Idiot detectives, part 3
June 19, 2025 at 3:55 AM
A quick trip to the nearby pet store later, Andrew is ready for the job (but definitely not thrilled about it). He parks his car next to the burnt house – a good starting point in their hunt.
Neil is observing him as Andrew packs a few things from the trunk, his gaze feeling like tiny pinpricks on Andrew's skin. When he opens a small jar, Neil sniffs the air. "Is this catnip?"
Andrew holds the jar away from the familiar. "Not for you."
He still remembers that one time when he bought Kevin catnip as a joke, and the familiar spent the whole night lying on the ground, staring at the ceiling in wonder, like it was the best thing in the world. It was quite funny, though Kevin didn't share the sentiment. In fact, he is still quite pissy about it. But it's not like Andrew forced the catnip down his throat.
When Neil leans towards the jar, Andrew pushes his face away with a finger to his forehead. "No, bad kitty," says Andrew. "Don't you know that drugs aren't good for you?"
Neil scowls at him. "I'm not a cat." He crosses his arms over his chest. "Why do you have them, anyway?"
"What can I say – pussies love them." Andrew closes the trunk with a thud and looks at Neil, who is watching him with a clueless expression.
Sigh. Tough crowd.
Andrew focuses on the small metal bowl in his hands, his magic gently enveloping it. Hopefully, it will lead them to Agnus. A small nudge is all it takes for his magic to find a connection and show him the way, its gentle hum and sway in tune with the light wind.
As they are walking towards the area where the magic is guiding them to, Andrew mentally goes through his equipment. Knives – check. A cat carrier – check. Catnip –check. Everything downsized by a spell to fit into his pockets.
They are ready for cat hunting.
Unfortunately, the connection isn't strong enough to lead them straight towards Agnus, so going through all the bushes in the area it is. Andrew and Neil decide to spread out to be done with the investigation quicker. Andrew is yearning for this bed strongly, so hopefully, he will be granted a chance to be lazy sooner rather than later.
At least, that is something he is manifesting for himself.
While he is searching his surroundings, the air is pierced by furious yowling, sounding similar to a crying baby.
For fuck's sake, Andrew thinks as he rushes towards the noise. Of course that Neil gets into trouble whenever he is left without supervision for five seconds.
When he gets to the place, he sees two orange cats screaming at each other, their fur all puffed up. And yup – one of them is Neil alright. Andrew's arrival doesn't seem to phase the cats in the slightest, and they continue to glare and hiss at each other. Just great.
To he honest, Andrew is done with this day – his body is still high from the potion (which isn't fun, at all), he is sleep-deprived, and overall, today sucks. He walks up to the fighting cats, grabs Neil by the scruff and puts him down a few steps away from the other cat. "Can you stop antagonizing local cats?"
Neil hisses one last time before transforming into his human form. "He started it," he says, and oh gods – he's pouting.
Andrew isn't impressed with the answer in the slightest. "It's a cat."
Neil looks away, frowning, his arms crossed over his chest. The cat is still glaring at him, and Neil glares back.
Andrew snaps his fingers in front of the familiar's face. "Focus. We're looking for Agnus, remember?"
"I've already found him." Neil points to the cat he was fighting with a minute ago. Of course.
Andrew takes a better look at Agnus. His fur is a bit dirty but aside from that, he doesn't look bad overall. Andrew has worried if the cat is even alive, and he is glad to be proved otherwise. They can't leave Agnus here, though – a street life isn't ideal for a cat, and they need him to help the ghost woman.
Catching a cat is easier said than done. Hopefully, Andrew will come out of this with all his limbs intact.
"Go back to the car," he tells Neil.
"I'm not leaving you alone with him," the familiar's voice is firm. Is Andrew sentenced to forever deal with hardheaded morons who refuse to listen to him?
"Then stay back. You're scaring the cat."
Neil mutters something under his breath, but obediently walks some distance away. Andrew wonders what he was fighting about with Agnus. Can Neil even understand cats? Andrew will have to ask him later.
Agnus is watching him warily, his fur still puffed out, but he doesn't run away. With slow movements, Andrew sets down the carrier with catnip inside, and takes a few steps back. The grass is dry when he sits down, fortunately.
The curiosity wins with the apprehension, and Agnus walks slowly to the transporter, sniffing. Andrew tries to remain still, though it isn't an easy task. His fingers drum against his thigh, jittery from the unspent energy. He wishes he could will the cat to move faster.
When Agnus' tail disappears inside the carrier, Andrew quickly shuts the crate door close with the help of magic. The sound spooks the cat, and it meows as if offended to be treated this way.
Finally, he thinks to himself as he hefts the box up, being careful not to jostle it too much. The weight strains his arm, and he would love to say that he didn't know how heavy a cat can be. Agnus continues to yowl and hiss.
"Shut up," Andrew says, sympathizing with the animal. "It's for your own good." He winces as the words bring back memories he would rather forget. Preferably forever.
The trip back towards the house is a short one, but at the end of it Andrew's muscles in his arm are burning. For such a small animal, Agnus isn't the lightest one, that's for sure. To spur Andrew's annoyance further, the cat keeps meowing angrily at Neil and the predicament. Neil ignores him, but the smug look on his face says more than words could.
When the burnt-down house greets their eyes, Agnus stills, then continues his meowing with more urgency.
"Don't take that tone with at me," Andrew says. Does he feel stupid for talking to a cat? Maybe, but he has zero fucks to give.
Of course, Agnus doesn't care and continues to scream to heavens the sound grating on Andrew's nerves. The scorching afternoon sun isn't helping the matter.
As debris crunches under their shoes, the sound and smell of fire grow stronger, once again trying to trick their minds. Against his instincts, Andrew takes a deep breath to calm his racing heart, the scent nearly suffocating because of his boosted senses. The cat starts making a ruckus inside the carrier which shakes from the force of it.
"Agnus!" The woman's voice sounds as fearful as before.
The cat meows in response.
At least we got the right one,Andrew thinks as he sets the carrier on the ground and lets Agnus out. The cat bolts towards the kitchen where the woman's voice came from, his form an orange blur. With Neil in tow, Andrew follows the animal, his steps careful around the debris.
"Oh God, Agnus!" The woman exclaims joyfully. The cat circles around her, his tail raised high in the air. His purrs are so loud that Andrew can hear it from a few feet away. The woman holds out her hand, as if afraid to touch the animal, but Agnus makes the decision for her when he bumps his head against her palm.
Normally, her hand would fall through, because no living being can touch or be touched by ghosts. Andrew is an exception to this rule, his power allowing him to bend the rules. Cats though, they are weird little fuckers – in Andrew's modest opinion – and can actually be touched by ghosts without any special magic tricks on their part. Why? Andrew hasn't been bothered enough to remember (at some point, Kevin might have explained it during one of his rants about history and familiars, but Andrew wasn't really listening). The important thing is that cats are crazy like that.
The ghost woman pets her beloved companion, the cat soaking up the attention. The coldness of her touch doesn't seem to bother him much judging by the way he rubs against her. As Andrew said – crazy little fuckers. Some of the noise and smell seems to die down the more the woman calms down.
She lifts her head and looks straight at Andrew, her face carrying a gentle smile. "Thank you," she says. "Please, take care of him." She kisses Agnus' head, and just like that, her form fades away, leaving a confused cat behind.
The silence that follows doesn't last long. "Well," says Neil, "that was eventful."
Andrew says nothing to that, the throbbing in his temples getting more uncomfortable with every minute. His weariness must be showing somehow because Neil shuts up. Small mercies.
But now he has not one but two orange problems, and he doesn't know what to think about it.
Well, Betsy could use some enrichment in her life.
