anyway, all these things taught me a lot and made me think about the wrong things I've ever done in my life. As I've said, it was probably what I needed.”       “Be sure, it won't happen again. And Marcus will finally pay for what he has done. Though the judge must give him several life sentences for all the bad things. Since he is a heartless and bloodthirsty killer who murdered victims with a click of his fingers.”       “Justice must be restored. Even if it took more than twenty years to get it.”       “The important thing is that it happened. The important thing is that many more people didn’t die because of him. Especially you.”       “Anyway, I’m really grateful to you for the efforts you made to save me. If not for you, I wouldn’t have been here now.”       “And I’m sorry about what happened,” Elijah apologizes with sadness in his eyes. “Not sure about the others, but it was really unpleasant for me to harm you and be rude to you. After all those cases, I felt like cats scratched my soul.”       “It’s okay, Elijah, don’t worry,” Helene smiles shyly, clapping Elijah on the shoulder. “You did a lot for my pastime at that place not to be so terrible. You gave me some food, tried to solve the problem with living things, and brought me candles, so it wasn’t so dark. If not for you, I would’ve died a long time ago.”       “And I didn’t always do it with Marcus’ permission. Sometimes I did it secretly. I understood that I risked a lot, but I was really sorry for you. Though I couldn’t really help you for the time being.”       “Thank you for what you did. It means a lot to me. I will never forget your kindness.”       “So…” Elijah shrugs. “When you’re ready, you can get ready and go home. I’m sure the guys will be happy to know you’re alive.”       “Sure… But I will drink coffee first.”       “Want me to make a company for you?”       “I’d be happy to talk to you for the last time,” Helene smiles sweetly. “I don’t think you and I will meet again.”       “Most likely,” Elijah shrugs. “So, we can use the moment.”       “I hope I didn’t bother you too much after living here for so long.”       “C’mon, no discomfort! I was happy to live with you all this time. This time became really wonderful for me. Even though I’m used to living alone, I felt very comfortable next to you.”       “Thank you so much, Elijah.”       Helene gets up from the sofa with a slight smile, while Elijah does the same after her.       “Erm, listen, let me call you a taxi and pay for it?” Elijah suggests. “You don’t have money and a phone.”       “Ah, yeah, I forgot…” Helene replies thoughtfully, scratching the back of her head. “But it’s okay, I will solve it.”       “Alright, beautiful, let’s do this…”       Elijah takes a wallet from the pocket of his jeans, opens it, takes several banknotes, and gives them to Helene.       “Take some money. It’s enough for a taxi, a bun, and a glass of coffee at a café. If you want, of course…”       “Oh, no, no, thanks, don’t need,” Helene refuses gently. “I will not take money from you.”       “You will need it. You aren’t able to use a bus and pay for a taxi without money.”       “It’s okay, I will walk on my feet.”       “You’re crazy! It would take a lot of time to get from here to your home! Your legs would get hurt!”       “After so many days I spent literally motionless, I am happy to do sports right now. Even if I’m usually not a friend with it.”       “Anyway, you can do nothing without money. But with money, you have a chance to go home.”       “Oh…” Helene pronounces shyly. “It’s really uncomfortable for me to take money.”       “I insist.” Elijah gives the money again. “Take it, Helene, don’t be shy.”       Helene sighs heavily with sadness in her eyes before she takes the banknotes from Elijah and counts them quickly.       “Thank you so much…” Helene thanks hesitantly. “Thank you for everything you’ve done. Many thanks to your brother, who agreed to let me live here.”       “Although it’s warm outside, you can take something from my clothes just in case.”       “Thanks, but the TV report said that the weather would be hot and sunny today. So, it would be good for my clothes.”       “Didn’t it suffer a lot after the fire?”       “Nope, and it’s strange. Well… Maybe only the edges of my top burned a little, but it’s okay.”       “Then let’s eat well, and you can get ready after that.”       “Finally!” Helene smiles much wider. “I’ve been waiting for this moment.”       When Elijah spreads his arms aside to take her in an amicable hug, Helene does not refuse and answers it with pleasure. When he steps away, he claps her on the shoulders softly and shares a slight smile with her.       “I’m sorry about having to get through all of that,” Elijah apologizes. “I’m really very sorry. And I am ashamed of Marcus, Luther, Ronald, and their whole gang.”       “I hope the judge will take note of all the facts and not give you such a harsh sentence,” Helene expresses hope.       “If I’m lucky, I promise I will never stand in the wrong way and will do my business. Work a lot, earn money, find a girl, get married, think of children… Just like all regular people. And… I will no longer get penalties for violating the traffic rules.”       “I’d be happy if you did it.”       Elijah says nothing and just keeps smiling shyly at Helene.       “I will call Nolan later, tell him that I’m gonna leave this apartment today, and agree on the meeting so I can give him the keys.”       “Thank him on my behalf,” Helene says.       “Of course.”       “Alright, you can boil the water, but I will put on my clothes and brush my hair.”       “I’m waiting for you in the kitchen!”       While Helene goes to the room to put on her clothes instead of the bathrobe she is wearing now, Elijah turns on the kettle to boil the water and prepares a couple of cups from the counter. And he does not add anything to them and just puts a can of ground coffee and a cup of sugar. Then he finds some cookies that he wants to eat himself and offers them to the girl, who does not hide her happiness about finally being able to come back to her life and reunite with her close people.       

***

      Scarlett keeps holding her first aid kit next to herself, but she does not spend all the time in her bed and gets up sometimes to do her business. Thanks to the support of many people, the woman still finds the strength to hold on, even if she does not understand what to do after her close people left her. So, she went to meet those who came to visit her again, not wishing to leave Helene’s grandmother alone in such a hard moment.       Terrence, Daniel, Edward, Raquelle, Anna, and Natalia cannot accept the tragedy that happened and keep believing that it’s not the truth, but they feel much better together. The men spend less time thinking about the sense of shame for their friend they could not save, which is eating them inside. And the girls find the strength not to try bitterly all day long and to distract themselves with something. However, they cannot stop thinking about it at all because Victor Johnson also went to visit Scarlett, still supporting the woman and telling her about how the investigation is going.       “When are we able to start to get ready for the funeral?” Scarlett asks hesitantly, holding a small transparent glass of water. “Have you done everything you needed?”       “I am sorry, Mrs. Marshall, but it’s impossible now,” Victor shakes his head with sadness in his eyes, taking off his glasses and wiping them with a small microfiber handkerchief he always keeps in his pocket. “The investigation is not over yet.”       “And when will it be over?” Edward specifies, sitting on the edge of the bed, while Natalia sitting next to him keeps her head on his shoulder.       “Hard to say.”       “But why does it take so long?” Terrence wonders, standing near the writing table, while Raquelle keeps her arms wrapped around his waist. “I thought everything would end much sooner.”       “Because the rescuers cannot find the corpse of your friend.”       “What do you mean?” Daniel frowns slightly, holding Anna standing near the window by the shoulders. “What do you mean, the rescuers cannot find the corpse?”       “That’s the situation!” Victor exclaims. “The rescuers managed to clean up the mess and clean the territory, on which the fire and the explosion happened, for two days. But they haven’t found any corpses.”       “Do you want to say that they lied to us?” Raquelle rounds her eyes. “There’s no corpse? Those people gave us the wrong address and hid Helene in a different place?”       “I cannot say anything yet, folks. But I’m telling you the truth: there is no corpse. No remains, no human parts, nothing like this… No tracks of Helene Marshall.”       “But that’s impossible!” Natalia exclaims. “There must be something there!”       “We’re checking the entire territory closely for the hundredth time, but it doesn’t lead to any result.”       “Maybe they really disinformed you and gave you the wrong address?” Scarlett specifies in a little shaking voice. “Maybe those cads don’t want to betray Marcus and say where they hid my granddaughter?”       “Anyway, the investigation continues, and the suspects will be questioned again if we have doubts that they called us the wrong place.”       “But actually, the situation is kind of suspicious,” Terrence notices. “They were supposed to find the corpse a long time ago. Besides, you said they’d cleaned up the mess already.”       “I am assuming that the body may be in a different place,” Victor replies quietly and puts on his glasses that he is holding in his hands. “Moreover, you said they showed Helene’s death to you via a videocall: first, it was the way the girl ended up in a fire trap and then the way the house burned down.”       “It’s possible enough…” Daniel strokes his chin. “We don’t know what happened after the connection was lost after talking to Helene. We only know that there was a heavy fire in the room. And anything could happen next. Her body could really be taken to another place so they could get rid of it.”       “And the house they showed us mayn’t be the one where they kept Helene,” Edward adds. “It could be any random abandoned house that they burned down and exploded, so we watched the show.”       “Even if it’s so, that house was probably somewhere near,” Victor assumes. “Not too much time had passed between the talk with Helene and the call of another accomplice of Marcus. They wouldn't have moved fast from one place to another, knowing that you saw all of them.”       “I am more wondering why one of them was missing,” Terrence confesses. “There were four of them originally, but when the full house was burning down, and the explosion happened, we only talked with three of them. The fourth one was gone.”       “And the fourth one can't be caught yet,” Raquelle adds thoughtfully. “The fourth one named Elijah…”       “The police are looking for him and check on the address where he is registered regularly, but no result yet,” Victor upsets. “His neighbors say that Elijah Hartley has not shown up there yet.”       “And those three acted like nothing happened, as if Elijah wasn’t with them,” Edward notices. “It’s all kind of weird…”       “Don’t you think he’s planning something?” Anna gives her version. “That man has his own business? Maybe that’s why he disappeared after they left Helene to die?”       “Even if we assume that Helene wasn’t in the house that they tried to burn down for the camera, they probably hid her body in a different place,” Victor replies thoughtfully. “A crime never comes back to the same place twice.”       “What if they started the show in the case of the house they set on fire, and in the case of the fire in the room where Helene was?” Daniel assumes. “I know this version may be stupid because we saw it all. But there’s a chance that the criminals could put down the fire quickly and take her away from there. And she would’ve probably known nothing since she was poisoned with carbon monoxide and lost consciousness.”       “So, do you want to say that Helene may be alive?” Scarlett opens her eyes widely. “We consider my granddaughter dead for nothing?”       “I’m just trying to get deeper into it and think about all the possible variants.”       “You know, Daniel, I can agree with you,” Victor replies thoughtfully. “Anything could happen after the connection was lost. Terrence, Edward, and you could probably see the picture that wasn’t full. They could obviously mislead you.”       “But then…” Natalia pronounces hesitantly. “If we assume that Daniel is right, but where’s Helene now? What did those people do to her?”       “Even if she’s alive, she will hardly live for too long,” Raquelle replies. “The guys said Helene looked terrible: weak and exhausted. In this case, they would’ve had to do nothing because she would’ve died of hunger, coldness, and stress…”       “Maybe this is why Elijah, whom you’re talking about, disappeared?” Scarlett assumes. “What if Marcus told him to hide my granddaughter in a different place and watch her?”       “In this case, we must find him in any way!” Edward states determinedly. “That man knows and plans something one hundred percent.”       “Alas, but we don’t have any clues that could detect his approximate current location,” Victor throws his hands up. “I don’t know what kind of mask he uses, but nobody has seen Elijah, nobody knows anything about him.”       “I don’t think they would’ve pitied Helene and kept her alive,” Terrence shakes his head. “Marcus didn’t need it, and his friends wouldn’t have given her life. They would’ve gotten rid of her anyway – early or late. So, we shouldn't expect that Elijah is hiding her friend, and she is alive. There’s a small chance.”       “Alright, ladies and gentlemen, since we haven’t found the corpse of Helene Marshall, we will focus on searching for Elijah Hartley and those who may be involved with this case. My colleagues and I are checking all the places in the city, but we will probably expand the zone and check the entire country, literally.”       “He knows you’re looking for him,” Anna says confidently. “And he understands he won’t be able to leave the city, no matter what he does. Elijah would be caught at the passport control.”       “Now, criminals are much smarter and more creative. They aren’t what they were when I just started working in the police. They come up with more and more ways to commit and hide their crimes. They know there are many technologies that could help find any suspect in a short time. So, they have to do their best not to leave us behind.”       “My God, how hard everything is…” Scarlett sighs tiredly, rubbing her forehead. “My head is about to explode from all of this…”       “Anyway, my colleagues and I are not sitting with our hands folded and are doing our best to finish the investigation as soon as possible. And no matter how hard Elijah Hartley hides, he will be caught and arrested early or late. We will make him tell us the truth about what happened to Helene and where she is now.”       “Ah, I wish she turned out to be alive in a magical way,” Natalia sighs heavily. “I wish everything were not as bad as we think.”       “Let’s believe we will find her in time. Who knows… Maybe the girl hasn’t died yet and has a chance to survive. A chance to live a normal life after getting the medical help.”       “It would be great…” Terrence replies thoughtfully. “We’d stop feeling guilty of her death.”       “Please, guys, don’t blame yourself for anything,” Scarlett says softly. “You’re guilty of nothing.”       “Yes, guys, don’t take what you heard from Peter too seriously,” Victor insists. “Trust me, everyone is guilty for him now, not just you. Everyone, including him.”       “But there’s a part of the truth in his words,” Daniel notices. “We screwed it up. We really did.”       “I’m sure he will think differently when he calms down and comes to himself a little.”       “You know well that we’re now enemies to him,” Edward notices with sadness in his eyes. “Peter doesn’t wanna talk to us and have anything in common.”       “So, hasn’t he talked to him even once?” Scarlett asks hesitantly.       “Alas, Mrs. Marshall,” Anna shrugs. “He doesn’t answer our messages and turns off our calls.”       “Gosh, poor boy… I know how hard it is for him now…”       “We’re starting to make ourselves live with the thought that we lost our friend,” Daniel confesses. “In all senses. He isn’t going to talk to him, and we’re starting to doubt that we want to be his friends.”       “Did you go to his home?” Victor asks.       “We did,” Raquelle replies. “But he never opened the door. At first, he wasn’t at home, but yesterday, Peter was really there, but he didn’t open up to us.”       “And his neighbors complained that he screamed at someone and even broke something,” Natalia adds.       “When a person stays alone with their grief, they start to go crazy little by little,” Victor notices. “Depression is nothing. It’s much worse than they go crazy, hear voices, and see hallucinations.”       “Peter wasn’t always alright,” Terrence confesses. “We have a reason to think so after everything we’ve lately learned about him.”       “Maybe he will listen to me?” Scarlett assumes. “What if I go to his home someday and try to talk to him? I’ve never done anything bad to him and always treated Peter like my own son.”       “Hardly, Mrs. Marshall,” Anna shakes her head.       “Maybe Peter had a reason to take it on the men because, as we know, they haven’t always been holy. But me… You, girls… We’ve always treated Peter well and loved him. Why would he treat us in the same way?”       “Yeah, but Rose looks frowningly at his neighbor, whom he usually gets along with,” Daniel notices. “Though she treated him with respect, too. And now Peter doesn’t greet her, and he said something rude to her. We met that woman yesterday when we tried to visit him again, and she told us everything.”       “Nevertheless, I will try to go to his home. Maybe we can be united by the common grief.”       “No, Mrs. Marshall, you'd better take care of yourself,” Victor protests. “Your health has gotten much worse after worrying. And now Peter is in the condition where he can make it much worse for you.”       “Don’t worry, Mr. Johnson, I am more or less alright. Holding on somehow. As you see, I’m not lying in my bed today, and I’m trying to do something. Not to think of losing my granddaughter all the time.”       “As for Peter, we will solve this problem by ourselves,” Raquelle promises. “I don’t know, but it’s going to be our trouble.”       “Oh, what can you do when the boy goes crazy from grief like this?” Scarlett sighs heavily.       “Time heals any scars,” Terrence notices. “We won’t be mourning forever, and Peter will not remain depressed until the end of his life.”       “You can probably get through it, but Peter will hardly do. He has said many times that Helene is the main reason why he wants to live. He said life would be over for him if something happened to her. He even threatened to try to kill himself.”       “We will do our best not to make it happen,” Edward promises. “Not to let him think about it. Though we’re really thinking of giving up and leaving him alone once and forever more and more.”       “You will hardly do something when a person loses their meaning of life and doesn’t know what to do and how to live,” Victor replies thoughtfully. If someone like Peter decides to kill themselves, they will do this. It sounds sad, but it’s the truth.”       “We know, Mr. Johnson,” Daniel nods.       “My God, I wish any miracle really happened and let us find out that Helene is alive,” Anna prays quietly. “She’s the only one who can bring Peter back to us. Get rid of the demons in his head.”       “This kind of magic is real in movies only,” Scarlett sighs heavily.       “You know, life is an unpredictable thing,” Terrence shrugs. “We didn’t think we’d have to get through so many things that’d happened over the past three or four years. But we did it.”       “As if I thought I’d lose my daughter, my husband, and my granddaughter one day. I thought I’d get old next to my close people. My daughter would be happily married to a decent man and educate Helene. My granddaughter would grow up, get an education, get married, and give birth to a baby. I always dreamed of us coming together on weekends and holidays. But I stayed alone. All alone.”       “You’re not alone, Mrs. Marshall,” Victor smiles slightly. “You have all of us. If you need something, we will be happy to help you.”       “And your support means a lot to me.” Scarlett sniffs her nose quietly. “Really, I don’t know what I would do without you. I think I would go crazy as well as Peter.”       “We’ve gotta help the youth a little. Or they’re going to go crazy from worrying, too.”       “You know…” Scarlett starts looking at her hands. “I’m starting to think about how Roger and I raised our daughter and granddaughter. And I understand that… We were really too harsh to Helene at times. Maybe if we’d given her much more freedom, we would’ve avoided many things that happened. We didn't stop watching her. We held her hand when taking her somewhere like a baby.”       “We know you always wished her the best,” Victor replies. “We know that we have to punish and educate little children so they learn to distinguish good things from bad, no matter how painful it is.”       “Yeah, but honestly, it was always Roger’s initiative. He was always a decent but very harsh man. He wanted everyone to follow his orders. And when someone protested, my husband got great pride. Thank God, Roger never raised a hand at me. But he could shout and stop talking to me for weeks. And he could easily hit Helene with a belt. Strongly enough. And he never apologized first. He always waited for someone to admit that they were not right, apologize, and do what he wanted. And even when he wasn’t right, my husband didn’t think so. He always thought his opinion was right all the time.”       “And you?”       “Of course, I was less harsh. I often closed my eyes to what Roger wasn’t going to ignore. But I didn’t want to argue with my husband. It was my education: if a man said something, a woman must do his order. He is the head of the home, smarter, wiser, he knows what would be better… A wife is for a husband. Not a husband for a wife.”       “But did he at least listen to your opinion?” Natalia asks. “Did he listen to you?”       “Yes, Roger asked me about my opinion. Though he usually preferred to do what he wanted. And when we found out that Wendy was expecting a child, my husband stated it was my fault. Like, I was too soft to her. He said he shouldn't have closed his eyes to everything and should’ve used a belt. He thought… If he’d educated her harshly, nothing would’ve happened.”       Scarlett sighs heavily.       “And in the case of Helene, he did not let anything like this happen. Roger loved his granddaughter with all his heart, but he didn’t let her go against him and made her do what he told her. He said she would say, ‘thank you’ to him for washing her brain in time and not letting her turn on the wrong way. Though I wasn’t sure it would happen, knowing that Roger could’ve easily grabbed a belt and hit her strongly.”       “Did you really beat the girl with a belt?” Daniel opens his eyes widely.       “I never did, but Roger did. But I couldn’t stop him because he wouldn’t listen to me anyway. As a decent wife, I obeyed him in everything. So, I had to forget about softness and permissiveness and follow his strategy of education. Though I felt like cats scratched my soul at these moments. It was madly hurt for me to watch my granddaughter cry when my husband educated her in such a terrible way.”       “Wow, we didn’t know it…” Natalia pronounces surprisingly.       “On the one hand, I thought Roger was right. We were too soft on Wendy and banned her from almost nothing, but she got pregnant at the age of sixteen. We couldn’t let anything like this happen in the case of Helene. And I decided it would be better to wait for a while to make my granddaughter a decent person who would get a good education, get a good job, and give birth to children after she gets married.”       “As long as we knew Helene, she never complained you were so harsh to her,” Raquelle confesses. “She didn’t say you slapped her with a belt. Though she didn’t hide that you educated her harshly.”       “As I’ve said, we had a lot of problems with her. Maybe it was connected with our methods of education. The fact that she choked from our band and overprotection. She obeyed us, and we could tell her something verbally when she was a child, it was getting harder every year. So, Roger had to take such radical measures as a belt, a confiscation of her personal stuff, no pocket money, home arrest, and everything like this.”       “Helene definitely had a great power of will since she got through all of that,” Anna says thoughtfully.       “But as we know, everything has its limits. One day, Helene had a strong fight with Roger and me after we found out that she didn’t give us her salary fully. And she was secretly going to sign a contract for renting an apartment.”       “Did you take money from the girl?” Victor surprises unpleasantly. “The one she earned honestly?”       “Roger did. He didn't want her to spend it on stupid things, as he said. He hid them in his secret place, saying it would be a safety for a rainy day. The money for something necessary that we may need. And he never allowed Helene to take money secretly and always made her agree on any desired purchases with her. And if my husband said no, our granddaughter could not buy it.”       “But it was her money! She earned it by working hard. Helene had the right to buy anything on it: clothes, cosmetics, or jewelry. Moreover, she was a girl. Girls love pleasing themselves.”       Helene always persuaded us to buy her some beautiful clothes that she would’ve liked. But Roger never approved of her choice and said only, heaven forbid, prostitutes could wear something like that. And he made the girl wear what covered her from head to foot. And she always complained and said she was ashamed of girls and boys. Then my husband said she should’ve thought about her studies, not hangouts with girls and dates with boys. Thus, she was also not allowed to use cosmetics. And I agreed with Roger. I hid my makeup bag when I found out that she had started to steal something from me.”       “Excuse me, of course, but you tortured the girl. It was how you put her under stress and encouraged her to lie. When a child is banned from something, they want to do it much more. And they do it. Do it secretly. Especially if they have friends who would help them with it.”       “It happened. And on the day of our fight, she lost her patience. Helene got enraged and told us everything she had kept inside for years. She told us about all the offences she had against Roger and me. About how sick she was of our attempts to control her and limit her in something. She told us about shame related to the fact that we took her everywhere personally: school, university, and workplace. She was mad because of our refusal to let her live on her own. She was sick of us taking her money away that she earned by working hard. Oh… In short, she started with the early ages…”       “No wonder…” Edward crosses his arms over his chest. “And it’s amazing that she didn’t get enraged much earlier.”       “Oh, she got such a strong slap in the face from Roger. And Helene started to insult and even swear. My husband could not take it. My granddaughter cried and tried to get support from me, but I was by the side of my husband and thought he was doing the right thing. Though I thought the girl really crossed all the lines. As a literature teacher who was raised in an intelligent family, it was disgusting for me to hear all of that. My God… I have never pronounced those words! And I don’t know how she learned all of them.”       “And what happened after that?” Raquelle asks.       “After that, Helene took her bag and left home, saying she didn’t want to hear or see us. She also said she dreamed of the day Roger and I would be dead because we annoyed her with our control. Of course, we were deeply shocked. We told her to come back, called her, sent her hundreds of messages… But at some moment, she actually turned off her phone. We didn’t know where she was or with whom. And then it led to the moment when we fought with each other. I decided to tell my husband that he crossed the line in educating the adult girl, and Roger blamed me for everything. Like, I lost my daughter and didn’t watch my granddaughter enough, and missed the moment when she started to swear. Something like, ‘You’re a literature teacher! Intelligent, educated, and well-read woman! How did your granddaughter learn all the dirty things we just heard?’”       Scarlett sighs heavily and swallows nervously.       “I felt really hurt… It was hurtful that my husband took it out on me. Whatever happened, I was always guilty. My husband never considered himself the one. I spent years tolerating all of this. Obeying. Agreeing. Apologizing for everything. Trying to please him. Subdue the offence that was growing like a snowball. And in the end, we had such a strong fight that I stopped talking to him first. And Roger said nothing. So, we were like two stubborn donkeys and pretended that we didn’t exist for each other. While my husband did nothing to find Helene with the thought that she would come back soon, I couldn’t just sit with my hands folded.”       “And where did you find her?” Daniel asks.       “Helene came back home the next day after lunchtime. I had managed to find out that she spent a night with Peter.”       “Peter?”       “He was the first man I decided to call the next morning after I calmed down a little after a fight with Roger. And Peter said Helene was with him and would come back home soon. As he said, she didn’t want to do it, but the boy managed to persuade her. And I saw that Helene wasn’t happy with it. The poor girl was so broken and unhappy… Her eyes were puffy from tears, and she was shaking. Peter said he spent all night calming her down because she couldn’t stop crying. She fell asleep in the early morning.”       “And how long ago did it happen?” Natalia specifies.       “Like three and a half years ago. Helene and Peter just met and became friends, and Roger was alive. But somewhere one week after that case, my husband suddenly felt bad, and I called an ambulance immediately. As it turned out, everything started much earlier, but since we didn’t talk. He was silent due to his pride. And it led to the day when Helene found him unconscious in the kitchen.”       “Didn’t you talk to him before it happened?” Victor asks.       “No, I was the only one to be truly happy with Helene’s return. Roger said nothing and kept being silent: he didn’t talk to me and didn’t come to his granddaughter. Everyone did their business. I actually stopped cooking food for him and preparing boxes, so he took them to work. He fed himself by himself. And we went to work one by one, even if we usually went together. However, speaking the truth, we weren’t too upset. I felt relief because I didn't have to give reports to my husband and did what I thought I needed. And my granddaughter was especially happy that he didn’t order her. At that moment, we got along and got much closer. And I even gave her some money so she pleased herself a little. Roger took almost all her money. He also wanted to take her bank card away, but he didn’t find it. He just took her bag, got the wallet, and took all the banknotes. And before, he found a copy of the contract for renting an apartment that she wanted to read closely before signing. After he understood what it was, Roger ripped it into little pieces and threw it. Saying, ‘You will not rent any apartment! Only over my dead body!’”       “By the way, as far as I remember, Peter stopped talking to Helene somewhere at the same time,” Daniel recalls, putting his finger on his lip. “He met her often before, but everything suddenly stopped at some moment. And when I asked what happened, he said nothing clear. Then Rose didn’t even think of Helene for several months. And then he came to me quietly and said he started to talk to her again. As if nothing happened.”       “Yeah, right. Helene didn’t really talk to Peter for several months. And she didn’t say what happened between them. Though, as I understand, their fight was serious since my granddaughter didn’t even think about him. Or maybe, she didn’t have because Roger was fighting for life for several months and getting worse every day. At the end of his life, he melted at all and apologized truly to Helene and me for being so cruel to us. He said he suffered a lot at the thought that he was a bad father for Wendy since he let her get pregnant early by the boy who left her and ran away from home. He didn’t want his granddaughter to do the same and was ready for the most radical measures not to let it happen. He didn’t want to let her go even when she grew up, got an education, and started to work.”       “Everyone starts to regret their past actions and ask for forgiveness before their death,” Victor notices.       “But no matter what, Helene loved Roger and spent a lot of time accepting his death. When he was lying in bed, my husband and granddaughter got much closer and became friends. She took care of him, and he promised to get well soon. He even agreed to let her rent an apartment not far from us and spend the money she earned on herself. He revealed the place where he hid all the money after taking it away. We decided to spend it on a joint trip to the warm places where we had not been for hundreds of years. We were waiting for a miracle for too long, but alas, it didn’t happen. Roger died. And after his death, Peter came back to her life. She said she somehow walked in the city, sat down, and started to cry bitterly. And then that guy came to her, found out what happened, and took her home to calm her down a little and give her some tea.”       “Interesting…” Raquelle frowns slightly. “What happened between them?”       “I don’t know, babe. Helene never told me about it. But after Roger’s death, they continued to talk as if nothing had happened. Peter participated actively in the preparation for the funeral and went to it. He comforted my granddaughter the way he could.”       “Did Mr. Marshall really treat him well, as Peter said?” Terrence asks.       “Really. Peter was probably the one man whom Roger liked. He thought other men Helene knew were bad. He told our granddaughter that she didn’t get in touch with them. Yes, Roger and Peter didn’t talk for long enough, but they really got along. And one of his latest pleas for Helene was to pay attention to Peter. He didn’t know they didn’t talk back then.”       “Yeah…” Edward exhales sharply. “Every day we discover something new about our friends and hold our jaws with both hands so they don’t fall somewhere under the bed.”       “Agree,” Victor agrees. “The more I work with people and listen to their stories, the more surprised I am that everyone has different fates.”       “Even if I miss Roger so badly and love him even after all of that, I must admit that it got much easier for Helene and me to live,” Scarlett confesses. “She could decide what to do, and I relaxed a little. I never behaved the way Roger did toward my granddaughter and respected all her decisions. Though I reminded her of what I always thought was right. I insisted upon nothing and demanded nothing. I made it something like a recommendation. A good piece of advice from the grandmother that wouldn’t advise anything bad.”       “Anyway, you and Mr. Marshall never wished anything bad to Helene,” Natalia shrugs. “And she completely understood it. And the fact that she got enraged… Anyone would’ve resented it if they’d been limited in everything all the time.”       “After that, Helene didn’t rush to leave home and look for an apartment. I somehow asked her about it, but she said she was happy with everything. She wanted to live on her own because of her grandfather. She wanted to be free from his lectures and do what she thought was right. She was afraid she would have to live under his harsh control all her life and tried to end it. But alas, Roger caught her and ruined all her dreams.”       “We can understand her,” Daniel replies. “Total control always presses. At these moments, you’d do anything to escape it. I dreamed about it somehow, too. And I got it. Not in the way I wanted.”       “Now I understand that Roger sometimes crossed the line in the case of educating our granddaughter. Though he was growing in harshness, he obeyed older people when he lived with his parents. He completely understood that it was wrong, but he refused to admit it. He was too proud and stubborn. He did hate admitting that he wasn’t right and preferred to blame others for everything. First of all, me. And I agreed with him obediently and said I recognized my mistake and would try to fix it.”       “That’s good you understand you’re not guilty of anything.” Terrence notices.       “I’m guilty of just one thing – not finding the courage to protect Helene from my husband’s overprotection. I was watching what Roger was doing silently. I always agreed when he addressed me and asked me to confirm or say something.”       “And have you never regretted getting married to that man?” Anna surprises.       “I didn’t, at first. I got the thought of divorce for the first time several years later, after the wedding, when Roger started to criticize my methods of educating our daughter, and thought I was too soft with her. Though he preferred to stay aside and focus on earning money. I was the only one to raise Wendy. That was what made me confused and think about whether I chose the right man.”       “But why didn’t you leave?” Natalia asks.       ‘Where would I have gone, babe? My parents didn’t wait for me and would've judged me for wanting to get divorced. We didn’t usually split up and never lived alone or with a child. We were raised with the thought that if you got married, it would be for life. It didn’t matter what would happen. Like, if you’re married, take it, be silent, and be wise. And what I earned as a literature teacher wasn’t enough for a normal life. My hands were literally tied. So, I had to close my mouth and live somehow.”       “But did you want to leave?”       “I wanted, but I didn’t. No matter what, Roger was my close person. I loved him and couldn’t imagine my life without him. And my husband didn’t beat our daughter or me, thank God. He didn’t put us under violence. And he didn’t always use the belt. Only when we were educating Helene.”       “I think our parents and grandparents could’ve probably been unhappy in their marriage but done nothing because they were afraid to be judged,” Victor replies thoughtfully. “So, they suffered their whole life. They lived with someone they didn’t love, tolerated humiliations… Women had to obey men and do what they said. Many of them would’ve been happy to leave, but they could not.”       “I didn’t consider my marriage unlucky and unhappy. Roger and I had many good moments that I think about with warmth. Not saying about what you all heard, he was a good man. He didn’t drink, he didn’t smoke, he didn’t cheat, he earned money… I was supposed to be happy and live as warm as toast.”       “Anyway, dead people can’t be judged, they must be remembered with good words.”       “I don’t have any offences against my husband now. And he regretted everything truly before his death and would’ve been happy to change everything. And Helene didn’t say bad things about her grandfather and didn’t refuse to check on his grave. We often went there to leave flowers, put his grave in order, and talk.”       “My grandfather was also sometimes harsh to me, even if he never used a belt,” Raquelle recalls. “He was too overprotective at times. And it made me mad, too. But I’m not mad at him at all and will always be grateful to him for not leaving me when my mother and father died.”       “Anyway, Roger and I were proud of what Helene became in the end,” Scarlett smiles slightly. “Our granddaughter graduated from school with good results, got a high education, found a good job, and started to date a wonderful man. No matter what, she learned something from what we told her. She understood that it would be much better.”       “We will always remember Helene as the one we met,” Edward promises. “Sweet, educated, and caring girl. And her past actions don’t have to do with us.”       “You say it right,” Victor notices. “Moreover, Helene always seemed a very good girl to me, even if I barely knew her.”       “She was good,” Natalia replies with a slight smile. “We made sure about it.”       “Oh, I can’t wait for the end of the investigation…” Scarlett sighs heavily. “Suspense kills me much more. The fact I can do nothing kills me: not seeing my girl alive and healthy, not arranging the funeral she deserved.”       “Everything depends on how soon we find Elijah Hartley,” Victor says quietly. “On the information he can give us.”       “I really hope it may be useful,” Anna expresses hope.       “I personally control the investigation and analyze everything my colleagues tell me about. Don’t worry, this case will be solved early or late, and those who are guilty will be on trial and get the sentences they deserve.”       “I wish, Mr. Johnson,” Scarlett replies with sadness in her eyes.       While Scarlett drinks a little from her small cup, Victor caresses her shoulder softly to support her. Edward, Natalia, Terrence, Raquelle, Daniel, and Anna look at each other with sad eyes at this moment and think about something. The men press their sweethearts as closely to themselves as possible, caressing their heads and back, and the girls enjoy their love, attention, and support with pleasure, while they need it as much as never before.       

***

      Closer to the evening, Peter decides to go to one of the popular bars in the city to distract himself a little and try to forget what has been bothering him for a long time. Pushing the heavy door off himself and entering it along with a group of young people, he ends up in a small room with dark colors and dim light that is kind of divided into several sections. There is a long bar table in one of the sections where anyone can order a drink. People can also sit at the tables on chairs or a soft sofa. And there is also a pool table that several people are playing on, reflecting on every single hit before hitting the ball.       Peter starts shaking his head unconsciously along with the rhythm of the loud music playing at this place, being happy that this is heavy rock, which is his favorite. After looking around quickly and pulling slightly down his leather jacket, the man comes determinedly to the bar table where several people are sitting and talking about something, while two young girls and two men show their skills in cooking drinks – alcohol and non-alcohol.       Being in a common place, Peter tries so hard to ignore his hallucination in the form of Theodore that has lately come to him too often since he is in a deep depression and dooms himself to loneliness at his will by ignoring all his friends, who want to help him truly, even despite their suspicion about his mental issues.       “M-m-m, that’s what we need!” Theodore nods with a wide, happy smile, walking to Peter and looking around. “The place is fucking amazing! As well as music that makes me wanna dance.”       Theodore starts dancing cheerfully on the way along with the song playing at the bar, while Peter keeps being indifferent and sits in one of the high chairs at the bar table. While his hallucination sits down next to him, the man looks at all the drinks he can see on the shelf in front of him and barely checks on all the positions from the glossy catalogue lying near him, not knowing what he would like to drink yet. He does not spend too much time like this before a young girl with blonde hair brushed in a puffy ponytail to accept the order from the new client.       “Good afternoon, what would you like to order?” the girl asks gently with a slight smile.       “Good afternoon,” Peter greets. “Something strong. So that everything burns. But I’m not very good at titles. Could you recommend something?”       “I can offer you something from these ones.”       The girl points at some positions in the catalogue, calling all of them by one and saying how strong they are.       “And these drinks are much stronger, but people buy them rarely…” The girl points her finger at something again. “There are these… And these…”       “Which drink is the strongest here?” Peter specifies.       “Now, second…” The girl turns several pages in the catalogue before she finds what she needs. “This one. The strongest one of those we have.”       “Awesome, make me a glass, please.”       “Alright, I will do this.”       The girl starts making the order, taking everything she needs from the bar table and some drinks from the shelf so that she can mix them correctly and get the one she needs.       “You came here for the first time,” the girl starts a talk thoughtfully as she is working on the order. “I didn’t use to see you at this place before.”       “Yes, I’m here for the first time,” Peter replies without emotions, not wishing to support this talk.       “You came here alone?”       “Alone.”       “As usual, those who want to weaken their pain with alcohol come here alone. And those who want to relax and have a good time show up here in companies.”       “I see you’ve examined clients well.”       “It’s inevitable after working like two hundred people per month,” the girl replies with a slight smile, adding something from the bottle she is holding to the mixer.       “I see…”       “M-m-m, the girl got a thing for ya…” Theodore notices with a sly smile, stroking his chin and looking at the young barmaid. “She’s smiling so sweetly… But I must confess that she’s pretty good. This dolly would be cool if she were naked. I’d fuck her once.”       “And which grief did make you come here?” the girl continues to talk.       “Personal,” Peter pronounces thoughtfully. “Personal problems.”       “I got it… The girl left you. Young men often come here and order something stronger, as much as they can drink.”       “Do you think I came here to get drunk?”       “You’re not the first one, trust me.”       “Anyway, it’s my business. I am an adult man and can decide what to do.”       “I don’t make you answer. But remember that if you drink too much alcohol, we can order a taxi for you so they can drive you home.”       “Thanks, but I will get through it somehow.”       “If you drink something like this for the first time, I advise you to be careful. If you overdrink, the consequences are going to be bad.”       “Thanks for caring, girl,” Peter thanks quietly. “But I’m not drinking alcohol for the first time.”       “Anyway, drinking your stress down with alcohol is not a good idea,” the girl notices and starts shaking the shaker actively in her hands after she mixes everything she needs to. “Alcohol can’t help you run from problems and solve them. They come back to you with a strong hangover. In the best case. In the worst case, you may end up in prison if you do something terrible.”       “Do you say something like this to all your clients? Or am I special?”       “You just look too unhappy and depressed. And you’re probably very lonely. Since you go to the bar alone.”       “Life can never be easy.”       “It’s right. But if you don’t give up and keep doing what you think is right, things will get better little by little.”       “I know.”       “And actually…” The girl smiles a little wider after she adds everything from the mixer to a little glass. “Such a handsome man shouldn't be so sad. A smile would look much better on your face.”       “I have no reason to smile and enjoy something,” Peter replies without emotions.       “You can find the shoot of the sun even in the infinite darkness if you don’t give up and keep moving on. There is always a way out, even from the hardest labyrinth. And any rope has its end.”       “I got it, thanks.”       “As I understand, you are not happy to talk since you answer me so coldly.”       “Sorry, girl…” Peter apologizes. “I don’t really want to talk to anyone right now.”       “It’s alright, I get it.”       “Don’t take it personally. You’re a sweet and good girl, but now I would like to be alone.”       “Alright, as you wish,” the girl replies gently. “But if you change your mind, I can be your shoulder and listen to you.”       “You’re acting as if you like me.”       “You’re very sympathetic, I can’t deny it.”       “Nice to hear it.”       “Even if you’re having a hard time now, don’t stop believing that things will get better early or late.”       “You’re giving me hope.”       After mixing everything in the glass with a bar spoon, the girl puts it in front of Peter.       “Here’s your order.”       “Thank you so much,” Peter thanks.       “How are you going to pay: a card or banknotes?”       “A card.” Peter takes the wallet from the inside of the pocket, finds his bank card, and gives it to the girl. “I will pay now.”       “Excellent. One second.”       Taking the card with her, the girl comes to the cashier to pay. Peter looks at what’s inside the glass for two seconds without emotions before he takes a sip of the drink that burns his throat so much that he holds his breath for a while. Nevertheless, he is delighted by the taste and keeps drinking it little by little, shaking with the rhythm of the music in the genre of heavy metal that he likes from the first chords.       “Ha, ha, the gal didn’t even cover it,” Theodore laughs, leaning on the bar table with his elbow and holding a glass of alcohol. “She didn’t even try to pretend that she gave a fuck about you. But she met a failure because you’re a tough nut. Even if tens of girls walk around you at the same time, you’re gonna remain indifferent.”       Peter does not react to this and takes another sip of the drink, looking at everything he sees on the shelf placed in front of him with dead eyes.       “M-m-m, I must confess that she gave you a fucking good drink.” Theodore drinks a little from his glass and rolls his eyes. “Whoa… I’ve never drunk anything better. My jaw squeezes from how strong it is. However, it’s a pleasure for me. Since a bottle of beer is like water from the faucet to me.”       Peter glances aside when he sees that two young men are sitting at the table far from here, thrilling with loud laughter and drinking their drinks as they talk about something.       “Don’t be sad, dude, why would you be worried about having no companion to drink with when you have me? I will always be near! I will be near until you do what I want. What your consciousness tells you to do, being fucking sick of trying to reach out to you.”       Theodore exhales sharply.       “Ah, Peter, Peter… Why don’t ya wanna listen to yourself? Why do you pretend that you’re happy with everything? Yeah, you don’t remember what happened to you. But it’s not the truth. You remember everything, these memories are just blocked. But I can help unblock them. Just give me a chance to put you in the situation where everything may happen.”       Peter growls very quietly under his nose and drinks a little more, trying to distract himself somehow with attempts to sing quietly along with the song and hitting his foot.       “I know, I know, the song is really cool and powerful, but your attempts to act like that I ain’t here won't work,” Theodore says. “Wherever you go, I shall always be with you. I shall be driving you crazy more and more. And I shall get what I want early or late by taking the place of Peter and replacing him with Theodore. Though even if you and I aren’t one piece, it won’t stop me from starting a chaos and kicking the ass of some people.”       At some moment, Peter moves his eyes to the girl who is holding his bank card and a check in her hands.       “Alright, here are your card and check,” the girl pronounces gently.       “Thanks,” Peter thanks, taking what the girl gives him.       “I hope you love the drink?”       “Yeah, it’s delicious. What I wanted.”       “If you want to order something else, I will be near. Serving other clients.”       “Thanks, girl, you’re very nice.”       “Have a nice day.”       The girl smiling shyly turns around and goes to the other clients who just sat at the bar table and asks them what they want to order.       “Why do all these sellers, cashiers, and other workers smile at us so widely?” Theodore wonders and drinks a little from the glass. “Everyone does know well that’s not true. They actually think, ‘Holy balls, I am fucking done with all of you! I wanna go home not to see your faces!’ These people nuzzle you like cats so hard not because you’re so sweet and good. Because they won’t get money and will have their ass kicked for not making their clients feel like home. What do they say? Huh! A client is always right!”       After taking another sip, Peter runs his fingers through his hair, leaning on the bar table with his elbow.       “Okay, maybe this gal smiled at you truly ‘cause she got a thing for ya. She doesn’t know the fuck you, but she dropped a hint at having nothing against going to have dinner at a restaurant with you.” Theodore sighs with a slight smile, “Ah, I am so sorry about this silly girl. You give a fuck about her. Because all your thoughts are about one cutie – the late Helene Marshall. She got into your mind so deeply that she wouldn’t leave it for the nearest time. And she’s gonna definitely be the reason why you’ll no longer fall in love with anyone and take a vow of celibacy, depriving yourself of a great pleasure that you can get from an incredible blowjob from a sexy girl or good sex.”       “As if sex is the only thing that matters,” Peter thinks as he kind of replies to Theodore’s words.       “Sex is a source of pleasure that you deprive yourself of,” Theodore replies confidently. “And yeah, I can hear everything you think about. So, you don’t have to seem crazy to people by talking to something they can’t see. You can just think so I can answer you.”       “Fuck yourself, bastard. Let me stay alone, without your notation, at least for a while.”       “I can’t, buddy!” Theodore drinks a little bit from his glass with a proud look. “Since you wanna do something to get rid of me, it means we’ll live the life you were given together.”       Peter rolls his eyes and drinks a little bit of drink with a gloomy face, feeling already that there is ease in his head, and his tension and stiffness leave and are replaced with the warmth spreading nicely throughout the whole body. The music that played in the room before ends, and another one in the same genre starts playing, making the man shake his head and hit his foot with the rhythm. If there were a dance pool here, he would definitely go there and start dancing, forgetting everything in the world and letting himself relax a little.       Rose notices that people who come here are educated enough and do not start any kind of riots under the influence of alcohol, forcing the staff members to call the security. Everyone spends time in their company and does not cling to others against their will. So, the man does not bother anyone and spends a good enough time alone. And he does not want to talk to anyone and wants nobody to notice him at all. It happens for some time, actually. Before the man, at the age of thirty, sits in the high chair next to him. With long brown hair that is brushed on the side, gray eyes, a slight bristle on his face, thick eyebrows… Wearing a black coat with an open zipper and gray jeans, the fabric of which seems shabby at the area of his knees.       He takes a pack of cigarettes from the inside pocket of his coat, takes one, and wants to get a lighter. But after checking all his pockets two or three times, the man does not find it. Swearing at himself under his nose, the man looks around and stops his eyes on Peter sitting next to him, turning the pages of the catalogue with all the drinks available in stock without emotions on his face.       “Oh, excuse me, sir, do you have a lighter?” the man asks gently.       “Huh?” Peter does not understand it quickly, being a little scattered under the influence of alcohol. “Excuse me, what?”       “Do you have a lighter? I want to smoke, but I left my lighter at home! Maybe you have something.”       “I don’t smoke. I don’t have a lighter.”       “Oh, alright… Sorry…”       The man addresses the barman, who comes to them, asks him the same question, and solves this problem by burning it with his lighter. Then he thanks the guy and orders a non-alcoholic drink, acting like he did not come to this place for the first time and knows the full menu by heart, literally. And while the staff member goes to work on his order, the stranger starts watching Peter secretly, who seems depressed and exhausted by something. Thinking the blond needs someone to talk with, he decides not to be silent and starts the talk first.       “Bad day?” the man asks. “Or a bad period of life?”       “So, do I look like this?” Peter asks with reluctance, moving his dead eyes to the man.       “You’re holding a glass of alcohol, you are here alone, as I understand. You look bad… It means you came here to drink your stress down with strong drinks.”       “What’s the problem?” Peter starts a little bit from his glass. “I have a right to relax.”       “Hm… The word ‘relax’ can hardly describe your case.”       “Oh, no…” Theodore rolls his eyes. “We spend such a good time together… Why did this bastard cling to you? Why didn’t he sit quietly and check his phone or something else?”       “Do you think I cannot go to a bar to drink a glass and then go home quietly or do my business?” Peter asks coldly.       “Of course, you can,” the man replies amicably. “But I do not advise you to overdrink. It will not lead to anything good.”       “Thanks, I will solve it without pieces of advice I didn’t ask for.”       Peter moves his gloomy eyes aside and drinks a little bit from his glass again.       “Yeah, man, get the fuck out of here!” Theodore exclaims. “Go to seduce a gal. There are many young chicks who are ready to do anything for you.”       “If the problem is your breakup with a girl, it’s not a reason to get drunk,” the man notices, smoking the cigarette slowly. “You wake up in the morning, and nothing changes. She doesn’t come back to you if it’s her final decision.”       “What does a breakup with a girl have to do with it?” Peter asks in a low voice.       “Because it’s one of the frequent reasons why men go to these places and drink to the hell. As well as the fact that they cannot and do not want to tell about what they feel.”       “Don’t make these conclusions, sir. You know nothing about me.”       “I don’t have to know. Your face says that you call this life absolute shit, pardon for my language.”       “It’s really absolute shit.” Peter drinks a little bit from his glass. “That I am freaking done with.”       “A black path ends early or late. Yes, there may be hundreds of them or even thousands, but they do not last forever.”       “Can’t remember it ending in my life. I’ve been struggling with some shit all my life. One thing or another.”       “What have you been struggling with all your life?”       “This world,” Peter pronounces gloomily in a low voice. “This world that does not give me anything good. That tries to hurt me again and again. And takes me what makes me a little happier.”       “And how does it express?”       “Did you decide to organize a free consultation with a psychologist?” Peter chuckles quietly. “I didn’t order anything like this.”       “I just see you need help.”       “I actually didn’t ask you about it. And I would really like you all to leave me alone.”       “Are you withdrawing from people because you’re afraid of the pain they give you?”       “Only masochists love getting pain from someone. I’m not one of them. I want to love, but nobody loves me back.”       “Which relationship do you have with your close people?”       “If you mean family, I don’t have it. I’ve lived on my own all my life.”       “What do you mean, you don’t? Everyone has mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, grandmothers, grandfathers…”       “I don’t have anyone. I am alone. Alone in this fucking world. That would rather send me to the afterlife than make me suffer again and again and forget about the hope of a quiet life next to my beloved people.”       “There is always a way to solve any problem. Even the hardest one. A person should just want to find it. And it seems that you do not aim to do it. People around you are guilty of everything, but you call yourself holy.”       “Ha, I am the holiest and most innocent person in this world!” Peter sneers contemptuously and takes a sip from his glass. “But it’s clear that nobody the fuck cares about love, kindness, and respect… You’ve gotta be a bastard to survive. The worst bastard that goes on others.”       “Alright,” the man pronounces thoughtfully and puts down the cigarette against the ashtray placed in front of him. “But after which case did you stop trusting people and decide that being kind was a bad thing?”       “Listen, why do you annoy me? I am not going to talk to you about my life! It’s my business, and I shall solve it! And I do not need any psychologists, psychiatrists, or other doctors! I am healthy!”       “Nevertheless, there’s something about his words,” Theodore notices with a sly smile. “He kind of reads my mind and tries to make you understand them.”       “Everything in this world happens for a reason,” the man notices. “Everything has its explanation. There’s a reason why a person doesn’t withdraw from people, shows aggression, withdraws into themselves, and misses all the chances to change something for the better.”       “I am happy with everything,” Peter throws coldly.       “Are you sure about it?”       “Yes, I am sure! Any questions?”       “Since you show this kind of aggression, it means I am on the right track and can hit the bullseye.”       “I’m not showing aggression to you, and I’m talking to you quietly.”       “I guess someone showered you with mud and hurt your feelings very much, since you prefer to keep them deep inside you. You think that nobody can devalue what you’re worried about, laugh at you, and say you are guilty of everything.”       “I can’t the fuck hide anything because everyone knows much more about me than I do!”       “That’s why we sometimes need to talk to someone to figure ourselves out and understand what we want and which direction we need to move on.”       “I don’t want to talk to anyone,” Peter replies coldly. “I wish this world considered me invisible. I want everyone to get off me and stop telling me to do something. I just want to live quietly and die peacefully.”       “You know, even if tragedies happened in my life, I keep finding the strength to live. I don’t withdraw from myself, I tell them what I feel, I try to talk about my problems with those I trust…”       “Excuse me, but I’m not interested in the tragedies that happened in your life. I only care about my life.”       “It’s been several years since my girlfriend died in the plane crash. The airplane started losing altitude sharply, and the nose got into the ground. Most people survived back then. But she died on the spot. She got a mortal head trauma. I’m still missing her so much and can’t forget her. But I also keep living a regular life after I passed all the stages of mourning.”       “I am sorry,” Peter pronounces without emotions and drinks a little from his glass.       “When we lose a close person, we never forget them and want them to come back to us. But you can learn to live even after this tragedy. You can accept that it happened and tell yourself that you cannot be stuck in the past, and you have no other way but to keep moving on.”       “Fuck, man, get the fuck out…” Theodore moans tiredly, putting his head on his arms folded in front of him on the bar table. “Why do you cling to us like a prostitute that ain’t make ya feel hard? Find someone else you can work your tongue with! We don’t fucking care about who died, how you live, and everything like this!”       At this moment, the barman comes to the man and gives him the glass with the drink he ordered. After thanking the bar staff member, he gives him a couple of banknotes to pay for his order and smiles at him gently after the guy wishes him a nice day.       “You make yourself unhappy by withdrawing from this whole world,” the man notices, being absolutely calm, despite the aggression that Peter tries to hold down somehow. “You doom yourself to suffering, not wishing to change anything. When someone doesn’t have a wish to do anything, other people might give their everything, but it might not work. It’s like trying to heal an alcoholic or a drug addict who is sure that they are healthy or can wean themselves away from it at any time.”       “After my girlfriend’s death, my life doesn’t make sense,” Peter replies in a low voice. “When she was near, I was ready to do something. But now I give a fuck about everything.”       “I am truly sorry about what happened,” the man expresses sympathy and drinks a little from his glass. “As far as I understand, she was too young?”       “She was one month away from turning twenty-six.”       “Poor girl… She was ill?”       “She was murdered. One old bastard whom I would hate and curse until the end of my life.”       “And what feelings does that girl’s death cause?”       “Ha, what feelings may the death of someone who means a lot to you cause?” Peter explodes and drinks a little from his glass. “Do you think you can really jump and sing after that?”       “Excuse me, what’s your name?”       “Who the hell knows! I have one name then, but I have another name now…”       “Explain it, please.”       “What I should explain! I don’t know who I really am! I don’t know where the real me is, where the fake me is!”       “Fine. So, which name do you feel comfortable with at the moment?”       “I don’t know…”       “Alright, how do you want me to call you?”       “Let’s think it’s Peter… Peter Rose… As a part of people call me.”       “Nice to meet you, Peter,” the man replies amicably. “My name is Carlos. Carlos Butler.”       “Ain’t fucking care,” Peter blunts, ignoring the fact that Carlos gives him a hand to shake.       “Alright, Peter, anyway, tell me please which feelings does your girlfriend’s death cause?”       “It causes a wish to die. A wish to strangle my father, who is guilty of taking the most important thing I could not keep.”       “Alright, do you mean you blame your father for your death as well as yourself? Do you feel guilty because you could not help her?”       “I would crush myself if I had a chance not to let anything like that happen.”       “Do you think she would’ve been alive if you had been next to her?”       “Yes, she would’ve been! If my so-called friends had been next to her. The ones who did nothing to save her!”       “So, what do your friends have to do with her death?”       “They do!”       “Did they do something to provoke her death and participate actively in it?”       “They did nothing!” Peter throws sharply. “Those bastards just stood and watched her die! Though they must have jumped out of their skin to help her!”       “What do you think they should have done?”       “I don’t know! Just something! But they did the fuck nothing! And they pretended so hard that they were sorry!”       “Alright… What did your father do? What does he have to do with your girlfriend’s death?”       “That bastard started a fire, and she couldn’t get out of it. And he exposed the place where my girlfriend was.”       “Does it happen that your father is guilty of everything?”       “Everyone is guilty! They all wanted to hurt me again, and they did it!”       “And what do your friends have to do with it? Why do you blame them for what happened?”       “Because they are guilty!”       “What?”       “They wanted to ruin my life!”       “How?”       “Why do you the fuck care?” Peter explodes. “Why did you clung to me like a leech? Go to talk to someone else! Do I have a signature on my brain that says, ‘I want you all to fuck my fucking brain! Willkommen, the fuck!’ Why did you decide to annoy me, not anyone from so many people here?”       “Don’t be nervous, please,” Carlos keeps calm. “I completely understand that it’s hard for you to talk about it. But you must understand that even if one or two people harmed you once, it doesn’t mean the whole world wants the same.”       “One or two people? I am kicked by every fucking asshole! Everyone to stand in my way! Everyone thinks harming me is their duty.”       “And when did you decide that the world was against you?”       “I have always thought so! Always!”       “Oh, Peter, why are you excusing yourself for him?” Theodore rolls his eyes. “Fuck him off! Or let’s better beat Carlos’s face. It would be cool to warm up our muscles and start such a hellish disaster that nobody has even seen before. It’s so quiet here that I feel fucking sick. I want drive, emotions…”       “Alright, as far as I remember, you said you didn’t have close people,” Carlos recalls after he takes a sip from his glass and puts it on the table. “But now you say you have friends.”       “They’re not my friends,” Peter replies gloomily, setting his eyes into the distance. “I don’t want to see them. I don’t want to hear them. I want to know nothing about these people.”       “And what’s the reason? What’s the reason for ignoring your friends?”       “I told you everything.”       “After what you said, I understood that your father was guilty of everything. He started a fire, in which your girlfriend died.”       “Yes, he is!”       “Did you choose your friends as certain victims, on whom you think you could take it out? It’s not enough for you to blame your father. You made your friends guilty, even if they have nothing to do with your girlfriend’s death, as I understand.”       “These so-called friends were always waiting for the moment to hit me harder. To get the knife deeply in my back.”       “Alright, did they give you any reason to wait for something like this before?”       “Maybe we should stop this worthless talk?”       “I want to help you solve your problems and find a solution to the one.”       “Did I ask you about it? Do I look like the one who asks for help?”       “You need it, but you deny it for a certain reason.”       “I don’t need anyone’s help!” Peter exclaims and takes a big sip of the drink. “I do not need the fuck anyone! I can solve it all by myself!”       “A human cannot be alone all the time. This is a social being that needs other people to survive in this world.”       “I’ve lived all my life alone. And it’s alright, I’m still alive, huh.”       “Listen, Peter, don’t you really understand you’re doing a very stupid thing now?” Carlos wonders. “Doing a stupid thing by blaming those who are not guilty of your girlfriend’s death. It’s stupid to blame your friends for that and get mad at them. Excuse me, of course, but it looks like the behavior of a girl who comes up with who the hell knows what and then gets mad.”       “They betrayed me! They showered my feelings with mud after I trusted them.”       “It does happen that you showered their feelings with mud, buddy,” Carlos states determinedly. “Do you actually understand what you are doing? Do you understand how much you are hurting them?”       “Why should I care about those I harm when nobody cares about breaking my heart again and again?”       “Stop doing stupid things, man! Go to your friends and apologize to them before you lose your last hope on trusting someone and asking them to help you overcome your girlfriend’s death.”       “I am guilty of nothing for them. They must apologize to me. Before sending me tons of messages and calling me like one hundred times per day.”       “Maybe this world is turned against you for a reason?” Carlos frowns slightly. “Maybe it’s all your work? Maybe you did your best to make it happen? You turned people against you?”       “Me?” Peter points at himself with a finger. “Do you mean I am guilty of everything? Everyone is fucking holy and innocent, but Peter is bad? A fucking bastard with no heart and soul?”       “You’re probably pretending the one. You think being a bastard is your benefit. Nobody hurts, nobody spits at your soul, nobody dares to have a bad opinion about you. Though the world doesn’t see the real you. It sees the image that hides a weak, humiliated, guy showered with mud. Many people would be happy to help him if he stops before it’s too late. If he stops hiding in his cocoon and turning everyone against himself.”       “What kind of shit are you talking about?” Peter drinks a little from his glass. “It’s even funny to hear all of this.”       “I know it hurts when you trust someone, but they pretend to be good at first and then stab you in the back. I know it’s hard to open yourself up to someone after that. But it doesn’t mean you’re surrounded by bastards only. There is always someone who can value your kindness and answer you back without demanding anything.”       “I do not want anyone to answer me back. I do not fucking care about what people think of me. I give a fuck about those who want to help or do not stop thinking of the wish to hang me by the balls.”       “Do you really want your friends to turn their backs on you forever? You want to make them regret getting in touch with you?”       “I made nobody do it. They imposed on me by themselves.”       “You see! People get attracted to you, but you’re pushing them off. Just like you’re doing this now. I’m trying to talk to you quietly, but you’re rude to me.”       “Don’t you have anyone since you’re imposing yourself on me so hard?”       “Nope, I have many people: family, friends, and familiars. I don’t withdraw from anyone and don’t push anyone off… Yes, I don’t let everyone in my circle, but those who end up in it would never betray me and would always come to help.”       “I dreamed about it, too,” Peter replies without emotions. “About having many friends and a big, friendly family. But in the end, I’m as lonely as a wolf.”       “It’s all in your hands, Peter,” Carlos notices cheerfully. “It’s never too late to become happy, open your arms, and let the kind and light side of the world embrace you. You just need to want it and stop pretending to be hard to reach.”       “It’s fucking easy for you!”       “I repeat my question: do you really want your friends to turn their backs on you?”       “Nope, I don’t…” Peter glances aside.       “Then why are you the fuck sitting and showing off?” Carlos asks a little harshly. “Why are you the fuck pretending to be the offended Snow Queen and hurting the feelings of those you have yet to? Do you understand you’re really about to stay alone in this world if you keep being stubborn? Huh, a cold-hearted princess? Aren’t you sick of doing bullshit? Maybe you will stop blaming innocent people for your problems?”       Peter says nothing and sets his gloomy look on the glass placed in front of him, starting to look at what’s inside it.       “Hm, even though this man annoys me with his stubbornness, I completely agree with these words,” Theodore says confidently. “Aren’t you sick of doing bullshit? And yeah, I think I’m gonna call you a cold-hearted princess from now on? It fits you very well, you know.”       “Any heart becomes cold and stoned after many wounds and attempts to break it,” Peter says gloomily. “You can lose anyone’s trust for a second, but it takes months or even years to get it back. And it doesn’t mean you can have a good enough argument to make someone sure to trust you again.”       “You will lose it if you don’t change your tactic,” Carlos says determinedly. “You will spend all your life all alone and do your best for people to be happy if something happens to you.”       “If someone hurts me again, I will not handle it. It’s going to be my last drop.”       “Yeah, but your friends are your friends. They aren’t just your familiars. You got close to them. You let them in your circle. And it means they’re supposed to mean something to you.”       “They mean a lot to me.”       “But why do you blame them for your girlfriend’s death?”       “Because they did nothing.”       “But you couldn’t prevent it, either.”       “It’s the problem…” Peter exhales sharply. “I am mad because of my fucking powerlessness. I am mad that it was inevitable.”       “A word can be really powerful. You can make your friends think they’re guilty of the death they are actually not guilty of. You can make them suffer because of it.”       “I know.”       “Only one person is guilty – the one who killed. Your father killed your girlfriend. It means you must give all your claims to him.”       “I hope he will die in prison with torture. I hope they will call me someday and tell me the news I am going to be really happy with.”       “Anyway, you shouldn't be ashamed and keep everything,” Carlos advises. “Anger and rage are a part of mourning. At some moment, we really try so hard to find those who are guilty and think we could’ve fixed something if we’d done this or that.”       “I kind of understand that the men aren’t guilty of anything, but I can do nothing for myself. I can’t forget the way they were just standing and watching my girlfriend die, while I was screaming and begging them to do just something.”       “If the situation was really hopeless, they probably understood it. That’s why they stood like columns. Moreover, your friends could probably also be deeply shocked and dumbfounded.”       “I don’t know…” Peter runs his hands over his face, leaning on the bar table with his elbow. “A real mess is happening in my head. It’s been more than one week since her death, but everything is still like in a daze for me. Where I am, what’s happening… I don’t understand…”       “It’s very hard to get through it all alone. People are right when they say that when you lose someone, you must not be alone. You must be next to someone to help you get through the grief. Otherwise, you may go crazy and get sick.”       “I’ve been out of my mind for ages… I’ve always been.”       “Here’s my advice, man, apologize to your friends immediately and ask them for help,” Carlos insists. “There’s nothing bad with it. If those guys are smart and understanding, they will not judge you for your behavior and are ready to give you a helping hand if you want it. Yes, they may be mad because of your groundless insults. But real friendship is not just about laughter, hangouts, drinks, and games. It’s the ability to be near in hard times and become something trustworthy that can hold you if you trip and start to fall. Someone who can help you get up if you fall.”       “I don’t need it. I will do this by myself.”       “No, Peter, you will not do this. And you know it well. And I actually think it doesn’t make sense to try to help you figure out yourself because you know your problem. You know where the roots begin.”       “That’s why I don’t need any psychologists to figure myself out. I know what’s happening to me.”       “But after you find out what’s happening to you, you start therapy. A psychologist talks to you about all your problems and helps you accept everything, feel everything, and accept everything.”       “As I understand, are you working as a psychologist?”       “No, I don’t work as a psychologist. But I love psychology and read a lot of books about it. That’s why I know something about it.”       “Thanks for your wish to help, Carlos, but I don’t need your services,” Peter replies quietly.       “So, do you want to spend your whole life with unsolved problems that already impact you in a very negative way?”       “Why would I change something with no meaning of life?”       “Catastrophic tragedies may happen in the lives of people. But even after them, they get through it somehow and keep moving on, enjoying their lives and planning their future.”       “Even if something or someone hadn’t prevented me, I would’ve left this world a long time ago.”       “The only person who can find the meaning of your life is you. Nobody else can find it for you. You know what you want more than anything.”       “I want nothing anymore.” Peter drinks everything from the glass that he puts on the table and exhales sharply with the thought that his throat burns. “No-thi-ng.”       “You want, Peter, you want. You cannot even imagine how much you want it. You want to live like everyone, but you can’t do this. I mean, you ban yourself from enjoying your life and assure yourself that you’d rather live like this – being lonely and mad at the whole world.”       “Do you care about it?”       “I can say one thing – suicide is not the solution. So, if you want to kill yourself, I advise you highly not to do it.”       “Do you mean I should keep suffering?”       “The solution to your problem is easy. If you listen to my advice, things will get better, and your life will get much brighter colors.”       “The meaning of my life was my girlfriend, whom I loved more than anything in the world. But after her death, I don’t care about anything.”       “My late girlfriend was also the whole world to me. And I mourned for her a lot, and I couldn’t come to myself for a long time. But I never even thought about suicide. No matter how hard it was. I knew I could get through it. I knew I just needed to get through it. And I did it.”       “Don’t compare your situation with mine. You have those you should live for, but I have nobody. I am lonely. I am unhappy. Unprotected in front of this fucking cruel world that does need it.”       “Everything is in your hands, boy,” Carlos replies with a slight smile. “If you want to be happy and live quietly, get your ass off the couch and show yourself to the world. Even if you fear it. You must face your fears, not hide from them in your cocoon. Of course, you need to be sorry for yourself, but everything has a limit.”       “Everything is not as easy as it seems. My situation is much harder and more complicated. So tangled that I don’t understand how to sort out this mess.”       “Anyway, the answer to all your questions is in your head. I’m not able to give them, as well as your friends or someone else. You are able. You can say what’s happening to you. You can say what stops you. Why aggression became your protective reaction.”       Peter says nothing and just sighs tiredly, grabbing the glass placed on the table with both hands and looking at it with dead eyes.       “And yeah, if your friends really text and call you, it means they’re ready to be with you,” Carlos says confidently. “No matter what, these guys want to help. And I think rejecting them would be your greatest mistake. Because it’s stupid to run from those who care about you like a hurricane. Run from those who you need so badly now.”       Again, Peter keeps being silent and moves his tired eyes aside, looking silently at his hallucination in the form of Theodore, who just sneers slyly.       “Think about it, Peter, think,” Carlos advises and claps Peter on the shoulder. “Don’t pretend that you can't hear me. I am more than sure that you understood me well and heard me. And I really hope I managed to wash your brains a little and make you understand how stupid your behavior is now.”       Carlos drinks everything from his glass and puts it on the bar table, being pleased enough with its bright and incredible taste.       “I have to go. It’s an evening, but I need to do so much.” Carlos gets up from the bar table and pulls down slightly his black t-shirt. “Stay happy. Don’t do so many more stupid things than you have already done.”       Carlos turns around and goes away very quickly in an unknown direction, while Peter watches him with dead eyes, knocking nervously on the table.       “This man kind of reads my mind,” Theodore notices. “He told you almost everything I’ve been trying to tell you. I mean… The voice of your subconsciousness. You’re sitting quietly, pretending to be nobody the fuck knows who and waiting for someone to show up suddenly and warm up your heart covered with a thick layer of ice.”       No matter what, Peter has to agree that there is a part of the truth in Carlos’ words. On the one hand, he understands that he is really behaving like an egoist and hurts people by trying to push them off himself. But on the other hand, the guy keeps suffering from not being able to trust someone fully and completely, and open the door to his wounded and broken soul. The sense of loneliness is killing him rapidly, but his fears and doubts that he got somewhere in his childhood do not let him get out of the tiny and dark box and breathe deeply.       “Okay, cold-hearted princess, don’t worry,” Theodore says cheerfully. “If you ain’t close to your friends, you’ll have me. We’re gonna feel very good together. Though if you’re sick of suffering and wishing to deal with Peter, you will not have to worry about it. Because Theodore Longbottom needs nobody. He will feel very good alone. Especially after getting rid of those he does not like and those who look at him in a bad way.”       While Theodore laughs evilly, leaning on his palm with his chin and leaning on the bar table with his elbow, Peter exhales sharply with closed eyes and thinks about something with his dead eyes set into the distance. The loud sounds of the energetic and powerful heavy metal music distract him somehow, do not let him fall into his dark thoughts, and even drown out the voice of his hallucination that has been driving him crazy in any place since his life got much worse. It used to be a coming and leaving thing back then, but now it has become a permanent one and terrorizes Rose twenty-four hours per day, reminding him of something in the depths of his mind that has been locked and waiting for a chance to get out and let the lost part reunite with the soul.       

***

      It’s getting closer to the evening, but Helene does not rush to go home to make a surprise for her grandmother after she said goodbye to Elijah and left his apartment once and forever. The girl has pleasure in walking in the center of the city and enjoying the freedom that she has again, looking closely at everything she sees, and breathing in a little cold but still warm fresh air. She would be happy to go to some shops she sees on her way, but she cannot do this because she only has the money Elijah lent her to catch a taxi and go home.       She no longer has the feeling that someone is watching and chasing her. She no longer has the fear of a terrible man that may show up at any time out of nowhere and scare the girl who suffered a lot all this time, and literally started to be afraid to leave home. She no longer has to look around all the time and literally run down the street not to get caught by horrible people, or at least give them a reason to surround her and hurt her. It’s over once and forever because the criminal who started it all is now sitting in prison and will pay for everything he has done very soon.       Helene did not have enough time to walk in the city for nothing, with no rush, and look at something. But now she uses the moment actively, having a great chance to admire the beauty she is surrounded by. At some moment, the girl stops on the wide bridge, on which she walks in a slow step, comes to the railing and leans on it with her hands, watching the way big and small yachts swim on the river under it. They can be personal or rented for some money. A slight smile shows up on Marshall’s face, and it’s getting easier and easier deep inside every second.       After watching the river for some time, Helene keeps moving forward on the bridge and notices many people who have decided to get out of their homes and walk alone or with their dogs or close people. That’s why the girl thinks about her retriever Sammy that she has been worried about all this time. About her friends, grandmother, and boyfriend, whom she misses so badly. The thought that she is getting closer to seeing them very soon warms her heart and makes her jump with happiness like a child in her mind. Though Marshall does not understand how to make it happen quietly so that the female part of the company does not have a heart attack or lose consciousness.       People talking on the phone and holding folders with papers, plastic glasses of coffee, small cases, glasses, and many other things make Helene think about having to solve the problem with her job. She is more than sure that she has been fired already after missing it repeatedly, not knowing what she had to get through. The girl starts to get ready mentally to find a new job, but she does not refuse to try to talk to her boss, explain the situation somehow, and assure them to let her keep working where she feels good enough, despite some difficulties.       However, Helene does not think about any problems or trouble and just enjoys a senseless walk in the city when she goes forward straight, looks at the high buildings, and watches what people are doing and where cars, trucks, buses, trams, bikes, motorcycles, and many others go. There are many small shops around that encourage people to check them out with bright signatures with the information about large discounts and additional bonuses, and show their best items in the well-lighted showcases. Helene likes some of these things, but she holds down her wish to go to a shop and look at them, understanding that she will not go anywhere if she spends all the money in her pocket.       Biting the bullet, Helene has to hold down her wish to leave one or two banknotes to the homeless man and woman with dirt on their faces and dirty heads who are sitting on the asphalt in ripped clothes and pressing themselves to each other with sadness in their eyes. Even if they do not ask people for money, showing them a table with a clear plea, some people stop and leave them a little, and someone even buys and gives them tasty food and drinks, judging by the boxes that are lying next to them. The girl only has to sigh heavily with a feeling that her heart squeezes painfully, incline her head, and go quietly where her eyes look.       On the way, Helene meets a street musical band that reminds her of Peter, Daniel, Terrence, and Edward having the pleasure to play their known songs and what they wrote for themselves every time they are asked about it. Moreover, after listening to it a little, she recognizes the first-ever song, which her friends and boyfriend debuted successfully enough as musicians. Marshall cannot go by and stops to listen to the song and hear how it would sound if it’s performed by the young girl with a strong enough voice. After the performance ends, Helene applauds the musicians loudly along with everyone and says a couple of nice words, succumbing to the hard mentality and leaving one banknote in the box, in which there is a lot of money by this moment.       Someone goes to do their business, but Helene stays to listen to more songs performed by this talented girl. And she feels free to dance a little along with some listeners who cannot stop themselves from stopping and distracting a little by something interesting. Then the vocalist announces a little break to have some rest and drink water with two men who play guitar. Helene having nothing to do starts a talk with her, starting with a couple of compliments about her vocal skills and ending with the confession about being a girlfriend of one of the members of the band, whose song the singer performed before.       When she confesses that her boyfriend’s name is Peter, who plays drums in the band, Helene gets a little surprised that the vocalist and her friends act as if nothing had happened and say nothing about her alleged death. She thought everyone knew it already. They knew that Marcus Longbottom turned out to be Peter’s father and the one who wanted to murder his girlfriend. But on the other hand, it calms her down a little because she does not want to get much more attention. That’s why she says nothing about what happened and takes a pleasure in talking about the music of “Against The System”, their forthcoming album release, and their plans for the tour that might not start if the friends do not find a way to assure Rose to come back to them and not to ignore them.       After spending some time having a nice talk with the musicians, Helene says goodbye to them and keeps walking in the city. Not feeling tired, she is ready to walk here until the deep night. Moreover, it usually gets dark late enough in the summertime, and the center of the city is full of bright lights even at night, and people wishing to live a nightlife. The forced captivity in the dark and cold place definitely made her develop claustrophobia, which is the reason why she would hardly sit at home in the four walls all day long. At least, now…       A little later, Helene comes to the intersection where there could be a lot of accidents if not for the correct work of traffic lights. After looking around, she decides to cross the road and see what's on the other side. So, the girl stands quietly on the edge of the road and waits for the red light to turn green along with many other people. But judging by the timer on the traffic light against her, she has to stand for too long – at least for two minutes. However, Marshall reacts quietly enough and just waits, even if she notices that someone is definitely in a rush and really unhappy with what’s happening.       While Helene is for the green light, Edward is standing with the same crowd on one of the sides after coming here two seconds ago and looking around after moving his eyes off his smartphone, on which he types a text with both hands. Waiting for the green light, the man wants to keep examining the information on the phone, but he frowns at some moment and starts to look around with the thought that he saw something. He looks at the people from the crowd on the other side, on his right hand him and winces slightly, still being sure that he saw an interesting thing. He thinks that he sees the girl who is very similar to his friend Helene.       Edward looks at her for several seconds and shakes his head sharply with his eyes closed tightly, thinking that it’s time to have a little break because stress never leads to anything good. Nevertheless, he notices quietly that Helene is wearing the same clothes that she wore on the day of her “death”, even if the edges of her top are burned slightly. This thing makes the man think he is not out of his mind yet and really sees his friend. However, doubts keep bothering him three times harder and make him think soberly, saying that the girl could be someone else not Marshall.       “No way…” Edward shakes his head. “It’s impossible. My eyes are lying to me. It cannot be Helene. She’s dead. She died before the eyes of the guys and me. We saw it all. Marshall couldn’t survive. She could not!”       Being a little pale from the shock, Edward almost lets his phone slide out of his hand, but it does not happen to his instant congenital reaction, thanks to which he squeezes his gadget with his fingers in time. Then he puts it in the inside pocket of his denim jacket, not moving his widely open eyes off Helene, on the face of whom there is a slight smile as she watches cars going by and some people who walk far from her.       “Damn, I think it’s time to have a little break. I’m starting to see something nobody does… It seems that I’m gonna hear voices and see hallucinations as well as Rose does. Such strong stress can’t lead to anything good. Though… After everything I’ve gotten through in my life, I fear nothing anymore. Nothing can make me go out of my mind.”       Edward grabs his throat with the thought that he lacks some air.       “What if that’s really her? What if I didn’t go crazy? Or it seemed to me? What if that girl just looks like Helene? But what about the burned edges of the top? I have a good enough vision to see it! For the reason… It’s supposed to mean something…”       At this moment, one of the traffic lights turns green so that the crowd, in which Helene is standing, can cross the road.       “No, no, the hardware store can wait…” Edward thinks determinedly. “I’ve gotta find out everything. I can’t let that girl go. I must find out if that’s really Helene, or if it seems to me. Yes, I’m gonna feel awkward if it’s not her, but I won’t calm down ‘til this situation is solved.”       Not stopping to look at Helene and shifting from one foot to another nervously, Edward watches the timer on the traffic light that is about to turn green for him and those who are standing next to him. When it finally happens, the man crosses the long road in a quick step, not forgetting to look around but trying not to lose Helene, who goes somewhere straight quietly, with no rush, and takes a long enough distance by this moment.       Then MacClife, Jr., starts running and gets close enough to the girl for several seconds, even if he tries not to be too close to her at first, because he does not want to scare her. But in the end, Edward stops and hesitates for two seconds before he decides to call Helene, pronouncing her name loudly but a little hesitantly:       “Helene?!”       Opening her eyes widely with the feeling of a stopped heart, Helene stops shortly and freezes from fear like a column. However, she quickly understands that she knows this voice and turns around confidently enough, seeing the pale Edward standing far from her, opening his mouth slightly with a quiet ooh and literally stopping to breathe.       “Shiver me…” Edward pronounces hesitantly in a little shaking voice, not being able to stop looking at Helene, who comes closer to him a little hesitantly.       “Hey, Edward,” Helene smiles shyly. “Glad to see you.” Suffering from a lack of air, Edward pulls the collar of his t-shirt with a heavy breath with the hope that it can help him keep his mind sober. His heart starts beating much faster, and his whole body stiffens from the painful tension that does not let him move at all. His weak legs can barely hold his weight, and everything goes black before his eyes for a moment. He tries to say something, but his tongue kind of gets numb, and he loses his voice. His brain refuses to recognize what his eyes see categorically, reminding him again and again about how Helene was dying in the fire with no chance for salvation and losing any hope on it when Marcus’s accomplices activated the self-made bomb.