Sunlit oak tree

“Dear Agnes, I am writing you neither the first nor the last letter, I hope that everything is fine at home, because lately I have been plagued by bad dreams and bad premonitions, I hope they are groundless. I’ve settled down well, at least that’s what I want to believe and convince myself. We get up early and go to bed late, although this is probably not interesting to you… I think that you can feel comfortable here, it is very cold here — especially at this time of year. We are not fed heavily: I always feel hungry after lunch or dinner; Even though the food here is bland, it’s better than nothing. We have field training — we learn to live in the forest and navigate using a map, I am the best in our group at this. Here I made a good friend. Alexander — I’ll introduce you to you sometime when I arrive, sooner rather than later. We train here all the time, and at night our whole body hurts and it’s impossible to sleep. We learn to throw grenades, handle weapons, and also cram the history of Germany, although I already remembered it. It turned out that this place is not for people like me, it is more aimed at strong men whose brains are not needed to carry out commands and strength exercises, but I seem like a good good boy who loves to read and study. They don’t crowd me here, although they gave me the nickname kleule, from the little owlet. I think I’ll be able to come for Christmas. I shall wait for your answer.” Augustine quickly folded the letter and went to the first floor to send it to his sister; Alexander caught up with him in the corridor, slapping Augustine from behind. “You must come with me today.” “Alex was extremely loud and active today, which was rare in the company of young soldiers. — Alex, not today. I’m tired, and besides, you know that you need to prepare a poster with an article for tomorrow. It’s like they signed me up for the student newspaper,” Augustine babbled, signing the letter and handing it over to the post office to be sent. “Oh-oh-oh…” Alex made a face. — Well, you’ll write your article a little later, please! Today is a day off! — Alex began to beg him as they walked along the corridor. — Alex, name at least four — no, three reasons why I should go somewhere. — Alex began to bend his fingers on his extended hand — Firstly, because this is a generally accepted event, it is organized only by older groups, and secondly, because it will be fun — there will be alcohol and a lot of fun music. Thirdly, because girls come to us from… — he paused — the women’s division. — Especially not. — Augustine frowned at his friend. “Don’t get me wrong, but I won’t get involved in this.” I remember I heard that last year the graduates did something similar and the next day they were all scolded and almost kicked out. Thank you but no. If you say that following the rules is boring, then I’d rather be boring than kicked out. Alex sighed heavily. He wanted to get his friend out somewhere, somewhere other than the cramped room where he slept and minded his own business. “If you don’t go to this party, I’ll tear up your drawings.” — Augustine, who had previously stood with his back to his friend, turned around and shook his leg. — Well, you are a manipulator. “Alex, almost jumping with happiness, hugged his friend, and they moved on together. On the way, Alex buzzed Augustine’s ears, chattering incessantly about the upcoming festival. They walked along the corridors of the already empty building. Alex and Augustine went outside through the service exit, because the main gates and doors were locked after nine. Augustine was very worried: if he understood Alex correctly, then this was where everyone else was supposed to meet. He heard someone’s footsteps to the side and realized that everyone else had arrived. Among them, everyone around him was unfamiliar to him — young men from other units, whom Augustine sometimes saw in class. Alex asked if anyone had seen them, and they replied that they had checked everything. Afterwards, a group of seven people moved through narrow courtyards and fields for shooting and running, jumping over small fences straight to the service yard, where only servants lived and there were hangars for household needs. There was a slight cold outside, but Augustine practically did not feel it — he only felt his heart pounding. At that moment it seemed to him that for one evening he had become a bad boy who was bleeding his knees and who hardly listens to what they tell him, who has only one wind in his head, but pockets full of freedom. Augustine was silent the whole way, and his eyes constantly looked around — at the moon, at the gravel path and at his friend. Maybe Alex sat down and started talking to him for a reason then, maybe this is called friendship, which is given to a person only once and no matter in what person? They came to one of the small buildings that stood apart on the outskirts. The walls of such buildings were dense, and weapons were stored there — from pistols to hand grenades, but at that time no one would go there. There were already people inside, and Alex, as soon as they entered, announced their arrival. Everyone immediately dispersed in all directions. The tables were indeed laden with alcohol, jazz was coming from the record player, and at one of the tables sat girls his age, flirtatiously waving their hands at him. Augustine sat down to the side by the player and took a closer look at the records. They only brought foreign records here — how ironic. Augustine didn’t even move much, watching what was happening. Some immediately began to strike up a conversation with the girls, some opened the wine and began to drink; Augustine only managed to see his friend in the company of two beauties. Augustine himself hardly needed their attention; he would not have received pleasure from female company. — Are you sitting here and getting bored too? — A high and ringing voice made Augustine turn his head and come out of the veil of illusions. To his right now sat a girl, dressed in uniform, and, like him, watching on the sidelines. — Sorry, what do you mean? — Augustine was embarrassed. “I mean, this is all in your throat too.” You were also brought here by force, because you need to unwind. “The girl was not drunk, but she was tongue-tied. — Well, let’s assume so. My name is Augustine. — My name is Irene. “They shook hands, and Augustine sat down next to her, away from the record player. Irene looked pretty, but Augustine had little interest in girls, and in this respect he was much more boring than Alex, who only managed to change fans. — Would you like to go for a walk? — If you take me to my building. He’s not far from here, we came here for a short time. — Fine. They stood up, and already approaching the exit, Augustine whispered to his friend that he was going to his building. He, drunk from wine, just shook his head. The journey took a little time, but Augustine, walking with Irene, thought that it would be eternal. They walked slowly and little by little they exchanged phrases about history and about the stars, about the sky and about the cold weather. Irene, as it turned out, was also brought here by a friend, Hilda. Augustine just smiled, saying that this was probably the role of friends. Irene supported him in this. Stopping nearby, they said goodbye. “I think that from here it won’t be clear that you came with someone.” It’s probably time for us to say goodbye. I was pleased to be in your company. — Augustine bowed and was about to leave, but Irene stopped him. She rose on tiptoe and kissed him meekly and, leaving a trace of lipstick on his lips, walked away, waving goodbye. Augustine stood there for a long time, not knowing how to react, and smiled like a fool. He arrived in the room shortly before Alex and the others arrived, and, unlike them, who got up with a headache, Augustine lay motionless, remembering that kiss from Irene. The morning dawned with a scandal: they were called to the headmaster of the school, and therefore, instead of building, they had a proofreading. “You must understand, young people, that this kind of situation is only negative for you.” Yesterday at the evening inspection you were all not in the room, but at about three twenty-five in the morning the guard saw you — all of you except Augustine. Where have you been? — We walked outside the building. — Alex, as the eldest, bore responsibility, Gustav and Erich, standing nearby, were breathing heavily: they were sick from drinking yesterday. Augustine stood calmly with a stone face, because he knew how to behave in front of people like the director; Augustine noticed that Alex was somewhat like his father. - So you understand the responsibility for this. — The director kicked them out of his office — this time everyone except Augustine was reprimanded; For some reason they decided to bypass it. Augustine walked behind with Alex. — Did you leave immediately? Augustine shook his head. “I realized that there was no place for me there, and I left after about half an hour. — Alex, hearing this, sighed with a hint of envy that his friend was not affected by the punishment. This indulgence hurt more than just Alex. Gustav, walking ahead, stopped abruptly and turned to Augustine. “You were with us, I saw you come with Alex.” — I immediately left after half an hour. “Why didn’t he get a reprimand then?!” “Gustav began to boil like porridge on the stove, looking at his friend with hatred. “It was he who turned us in to the guards.” — Why friend? Are you crazy? I left right away, I’m telling you. — Augustine was calm. Once again, his calmness and detachment from this situation bore fruit, and he did not fall for Gustav’s provocations. “I may have lost my mind, but trust in you and him,” he pointed at Alex, “is lost.” “He turned around and walked away. “It’s not a big loss,” Augustine whispered. Alex sighed. He didn’t think it would all end like this for them. “We should graduate, otherwise Gustav is nasty, he can do a lot of things,” Augustine said calmly. — Well, let him, it’s worse for him. He still has to live with us. — Alex rubbed his eyes: drowsiness was taking its toll, but there was no time to lie down. Augustine encouraged his friend as best he could. They went to class together. They were lucky that the lesson was in the classroom, and they could listen to the teacher while thinking about something else. A week passed since that very evening, and Augustine, walking one evening, noticed a familiar figure near an oak tree. He approached — yes, it was Irene. She stood motionless, looking at the sky, and the first twilight fell behind her, giving her face a pale porcelain hue. “Good evening,” Augustine said quietly, and the girl shuddered. “Oh, it’s you…” Irene greeted him back, the silence dragged on without burdening the interlocutors. — I heard what happened with you, you were reprimanded. — Not for me, I flew past it, but now the whole room is angry with me. It doesn’t matter. At least for me, now I don’t have to seek anyone’s favor. Irene looked at him. — You’re here for a long time, aren’t you? We come every fall, but this is the second year I’ve seen you. — Well, yes, I didn’t go out that year — I was sick, so I sat in class. “It finally got cold outside, but Irene continued to stand, looking at the sky, where the first stars were scattered. Augustine looked at the sky with her, noticing how her eyes moved across the sky from a large and bright star to a small and pale one. “I think it’ll be time for you soon, it’s already about eight and it’s getting cold.” — Is it true? — Irene forgot. “And I also wanted to look at the stars.” Everything hurts so much after these hikes, and I don’t feel like doing anything, and when the time comes to be alone, it’s time to go back to sleep. — Someday it will end, don’t worry. In any case, this is better than not seeing the stars at all, like other girls who are only interested in how to seduce boys. Well, yes, this is better, definitely. “So what will you do when you get back, Augustine?” “I’ll probably think about it when I’m done—I don’t have any thoughts yet.” And you? — The same. I still want to try myself as a singer when I get out of here. — I will be glad to come to your concert if you invite me. Irene giggled. — Of course, I’ll call you. They still sat in the silence of the night, but soon the cold finally penetrated them. They nevertheless parted ways: Augustine in his direction, and Irene in hers, but both understood one thing: they had found a pleasant interlocutor. Augustine found out only a week later that Irene had left, and at first he was sad, then the sadness gave way to hope that someday they could meet again. *** Walking to a shooting lesson, Augustine moved his feet heavily. This discipline is the only one he failed. Having been here for a long time, he never learned to shoot. Although, maybe he will still have time to do this before the final exams. Autumn came quite suddenly this year. Strong winds coming from the north brought with them rains, and those, in turn, brought slush and gloominess. Classes on the streets quickly ceased, and most of them moved indoors, although they still went outside for formation. The basements where the shooting practice took place were heated poorly, so poorly that when you exhaled, you could see a cloud of steam next to your mouth. Alexander, walking nearby, rubbed his hands in an attempt to warm them. But little came of it. “Damn, they’ll freeze us to death,” he said angrily as they stood side by side, lined up in several rows at the shooting range. “They apparently want to make corpses out of us who don’t feel the cold, rather than people,” Augustine said barely audibly. For him, it was just another day in his studies and his own thoughts. He would live until Christmas, until he could come home if he was released. His whole world was now poor and stingy. Although he tried to behave barely noticeable, he still made himself an ill-wisher. Gustav walked past and nudged him with his shoulder. “He’s not in the mood again today.” — Alexander patted Augustine on the shoulder as a sign of support. “Don’t pay attention, he’s always like this,” Augustine said quietly. Augustine kept guessing, but never found an answer. The room into which the lesson was moved was spacious and combined with garage space, although now there was only a shooting range. Seeing that his turn would soon come, Augustine gathered his thoughts that today he needed to show a good result. Alexander, standing in front of him, fired very accurately, hitting all the targets. Gustav praised him for this. And Augustine took the position. He could hear Gustav grinning behind him. Gustav was just asking for a quarrel or a fight, in which he was often the instigator. Augustine takes the weapon, takes aim, his hand trembles, he waits a minute or two and shoots wide of the target. Gustav, standing behind, hurls curses at him and calls him names. Augustine moves away, not paying any attention. Alexander, standing nearby, raises his head, looking at both. The air is tense, despite the fact that Augustine does not answer — Gustav provokes him into a fight, as is usually the case. — Augustine, maybe you’ll leave here altogether if you can’t even shoot? — Gustav shouts after him. Everyone turns, silence falls, all eyes are focused on these two. The teacher is trying to calm the kids down, but he has no authority as such with them. “I may not be able to shoot, but I have other strengths.” “Augustine, turning around, sees Gustav’s face changing from sweet to angry,” he was hooked. Words and theory have never been his strong suit. Everyone in their group knew that Alexander always covered for Gustav with his homework, since he didn’t understand anything. And Gustav could have hushed up this matter, but everyone heard it, and Gustav did not need damage to his reputation. He comes up, takes him by the chest and hisses, looking into his face and breathing angrily, like a hunted bull. — Listen, theorist, why did you come to us then, huh? Didn’t you go to some university? Augustine tries to remove his hands from himself, but nothing works. He is weaker than him. — It’s none of your business! — Augustine answers rudely, and Gustav is blown away. He punches Augustine in the face and he falls before he can react. A hail of blows falls on him in all possible places: his head, arms, ribs, voices are heard in the background — they are trying to pull Gustav away, a teacher half his height cannot control the situation, a commotion begins among the children. Half of them stand around Augustine, the other half calm Gustav, who is now swearing and foaming at the mouth. Alexander leans towards Augustine — he, not understanding or seeing anything, tries to grab onto something, but nothing comes of it. Everything floats, and in the end he gives up and closes his eyes, lying on the floor. The blinding sunlight forces Augustine to reluctantly open his eyes. He is in the ward, although his left eye practically does not open, he still makes an effort to come to his senses. It smells like iodine and bleach. It’s quiet in the medical office, too quiet—he’s alone. The silence weighs on him at first, then he realizes that it wasn’t always like this. And gradually the understanding comes that once upon a time, as he now believes, he was different. He loved silence and solitude, but he had to put all this aside for another life. Now, only now, does he have such an opportunity. Having moved slightly in bed, he realizes that it is hard for him to breathe, his ribs are somehow tightened. Augustine lay down for a minute or two. Footsteps and voices were heard. Judging by the cheers, his roommates, Erich and Alexander, had arrived. The nurse quickly escorted them to his bed. — Only for a short time — he needs peace. — The nurse’s stern voice removed the smile from Erich’s face, but not for long. As soon as she left, he sat down on Augustine’s bed and began to say how glad he was that he was alive. “Erich, no one would have let him die here!” — Alexander objected to him. “You know, Gustav beat him so much that I actually almost thought the opposite, and besides, it’s good that now he’s not with us.” — What? — Augustine said barely audibly. — Have you transferred Gustav? — More like expelled. — Alexander said this with a note of contentment in his voice — For disrespect for elders, and also for poor academic performance. You have to get better — winter is coming, and that means tests and Christmas. By the way, have you thought about where you will go yet? “No,” he said quietly. They talked a little more, and soon the guys left, leaving Augustine in the silence of the hospital walls. “Christmas is coming,” he thought. Indeed, sometimes you think that life is really measured by holidays alone, which is why people invented them. I wonder how Agnes is doing? He spent that Christmas with Anna and Wilhelm and received oil paints as a gift, and Agnes received a new coat. The little ones received sweets. Anna and Wilhelm always gave them great holidays. Augustine fell into sleep — into a quiet and peaceful sleep. He dreamed that he was home again and that he was eleven again; he is again reading a book under the oak tree, and Agnes is sitting next to him, looking at the daisies and clover. The school principal’s final graduation speech was not very encouraging. Standing in the light June wind, Augustine, like many others who, like him, were about to graduate and go wherever, were hardly thinking about anything serious; rather, that they will now be able to count on the state. Gustav was indeed expelled, and, as Augustine later learned, he returned home with nothing and no one — a sad fate. Things had been collected the day before, and all that remained was to take them out of the room. A slight sadness came over Augustine, and the main question: “What’s next?”, which he asked himself more and more often in the last two years, remained unanswered. However, could there be an answer to it?