Am I a hero?

I’ve never been a hero. This fate was never meant for me. My path was determined from the very beginning, as soon as I learned about my true origins. While Thor and his fellow Avengers fought for justice and the safety of the Earth, I was on the other side of the fight, taking on the role of the villain. Can a cruel egoist and narcissist be a hero? Ha, if someone had told me that I was destined to keep entire branches of time, the entire Sacred Chronology in eternal solitude for the lives of billions of mortals, whom, it seems, just recently I brought to their knees and wanted to enslave, I would laugh in the face of it crazy. This is complete nonsense… Can villains change? Am I a hero? I’ve never been a hero. But I had to be one every time for the people I love. First, according to the tape of my life, for Thor, and then for all of you. First of all … When I see your faces behind the glass one last time, before I walk away into the rift to the Citadel of Time, to the throne, I realize what I’m doing this for… Billions of lives and worlds are undoubtedly important, but the selfish desire for you all to be okay still drives me more. Are heroes supposed to be selfish? Are heroes supposed to think about anything other than saving the Multiverse? Then tell me… Am I a hero? I was never a hero. But I always wanted to find myself in this universe, always wanted to be something more than just a god of deception. I have billions of stories in my hands right now, but none of them have a happy ending for me. I have all the time in the world right now, but it’s so little time to be with the people I care about… Is that fair? It seems that heroes shouldn’t grumble at fate. They shouldn’t cry and wail and just accept their sacrifice, should they? So tell me… Am I a hero? Everyone I care about is now far away from me. Their lives now depend on me, and only the realization of this allows me to still hold the Tree of Time on my shoulders, even though sometimes I want so badly to cut it down, but I can’t do it… A Trickster deprived of his freedom is ironic, isn’t it? Can heroes have such low thoughts? Heroes don’t think such thoughts, do they? So tell me… Am I a hero? Mobius, if you knew how much I miss your support, your soft smile and reassuring words: “everything will be fine, Loki, we’ll figure it out”. I could really use your counseling session right now. You’re the only one who believed in me, believed I could become anything, even good. I know you miss me too. I see you every time you come into the Uroboros office and stand behind the glass for a long time, looking at the new Sacred line, looking for me there… I hear you and yearn to call out to you, but alas…. Mobius, you were truly the dearest person to me, you saved me from erasure, you literally saved me from myself by filling the void in my soul. You were there for me when I really needed it, and I am truly grateful for everything. Don’t be sad, because I made this desperate choice of my own free will, I couldn’t do otherwise. Know that I will always be by your side, even if not physically, but invisibly I will protect you, protect all of you… You will forever be in my memory and in my heart as I am in yours. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for everything, my first and only friend with a heart of gold… I hope that with time your pain will subside and you will be happy. I’m sorry I had to leave you like this without even saying goodbye. After all, we had a wonderful adventure and an interesting, colorful journey that I was very happy to go through with you… Sylvie, my love. Yes, even now I want to call you that. Tell me, are you even a little sad? Did you appreciate my sacrifice? Or did you take it for granted? I’m so sorry we had so little time together. Too little time. Ironic, isn’t it? Now I’ve become the one you hate so much. Do you consider this a second betrayal on my part? Or do you not? Your coldness has caused me so much pain during our short journey together. I wish we’d had a chance to talk, to have a real conversation. I wish I had been able to show and tell you how much you mean to me, how important you still are to me… I am happy that you are okay now, because that was my biggest wish… You know, Sylvie, He Who Remains really managed to play a cruel joke on us, managed to cruelly outplay us, because all my attempts, all my efforts to fix everything turned out to be just a useless running in a circle. It’s funny, isn’t it? But for some reason I don’t find it funny at all. I still couldn’t kill you like that cynical bastard suggested. I couldn’t make such a big sacrifice, not even for the sake of all time, not even for the sake of the collapsing Timeline, not even for the sake of my friends… Yes, that’s the kind of selfish bastard I am, Sylvie… You know, you’re still right: I’m not you, Sylvie. After all, I cannot sacrifice the one I love, even in the name of my Glorious goal… Isn’t that right, Sylvie? You did it, but I didn’t, I just didn’t have the guts to do it, because… I’m not a hero… And I’ve never been a hero. Like you, Sylvie… We are not heroes, we both just wanted to write our own story, where we would have our own place, our own peaceful life. And so that you all have this opportunity, I sit here now, in eternal captivity… Shouldn’t you be happy now, Sylvie? Why do you cry into your pillow at night? Why are you trying to hide your sadness behind a smile in front of Mobius, if everything that happened between us… Was there anything between us at all? I really want to hope so… In any case, I will forever keep all our moments together in my soul. And yet I don’t regret our meeting one bit. Know that you are incredible, Sylvie. You have firmly taken your place in my heart, and I just hope that you still have a place for me, at least in your memory. Forgive me for everything, my most Glorious goal… I don’t even dare to hope that we will ever meet, because a heroic sacrifice is irreversible, isn’t it? But… Am I a hero? Time after time I dream that one day I will be able to find a way to break free, because this burden is too heavy for me… But for now I cannot give up everything, I simply cannot, because my conscience does not allow me to do so. It’s funny, isn’t it? Only heroes have a conscience, but tell me… Am I a hero? I’ve never been a hero. But every time I have to bear this burden for the sake of those I love. My choice was voluntary, and heroes, it seems, should not look back, but for me it is too hard not to look back at what was dear to me… Everything in my chest shrinks from pain, melancholy and endless loneliness. My eyes fill with involuntary tears, but I try to keep a slight smile on my face. And the bright green branches of my personal Yggdrasil, my personal voluntary prison continue and will branch as long as I continue to exist. So tell me: Am I a hero?