Chapter 5
June 4, 2024 at 7:37 AM
After some time had passed, the door to Jinshi's chambers slowly opened, and an older lady quietly stepped inside.
"Xiaomao! Is everything alright? Do you perhaps need some help with the young master?" she inquired, careful as to not raise her voice too much in order to avoid accidentally waking up said young master.
There was no answer. A bit confused, Suiren made a few steps towards the bed and immediately spotted the knocked-over chair, picking it up without thinking twice.
"Xiaomao?"
Then her gaze fell on the bed itself, and she brought her hand to her mouth in surprise.
"Oh, my!"
Weakly illuminated by the moonlight that was coming through the window and the still burning candles, Jinshi and Maomao were both lying in the young noble's bed, sound asleep. She on her back, and he on his stomach with his head on the young woman's chest, while her hands were resting on his shoulders. It was such a peaceful scene that the mere sight of it was enough to warm your heart.
The chief lady-in-waiting gave them a gentle smile.
"I knew it was a good idea to leave the children alone."
She approached them further, and placed her hand on Jinshi's forehead, nodding with satisfaction, upon confirming that his fever had gone down a bit and that he had almost stopped trembling.
Then she carefully wiped his nose with a handkerchief, arranged the blanket that had slid off a bit, fetched fresh water, and finally left again, intending to let the two of them sleep in peace.
"Maomao..." Jinshi muttered in his sleep as the door was closing behind Suiren.
***
Maomao grimaced when someone's sniffing, coming from very close, reached her ears. There was something heavy and warm lying on her upper body. She started to stir and slowly cracked her eyes open, sleepily looking around and seeming as if she didn't quite understand where she was.
Judging by the darkness, it still had to be the middle of the night.
The apothecary rubbed her eyes and then raised her head a bit. Spotting Jinshi, who was sleeping on top of her with his mouth open, she finally remembered everything that had happened.
The very first thing she did was to put her hand on his forehead and check his temperature, almost as if it were a reflex. And then promptly sighed out in relief.
"Phew, the fever has finally gone down a little," she thought, placing her head back on the pillow. "I'm so glad... so my medicine is working in the end. The first dose was probably just too small."
The young noble was still lying in the same position as when she had fallen asleep: with his head on her chest and his arms wrapped around her waist, as if she were indeed nothing more than just a big pillow.
Maomao frowned, remembering the circumstances that had gotten her into that more or less unfortunate situation.
"But I very much hope that he'll let go of me in the morning. Otherwise, I will definitely slap him across the face. He can punish me all he wants for it, I don't care. Enough is enough."
And as if Jinshi had somehow sensed her thoughts, he flinched briefly in his sleep and grimaced slightly, and then squeezed her a bit tighter.
Maomao snorted and started stroking his hair, brushing one of its strands behind his ear.
"Yeah, yeah, got it. No slapping, then. But I will give you a proper scolding, Master Jinshi, I won't just let you get away scot-free, understood?"
That was the moment she realized that a thin trail of drool was flowing from his mouth and once again snot dripping from his nose. And her upper body was somewhat damp. She didn't even want to know how her clothes had to look by now. The next morning, after having returned to her own room, she would, first of all, change her clothes and throw the soiled ones into the dirty laundry. They had to be washed as soon as possible before someone got infected with Jinshi's cold.
But, oh well, in her case, it was probably already way too late, since she had been very close to him and still continued to be.
In any case, she was planning to prepare him hot ginger water the next day and also drink some herself in order to boost her immunity. Ah yes, and to let Gaoshun and Suiren, who had both been in contact with the sick Jinshi, have some, too.
"Just great. First his pillow and now I’ve turned into his tissue. Again,” she thought, irritated, remembering the hug in the hallway, during which he had been pressing his teary and snotty face against her shoulder. Then, however, she let out a sigh and pulled a handkerchief out of her sleeve with some effort, in order to wipe his face for the umpteenth time.
Well, but actually she wasn't even that upset about it. After all, she was an apothecary and her father's assistant of many years, hence that wasn't by far the first time of her getting a patient’s bodily fluids on herself. There had already been everything imaginable on her clothes and hands, ranging from blood up to vomit, so some tears, snot, and drool were almost nothing compared to that in her opinion.
"And I mustn't forget the inhalation, either. Judging by his breathing, it's obvious that his nose is still very much stuffed. And apart from that, I also have to do something against his cough before it really ends up turning into pneumonia."
No matter when and no matter where, Maomao still was and stayed an apothecary, who was thinking about the best possible ways to treat her patients. And yes, she had already come to terms with the fact that this one particular patient was a bit (or even more than just "a bit") more important to her than the others. The best proof for it was that she was now lying in his bed with him sleeping on top of her, all snotty and feverish. And to be honest and to her own surprise, she didn't even really mind being stuck in that position.
However, she still failed to understand why exactly it was bothering her so little, since, right at the beginning, she had considered him — oh, what an irony — such a slimy and disgusting guy that she didn't even want to come close to him.
Maybe it was because she had gotten to know him a lot better in the meantime and discovered that, despite his annoying, clingy and often childish personality, he was quite a kind-hearted person. Just like in her case, he was no saint at all, of course, but still possessed his good sides, as she had to admit.
Or maybe it was also due to her exhaustion. Hah, but in reality, she absolutely wasn't in the mood to rack her brains over that question. It wasn't that important, anyway. What she really cared about was to make the young lord return to health as soon as possible.
"His cough was pretty bad when I was leading him back to bed," she therefore continued to ponder, unperturbed. "When he wakes up, I really need to listen to his lungs again. There was some thyme among the herbs I collected yesterday. Tea made out of thyme leaves is a very good cough remedy and also has an anti-inflammatory effect."
And while all these things were going through her mind, Maomao felt another wave of exhaustion sweep over her and yawned, about to fall asleep again. After all, there was still time until daybreak, so it really wouldn't be wise to not use it for resting.
"Well, at least, he's sleeping calmly again..." she thought.
However...
"Mm... M-Maomao..." she suddenly heard his voice, being followed by a soft whimper. The apothecary froze for a moment. She looked at Jinshi and noticed that he was shedding fresh tears that were running over his face and landing on her clothes. Plus, his trembling had gotten a bit worse again.
The apothecary had almost groaned out loud, but she managed to control herself at the last second.
"Damn! I spoke too soon... No... please not again..." she was almost begging in her thoughts. "Is this never going to stop?"
Oh no, hopefully, Jinshi's fever wouldn't go up again! Since she had given him the entire medicine, there was currently nothing left anymore, so, if necessary, she would have to get up and make more. But there was the risk of him leaving the bed again in her absence and wandering off who-knew where, forcing her to drag him back once more. And, well, she did get a bit of sleep and was already feeling better than before, but still lacked the strength for things like that.
Not to mention that he was holding her so tightly she could barely move and, thus, making it impossible for her to get up even if she wanted to...
That was why she didn't have any other choice than to try to soothe him the best she could.
Maomao let out another snort. Oh yes, Jinshi was truly the most exhausting patient she ever had.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed his head a bit closer to her body.
"I'm here, Master Jinshi. Please don't cry..." she muttered tiredly and started to gently caress his shoulder with one hand and his cheek with the other. "I'm here, really here... I did give you that promise, after all..."
After a while, he finally stopped whimpering.
Maomao sighed out deeply in relief and began to quietly observe the once again calmly-sleeping Jinshi, without stopping her caresses. Just to make sure that he would stay calm.
She wondered whether Suiren and Gaoshun had ever seen their lord in such a helpless, pathetic state.
"I'm sure they have," she thought. "After all, they have known him way longer than I." She didn't believe that she should truly be the only one to whom he was showing his true nature as openly as he did. But who knew?
However, for her, it was certainly the first time.
Or no, not quite.
The apothecary moved her hand to his eye and caught one of his tears, that had remained in the corner of his eye, with her index finger. Then she raised her wetly shining finger and contemplated it briefly in the moonlight.
Involuntarily remembering that one night when she had seen Jinshi's tears for the very first time.
***
It was a starry night. Maomao was sitting outside and looking pensively at the moon that was shining down onto her in the darkness. It was a truly amazing view, almost as if it were created just so people could sit by a window with a glass of wine in their hand and write a poem about the beauty of nature.
The apothecary yawned. She had gone outside because she couldn't sleep, but now, her fatigue had started to weigh down on her, after all. Hah, how would she have liked to get up and return to her room. And if it was up to her, she would have already done it a long time ago...
...but unfortunately, she was sitting right now on the lap of a drunk Jinshi, who had his arms wrapped tightly around her and refused to let her go. She glared at him, however, he couldn't see it due to having his eyes closed, pressing the lower part of his face against her shoulder.
But since he was still shedding tears, she decided to stay silent for now and just wait for him to calm down. She could be almost anything, but certainly not heartless.
"But he really shouldn't sit out here for too long," she thought. "It's just too cold for that. No matter if he's holding me on his lap or not."
Although she had no clue what exactly was wrong with the young noble, she could instinctively sense that he was showing her one of his most vulnerable sides. Maomao didn't know much about feelings, but she sincerely doubted that a lot of people had seen his tears. A noble couldn't just cry in public, that much was obvious even to her.
Was she surprised to see his tears? Of course, but at the same time, not really.
"He is just human, in the end. And humans cry."
However, she still didn't understand why he was crying. Was it really just because he was drunk? Or was there perhaps something more behind it?
Maomao looked up at the sky again and let out a sigh. Whatever. What was going on in his life was really not her business, and she wasn't sure if she even wanted to know.
But she still had a question.
"Why me, of all people, Master Jinshi?" she whispered to herself. "Why are you trusting me so much?"
That was something she just couldn't understand at all, since there really was nothing special about her, in her opinion. She was nothing but a simple servant, whose life was worth so little that it could be taken anytime after just a single order of a higher-ranking person. Such as Jinshi.
Not to mention that it was the very first time that someone was seeking comfort from her, and she didn't have the slightest clue how to deal with that. She had no experience calming down other people, giving them warmth. And that was the reason why she couldn't do anything else but stay on Jinshi's lap, let him hug her, and hope that he would calm down on his own.
And while Maomao was sitting there like that, she tried to remember the last time she had cried herself. And realized that she couldn't.
But that was no wonder at all. Before Luomen had adopted her, she had been left alone most of the time as a baby, because her sisters at the brothel, despite being very fond of her, had to do their jobs and just couldn't constantly take care of her. No one had come when she had been crying, so eventually she had stopped doing it at all.
That was what she had been told, at least. And Maomao knew that it was the truth. But she didn't resent her sisters for it, of course, for she knew that they hadn't had any other choice.
And her mother... Maomao gulped heavily. No, she really didn't want to think about that woman.
Luomen was a very gentle man, who had held her in his arms when she had been small and also given her affection, but even he hadn't been able to make up for everything she had gone through as a child. Thus, a lot of her emotions stayed hidden inside her, barely ever coming to light. If at all.
"Crying is actually so useless. It doesn't make things any better," she thought, continuing to feel Jinshi's tears land on her neck and shoulder. Without even realizing it, she placed both hands on top of his that were still resting on her stomach.
"So please stop, Master Jinshi..." she said quietly.
And a few moments later, she widened her eyes upon noticing that Jinshi's body was trembling slightly.
“Damn, he's cold! At this rate, he’s going to get sick for sure!” she thought and tried to slacken his grip once again. Without any success.
“Master Jinshi! Let go of me! You have to go back inside! It’s way too cold out here without a coat on!”
“Then you jus’ have to warm me up a bit more,” he slurred drunkenly, burying his nose against her shoulder and hugging her even tighter.
Maomao snorted. Oh, how she hated dealing with drunk people!
“You're so warm…” she heard him mumble against her ear, and then his voice trailed off.
The apothecary turned her head and realized that he had nodded off.
"How wonderful. This is exactly what I need right now," she grumbled.
***
Snapping out of her memories, Maomao unconsciously hugged Jinshi a bit tighter, as if they weren't in a warm bed, but still outside under the open sky, where she was trying to fulfill his request and protect him from the cold the best she could.
"Crying is still useless..." she whispered, exhausted. "So please use your energy rather to get well again, Master Jinshi, instead of wasting it like that."
Looking up at the ceiling, the apothecary finally let out a sigh.
“Well, at least, he isn’t drunk this time,” she thought and then corrected herself as she listened to his still slightly labored breathing. “No. Better drunk than sick.”
Yes, she certainly did feel sorry for him. After everything that had happened, there was truly no use denying it anymore. It definitely affected her to see him suffer like that.
And while still immersed in thought, Maomao suddenly felt that Jinshi had started to stir once more. Puffing up her cheeks in slight annoyance, Maomao prepared herself to comfort him again, wondering whether she would really get the chance to sleep at least a bit more until daybreak.
But the words he then muttered in his sleep were such a shock for her that she couldn't move a muscle for almost an entire minute.
"Uh... you're t-the one... only one for me..."
Maomao widened her eyes as much as her eyelids allowed her to, feeling her breathing stop for a moment. She looked as if someone had set all her medicinal herbs on fire directly in front of her eyes. Although Jinshi thankfully hadn't gone as far as to pronounce the dreaded "L"-word, her gut feeling, which was often warning her in case of an approaching danger, was telling her that this was probably exactly what he had meant. Her stomach constricted. She would have loved to run away and hide under her own blanket, but unfortunately couldn't, since she was still trapped under the young lord.
The apothecary violently shook her head. She had to calm down, or she risked waking up Jinshi! Even if she did hear these words from him, she didn't have any proof that it had been about her! Exactly! He had probably been talking about another person!
Conveniently ignoring the fact that he had been calling out for no one else but her the entire night. But that didn't necessarily need to have anything to do with it, right? Right?!
"T-The only one for me... Maomao..."
Shit!
Panting from sheer panic and desperation, the apothecary was trying to look for another logical explanation. The fever! It must be the fever, then! He was still delirious! Yes, that was probably it!
Conveniently ignoring the fact that said fever wasn't even that high anymore.
But after a while, she did manage to compose herself with some effort, and let out a long sigh, wiping the sweat from her forehead with her hand.
"Please don't do that to yourself, Master Jinshi," she muttered weakly. "You have chosen the wrong person..."
Placing her hands on his shoulders again, she then turned her head to the side and stared at the wall without moving nor producing a sound.
"Why me? Why me, of all people?" she finally whispered into the darkness. "There are so many other women you could have..."
She felt as if someone had put her into a cage and then thrown the key away.
For a fleeting moment, there was something like melancholy, one could even say sadness in her gaze. Looking, as if she was thinking about everything and at the same time, about nothing at all.
Until she suddenly slapped herself with both hands on the cheeks and snapped out of it. Her breathing had returned to normal, as well.
Without really knowing what she should do, she started to stroke Jinshi's hair again, praying that he wouldn't utter any more of such things. He sighed softly in his sleep, but luckily stayed quiet.
Maomao, however, still wondered how to deal with the words he had said just now. Should she really take it seriously, that babbling of a sleeping, sick guy?
The apothecary gulped. Maybe she should just pretend she hadn't heard anything. To avoid unnecessary trouble.
Yes, that would be for the best.
She was grateful that he had said these words in his sleep, because it was very unlikely for him to remember them later. At least, she hoped so.
And with these thoughts, Maomao felt that she was about to succumb to her exhaustion again.
"First neglecting his health and falling sick... and now this... he's really... so much trouble..." she thought before balling her hands into fists and falling into a deep sleep once more.