Promise me

             Some things are unchangeable, and Carol was well aware of that. After Judith had admitted that Rick was alive and Michonne was looking for him, she knew the countdown was on. Daryl will definitely go looking for him, as he still has that festering guilt sitting in his soul, disturbing even after eight years.  It's been almost a year since then, and a week ago he admitted that he was going to leave. Carol could clearly see his hesitation and frequent pondering when there was a pause in their dialogs. She guessed that Daryl didn't want to tell anyone about it and was just going to quietly run away to avoid misunderstandings from the people closest to him, but he wouldn't be able to just leave the kids, leave her, without saying anything.   It had been two weeks since they had told everyone about Daryl's plans. It had been a week since they'd traveled to every community they hadn't been to in over half a year. It had been three days since she, in a desperate desire to keep her head and hands busy, had started packing all the things he needed for the trip, half of which Daryl had put aside with a guilty look on his face, saying he didn't want to lug around a big bag that would slow him down. They ended up almost fighting over such a small thing, but realizing perfectly well why she was acting that way, Daryl calmed them both down, and spent the rest of the evening watching Carol sew up his poncho. It was about ten p.m. when she finished the job. This day was proving to be a difficult one, due to train problems and some sort of rioting by the employees, causing her to have to straighten everything out. Daryl was leaving tomorrow morning, and just thinking about it, made Carol's heart clench to the point of pain. She didn't want to be so hysterical, but she remembered well the feelings she had felt when she had lived away from him for seven years, constantly worrying that something might have happened to her best friend.  Carol got home and took a quick shower to wash away all the tiredness and grime of the previous day. It was quite late and she didn't know if she should disturb Daryl or if he wanted to spend the evening alone.  A knock on the door decided everything for her.  Carol ruffled her still wet short hair and nervously smoothed the invisible creases in her clothes as if she didn't know who had come to see her.  Daryl was standing on the doorstep with a bottle of her favorite wine when Carol opened the door.  "May I come in?" the man asked embarrassed after a long pause during which she just stared stupidly at his face. Carol flinched and stepped aside with an awkward smile, letting him into the apartment. She didn't understand why her palms were shaking so badly and her heart was trying to burst out of her chest. Carol grabbed glasses and a corkscrew from the kitchen, pulling on a mask of calm and walking back into the hall. Daryl was sitting on the couch, and smiled encouragingly when he saw the woman. The room was saturated with a tense silence, the reason for which they both knew. Carol didn't want his last day amongst his family to be so sullen because of her, but there was nothing she could do about it.  She aggressively tried to open the wine bottle as if it was to blame for all her troubles, and almost hurt her hand when Daryl stopped her agony by setting the ill-fated wine back on the table. "Hey, are you okay?" Carol exhaled noisily and condemned herself, dropping her head down, examining her palms. "Yeah, I guess." The man opened the bottle almost silently, and the red liquid spilled into both glasses.  "Rough day?" Daryl took his glass in his hand, but didn't bring it to his lips because he'd been stopped by her gaze. "Are you sure you should be drinking? You won't have a hangover tomorrow?" her voice sounded as excited as a mom of an eight year old going to the store alone for the first time. Daryl sighed, and set the alcohol on his knee, holding it up with his hand. "Don't tell me you've been like this all day" the man looked reproachfully at Carol, and didn't let her object, answering the previous question. "I don't get hangovers. Unless I drink three liters of moonshine on an empty stomach" Daryl tried to make a joke, but the nervous expression on her face went nowhere "Please, we've had this discussion before." Carol turned her head away and lay back on the back of the couch, wrapping her arms around herself. "I really want you to come with me" after a couple moments Daryl said in a quiet voice, taking a sip of wine. "You know I can't" she opened her eyes and turned her head in his direction with a haggard smile "And I wish I could talk you out of it, but I know I can't" Carol grinned sadly, wiping away a tear on her cheek with the palm of her hand. "It's not forever. I'll be back, I promise" with a shy smile Daryl repeated her pose, and wiped away a second tear with his thumb. "O-oh, you should" Carol laughed and he picked up on the silly giggle, discreetly trying to imprint her beautiful face in his memory so he could remember every night later, chiding himself for leaving. The man covered the thin palm with his hand, and Carol moved closer, snuggling into his embrace. Her warmth and native scent were soothing, causing his body to relax and the thoughts of both of them to drift off in another direction. They drank the wine little by little, the wine flowing pleasantly down their throats and giving them a sense of relaxation that they often lacked. A long ago memory came to his mind, making Daryl chuckle quietly. "What?" "Remember our first time in prison with wine?" Carol cocked her head, and he watched the gears turning in her head for a couple of seconds, hidden behind her house-folded eyebrows, before a smile blossomed on her lips and the wrinkles in her forehead straightened. "In honor of Judith turning three months old?" "Oh, come on, no one counted days back then. Admit it, we just wanted to get drunk" she laughed softly after his words. "I remember Carl drinking an entire glass of wine while Rick was out of sight and then barely walking while leaning against the walls" Daryl hummed, stretching his lips in a smirk.  "Had a similar situation with Jude recently" the man admitted thoughtfully. Carol lifted herself up in surprise, looking into his eyes. "What?" "Last week Judith stayed at a friend's house till the night, and when I went to pick her up I could distinctly smell the wine" Carol frowned, and lay back on his chest. "And you didn't say anything to her?" "No. I don't think she took more than one sip. Just curiosity" Daryl said in a fatherly tone, causing Carol to smile imperceptibly "I've tried all kinds of wine in her years, and not exactly one sip at a time" the man grinned, and stroked her shoulder thoughtlessly.  "I've never liked drinking" Carol admitted "After a couple of glasses my tongue gets loose and I can say a lot of unnecessary things" she murmured thoughtfully, recalling the events of two years ago. It had been a harsh winter, a few months after Henry had been gone. One night it had gotten so cold that they'd had to warm themselves with alcohol, which was just enough.  Carol once again woke up from a nightmare, but this time the difference was that her mind was even more foggy than usual, causing the woman to not hold back. When Ezekiel awoke to her sobs, Carol practically begged for Daryl to be called, not letting the man get any closer to her. Even through her hysterics, she remembers his face twisted in disgust. The face of a man whose wife sought comfort and support in the arms of her best friend, not her husband. She remembers walking on woozy legs to the room at the end of the hallway and practically falling into his arms. Carol remembers being swept away by the warmth of his arms and falling asleep in his bed, never returning to her own afterward.  "What are you thinking about?" murmured Daryl casually, catching her attention. "Nothing." "Looks like I need to get you drunk to find out all that “nothing” snorted the man, finishing his wine. Carol hummed unhappily, and snuggled closer to him. "Remember the CDC?" "How could I forget," Daryl grinned, tapping his fingers on her forearm. "I still don't understand how you remembered something I mentioned in passing thirteen years ago." "You mean claustraphobia?" she nodded her head "I remember everything about you, even considering you're Miss mystery who tells me nothing" his lips touched her forehead and Carol got goosebumps at the innocent gesture. Apparently she’s not the only one relaxed by wine. "I wasn’t, before Ed" she began quietly, deciding to reveal a secret she hadn't told anyone "We had a house with a basement. No one used it because it was very damp. There were no lights, no furniture, nothing. Just concrete." Daryl squeezed her shoulder, tensing. He guessed what happened next. "When Sophia went with her classmates to another city for two days, he got mad because I spent a lot of money on it" she took a deep breath, not letting the long ago memories enter her head "He got really drunk and threw me in the basement, then went to a bar with his friends. I don't know if he forgot about me, or if he left me there on purpose, but I sat there until the next evening, thinking I'd never get out again" the last words were said in a whisper, due to her voice breaking. Her mind flashed back to memories of her scraping her fingernails bloody on the wooden door, begging to be let out. "I'm sorry" Daryl distracted her thoughts, bringing her back to reality. The man touched his lips to her hair and hugged her a little tighter, as if to protect her from old pains with his warmth. "Now you know a little more about me," grinned Carol, sniffing her nose. "I'm kind of afraid of staying indoors too" with his other hand he began nervously picking at a hangnail on his thumb and she could practically feel the man chewing on his lower lip in a favorite habit "But that's not really the point. I'm afraid when it happens without my will. When I'm locked up forcibly and I can't get out. Like it was with Negan." "I don't know how you didn't hate me for getting involved with him," Carol said in a confused whisper, quickly wiping away tears with her fingers.  "Hey, I told you I could never hate you. And I meant exactly that" emphasized Daryl, touching his palm to her hair "I don't want to rake up the past, but I've done a lot of stupid things too. I've done things I shouldn't have been forgiven for." "Come on, you've done so much more good for all of us, don't blame it all on yourself" she muttered reproachfully "Maybe if it wasn't for you, we'd all be long gone by now." "Says the one who blew up those assholes in Terminus, five minutes before we would have been gutted?" said Daryl with a chuckle, squeezing her shoulder encouragingly "You can't ask me to forgive my missteps while you bury yourself for yours." Carol propped herself up on the couch, gazing into his eyes. She tucked a dislodged strand of his hair behind his ear in her favorite fashion, and the look made the man's heart snap with love. She shook her head, holding back tears. "You don't know everything I've done." "I don't. And even if I did, it wouldn't change my opinion of you." he gently brushed a dangling strand of hair away from her forehead, speaking completely sincerely. "You can't know that" Carol pressed her lips together and a tear rolled down her cheek, falling onto the couch. "I can" Daryl smiled warmly, looking into her blue eyes "You're the strongest and wisest woman I know. You would never do anything you didn't think was prudent." "You're wrong," she sobbed, wiping away the wet paths on her cheeks. She remembered all the times she'd killed innocent people. She remembered how she had intimidated a child, causing him to die the most horrible death. She didn't want to remember the thing that would make Daryl never forgive her. "I know about Lizzie" in a flash, Carol's face displayed shock "Tyreese told me." "What?" she tensed in place and Daryl could practically feel her fear, as if he had found out yesterday instead of ten years ago. "I know what happened in that house. Knew all these years. You did what you had to do and it hasn't changed the way I feel about you in any way." "Oh my God" Carol exhaled noisily and touched a shaking palm to her forehead "How could he... We had an agreement... How..." "He had no choice. I knew something was wrong. You were with Tyreese, whose girlfriend... Anyway, you came back not yourself. What was I supposed to think? I was ready to skin him if he didn't tell me what happened." "How can you just talk about it like that?" her hands shook desperately, causing the man to take them in his palms, squeezing them gently. "The only thing I didn't understand was how that damn asshole let you do everything on your own, knowing full well what you were going through" Carol sobbed, and lowered her head down "Come here." Strong arms pulled her to him, wrapping around her shuddering back. Daryl wanted to take all her pain away, and shut her out of the real world, forever wrapped in the warmth of his embrace. He gently stroked her short hair at the back of her head as Carol cried silently, her tears soaking into his black, knit sweater. The fear of loss that had haunted her for those two weeks reawakened in her soul.  "I can't be without you," came a quiet, pleading voice. "You can, you're strong" whispered the man into her shoulder "You'll make it, I'm sure. You can do it." Daryl covered his eyes, mindlessly touching his lips to her temple. The soft touch traveled to her damp cheeks, kissing away the trail of tears from her warm skin. Stupefied by her warmth and closeness, he moved lower, gently nestling his lips against her soft lips in a kiss. Something clicked in his head, setting everything in place.  Carol tasted like that sweet wine he couldn't stand, but she adored so much. She was better than in all the dreams and daydreams he'd had for thirteen years.  A warm and kindred feeling braided his heart as Carol exhaled relaxed, softening in his arms. The man deepened the kiss, caressing her shoulder with his palm. In an instant, Carol tensed, pushing back against his chest with her hands, tearing up, breathing and staring into his eyes in surprise. Daryl froze in place, feeling his heart sink. "Sorry, I-" "Is that a fucking goodbye kiss?" she interrupted, licking her bottom lip and crossing her arms in front of her chest "You said you'd be back. Is there something you're not telling me? You're not going back?" "I-" he staggered at the abrupt change in tone, trying to catch his breath from her proximity and pull himself together "I'll be back. I'll definitely be back. I can't do it without you" the man rambled on nervously, swallowing noisily. "I'll kill you if you don't come back" her palms hugged his face and Carol shortened the distance, returning the kiss. Even if a walker bit him now, someone shot him in the leg, or chopped off his arm, Daryl isn't sure he'd notice. It was sweeter than any sweetness, and he didn't understand how he'd lived without it before. The fingers on his face gently stroked his stubbled jaw, and the slim waist beneath his palms felt incredibly right and good. Carol deepened the kiss, exhaling softly against his lips, and Daryl could have died on the spot if it didn't mean pulling away from her.  Her kisses were greedy and desperate. They didn't know when they would see each other again, or if they would see each other at all, even with all the promises he had made. It was an act of acceptance. They couldn't live without each other, and all this desperation was a way to disconnect from reality, to savor each other one last time, memorizing every movement and touch, hoping there would be no tomorrow. His lips traveled down to her pulse point, sucking, biting and licking the thin skin. The man grasped desperately at her body, held back for years. The soft sounds Carol made caused stars to appear in front of his eyes. "We need to- stop," she whispered in a gasping voice, scraping her short fingernails across his shoulders. The woman made no attempt to reject him, only clinging harder to his broad back. "You want to?" "No," thin lips silenced Carol. Daryl rose from the couch, pulling her with him. With jelly legs they struggled to get to the bedroom, knocking over everything in their path.  This was their last night together.  The last time they would be able to savor, and memorize every bit of each other, hearts and bodies intertwined.  In a few hours, he would wake to Carol crying on his chest, and the magic of the night would be interrupted by the realities of the morning. They will part, desperately missing each other every second.  They don't know yet that they will meet very soon.