Keeping it both ways

      Knocking on a door has never felt so much like a death sentence before. The sound seems louder than ever, and Kevin’s hand trembles when he retracts it. As he waits for Allison to open the door, he starts fiddling with his shirt nervously, but then forces himself to stop. Everything in him wants to bolt to the safety of his room, yet he stays rooted to the floor.       Finally, the door swings open and Allison’s shock is clear on her face. No wonder since they don’t really talk to each other outside of practice.       “To what do I owe the pleasure?” Allison raises her eyebrows.       Instead of answering, Kevin asks, “Are you alone?” and nearly smacks himself for how it must sound.       If they could, Allison’s eyebrows would probably go higher. Before she can make any comment, Kevin corrects himself, “I didn’t mean it like that.” This whole thing isn’t going well for him so far, but he can’t back out now. And Allison hasn’t slammed the door in his face yet, so there’s that.       The woman leans on the doorframe, her gaze assessing, and Kevin nearly squirms under her scrutiny. “The girls are out with Matt.” The answer relieves some tension from Kevin’s body.       “Can I come in? I really need to talk to you.” Just after the words have come out, he wants to smack himself for the second time. What’s wrong with him today?       Maybe it’s the desperation in Kevin’s voice or the curiosity because Allison steps aside wordlessly and lets the man inside. Once the door closes, she demands, “Okay, start talking, Day.”       Kevin clears his throat, his chest suddenly tight. He opens his mouth to speak but no words come out. He feels Allison’s gaze on himself, the woman patiently waiting him out. After a while, he manages, “Can you help me with makeup?” Kevin congratulates himself that the words didn’t come out in a stutter, but he still flushes with embarrassment.       Makeup is something he’s wanted to experiment with for a while. The Nest wasn’t a place for this though – the harsh training and Riko’s tough love didn’t leave much room for anything else in his life. But leaving it all behind created some kind of void that he didn’t know how to fill. Suddenly, Kevin Day could be his own person, and that really scared him back then – still scared him now sometimes. So while adjusting to living with the Foxes, he started exploring who Kevin was without Riko and the Nest. And that led him towards an interesting place – makeup.       He remembers the first time he put an eyeliner on. He stole it from Andrew after he saw the man outlining his eyes for the evening at Eden’ once. Kevin was mesmerized then by Andrew’s eyes, which seemed bigger than usual. Adding the air of confidence around him, like he hadn't just stolen Kevin’s breath, the man was simply captivating. And of course Andrew noticed Kevin staring at him, so he raised his eyebrows, at which Kevin blushed and looked away.       But since then, Kevin has wanted to try the look for himself. Such curiosity is a dangerous thing, the Nest taught him, but he was willing to try anyway. So squashing down his growing panic, he put the eyeliner to his lids and drew the lines. It ended up messy, as expected – the lines shaky and uneven, and a bit smudged where Kevin tried to correct them with a q-tip, but Kevin still let out a quiet gasp when he saw the final result. Sadly, he had to clean it off before Andrew came back from his smoking break with Neil, unless he wanted to get some questions he had no answers to.       Since then, there’s been an itch under his skin, and he knows how to make it better. Unfortunately, that requires help from one of the most annoying people Kevin knows.       “The great Kevin Day asking for my help?” Allison gasps dramatically. “I must be dreaming.” Kevin crosses his arms and tries not to get irritated. It’s already cost him his pride to be here, but Allison really doesn’t need to gloat so much. However, if this is the price he must pay for her help, so be it – he’ll let her enjoy the moment. He grits his teeth, but says nothing in response to her teasing. After a moment of silence, Allison finally says, “Okay, I’ll do it.” Kevin perks up at that. The uncertainty has been gnawing at him till this moment, and he takes a breath in relief. “Thank you.” Allison waves her hand. “I’m doing this out of curiosity, not for you.” Her eyes are practically shining with glee. “Oh, this will be glorious.” Her excitement is contagious and Kevin feels himself getting giddy, but tries to hold it down – he has a reputation to maintain after all. She sits him down on one of the desk chairs and starts unpacking her supplies from a bag. Kevin recognizes the makeup brushes, but he didn’t know they come in so many different sizes. Next, Allison takes out a makeup palette, and Kevin hasn’t seen so many different colors of eyeshadow before. Who needs so many browns anyway? Despite his doubts, he decides to stay silent, so that Allison doesn’t go back on her word. “You better sit still,” Allison warns him, at which Kevin nods. So the whole process begins. Kevin’s face is dabbed by a sponge and then multiple brushes (why are there so many?). Kevin sits silently, afraid to breathe too deeply and disrupt Allison. He turns his head and closes his eyes when she tells him to, but after a while he becomes restless. Allison’s been at it for what must be half an hour and it seems that she’s not quite done yet. His hands itch to reach for a mirror to see the results, but he restrains himself. Kevin’s patience is finally rewarded when Allison steps back, looks him over critically and says, “Alright, done.” Then she hands him a small mirror from beside her.       Kevin does a double take when he sees his reflection. His face looks different now, especially his eyes. The brown shades on his eyelids blend together seamlessly, going from a light beige in the inner corner of his eye to a light brown in the middle and a dark brown in the outer corner. A light shimmer catches Kevin’s eye, and he realizes that Allison must have put some kind of glitter on his lids. It isn’t something he would have asked for, but he has to admit that it accentuates his eyes nicely.       His face looks different too. The features seem somehow… softer? Kevin can’t really put his finger on it. His cheekbones got the glitter treatment too, apparently – they shimmer when the light hits them from the right angle. Kevin spends a minute rotating his head, watching mesmerized as the highlighter glimmers on his cheeks. What would Riko think?, Kevin wonders and something painful twists in his heart, so the thought is quickly dismissed.       Kevin wants to touch his face to assure himself that it isn’t some kind of illusion. His hand is batted away before he can do anything, though.       “Don’t ruin my work, Day,” says Allison, a clear threat in her voice.       Kevin crosses his arms to avoid another scolding and resigns himself to just looking.       “Well?” asks Allison when Kevin’s silence draws on.       “It looks really good.” His voice sounds steady despite the emotions gripping his throat. He silently congratulates himself for keeping everything in check.       “Wow, a compliment from you – a rare occurrence.” Allison tries to sound dismissive, but Kevin can see that she too is quite pleased with the outcome, judging by the small smile she can’t quite hide.       “Maybe if you worked harder on court, you’d hear it more,” the remark is out before Kevin registers what he’s just said.       Allison is quick to reply, “Watch it, Day.” Kevin’s smart enough to shut up this time. She has helped him a lot today, so he can hold his comments about her exy performance for now.       “Thank you.” He hopes she can hear the gratefulness in his voice.       Allison waves him off. “I did it out of curiosity. But you’re welcome.” She escorts him to the door.       “Can I repay you somehow?” Being indebted to Allsion is never a good thing.       “All good, princess.” Kevin flushes at the woman’s words. He can feel her grinning at his retreating back, so he speeds up towards his room to avoid further embarrassment. But among it all, he feels so ecstatic that he nearly trips in his rush.       When he’s finally safe behind the doors, he’s greeted with Andrew’s stare. He doesn’t really know how to interpret it, so he waits for the man to speak up.       “You look like a girl.” At Andrew’s remark something in Kevin’s chest grows warmer.       “Fuck off,” his reply is more automatic than intentional. He nearly skips along towards his bedroom, his good mood filling him down to his bones. Andrew’s eyes feel like they’re drilling a hole in his back, but Kevin’s too excited to care about that. He’s left alone for the whole evening, enjoying his new appearance and the new sense of right inside his skin. When the time to remove the makeup comes, he deflates, but doesn’t let himself ruminate over it. When his clean face looks back at him in the mirror, he sees disappointment there.       The next morning Kevin is woken by Andrew dropping something on his face. He nearly jumps out of his skin and Andrew’s amused look doesn’t help the situation.       “What the fuck?” he asks breathlessly, glaring at his friend.       Andrew just looks at him, then goes towards the bathroom. Thanks to the years he’s spent at Andrew’s side, he acquired a lot of knowledge in Andrew-language, so he knows that he is expected to follow and bring whatever was thrown at him earlier. He looks down at the item that has awoken him so rudely and nearly gasps. It’s an eyeliner, freshly bought, judging by the foil around the cap. Kevin’s almost afraid to touch it.       “I don’t have a whole day,” Andrew’s voice gets Kevin scrambling out of his bed, hastily grabbing the eyeliner and finally going to the bathroom.       Andrew’s waiting there with his own pencil in hand, which surprises Kevin. He still doesn’t really know why they’re here.       “Watch,” says Andrew and turns to the mirror hanging above the sink. He pulls his lower eyelid downward a bit and then in a swift move colors the waterline in black. Kevin watches with rapt attention as he does the same to the other eye.       “Like this,” is all Andrew says. When he turns his head, Kevin nearly loses his breath. It’s a really good look on him, he thinks. Just a little bit of black has changed so much in Andrew’s appearance and Kevin can’t wait to see how his will turn out.       Andrew motions with his hand towards Kevin, indicating that it’s his turn.       It’s like his first attempt with an eyeliner all over again. Kevin feels his hand trembling when he raises the pencil towards his eye. Won’t it stab him? It sure looks like it can. He takes a deep breath to steady his racing heart and gets to work, trying to mimic Andrew’s moves. His first swipe isn’t perfect – the line smudges a bit. Kevin huffs frustrated and reaches for a wipe to clean it, but a hand catches his wrist.       “Just keep going,” says Andrew and releases Kevin’s hand.       He complies and goes back to work. It’s not easy – he’ s constantly afraid that he’ll stab himself in the eye, and he has to stop himself from wincing during the whole ordeal. But finally, the work is done and Kevin admires the outcome in the mirror.       It’s not perfect by any means – the line is inconsistent and smudged in some places, when his hand shook too much. But to Kevin it doesn’t matter at this moment, because the feeling from yesterday is back – the overwhelming joy he so rarely feels, but when it appears, it’s the greatest feeling to him. Yesterday’s makeup softened his appearance, and his current one definitely does the opposite. It brings attention to his eyes without being too flashy about it. Kevin absolutely loves both versions       “Careful, or you’ll end up like Narcissus.” Kevin scoffs at Andrew’s words.       When they get out of the bathroom, they both catch Neil lounging on the beanbag, sitting with an open notebook on his lap. He looks up at them and Kevin sees his gaze zeroing on their faces.       “Staring,” Andrew says, and Kevin nearly groans.       “Can you blame me?” Neil shots back and smirks.       Kevin knows where all this is leading to, so he grabs his things and gets out of there. Maybe Allison will be kind enough to show him some more tricks.