𝐃𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲 𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐨 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬

      So far, the night was calm and there was no crime, which means everyone who portrayed a superhero sat at home and could relax and go about their business. One of them was still sitting in Big Daddy’s apartment and, as usual, playing a shooting game on the Xbox One. Having almost reached the end, he was suddenly frightened by a man who appeared behind him in a soldier’s helmet, black makeup on his eyes and in a black T-shirt with the English letter “D” stuck on the chest with silver tape. He looks at the guy in a green wetsuit with yellow stripes and asks: — Hello. What are you doing? — Isn’t it visible? I'm playing a shooting game. Do you want to race with me? — Kick-Ass handed his joystick to the Defendor, and the man in the helmet extended his hand and pulled the joystick away from him. Turning away, he answers: — I don’t like guns... Guns are for cowards. — Come on! Let's play, you need to let off some steam! - Kick-Ass insisted. — Yes, I apparently had a little stress. Fine. — Defendor jumped behind the sofa and sat down next to him, picking up his joystick. — So, how does this thing work? — You press X to reload, and the left stick to move, the B button to crouch and stand up. In general, you know what. Are you self-taught? So you can figure it out yourself. The game had just begun, and Defendor was only moving the left stick with his left hand, and only holding the joystick with his right hand. When he first got to the soldier that Kick-Ass himself was playing as, he killed him. Defendor lost the first time, but was revived by pressing the X button. — Where?... How to jump? — he asked Kick-Ass, and he answered: — “Button A,” he answered and immediately managed to shoot a soldier with a shotgun, whom Defendor played for the second time. — I had you again die. — Oh-oh. How can I change weapons? — he took a protective breath and tried to control himself. — Life button. Come on, play harder, just like me and to the fullest! — says Kick-Ass. But Defender again messed everything up, turned the joystick over and began hitting the buttons on top of the joystick with his fist. — GR-R-R... THIS IS NOT FAIR, I CAN'T EVEN SHOOT!!! — he shouted. — Just press the Y button! — said Kick-Ass and of course this button was yellow and consisted of one simple and English letter. But Defendor decided that it was a button made of three letters, two letters O and a Ukrainian I. However, he could not find it on the joystick, no matter how carefully he looked. — Where! Where is she? Meanwhile, Kick-Ass waited for the Protector to stupidly run up to the balcony and blow it up with a grenade, throwing it up and into the pit from the explosion. — OH YEAH!!! — Kick-Ass was delighted. but Defender was very angry and hit Kick-Ass in the face for real. — WHERE IS THE Y BUTTON??? — he shouted. — Hush, hush, Defender, I... — he didn’t have time to finish, when he immediately received another blow to the face. — What did you call me?... — Defender? Isn't that your name? — MY NAME IS DEFEN. DO-O-OR!!! — he screamed at the top of his lungs, grabbed Kick-Ass by the neck and threw him onto the table. Then he took the joystick again and showed it to Kick-Ass, shouting: — WHERE IS THE Y BUTTON??? SPEAK!!! TELL ME WHERE IS SHE??? Kick-Ass managed to poke his index and middle fingers into his eyes and got up and ran away. However, Defendor tangled his joystick in Kick-Ass’s legs, like a hunchback, wrapped his legs around him, knocked him to the floor, and then dragged him back to him. — Come here! — Oh no, no, no! A-A-A-A-A-A-A!!! Having dragged Kick-Ass towards him, he turned him over, pressed him with his left foot on his stomach, pressing him to the floor and took out a baseball bat, aiming it between Kick-Ass’s legs. — NO, NOT BY THE EGGS!!! — WHERE IS THE Y BUTTON??? — Defendor shouted and hit him between the legs. Despite the dead nerve endings, it was painful that Kick-Ass screamed. Then he threw away the club, took out pliers and, taking them by the balls, began to squeeze and twist them. This made it even more painful. At that moment, Hit-Girl entered the room and, seeing behind the sofa that Kick-Ass was lying on the floor and screaming, and Defendor was sitting on top and twitching, she decided that they were doing this. — JUST NOT EGGS!!! THEY ARE SENSITIVE!!! THEY ARE SENSITIVE!!! STOP IT!!! — WHERE IS THE WHY BUTTON??? WHERE IS HE??? SO TELL ME!!! QUICKLY TELL ME WHERE HE IS??? SPEAK UP!!! TELL ME WHERE IS HE??? Hit-Girl, holding back a laugh and a grin, turned away and left the room, deciding to pretend like she didn't see it. At that time, Kick-Ass managed to take out one of his sticks with his left hand and slammed it between Defendor’s legs, causing him temporary pain. He let go of the pliers and Kick-Ass pushed him away with his feet, rolling slightly back and then standing up. — Man, where do you get so much rage? — MY MOTHER DIED!!! — Defendor shouted back, took out a flower in a pot and threw it at Kick-Ass. Kick-Ass managed to dodge and the pot crashed into the wall, but Defendor managed to run up and hit him in the face, knocking him to the floor. He had already taken out a bat and was preparing to hit him in the ass, but Kick-Ass managed to stop him by grabbing the bat with his right hand. — Wait, wait, wait, let's just do it. Let's just play another game, okay? — with his left hand he takes out a disc with the GTA game. — Let's play GTA. — What kind of game is this? — Defendor calmed down a little. — This... You'll like it, you can play as a villain-criminal. — Sounds tempting. Okay. While Defendor sat down on the sofa and took the joystick in his hands, Kick-Ass took the disk itself out of the box and inserted it into the console. Then he sat down next to me. The defender presented his joystick, asking him to start the game for him. Kick-Ass just pressed start and the game was already underway, after which Defendor began to play. However, even this game caused him to have fits of rage. At first he barely restrained himself, hissing through his teeth three times, but in the end he couldn’t stand it, screamed at the top of his lungs and attacked Kick-Ass again, hitting him and then wrapping his arms around him. — WHERE ARE THE WOMEN??? WHERE ARE THEY??? — Yes, yes, I know. They are very hard to find in these new games. Is not it? — that’s all Kick-Ass could answer to make Defendor calm down.