Six cigarettes after sex

      In order to see a person well, one needs to step back, not come closer. She used to always be by his side, always by Loki's side. She only looked at him, breathed with him, devoured him with her eyes, and swallowed every word, noticing nothing around.       And now... now she always tried to keep a little distance, carefully observing the dark-haired god from afar, not approaching until he wanted her attention, until he wanted to see her. From this distance, she saw his smiles, which were not intended for her, as she had thought before. Loki directed his sly, cunning, or simply cheerful smiles towards others, towards his brother, father, Sif, towards others, but not at her. He never dined or supped alone. People were always around the same table, but not her. When Loki was sad, he went to his mother, when he was happy - to his brother. When he was afraid, confused, he turned to his father, who was nearby.       But being close to Loki, truly close, and not like a shadow sitting at his feet, she wasn't. He didn't share moments with her, didn't want to share life, and she saw it. She saw it from a distance, not approaching any closer at a dangerous distance...       Smiling sadly, she sat on the same ill-fated windowsill in the palace chambers and looked at evening Asgard. She watched as the sun slowly leaned towards the horizon, as the evening birds hopped from branch to branch, happily chirping, and people rushed to meet their families after a long day of work.       She longed to feel the lingering taste of a cigarette and the acrid scent of blue smoke, but she had no cigarettes in hand. The pack was rapidly emptied, and the girl didn't want to waste precious cigarettes, as they had become her assurance lately. A bitter assurance of her love for Loki and an imprint of the sad thoughts that now wouldn't leave her mind.       With a sad sigh, she leaned her head back and pressed the back of her head against the cold stone wall. Today, Loki had forbidden her from leaving the chambers, and she was glad, even though she didn't show her joy to her dark-haired god. Before, she would have been upset about not seeing him, not being able to touch him all day, not being able to catch every breath he took. However, now she felt a melancholic peace. Today, she didn't have to force a smile and hide her despair in her eyes. She could calmly sit on her beloved windowsill, gazing into the distance, and not hide from people, from herself, and from her feelings.       Suddenly, the door to the chambers swung open with a bang, and Loki burst into the room. Using magic to close the wide-open doors, he swiftly approached the surprised girl and stopped in front of her.       It seems someone upset him. He seemed a little angry. His cheeks on the pale face turned red, his black hair was disheveled, a tense wrinkle appeared on his forehead, his chest heaved unevenly, and his cheeks were flushed.       She knew how Loki relieved stress, eased his anger, and calmed himself.       Slowly lowering herself to the floor, the girl slipped off her lovely nightgown and, naked, also slowly approached the man.       She didn't care what would happen next, what Loki would do. She didn't care about what she was doing, what she allowed herself to do, how she indulged Loki. She just wanted to delay the inevitable loss of her wrongful love. She just wanted to savor the last days of feeling that she still felt him near. Feeling his breath, his touch, and his cold warmth.

***

      Loki never demanded words from her, he didn’t need conversations or permissions. He had long acquired her and now was just getting what he considered rightfully his.       Devouring the girl's graceful body with his eyes, he used magic to remove his clothes and then also magically moved them to the spacious bed. He tied her to the headboard with silk fabrics, played with her nipples and clitoris, used small ice cubes to see how she would squirm under him and beg him to enter her.       Causing her to want him more and more with each passing second, he felt the control returning and the anger dissipating.       Then, finally giving in to desire, he entered her yielding body, completely oblivious to the tears in her eyes. But the tears were not of physical pain, but emotional pain. A pain that consumed her day by day somewhere inside.       He had sex with her furiously, caressing her breasts, squeezing her thighs, enjoying the way she squirmed under him.       She had no strength left. She lay on the bed, looking at the sleeping Loki and simply couldn't get up. Suppressing a desperate sigh, she rolled onto her back, found a pack of cigarettes on the nightstand, and quickly lit one.       Tonight, she was smoking in bed. It was the first time during all the time she had lived in these chambers with Loki. For the first time, she somehow didn't have the strength to get up.       She took a deep drag and looked at the glowing tip of the cigarette. The red ember sadly winked at her in the dim room.       “They say if the tip is sharp, it means someone loves you.”       She thought sadly, twirling the cigarette between her fingers.       “But mine is not sharp. Just a regular glowing tip of a cigarette.”       Gray smoke, along with her thoughts, slowly drifted toward the high ceiling.       "You took away my breath, Loki. You became the one without whom I can't breathe, but I promise you that I will manage. That I will leave and learn to breathe without you. Just a little more, Loki... just a little more.”       The last drag, and the girl, flicking the ash from the unfinished cigarette, dropped it into the ashtray. She didn't feel like smoking anymore today. Now she just wanted to sleep, feeling the bitter scent of cigarette smoke mingling with her melancholic thoughts and dissolving somewhere under the high ceiling.