Last request

      You know, I'm like that... So disappointed. For the first time. I usually laugh at such things, but you. You bastard! You left me just like that, and with such a request! Do you even understand who you've made me...?       I've forgotten how to speak, I don't go out to the others anymore. I don't want to see anyone but your oval stern face, drenched in darkness. Yes, I went into literature, now I have no choice but to take up a book. It helps to keep yourself in control. Oh, it's pointless. Throw it away.

A torn piece of leaf flew into the urn with a nasty rustle

V a r u: Start over, what's the problem... (sighs) And what's the point if he can't hear me?

He tears off another piece and starts gnawing on the pen with his teeth

V a r u: Why not write a poem? No. No, Varu, the funeral is coming soon. You should save your newly discovered talent for later... (stands up and grabs his head with his hands) For what, for what! Why did he do this to me?.. Why?! Who am I now?...

There was a knock on the door. Varu threw on a black cloak, twice his size.

V a r u: No one is at home. (sobbing)

The footsteps stopped. He was alone in the room again.

V a r u: Why are you torturing me like that?.. Come back, please! (tears the hair out of his head, knowing he won't come back)

A wind blew out of nowhere. Varu was wary. He began to take in the whole room.

V a r u: Your room has always been a mystery to me, Peak. Now I'm going to live here, at least I'll have something to remember me by. Why did you burn all your stuff, you idiot?! He sat down on a comfortable, soft, rough armchair and fell into memories.       ***       But we were just walking along a quiet street. The dampness bit into my nostrils, I asked you to go home, but you gave me an irritated, full of dangerous threats, but at the same time a cold-blooded look. He always disgusted me, but he smacked of some crazy idea. I didn't understand this idea, no matter how hard I looked at those thin, elegant pupils. Not as elegant as your character.       I passed several shopping malls, houses twisted like those evil old ladies, and I got bored. I started a silly conversation. — Peak, is life hard and uncomfortable? You attacked Felix with that question back then.              You bit your lip, as if to let me know that you don't want to talk about it. It's a pity that I got smarter much later. — Tell me. I think life is better than death.       You gave me a look of excited interest. — I found an optimist too. The glass is half empty for me. — And why are you always so sulky? Am I annoying, huh? Annoying? Come on, tell me I'm annoying!        I behaved like a hyena, but you know, it's better that way than to get anorexia and move with unbearable pain. Okay, I'm not complaining, it hurt you more. — No, you're not annoying. Infuriate. — Hoity-toity, little Pikusha is infuriated by the formidable jack, heh-heh. — I didn't ask you to come here so that you would pathetically try to humiliate me. — It's a pity for the bee.       I do not consider this dialogue shameful. I don't consider my character shameful. Maybe a little bit...       This party dragged on and for the hundredth time I suggested going home. But you were stubborn, and I liked that. — So that's why life is uncomfortable and hard for you? It seems like yelling at naughty children is not hard. — It's hard and uncomfortable to live, but it's comfortable to die, — you said this to yourself, somewhere in your thoughts, but these thoughts so hooked and pricked me. The sweet feeling of wanting to tease you has disappeared. I became... scary. — What...? You turned around worriedly. — How do you know what it's like to die? — I saw it once. She was so happy falling off the roof. I've never seen such happy eyes before, even Felix's, when I was in a good mood. And I realized, here it is — happiness, which the creator explained to us so incomprehensibly. — Oh. Hmm... — Yeah, nothing to say? Maybe I want happiness too. — I... — my throat was dry, I knew that this was not true, but can I, Varu, judge this? I can do it now — It seems to me that this is not happiness.       You looked at me judiciously. That cold look left a mark on my neck. A little below the ear. — Happiness is different for everyone, as he said. — But... We were told that, like... um... Well, death is "you'll never see, hear, or feel anyone again, and they won't hear you anymore." — And do you believe? — And you? —... —Okay, yes, it's clear. So, when she fell off the roof, did she talk?       You stopped. Confusion was visible in your eyes, but you masked it with the itch on the back of your head. — No. She didn't say anything. And she didn't blink. She was bleeding and smiling. — And do you think this is the norm?       Your sloppy eyebrows, as always, shifted into one grimace of discontent. — Why are you bothering me? Get out. — Hey! You called me here yourself, and now you're driving me away?! — I'm tired of you.       I didn't feel offended, on the contrary, I was pleased. That is, it seemed so to me then. — Well, thanks, — I turned away and frowned, you didn't notice my sour face. — Don't thank me, Jack. — If you forgot my name, I can remind you.       You sighed languidly, or you could have called me something, distorted my simple, significant name "Varu", adjusted the rhyme. But you didn't do it...       I don't remember what happened next, I turned onto the road. The crossing was very far away and white stripes could be seen right next to the turn that was a lifetime long. So I went to cross the road light. Frivolity is my middle name. It was the second. — Where are you going, idiot?!       The headlights. My fright. My petrified body. I remember it all. But I can't remember how you rushed at me to save me. When I hit my head on the asphalt, all I could see was blood spreading over wet pebbles and a car wheel. It stopped, and that's the only thing that made me happy at the time.       Of course, I was not wearing any glasses, only the fragments prevented me from seeing everything that had happened. With a huge dizziness, a sharp pain, as if a woodpecker with a metal beak had stuck to me, I sat down on my knees. Wow, you were sitting next to me, covered in... pieces... something sticky, soft and red... I'm sure you've seen the exact same girl fall off the roof.       I felt the weight of salty tears in my eyes, although Kuromaku said that salt water is light. I leaned against you, I don't know why. My head wasn't thinking at all anymore, I didn't know where I was, who I was. But I knew that I had to be next to this figure with the wonderful fluffy tips of hair in the form of horns. —Varu...? Varu, are you okay...?       I didn't recognize the voice because of your sweet, affectionate tone and continued to stare into the void, sprinkling your wound with tears. — Varu, don't be silent. I need to know what's wrong with you. This commanding verdict made me come to my senses. — Peak, what have you done? It was dark in my eyes, even though it was noon. But I could see your sunlit face clearly. — Life is hard and uncomfortable, Varu. But now I feel comfortable dying. —What do you mean... what...? What are you-       I fell on you with a stone, as if I wanted to finish you off, but I just got exhausted. — Can you fulfill my last request? You're my jack. You have to do this. — Me? Should I? Well, yes... I'm your jack... — my brain has not come up with anything better than abruptly repeating everything chaotically after you. — Are you ready? — Y-yes. — Kiss me.

Varu lifted his head and opened his eyes. There are tears on her cheeks, initial surprise in her eyeballs.

V a r u: I never did it... I was scared. I'm sorry, I was scared, I didn't love you! Earlier! Before!. Do you hear?! Earlier! What did it cost you to die at least a minute later when it dawned on me?! (he sobs violently and holds his head with his hand, leaning on the arm of the chair) I kissed you a minute later... For a minute! Your cold, bloodless lips. Why didn't you wait... What have you done to me?

***

You know, the realization of loving someone can come right away. This person will go to his ideal, express everything hotly and remain happy. Let this happiness last only a couple of years, maybe months. And then either the realization is no longer feelings, but mistakes, or routine. An endless routine until old age. I did not experience this cherished happiness when fate itself gave me this opportunity. It was very cruel, hard and uncomfortable. I'm not the only one on Earth, but I'm not one of many. Many still found happiness, momentary, momentary, but happiness! And I felt a cold fright. Dark, thick as resin, it immobilized happiness, which floated to meet me like viscous honey. It floated and did not have time.       I thought I wouldn't come to see your beautiful dark purple lacquered coffin. But I changed my mind. I will come, I will express my respect and my love for you. Maybe you'll hear it from heaven and then I'll be happy. Truly happy. I will get rid of depressive thoughts. Because now I look like you... You wanted to die, fate brought you this opportunity on a saucer. I wanted to die not long ago, writing on these pathetic, like my early humiliations, pieces of paper about my stupid empty feelings. But no, I will not end my life sadly, like you, without seeing mutual love at the very end, under one minute of suffering! I'll come to your grave and tell you that you were right. Life is hard and uncomfortable... but it's harder to die.       It didn't make you or me happy. But we will meet one day. You won't recognize me, I swear I've changed a lot. Thanks to you, my beloved...

I am not shy to write more about these velvety celestial feelings flowing in me. I am not shy about developing my talent in writing such things, and I am not shy about developing myself, I have grown up quickly thanks to you and only you. I love you, and I will love you until the day I die, my afterlife King of Spades

      After saying goodbye and laying flowers on a stone grave, beautiful and irreducible, like the Peak itself, he wept with burning tears of hope. Tears of such spiritual satisfaction, which Turgenev himself would have envied.       When Varu came home, he smiled for the first time. He was hugged, sheltered, respected. "You've changed so much," they said. "You've changed so much..." — with a note of sadness and pride, the wind brought Peak's voice from the distant blue of the sky into his consciousness.       Remaining in his lover's room, the calm young man assumed a joyful expression. Bathed in the rays of the spring sun, he no longer rose from this chair, breathing in the fresh May air flying towards the freckled face from the slightly open balcony. The incoming clones did not immediately realize that Varu had died.