Sweet 16

This is a fan fiction work based on Beavis and Butt-Head, created by Mike Judge. I do not own the rights to Beavis and Butt-Head or any associated characters, settings, or future storylines. I only own the plot and my interpretations of the characters as genderbent, including Adam. It would be cool if I did own the show; with some adjustments from professionals, it could probably be an episode. This work is intended for entertainment purposes only, and I am not making any money from it. Beatrice and Boob-Head in 'Sweet 16' (INTRO; BEAVIS and BUTT-HEAD as girls, you can imagine them however) ACT I JUL 8TH INT. HIGHLAND - HIGHLAND HIGH - DAY (The girls are in the cafeteria.) BOOB-HEAD: (mischievous, in the lunch line) Hey, Beatrice, check this out... Uh huh huh huh. BEATRICE: (excited) Yeah! Yeah! Heh heh heh. BOOB-HEAD: (to the guy in front of her) Hey, baby. Wanna do it? BOY: (annoyed) Get lost, creep. (shoves BOOB-HEAD) BEATRICE: (laughing) Heh heh heh. You're never gonna score. BOOB-HEAD: Shut up, Beatrice! (smacks BEATRICE) BEATRICE: Ow! (rubs her arm) That was cool. Heh heh heh. BOOB-HEAD: (walks up in line) Hey, buttmunch, what are you getting me for my birthday? BEATRICE: (shrugs) I dunno. Heh heh heh. BOOB-HEAD: Uh huh huh. BEATRICE: Heh heh heh. (FADE OUT) CUT TO: INT. HIGHLAND - BEATRICE'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON (The girls are sitting on the couch.) BEATRICE: (flipping through channels) This sucks. Heh heh heh. BOOB-HEAD: Yeah. Change it, buttmunch. TV GUY: (on TV) Hey, are you a bored teenager who just wants some fun? Love music? Come on down to the 'All-Out Concert,' we have your favorite bands! Metallica, AC/DC, Aerosmith, GWAR, and more! BEATRICE: (excited) Whoa! Did you hear that, Boob-Head? Heh heh heh. BOOB-HEAD: (smirking) Yeah! That would be cool. Uh huh huh. BEATRICE: (grinning) We should totally go! BOOB-HEAD: (rolling her eyes) Yeah, right. You don’t even have any money, Beatrice. BEATRICE: (determined) I’ll find a way! Heh heh heh. (FADE OUT) CUT TO: ACT II INT. HIGHLAND - BEATRICE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT (The room is a chaotic mess, clothes strewn everywhere, textbooks stacked haphazardly, and various items cluttering the floor. BEATRICE rummages through the piles.) BEATRICE: (doubtful) Where is it? (She tosses aside a crumpled shirt, then a backpack, her eyes darting around the room) I need that money, damn it! (Her hand brushes against something crinkly, pulling out a plastic bag as her eyes light up.) BEATRICE: Ooh, heh heh heh. (She opens the bag, revealing a crumpled twenty-dollar bill she found on the sidewalk last summer. A mischievous grin spreads across her face.) (.Bt) Mmm, heh heh heh... (She quickly closes the bag and shoves it under her torn-up pillow.) EXT. HIGHLAND - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT (The glow of the TV shines on BOOB-HEAD, who is sprawled on the couch, a plate of nachos perched on her lap. She munches, her eyes glued to the screen, growing impatient.) BOOB-HEAD: (irritated) What's taking so long, Beatrice!? (She grabs another handful of nachos, the cheese beginning to drip.) BEATRICE: (O.S.) I'm like... playing with myself, heh heh heh. BOOB-HEAD: (smirks) Well, uh, you're gonna have no nachos... Uh huh huh huh. (She leans back, savoring her snack.) (After BOOB-HEAD says that, BEATRICE bursts into the room, her eyes wide as she lunges for the nachos.) BEATRICE: (pouncing) Give me that! BOOB-HEAD: (quickly lifts her foot, shoving it in BEATRICE's face) No, dillhole! Get your own! BEATRICE: (unconvinced, slightly frowning) You give me it, fartknocker! (She stretches her arm, trying to snatch a chip.) (FADE OUT) CUT TO: INT. HIGHLAND - BEATRICE'S BEDROOM - EARLY NOON (BEATRICE paces, surrounded by crumpled papers with crude drawings.) BEATRICE: (muttering) Okay... get ticket, come back, drag Boob-Head... heh heh. (glances at clock) Crap! EXT. HIGHLAND STREET - MOMENTS LATER (BEATRICE dashes to the bus stop, nearly tripping over her untied shoelaces.) INT. BUS - AFTERNOON (BEATRICE plops down in a seat, slightly out of breath.) BEATRICE: (to herself) This is gonna be cool. Heh hm hm. EXT. ALL-OUT CONCERT - NOON (BEATRICE approaches the guy from the advertisement, assuming he is the right person to talk to because of his velvet tuxedo and hat that sync with his sleek black shoes.) GUY FROM ADVERT: (faux enthusiasm) Hello, little lady! How may I help you? (flashes a bright smile) BEATRICE: (fishes her pocket for the crinkled twenty-dollar bill, handing it to him) Can I like buy a ticket and bring Boob-Head? (smiles a crooked grin) GUY FROM ADVERT: (his eyes prance around the room, feigning eagerness) Sure, you can bring your friend! Just be back here by 4:30, got that? (snatches the bill) What's your name? BEATRICE: (nods) I'm Beatrice. (looks to her side) And this is— (stops herself, lips tightening as she flushes in embarrassment) GUY FROM ADVERT: I'm Adam! (pats her head) Alrighty, you get going, Bea! BEATRICE: (frowns) Don't touch me! (storms off) ADAM: (rolls eyes) What a freak... (mutters) (FADE OUT) CUT TO: EXT. BEATRICE'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - LATE NOON (BEATRICE finally arrives back but realizes she can't get in because BOOB-HEAD is blasting music. No matter how loud BEATRICE knocks or hollers outside the locked door, it's useless. She decides to take matters into her own hands.) BEATRICE: (struggles to open the window, squeezing her scrawny body through) Ack! (her legs spread apart on top of the toilet seat, sliding off with ease as she opens the door to reveal the rest of the unkempt house.) BOOB-HEAD: (sitting on her side of the couch, her eyes facing a sweaty BEATRICE, confused) Uh, where the hell have you been? BEATRICE: (holds up one ticket, beaming) Remember that concert thingy? I got us tickets! Heh heh! BOOB-HEAD: (quirks an eyebrow) Um... no? But that's cool. Huh huh. (skeptical) It's for me, right? BEATRICE: (smiles widely) Yeah, yeah!! (hands the ticket to BOOB-HEAD) BOOB-HEAD: (examining the ticket) Wait, there's only one? (confused) BEATRICE: (oblivious) Yeah! But it’s cool! We can totally go together! (grinning) I’ll just, like, sneak you in or something. BOOB-HEAD: (raising an eyebrow) Sneak in? (her face returns to normal) Uh, ok. Huh huh huh. BEATRICE: (realizes) We have to, like, go to the bus stop place. (points to the door, dragging BOOB-HEAD by the arm, leaving a red mark on the brunette's skin.) BOOB-HEAD: Buses suck. They always have these weird guys and stuff. (shudders) BEATRICE: (oblivious, sits on the bench, letting go.) BOOB-HEAD: (looking at the ticket again) So, uh, where did you get this? BEATRICE: (shrugs) This guy... (her face scrunches in frustration) He said I could bring you! He was, like, really weird! He wore this stupid suit! He kept smiling at me! (rambles) BOOB-HEAD: (discomfort) Uh, are you sure that was the right guy? (stares at her shoes) (The bus arrives.) BEATRICE & BOOB-HEAD: (walk on the bus, finding an empty seat.) (FADE OUT) CUT TO: EXT. ALL-OUT CONCERT - LATE AFTERNOON ADAM: (sees BEATRICE with BOOB-HEAD, trying to force a grin) Hey! I see you are back! BOOB-HEAD: Uh, ok. Huh huh. BEATRICE: Yeah, yeah, yeah! This is gonna be cool! (shaking her arms excitedly) ADAM: (gestures towards the crowd of Highland's residents) Well, you girls shall get on your way! BOOB-HEAD & BEATRICE: (headbanging, then stopping and walking over to see what's going on.) (The concert is outside, a big stage and people who came sitting in chairs or standing right in front of it eagerly.) BEATRICE: Woah. Look, it's Tosha! Mheh heh heh. BOOB-HEAD: (excited) Really? Huh huh. TOSHA: (turns around, scowling) What the hell do you two dumbasses want? (she adjusts her shades, her long hair falling over her shoulders) BOOB-HEAD: Uh...(.Bt) you have nice hooters. Huh huh. TOSHA: (stands up quickly) Say that again and I'll kick both your asses! BEATRICE: (insisting) We need to get seats and stuff. (looks for a place to sit down) TOSHA: (angry) I swear, if you don't get out of my face in the next five seconds— BOOB-HEAD: (being dragged away by the arm because BEATRICE wants to go up close) Tosha's cool. Huh huh. BEATRICE: (stumbles, accidentally bumping into TOSHA) TOSHA: (shoves BEATRICE hard) That's it! (she raises her fist, then punching BEATRICE and sitting back down, an older guy approaching her) BEATRICE: (slightly in pain, sits on the grass) (.Bt) BOOB-HEAD: You got your ass kicked. Huh huh. BEATRICE: (annoyed) Shut up, Boob-Head! (FADE IN) (FADE OUT) COACH BUZZCUT: (yelling) Beatrice! Boob-Head! What the hell are you two doing here!? BOOB-HEAD: (annoyed) Uh, going to the concert, dumbass. Huh huh. BEATRICE: (agreeing) Yeah! Heh heh. This is gonna be cool! COACH BUZZCUT: (stern) You two morons better not cause any trouble, or I'll have you doing push-ups until your arms fall off! BOOB-HEAD: (nonchalant) Uh, no. Huh huh huh. You suck. (turns her direction to the stage) BEATRICE: (grinning) Yeah, Coach Buzzcut, you suck! Heh heh heh. COACH BUZZCUT: (furious) That's it! Drop and give me twenty, ladies! BEATRICE: (mocking) Uh, okay. Heh heh. (pretends to do push-ups) COACH BUZZCUT: (glares at the girls) I'm watching you two… (.Bt) One screw-up, and you're outta here! BOOB-HEAD: (grimaced) Uh, one screw-up and I'll have YOU out of here. BEATRICE: Yeah, yeah!! Heh heh, you said screw. (FADE OUT) RANDOM GUY: (a guy with a bad curly brown wig and tank top with jeans comes over to the stage) Um... Hello everyone! BEATRICE & BOOB-HEAD: (giggling/laughing.) (Three other guys come on stage with poorly made wigs and outfits who clearly have no experience in music.) STEFANIE: (approaches them on the grass, grinning brightly) Hi guys!! I knew you would be here, so I just had to see for myself! BOOB-HEAD: Uh, why would we wanna hang out with you, Stefanie? You're, like, a wussy. Huh huh. BEATRICE: (annoyed as well) Yeah! Leave before I kick your ass! STEFANIE: (her eyes watering as she felt offended, backing away) Sorry... Hope we can hang out afterwards... Oh, also happy birthday, Boob-Head! (FADE OUT) (FADE IN) BOOB-HEAD: (turns to BEATRICE) You're a wuss too. I would beat both of your asses. (literally everyone besides Beatrice, Boob-Head, Stefanie; booing at the band as they played the most terrible covers of well-known songs of the rock/metal genre. And they would be, in fact, the only band that would perform.) BEATRICE: No, you wouldn't, asswipe! Heh heh. BOOB-HEAD: (faces the stage, getting irritated) Did you seriously take me to a ripoff concert!? This isn't them, you dumbass! BEATRICE: (a bit hurt) But the TV said— BOOB-HEAD: (mumbles) Shut up, Beatrice. (FADE OUT) (FADE IN) BEATRICE: Uh, I didn't mean for this to happen, Boob-Head... (is feeling guilty) BOOB-HEAD: (softens slightly) Yeah, whatever. Huh huh. BEATRICE: You're, like, 16 now, that's cool! (a little excited) So, that means you’re, like, kind of an adult now. (grinning) You're kind of cool too. BOOB-HEAD: (refusing eye contact) Uh, ok. Uh-huh huh huh. BEATRICE: (hesitant, quickly pecks BOOB-HEAD on the cheek) (.Bt) Uh... happy birthday, Boob-Head. Heh heh heh. BOOB-HEAD: (stunned and disgusted) Uh... that was stupid, Beatrice. Don't ever do that again. Uh huh huh. BEATRICE: (embarrassed, pronouncing lesbian as 'lesbin') Shut up, bunghole! I'm not a... uh... lesbian. Heh heh heh. BOOB-HEAD: You're a dumbass, Beatrice. Uh huh huh. BEATRICE: (grinning) No, you're a dumbass! Heh heh heh. (FADE OUT) THE END.