Just Innocent Joke! Expanded | Madara x Haruko (OC)

Haruko started mumbling frantically. "The truth is I've never been in bed with a man; although I know many things about it, I haven't... This is supposed to be painful in theory." I stammered. Madara thinks. My sweet little creature is anxious and wants to talk about it. I have to be patient with her. My rushing into her sexual life might be a mistake; her first experience should be hot, enchanting, and memorable. Unfortunately, I had too much lust for her to see that she might get nervous out of the blue. "I'm sorry if I'm pressing you, darling." He murmured gently. "I don't want to put you under any pressure. I know you probably think we should take things slow, and... -" I interrupt him. "N- No!" I objected and muttered, "It's not that. I don't want you to stop. It's just... -" My heart jumped out of my chest. "Oh, come on. Why am I suddenly filled with anxiety? I mean, a minute ago, I was thinking about other things. Fuck, I am so mad at myself." I scowl. He smiled and stated. "Don't be angry at your emotions - they are normal. I'll try to put your mind at ease. There is a difference between theory and practice; if I understand correctly, you fear pain." I lowered my eyes in embarrassment. "Listen to me carefully." Madara raises my chin to meet his gaze. "It doesn't have to hurt." He remarked. "Having penetrative sex when you're dry will be uncomfortable, especially the first time, but the pain or soreness should only last around an hour or two after intercourse. The bottom line is to be wet, horny, and relaxed as possible." He asserted. My shoulder was gently squeezed, and his nose was gently brushed against mine. My face turned red as I did not know what to say. He spoke casually and straightforwardly about it as if he had been doing it his whole life without hinting at shyness. It still takes me some time to get used to his straight talk. I knew what he said, too, but I needed to hear him say it to calm down. I'm also curious how much sexual experience he has with women. Maybe he enjoys giving pleasure, which is perfectly fine for him. "I am sure of the first two points. But you have a problem with the third, Haruko." He stroked my cheek with his finger. Madara's right. I frown. "It's time to release tension and reach sexual liberation, breathe out and relax. I wonder where your confidence went; always be confident, and do not overburden your head with unnecessary theories. You have to trust me and give yourself to me and lean on me to the fullest extent." He chuckled and looked at me with those intense, luminous eyes. "You can be assured that I will take care of your satisfaction. Also, much depends on you; once your mind is clear and garbage-free, you can relax and enjoy the entire process." He concluded. Putting his hand on my cheek, he ran his thumb along my lower lip and slipped it into my mouth. "In contrast to the male brain, which arouses more quickly, the secret to female sexuality is to "turn the brain off." His gaze was scorching. "I will help you do that," Madara smirked. My head was spinning as he touched me all over. He leaned down again and kissed me. Then he began kissing my earlobe, moving down my neck, across my shoulder blade, up to my collarbone, then back down. "Babe, practice will help you improve; don't worry about it." He purred. It got me shivers. I gasped and finally managed to say something. "Are you sure you didn't get the wrong profession? It would help if you had been a sexologist instead of a cop." Madara beamed. "I do not need to become a sexologist to properly treat a woman's body. It's simpler than that. Haruko, you don't have to complicate sex to make it enjoyable. That's quite cute, though." How can I complicate this if I haven't made love yet?" I threw a puzzled look at him. "True." Madara reacted and added. "I'm hoping you didn't overdo it by watching porn?" "And you?" I inquired. "OK, you decided to respond to a question with a question. I have no STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), a certificate, no addiction to porn, I am clean and healthy, and I can provide proof of my statements. Do you have any further queries, my dear?" He murmured. "Did you have a girlfriend?" I implored. "Well..." He laughs. "Let's just say I've never been married." I made a pouty face and thought. He did not give the answer I was expecting. I wish he would share more details with me. "Could you ever tell me about your past lovers?" I request softly. Madara gives me a gentle smile. "Are you sure you want to know?" "Yeah," I say, nodding. "I might as well know since we'll spend much time together." He kisses me once more and places his hands on my shoulders. "Alright," Madara exhales. "My first girlfriend and I were 18 years old at the time. We'd known each other since we were kids. Because of the businesses of our two families." He muttered and rolled his eyes. Haruko begins to reflect on this. His words are interesting. I didn't expect him to say something like this so soon. But he sounded irritated that he brought it up. "During our university days, we dated for five years," Madara remarked. *JIJ! Comic page 284 Published: Sep 15, 2016🔗DeviantART Madara Mei ages here 19 y. o.  "She wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, but she eventually gave up and let me take her virginity. Before long, we were making love every day. Both of us were very open with each other and shared everything. This was back when I was young and inexperienced, but we learned a lot together. It wasn't that long ago. From what I've said, it appears I'm rather middle-aged, even though I'm only 24." He scoffed. I gazed at him with attention. He seems to be holding back, though, and there is more he isn't telling me. "Did you guys break up?" I ask. "We broke up about a year ago. It wasn't my fault. She left me." He answers. "Over what?" I exclaimed. "Does it matter?" He's gone off my question but then added. "She decided to move away with her new "fiancé"." *JIJ! Comic page 285Published: Sep 17, 2016🔗DeviantART "Oh, I'm sorry," I say. "That's fine; it's just the past that needs to be forgotten." Madara grinned. "Mm-hmm." I hesitated. "So you were alone for an entire year. How do you manage to control your sex drive? Did you control your desire by jerking off? Or did you ignore it and let it go away naturally?" I wondered. "Is this an interrogation?" He taunted me. I giggled, "No. I am interested in how single men deal with it." "What a curious girl you are. Too much." He sighs. "But OK, I'll answer it. Like single women, I redirect my attention to other things, distracting my thoughts and occupying myself with something, working out or jerking off. My work keeps me very busy, so I don't have time for serious relationships." "That's all?" I said, trying not to seem too disappointed at his quick response. "Well, yes. That is the extent of it." Madara commented. "What about whores for an hour? A hookup?" I inquired, amazed. "Prostitutes are just not my thing. Maybe it's just because I've been with the same woman for so long, but I don't like thinking of myself as someone who would pay money only to fuck with a stranger. I don't feel like it. I'm pretty squeamish." He remarked, then mocked me: "Explain to me, Haruko, have you watched many TV series, or have you read a lot of graphic novels, romances, and fanfictions? I hate to be so boring, but I will remind you that: fanfics, porn, action movies, and even news reports are just the imaginations of authors, directors, screenwriters, and journalists, which is almost always a far cry from reality. Taking things as they are imposed on you is a bad idea because, in the real world, you will be disappointed by other people's expectations. Do not be charmed lest you be disappointed. Despite how sweet lies are, I always choose the truth, even though the words I said were written for me by the author of this chapter." Madara confirmed.

~~~"Did someone call me?" The voice above them asked. "Oh my God, who's there?!" Haruko fidgeted and looked up. "Did we get caught? I thought there were two of us. Who's the third extra?" She got nervous."The author is the third superfluous person!" Madara proclaimed. "But he's kind of there, but he's not; now you only hear the writer's voice. It's the fault of the author of this story that I can't fu*-, * ❌system error❌* you yet, Haruko..."The author snapped: "Shh!🤫Quiet!" and jeered: " Or else... it will be delayed for the next 443 chapters or even years. I have a habit of starting and not finishing." 🙃He continued: "That's right, the future 35-year-old me has been standing in the doorway on JIJ! page 442 for two fu** ❌system error❌**ng years." 🤯💔I bragged: 🤷 "Sorry, guilty as charged. Will you arrest me, babe?" 😂P. S. I don't have a split personality. Ignore me, I'm just messing around. 😂😂Madara mumbled: "I can't say anything, but I wish I could."A/N: The author breaks into dialogue 👀💃*kind of cartoonish me"Because everything you say varies with my choices and the typing of words on my keyboard." The virtual world can't even stop Madara. Kidding! It was Just an Innocent Joke! Well! I'm laughing like a Cheshire cat right now. 😂 Haha, I had to write this here, wedged between them, almost at the end of the chapter, my readers. Moving on, my darlings, I am not there. There is something strange about the author like he is there but is not. I feel like I'm there, but I'm not. Oh, shit, Madara (I mean me) was right. 😂 But you have the eyes of many readers watching. Don't forget that. So go on! Go on, I'm not peeking, just typing. I don't want to spoil the intimate atmosphere. Or maybe I've already ruined it? What do you think? Who knows? If you've read to this point, comment at the end. I winked and sent you an air kiss. 💋😘Love you.❤️🔥"Thank you for not having to wait long," Madara muttered, and they looked up, saying goodbye to me. Haruko whispered: "Is there a reason why I feel like we're going to make a porn movie together, Madara?" He sneered: "Because everyone gonna watch us fuck." I (the writer) came out of thin air again: "One thing is true: if I draw, you do it, you will see it. Reading is not the same as watching."⚠️This is a question for readers. When the bedroom action begins in Chapter 11, do I need to draw some scenes, or will I let it be up to your imagination and let you read the plain text without pictures? Because it will be censored in any case, I'm cautious to draw dirty scenes. 😂 You can ignore my question or not; that's up to you. BUT!... Do not tell me you didn't hear me if you see the next Chapter 11 with just text and no art. Silence means agreement, so don't say I didn't warn you. Hahaha 🤣There seems to be a rift between the cartoon version of me and the real me; OMG, I got carried away. Haruko cut in: "I'm a shy little ass," she declared, "while Madara is a brazen sexual deviant." "Dear, what did you call me?" He raised an eyebrow in surprise. "I couldn't believe my ears. It's so rude, but I can't complain, you're right, let's just fuck already." Madara starts to laugh and clasps his hands around my waist. "Shut up." I blushed and tucked my nose into his chest. "Haha, it's not my fault. Make the author cut this crap out, or we'll continue to blabber." He boasted. Author: Fuck this shit. I'm out (mhm) Don't mind me I'm going just grab my stuff and leave Excuse me, please. [ These are lines from 🔗 "Fuck This Shit I'm Out by The Theme Song" and they reflect my mood perfectly 👌 😂 ]* Ahem! * Serious coughing! So far, I am receiving a lot of unnecessary screen time, so please bear with me. I would appreciate patience while they continue with some random shitstorm. 😌 I bury my face in his chest again. "How embarrassing...we have no privacy," I murmur. "The depraved people in this world are the ones to blame. I should have made those people sleep in the infinite dreams of Tsukuyomi to prevent this." He patted my shoulders. "Haha, damn it. Since I wasn't in Naruto Ninja World, I cannot clarify your Infinite Tsukuyomi plan. It was in 2013 that you and I discovered my existence." Haruko cackled. "Yeah. My younger brothers weren't visible to me, except Izuna, so Masashi Kishimoto didn't show any photos of them or my mother; I wondered if I resembled her more than my father. In any case, I didn't know what sex was since I was more concerned with getting the cursed world to sleep and bringing peace. Wake up to reality! Nothing ever goes as planned in this world. The longer you live, the more you realize that, in this reality, only pain, suffering, and futility exist. One of my best quotes from the manga." He chuckled and argued: "The author got rid of me so shamefully; it's a sin in my life to be silent about that." Uchiha nagged and resumed: "He said in the interview that I was too strong to be defeated, but he eliminated me by transforming me into Kaguya. What a bummer. I am rolling over in my grave right now. Nevertheless, I existed because of him. Cheers to that." "The Alternative Universe is different." Haruko guffawed and continued: "Although you're the ultimate kinky, hot alpha obsessed with getting laid, you're still an ordinary person here. Madara Uchiha, welcome to AU, where there are no boundaries! The opposite of the Naruto Era, likely, but no one has ever shown that side of you, so there's a lot of creative freedom; you can be anything people want you to be." "It's better to do something than stay obsessed with fighting Hashirama and looking for his cells all the time." He joked. Haruko grinned, "It's much more enjoyable to be sex-obsessed; you can be anything you want, depending on what hypostasis people want to see and show you." "Precisely. Now that I've bragged enough let me stop babbling now! I'm tired of chatting about random things. Do me a favor and shut me up with this irrelevant topic." Madara shouted up. They burst out laughing. For the last time, the author adds: "Yeah, now I am allowing you to shut up. That was a side dialogue that makes no sense. 😂 OK! My voice disappeared. Back to the previous dialogue. BYE!"Lights, camera, action! 📽️🎬🎞️~~~Haruko ran her fingers across his face. "You're so smart, Madara. I don't believe everything I see or read until I've checked the validity in practice or scientific articles; I'm not stupid." I retorted. He delighted. "I know you're clever. It's a turn-on. Intelligence is a real head-turner."

"Porn is certainly not reality, where a man can do it ten times a night if that's what you mean by movies. There's no hard data on how long men's refractory period should last. However, estimates range from 30 minutes to 24 hours, likely increasing with age, according to a new review in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. What's more likely is that we don't have any way of measuring it because most guys are too embarrassed to admit their own time frame. In bed, however, girls have more advantages than boys because we can do it continuously and often in a row. The porn industry is to blame for everything we think about sex, such as being able to keep fucking all day without being tired or sore." My face was on fire. I couldn't believe that I was having such a frank conversation."So, in your research, did you find that men's bodies didn't work like that?" He asked."Oh yeah. My fantasies were pretty wild when I first started studying the subject, but watching porn films made me realize they were also untrue. Many things women fantasize about doing with their partners never happen. What if somebody got hurt trying to live out the fantasies you discovered?" I speculated.

He smiled at me. "Well, If you've decided to do something that might end up hurting you, then maybe you shouldn't do it." Madara shrugs."I think it's important for couples to talk about these things before they get into bed together," I stated."It's also about finding pleasure together. There's nothing wrong with that if both people agree to it. Because if you're going to do it anyway, then you might as well enjoy it, right?" He asserted."Right," I murmured. "But even then, nobody should force a partner to do something he doesn't want."

"Absolutely," Madara agreed and announced. "Speaking about myself, my recovery time is about 15-20 min."

"Oh, you're pretty fast," I stammered, blushing at my words. He quipped. "Haruko, you amuse me." Madara taunts me. "It was like I was in a lecture. You are well prepared and learned the theory by 95 percent. Well, it's time to use your knowledge in practice. I assure you, in a week or so, you won't want to leave our bed."

"Mm... I'm intrigued and very sophisticated with your scenario." He took me in his arms, and we kissed in the bedroom.