beeps

The fur jacket hugged the girl. The cute chair rocked slowly under the pressure of the girl's leg, who rested her bare foot on the railing of her balcony. Himeno took a quick sip of her cigarette. On the one hand, she wanted to get back into the warmth, and on the other hand, she wanted to stretch the company of a bad habit, because there was no one in the house, and it was getting dark outside, making the unremarkable narrow streets mysterious. Snow fluttered quickly down the middle of the street and fell on the houses and pavement. All the lanterns and Christmas decorations shone, illuminating the streets and passersby with New Year's light. It was the thirty-first of December. The hard frost was already overpowering the girl, but she didn't want to leave. Maybe now there should be hope? The dark-haired girl pulled out her phone to check for missed calls or notifications, but the main screen showed half past eight and a picture of her and Aki together. Hayakawa worked as a private security guard. Quite elite, by the way, and made a good amount of money from his clients. But the big bucks were stilts with constant danger and infrequent appearances at home. When Himeno worked in the civil service, decided to go to this organisation. It was there that she met Aki as well. For two years now they have been living soul to soul, sharing food, problems and cigarettes. And Himeno wanted to be near Aki on such a holiday, but work was work. The girl went home and dropped the packet of cigarettes on the glass table, took out her phone again and dialled Aki herself, not waiting for him to do so. Impatience was coming out of every crevice. The man, to her surprise, picked up the phone rather quickly. beep “Yes, sunshine" the deep voice sounded cheerful, but uneasy. “ You said you had to come... Will you... soon?” It was getting uncomfortable. If Aki picked up the phone, it meant he could talk, but still, she didn't want to interfere too much. Still, the urge to see him around was taking over, whispering in her ear for the one-eyed girl to call once again. “ We're running a little late here. I'll be closer to eleven.” The dark-haired girl crunched her fingers and hooted approvingly. Hayakawa shouted something into the receiver. “That's it, I've got to go" he said and hung up without a goodbye. A quick beep. ///////I wish I could scream, but could I?/////// A lump found its own way down my throat. Himeno was perfectly accepting of his work and didn't mind. But on a holiday like this... I wished he was around. The only close person she had left. ///////There's a seal on my tongue, and I'll lick it off/////// “So... calm down. Hee" she started to say. “ He'll be here, just later. It's okay... that he'll be late…” the woman stood up and made her way to the kitchen, which smelled of New Year's dishes and snacks. “Finish everything finally for now" the girl said to herself as she looked around the table where the platter stood. In fact, there were literally just a couple of touches left to do and everything would be ready. Himeno glared at her reflection in the iron pot, realising how quiet the house was. The dishes were getting colder and colder with each passing second. There was no desire to eat, even though they smelled intoxicatingly delicious. But this was for two people. Taking a small pink board, the one-eyed woman began to chop vegetables, banishing past holidays to her memories. The family had been gone for a long time. And, more often than not, she greeted either with her co-workers or in proud solitude. But she wasn't sad or homesick. She'd been with it forever. It was a given for her. It wasn't even imaginable how that picture could change. But her guard was able to flip that paradigm. As the red liquid flowed from the juicy tomato, a memory flashed of him alone with her that night. Completely sober, allowing himself only a small bite of salad as he didn't want anything to disturb him. And by the middle of the night, when the drunken Himeno was sad, he let her cry and finally had a heart-to-heart talk. And after that, it was on. Two years together. From business partners to a close couple. And when Himeno finally left the Civil Service, Aki exhaled. He had grown too attached to the girl. The weight of responsibility on his shoulders had increased imperceptibly. And it was extremely difficult to live with. You're not just guarding your customer, but also a girl. Possibly your future wife. You're no longer just being with her, but you're sharing all of the household and have pretty much given up on your past. That's why Hayakawa asked you to leave the service. /////I'm sick, but I live As you look out the window, white noise shoots into your ears///// The girl forgot herself and stupidly cut her finger. Feeling the burning sensation, she immediately licked off the first blood and then put her finger under cold water. Aki often described his feelings. Extremely calm, but painful. It was obvious how those words came off his lips, and what they were truly soaked in. Pain. /////There's a dagger in my heart From your hands///// And Himeno left the civil service, but she took Aki at her word: that after the new year, he too would leave. After all, he too was constantly in danger. It was unbearable to realise that your love was at work. Because he wasn't there. He was with someone else. And the dark-haired girl had no control over the situation. It was killing her. The realisation that one day he might not come home. ////From your hands I'll kiss I'll kiss you///// Now the girl worked in a bank. And, for the most part, she was no longer useful to anyone. In the sense that there was no point in killing her. It was a strange feeling. Knowing that no one was going to kill you. There was no need for Aki to worry now. And soon Himeno herself would be able to exhale. /////Maybe I wanted to be a better person. So that my heart wouldn't break///// After tidying up the kitchen a bit, the girl returned to the lounge and glanced at the pack of Marlboros. Himeno didn't want to repeatedly freeze her arse off, so she pulled out one stick and plopped down on the couch and carefully lit up. Aki didn't like to smoke indoors. He always tried to find a way outside. He didn't like the way it smelled afterwards, the way some things absorbed the odour and that he could smell it for a long time to come. But still a little resentment and annoyance ate at the girl. She realised that he himself might not want all of this. And it wasn't partly her fault. At times like this, she hated the child inside her. But the one-eyed girl also wanted to be understood. That Himeno was worried and cigarettes helped relieve the stress. /////So that the shards wouldn't hurt her soul So they don't dig into the palm of your hand.///// The dark-haired girl lit a cigarette and took a deep drag. She coughed so hard that her throat burned unbearably. She tried to exhale into the ceiling, so that the smell wouldn't stick to objects. Or to make them stink a little less. To distract herself, Himeno opened up Tick Tock and began flipping through short videos. The cheap dopamine helped to finally escape reality and calm down. But, unfortunately, not for long. She sat like that until eleven o'clock. Until she realised Aki was still gone. Panic struck again. The calm was gone. She quickly dialled the right number. It rang. Beeps. Beeps. It echoed in her ears, but it didn't stop. Panic turned to a slight shivering and tingling. It was like needles being driven into my skin. Breathing became more rapid. The stress increased when the beeps stopped, but no one answered on the other wire. “"No... it can't be true... He... just can't hear... he'll take..."” Himeno didn't speak aloud. It was as if she was afraid to even utter such a thing, just so as not to dissolve fate. ///// I see you, it's just fatigue. I see me, that's all that's left.///// She began trying to dial a second time, taking it as an unfortunate coincidence. Beep. Beep. Beep. Nothing. Over and over. With each beep, she twitched. Waiting for that familiar and beloved voice. But there was none. Anxiety seemed to take hold of the girl completely. One-eyed tried to keep herself in control, but now she held only the phone, the glass of which could easily crack from how hard she squeezed the device. The corners of her eyes got wet and her heart ached unpleasantly. She squeezed the edges of her t-shirt and her chest, just to take away that pain. But it was at this very moment that the girl could smell the perfume that Aki had left behind. That scent was hard to hear, but there it was. It was as if the universe was playing with the girl. Trying to deceive that he was near. But instead of touch, there was a shiver and a prickle, and the deep but purring voice was a hum. “No, no, no! This... this can't be true" Himeno uttered in a trembling voice and, going into her call history, dialled the same unfortunate number that was leaving her unanswered. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. I wanted to scream. Inside the girl, rationality and emotion struggled. He's at work. He can't always pick up the phone. And that's okay. You should get used to it. And he'll be here soon enough. And the other part of me whispered that something had happened to him. I mean, he should be home by now. “ No... please... please... please... at least you... “ the girl tried to speak, but she failed. Himeno started sobbing to the point of tears, swallowing the lumps that had settled in her throat and clutching her shaking knees, trying to calm them down, "Don't leave me..." Her hands were shaking harder than a hangover. She struggled to hold the phone. It seemed heavier to her, as if the calls had added weight to it. “ The caller's phone is switched off or out of range. You can leave a message after the beep.” The phone screen crackled from the squeeze of his hand. Tears rolled down his cheeks, falling onto the couch. “The called party's phone is switched off or out of range…” Time after time these words repeated in the girl's ears, and the walls listened to her loud crying. One could be sure - if they could speak, they would have tried to calm her down. But, unfortunately, they are inanimate, and they have no emotions. Now Himeno couldn't even hear the beeps. /////The beeps promised to hear your voice They cut off the last hundred times///// She sat like that for the whole thirty minutes, not calming down for a minute, at many moments even increasing her crying. For the thoughts became many times more explicit and painful. The thought of having to spend the new year without the person she loved was destroying everything alive inside. And Hayakwa was literally just a little short of being fired. Everything. Everything made no sense without him. Everything around her and everything she did. If it wasn't for Aki, she'd still be a proud loner in the civil service. But suddenly the door on the threshold banged open and small footsteps hovered in the corridor. Himeno quickly ran down the corridor. Like a little girl running to meet her parents. And as she stood in the corridor, tentatively sliding down the laminate flooring, she saw Aki. His entire jacket and hat were strewn with snow, his cheeks and nose red, his right hand holding his bag hanging on his shoulder. He looked up, first with a tired smile and then with concern when he saw his beloved's crying face. /////Your eyes are sad again Call me if you feel anything///// “Himeno..." Aki only said and spread his arms for a hug, which the girl rushed into. As she clung to him, she felt cold. Cold snowdrops ran down her arms, causing frost. And it became unclear what the girl was shivering from: cold or excitement. “ Where... where have you been? “through tears said the girl, wiping her crying face on his jacket, - Why did not pick up the phone?! “ My... my phone... just went dead, Hi…” Himeno raised her head, showing off her crying face enough. And, scaring Hayakawa even more, he pulled her against his cold body with all his might. /////The beeps just cut off for no reason Scream if there's nothing inside///// “Come in quickly, please. I've made us such a delicious meal! “ said the girl. She pulled away. A smile appeared on her face, still reflecting the agony going on inside her beloved. Himeno wiped away the remnants of tears rolling down her flushed face and glassy eyes looked at the man in relief. Aki smiled back at her. Dropping his bag and throwing off his warm clothes, he made his way into the house. First, he helped the girl bring snacks to the lounge and sat down with her on the couch. The dark-haired girl, like a cat that had been fed, began to cling to the man, occasionally feeding him delicious French-style meat from her fork. /////Your eyes are sad again Call me if you feel anything///// “ I'm sorry for making you worry.....” “ It's okay. It's your job," Himeno spoke calmly, looking at the avant-garde paintings hanging on the wall.” “I made a promise. And I'll be gone soon.” “ When, to be precise? “ The girl asked and turned her head towards the man. She rested her chin on his knee, which he bent for comfort. “February. I don't see the need to be there anymore.” “That makes it a month" Himeno whispered with a predatory smile and moved closer to Aki. There was no distance between their faces. Himeno could safely see the microcracks on his lips from the cold, the small bags under his eyes, and smell the scent of gunpowder mixed with his, as it seemed to Himeno, most manly perfume. And Aki saw the messy hair that the girl had never brushed after her tantrum, the scratches on one cheek and a fallen eyelash on the other. “Make a wish.” It was unexpected. The girl closed her eyes for a second to sink into her thoughts and come out of them as quickly as possible. “'Make a wish” the girl said with a sweet smile. “ Which cheek is the eyelash on?” “ The right one.” “That's right! “ Hayakawa carefully removed it and blew it onto the floor. “ It's about fifteen minutes until the new year. It's time to pour the alcohol too.” “ Bring it.” Himeno kissed Aki tenderly, ripping the elastic band off his ponytail, thus untying his hair, and, satisfied, ran off to the kitchen. The hair had become easy, so Hayakawa wasn't too upset. He was happy that he could be here, next to his beloved woman, to celebrate a new year with her in which they would live a very different life. The smell of delicious food and Himeno's acrid cigarettes mingled in the spacious room, which Hayakawa had smelled when he'd lain down on the couch for a while. But the man didn't resent it. The guy smiled as he inhaled the unpleasant smell of Marlboro, remembering the many moments when Himeno would come back after smoking and kiss him. /////The beeps just cut off for no reason Scream if there's nothing inside/////