Monstrous

      This is stupid, Andrew thinks as he looks at the dildo in his hand - the very first toy in his collection. He still remembers the day when he bought it.       Andrew chose a realistic one then – beige and shaped as close to a real penis as possible – because that’s the logical thing to do, isn’t it? But he’s ready to admit that it’s quite… boring, to say the least.       Don’t get him wrong, sex with Neil is good – better than he could ever hope for. Neil seems to enjoy it too, so that’s what matters the most.       “What’s up?” Neil’s voice startles Andrew from his thoughts. With embarrassment he realizes that he’s still standing with the dildo in his hand, staring at it like a total freak. He scowls and puts it back into the drawer. Thankfully, Neil doesn’t comment on the weird behavior. Small mercies.       “Nothing,” says Andrew, hoping that Neil will drop the matter.       No such luck, it seems, as Neil comments, “You looked lost in thoughts there.”       Andrew nearly scoffs. How should he say that he really wants to try on a monster dildo without sounding crazy? And without dying of embarrassment?       Neil shuffles in place. “Do you want to…?” He gestures towards the drawer.       Andrew is not impressed. Are they kids now? They’ve had sex so many times, but Neil can’t utter the word sometimes.       “No,” Andrew says, at which Neil nods his head. “Not now.”       Neil looks at him questioningly, waiting for Andrew to speak. Why is there something lodged in Andrew’s throat?       Andrew shakes his head, and disappointment flashes in Neil’s eyes, though he quickly hides it. It makes him feel even worse – Neil isn’t the only one feeling disappointed.       Why is saying what he wants such a struggle?       A soft kiss to his knuckles dissipates the dark clouds over Andrew’s head. When did Neil’s hand slip into his? The small smile on Neil’s face is like a sun after a downpour – warm but not overbearing.       Once, Andrew asked himself what he would do just to see Neil happy. ‘Everything,’ he immediately thought, and the answer scared the shit out of him. It still does.       The next morning, when Neil is out running (junkie), Andrew opens his laptop and starts his search. He just wants to look at the options, okay? It doesn’t have to mean anything.       But it far exceeds his expectations, and soon he finds himself engrossed in the search for the perfect dildo. Dragon, wolf, tentacle – it goes on and on. The options are kind of overwhelming, with all these sizes and shapes that Andrew has never considered before.       His search time is coming to an end, so before he can talk himself out of it, he buys one of the dildos. Just after he’s finished, the door clicks open and Neil comes in, all sweaty. He leans on the wall and takes off his shoes. When he looks over at Andrew, he beams. Andrew hates him.       They don’t talk about Andrew’s purchase until the package arrives at their door. The cardboard box is inconspicuous, with none the wiser about what’s inside.       Neil walks into the living room, the box in his hands. The cooking show Andrew has been watching mindlessly becomes a background noise, and excitement takes over his mind.       Neil hands him the box silently, with his eyebrows raised. It’s a rare occurrence that Andrew orders something, too averse to waiting for a delivery, so no wonder that it has Neil’s curiosity piqued.       Andrew motions for Neil to come closer while he unpacks everything. Under the crinkle paper and a thank-you card, there’s a single box that interests Andrew the most. He opens it quickly, and there it is – the thing he thought so much about.       The dildo supposedly resembles a dragon cock, with all its bumps and ridges. It’s not overly big though, about 8 inches long and just above 2 inches in diameter. Andrew chose a black and red version, and it looks even better than on the website.       “What’s this?” The question reminds Andrew that Neil is standing next to him, probably clueless about the situation.       Or he’s disgusted, his mind supplies.       But when Andrew looks at Neil, he doesn’t see any disgust or hatred – just curiosity. He shouldn’t be so relieved by this.       “A dildo,” Andrew says matter-of-factly. Neil scrunches his nose at that, like every time he’s confused and Andrew doesn’t explain anything. It’s cute.       “But this one looks different?” Neil says it like a question, looking at Andrew intensely, as if he could get the answers just from doing that.       “I want to try something new.” Andrew walks towards their bedroom to fetch his harness because he has to try the toy on. He hears the floor creaking, which means that Neil is following him.       When he starts taking his pants off to wear the harness, Neil asks, “Do you want me to go?” There’s no expectation behind it, and Andrew hates him even more now.       “You can stay.” Andrew doesn’t say that he actually needs him to stay – that would be too embarrassing.       Neil nods and sits down on their bed, waiting. His eyes follow Andrew’s every movement, and Andrew nearly squirms at that, but not from being uncomfortable. No – the gaze tingles on his skin and leaves heat in its wake. It takes all Andrew’s self-control to stop himself from jumping Neil right now.       When all is assembled, he looks at himself in their mirror and takes a sharp inhale. The dildo stands proudly between his legs, the colors even more pronounced against the pale skin. It looks nothing like a real cock, but somehow Andrew doesn’t mind. This is the part he was most afraid of – that he’d hate it and feel awful about everything later on.       But the opposite is happening now – Andrew feels so light that he could fly. It’s an unfamiliar territory that scares him a bit, though he happens to go land there more often since his nothing with Neil became more permanent.       He turns back towards Neil, who is still looking at him with these infuriating blue eyes. Typical.       “Staring,” Andrew says. When Neil smirks at that, he knows what the man will say next.       “Can you blame me?” And yes, there it is. Andrew feels his ears going red.       Neil’s gaze shifts towards the toy and his face turns contemplative. Maybe he hates it? The thought makes Andrew nervous.       “Do you like it?” Neil finally asks.       Andrew gives an off-handed ‘yeah’, which doesn't grasp the whole experience at all. He isn’t one to express himself openly, a thing he learned early on in life, and words aren’t enough to share the full extent of his feelings at this moment.       Neil seems to get it though, because he doesn’t pry further.       “Can I blow you?” Relief washes over Andrew at Neil’s question.He doesn’t hate me.       “Yes,” he’s quick to answer. Blow jobs are something they’ve done countless times before, so it’s a known territory that won’t fry Andrew’s nerves anymore.       Neil gets on his knees before Andrew, sending him a quick look that definitely means trouble. Instead of going for Andrew’s pussy though, he takes the tip of the toy in his mouth and sucks.       Andrew’s so taken aback that his mind turns into static for a moment. Fuck, he didn’t expect that something simple as this would turn him on so much.       Neil’s cheeks bulge as he takes more of the toy, his mouth not used to having anything like this inside. He chokes as it slides further in but doesn’t pull off.       Andrew is so wet right now that the slightest touch would probably bring him over the edge. He doesn’t really know what exactly he finds so hot.. Neil’s eagerness and sloppiness? Neil on his knees? Or getting a blowjob like a man?       Or all of the above.       Neil strokes Andrew’s clit a few times, which feels like fire, and Andrew’s brain short-circuits. He comes with a gasp, his knees growing weak, but somehow he remains standing. It’s like fire is coursing through his body in waves, leaving bliss in its wake.       Neil waits it out, still massaging Andrew’s clit while Andrew is coming down from the high. When the orgasm passes, Neil retracts his hand and presses a kiss to the tip of the dildo. The sight makes him wet all over again.       “You fucking devil,” Andrew says, still panting.       Neil grins. “At your service.”       They fall into bed together, the urge to be with each other nearly overwhelming. The toy is the main attraction, and they spend a few hours testing it thoroughly. So thoroughly that Neil starts coming dry at some point, his prostate given more attention than ever before.       It becomes their favorite dildo to play with.       A few days later, a package arrives, this time for Neil. Which is quite shocking, considering that he doesn’t really do online shopping. Like ever. So it’s quite understandable that Andrew is curious and suspicious.       Neil starts slicing at the tape, and since Neil hasn't asked him to leave, Andrew stays to watch the events unfold.       The paper crinkles as Neil takes out the mysterious item, triumphant look on his face.       What the fuck, Andrew thinks when the item turns out to be a fucking tentacle dildo.       Neil turns a pleading look towards Andrew. “Can we test it?”       The puppy eyes are working, unfortunately - Andrew is just a man, after all.