She chose knowledge

      From the very beginning I understood that this fruit was my death. If I take a bite, eternal life will fade, be cut short, and be erased into dust. The tree of the knowledge of good and evil is what it is called. I tilt my head up, looking around the fluffy crown and dense foliage. What is good and what is evil? I don't know. What the Creator says to do is good. What about evil? This is what the Creator says not to do. For example, do not eat from the fruit of this tree. Why does He say this? I don't know that either. I feel cramped by this ignorance and hurt by misunderstanding.       To know, I need to bite off at least the smallest piece of the fruit. But I feel with all my being: the price for all this is death. I can’t fully understand what this means, but everything in my chest turns cold from this terrible word.       “You will not die, but you will become like gods,” the Serpent hisses, writhing its body around a thick branch. “I myself ate from this tree.”       “He’s lying,” I think. The hand crawls along the rough bark. Tree of the knowledge of good and evil... The warmth and power emanating from the fruits flow through my fingers. They give knowledge, I feel it, even just standing next to them.       I lick my dry lips and turn my gaze to the fruit. Red, full of juice, with shiny sides.       No, they are in no way superior to the fruits of all the trees of Eden. But not a single tree gives knowledge. None of them open eyes.       Inside, compressed by the thirst for knowledge, the heart trembles. It trembles, groans, but my head is empty. It seems as if thoughts – every single one – are so pitiful, shallow, just like the waters at the sources of four rivers. They reach up to my knee where they originate. And my thoughts are the same. Shallow. And I myself am empty, meager, so... miserable. This word seems appropriate to me. Miserable! So miserable that it pinches between the ribs. I don't know anything. But I want knowledge to embrace me, fill me from edge to edge, warm my mind, and pour into my heart.       However, Adam’s words buzz in my ears like bees: “God said we will die.” These words, saturated with horror, freeze the tongue. We will die.       “You won’t die,” the Serpent sings.       We will die - I feel it. I feel it with all my gut. I don't know, no, but I feel it. I feel that God will fulfill his word. I will die if I know what good is and what evil is.       And yet the soul is drawn to the fruits, like a sprout to the sun. Through the stones, through the earth, upward, to the Creator. A flame ignites inside with bitterness. I won’t give this flame a name, I don’t know it, I’ve never felt anything like it before. Now, looking at the fruit, I understand that I need to gain knowledge. I’m ready to die, my soul demands: “I want to see, I want to understand, I want to know!”       But what about Adam? He doesn’t know what I’m about to do, he doesn’t see me wavering here, under this tree. What about the Creator?... He knows everything, Adam said that it was He, our Creator and Father, who gave us life. He knows our every breath and every exhalation, every movement and wave of our arms and legs. It will not be difficult for him to take life from our breasts.       I don’t want to die, I crumple in place, bite my lips. I want to live! Breathe, taste the fruits of paradise that spread so sweetly across the tongue with a honey taste. Having eaten the fruit, I will lose everything.       Let be! May I never see any of this again! I want to know!       The hand reaches out to the fruit, and lights flash in the Serpent’s eyes. I will surely die. A sweet aroma flows from the fruit, which makes thoughts run faster in your head and your heart almost stops. My lips touch the smooth fruit peel and I bite it.       Something flashes in the dark depths of the mind. It flares up with a spark and immediately starts to burn with such fire that it rings, crackles and buzzes in your ears. I scream, the fruit almost falls out of my fingers, and my head is torn apart by something that I have never felt in my life. Pain. It is a pain! This word is absorbed into the mouth and falls like wormwood on the tongue.       “It hurts!” I scream.       I squeeze my temples and freeze. Something is happening to me. My head itches, my mind suddenly itches as if it had just emerged. Thousands of words, thousands of understandings. The first thing I understand is: “I am Eve. Woman. Human. Flesh and blood”. The pain is washed off the tongue and turns into honey and oil. Eva... Now I know my name. No one had ever told me my name before, I was just “She.”       “What have you done?” behind me I hear Adam's voice. I never thought that he has a name and I don’t. “God said…”       “Adam,” I interrupt him. “I made my choice. And now I know... I know so many things! My head is full of thoughts! They... you know, Adam, they're heavy. It’s easier to live with an empty head, much easier. But I now know who I am. But I will die. It will be painful and cold. Don't eat if you want to live. You will die too, just like me.”       For a while – it’s strange, I’ve never thought about such a thing as time before – Adam looks at me hesitantly. Something new is read in the eyes. “Fear,” I understand. I see that Adam is scared. Still would! Such a choice: knowledge or life! But I've already taken a bite. And there is no turning back. I will die. I will die, now I know how difficult and scary it is, but I would not give up, I would choose Knowledge again and again. And along with Knowledge, I would choose Death.       “Give me it.” Adam carefully squeezes my hand, in which I still clutch the bitten fruit, and brings my brush to his lips. “I will share your fate,” he whispers, I can barely hear him.       Adam seems to feel sorry for me. Funny. There is no need to feel sorry for me, I chose my share. I will die, but I will know. Death with knowledge is a thousand and thousand times more beautiful than eternal life in ignorance.       Adam screams too. He recoils from me, grabs his head, and a booming groan escapes his lips.       “Does it hurt?” I hesitantly grab his face with my hands and look into his eyes. In the large black pupils, running from side to side, at their very bottom I see so much: pain, fear, delight, joy.       “I... I don’t know your name,” Adam says quietly.       “My name is Eva.” I close my eyes. There is a tart feeling of guilt in my chest. Not for myself, but for him. After all, if it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t have tasted this fruit. “Now you will die too.”       Adam nods. I don't see any regret in the brown eyes. I see consciousness. And suddenly the voice of the Creator resounds throughout the Garden: “Adam! Adam, where are you?”       Horror takes over me. Here He is, the Creator. He's coming to kill us. I inhale the damp, stale air through my nose, blink quickly and back away. Trembling wraps around your chest and squeezes your ribs with force.       “He will kill us,” Adam whispers, and I guess rather than hear his words.       The fear of death, of God, is felt like muddy ice water that fills the inside. I know that I will not escape trouble, but it was my - and only my - choice. And I will accept my death with a straight back.       Now I know what it's like to truly live.