Alone

***

      The guy’s house arrest consisted of a week without going out with his friends. Kiren collapsed on the bed, breathing heavily. Feeling lousy, he didn’t bother to answer his father’s questions about his behavior. After a few moments, everything went quiet. He didn’t feel like doing anything. The boy was sorry that he had agreed to such an undertaking.       His father’s hand with some pills appeared in front of his eyes. James looked at Kiren in silence, and the man didn’t leave until he took the antidepressants and drank them.       Looking at the pictures again and again, Kiren didn’t realize what they were for, who had made them, for what?       Unable to bear it, Kiren threw the phone down, buried himself in his pillow and cried softly. So that his father wouldn’t hear him, wouldn’t look into his room with unnecessary questions about his condition. He didn’t need that at all. He hugged the pillow, clenching it in his fists until he was more or less calm. The pills helped his mental state relatively.       There was a lot of homework that he hadn’t even touched yet. How annoying was this strange attitude towards him. “I’m not little!” — his soul cried, his whole body cried. All he wanted was to be heard and understood.       Finally, he concentrated on his lessons, trying not to be distracted by the pop-up messages on his phone. He even turned it upside down to avoid looking at it out of the corner of his eye. To create the right atmosphere for studying, Kieren turns on a playlist of his favorite music.       A smile gradually appears on his face as his homework is quickly solved in his notebooks.       By the time the last math problem was over, the headphones were off. His ears ached, and the time outside the window was approaching dusk. Remembering that he had some goodies in his backpack, Kieren walks over and pulls out an unfinished slice of pizza, a couple of sandwiches, a closed soda bar, and all sorts of stuff from the pizza party and his and his friends' little picnic.

***

      The pizzeria is in front of him again. There are hardly any people inside, but all kinds of rustling can be heard. Kiren finally goes inside. People are relaxing, having fun, playing, eating pizza. He finally felt better after a hard week and a few more days of inactivity and depression.       It was still dark inside, just a few wall lights with spotlights illuminating the room. The animatronics were working again, performing in their places. But there were only two of them. Doll and Marianne. The curtains of the second stage were closed. The crew didn’t stop the guy. They went over to where one of the boys had spilled the juice.       The girl with the voluptuous forms looked more attractive now, despite the tightness of her whole body. Funny, interesting, a turn-on. The nice black suit also played its part. The hat on her head came off and the girl could greet some guests. Her hands were covered with white gloves. There was also a white shirt with a visible button and a bow tie under the tuxedo, and her hair was neatly braided just below her shoulder blades. Her speech was sometimes filled with Spanish words or phrases.       As I approached the stage, I wanted to see her facial expressions, notice her every move, not miss anything. Sometimes she moved smoothly, sometimes she twitched. But she was still not attached to the stage like the Pegasus on the other stage. She tried to resemble a human, clean and smooth movements of body, arms, head… It was scary in a way.       A crunching sound came from the other end of the room. Amidst all the other sounds, this one was all too clear. This sound was heard by a few more people. The Mayor fell silent and began to look around the room. Her eyes were different colors, but it was easy to miss unless you looked closely: one eye was brown, the other green.       The curtain is opened, spotlights came on one by one, pleasant purple and yellow colors painted a white filly spreading her slightly ragged wings. She smiled as she stood on her stage, moved her wings. And, attached to nothing, she soared into the air. Kiren’s heart sank as she swooped down on Kiren, immediately changing her trajectory and beginning to move smoothly across the hall, dipping down and then back up again. He only just noticed that the front hooves had shiny metal plates with three dull claws on them. These moved only a few inches, surprising any visitor who paid attention.       It stopped at the tables and walked between them, and then finally the staff removed the bar so that it could quietly loop between the people.       And happily, jogging and wagging his tail, he began to walk between the tables, letting the children touch him. The mayor watched all this from the stage, smiling and singing along. Sometimes the marionette in her little cave sang along too. The three voices looked beautiful and relaxed. As the filly approached, Kiren pressed himself against the stage. She ran her middle claw along his chin, moving it, blinking at him. Tension rose for a moment. Kieren stood frozen for a few seconds.       Marianne leaned closer to get a better look at the man. She seemed to be smiling at him.       Sam monitored the performance of each of the animatronics from a cramped cave behind the stage. It took him a long time just to distribute the commands for the gang’s next moves.       The boy walked over and sat down at the table where his father had once sat.       — Well, — he exhaled, looking around again for something interesting. — Things are interesting enough…       Pegasus was sent back to her stage, and she, promising the children that she would return soon with new stories, remained in the same position where she had just said goodbye to the children. The predatory look, the wild, mischievous grin, did not arouse much enthusiasm.       As she watched the children continue to frolic in the puppeteer’s room, scattering their toys, she just smiled and stood still. The spotlights illuminated the entire room again, trying to reach all the dark corners, almost completely illuminating them. Being blinded in the eyes a few times was not a good thing, I had to step back to go to the bathroom. The mirror reflected the guy, sleep deprived, tired, and wanting to go to bed as soon as possible to regain his strength. It was like he was being held here as tightly as possible, not letting him go anywhere, saying, “Well, you can’t just leave, be respectful of people!” Oh, how I didn’t want to be respectful to some people…       The kids came running into the bathroom, playing, and everything was crowded in.       Deciding to ignore it, Kiren walked into the newly vacated stall, closed the door behind her, and covered herself with her hood, trying to forget all the commotion going on in here. There was the rattle of tap water, the occasional banging of doors.       — Yes. — The young man said quietly, and after a while he stepped out of the stall, trying not to bump into anyone.       The guards kept an eye on the order, drinking coffee on the side, one even stood at the door of the kitchen, watching the cooks in aprons on the lower part of their bodies, bringing out pizzas and smiling at the visitors, serving them their sodas as well.       — Thank you! Thank you~ came from various tables as people approached them.       The posters were once again attracting attention in one way or another. They swayed in the wind as they passed by, glittering in the lights, trying to attract visitors with their beauty and mystery. On some of the drawings, if you looked closely, you could see sometimes indistinct or more or less distinct footprints from the shoes of the runaway staff. They were trying to scrub something away, but it was never finished.       For a moment, everything froze, as if in slow motion. It only took a few moments to observe the smooth movements of the animatronics, the puppets, the people passing by. It was only a matter of time before I realized that the party was already ending. People were slowly leaving, taking the rest of the food with them. I had to sit down in the corner of the table, order at least one small pizza, and take the rest to eat at home.       He wanted to stay longer, until closing time, but given his past experiences, he didn’t dare to stay here for another night shift.       The evening had pleasantly enveloped the city. Kieren enjoyed wandering through the night streets as the darkness fell softly on his head, gently cupping his shoulders. The warmth of the pizzeria didn’t go away for long, and the music never left his mind. The bag rustled unpleasantly, distracting me, and I had to slow down. The aroma of pizza wafted into his nose from time to time, and it seemed as if a little more — Kiren would sit down somewhere, open the box, and finish the slices that did not fit him a while ago. Turning back, the young man noticed a dog standing a few feet from him. He couldn’t quite make out its color, but it was all dark with white paws and a spike on its nose. That was the only thing that immediately caught his eye. The offered pizza didn’t suit the bitch, and she eyed Kieren warily, darting her gaze from a slice to him and back again.       — If you don’t want it, don’t eat it. Don’t follow me.       That one kept up.       — What do you want from me? You don’t like pizza. Shoo, get out of here!       After I chased the beggar away, I went back to my house. Tomorrow I had to get up early to show everyone the presentation for my first class. It was almost midnight, and my whole body was relaxed from all the hard work of walking, getting ready, and finally getting ready for bed.       I didn’t want to leave the embrace of the warm, heavy blanket when the alarm went off. I wanted to sleep. Grimly turning off the unpleasant ringing, Kiren covered his head and tried to figure out what to do now. Sleep for another five minutes or get up? Oh no, better get up right away. With a heavy sigh, the young man threw off the heated blanket, opened his eyes and tried to straighten his unkempt hair without a mirror. In a few minutes the lunch was ready, wrapped in foil. The guy himself tried to eat as much as he could. The bus arrived a few minutes late, so he had to wait for it. His favorite seat was almost at the end by the window, Bebin looked all the way to the school, watching the people who had just woken up, watching the cars go by. Kieren closed his eyes and leaned against the glass, waiting for the ride to end. At almost every stop he opened his eyes and looked at the older and younger people who came into the cabin.       — Bebin, why are you sleeping? — Mrs. Davis came in and patted the boy on the shoulder. Reluctantly, Kiren lifted his head and glanced around the classroom. Several classmates were absent. Probably sick. The teacher takes her seat, corrects papers, puts the magazine on the table, then fixes her hair. — Have you prepared your presentation?       — Uh-huh.       — Then help me with the computer.       There was nothing left to do but help set up and start reading the slides, somewhat sleepily. Ms. Davis, sitting in the man’s seat, wrote down some of the information in the notebook her student had prepared.       — Thanks for the presentation. — As soon as the boy finished the presentation, Ms. Davis sat back in her seat and let the boy rest and take a nap. He listened to the lesson out of the corner of his ear, trying to take notes. Still, tiredness soon took over; Kieren lay on top of the boy until the end. And disheveled, he went to the mess hall to get something to eat.       — Did you get some sleep? — Kiera nudged the boy’s side with a smile. — I can see that I haven’t.       Kiren smiled slightly.       — I’m not out of this dream yet. But at least I’m a little rested, which is good.       — You didn’t sleep all night, did you? — Bebin shook his head. — Then what was it?       — I just went to the pizza place, and then I was up for about an hour… That’s all. It’s a lot to take in.       — No one swore at you? — Kira was obviously worried about the guy.       — No. I didn’t spend the night.       — You know, anything can go through your mind.       Shrugging, Kiren looked at one of the tables where the junior class was noisily sitting.       — Let’s get out of here. — The boy spoke up, grabbed his food and walked out with Kira.       It was nice to enjoy the fresh air after spending a whole class in a stuffy classroom. His chest filled with fresh air as soon as the doors opened. The young man let his hair loose in a short ponytail that fell down to his shoulders. Kira smiled as she looked at her friend.       — Didn’t anyone ever tell you that you have beautiful hair? — Catching the look of utter bewilderment, Kira giggled. — Come on Kiren… It really suits you.       — Thank you. — He cut it short. — People sometimes tell me that I look like a girl. — His hair looked broken, but he quickly fixed it back to normal. Blue, a little frizzy.       — It’s not like that. They’re just jealous of your hair, that’s all.       Kira put her hand on his shoulder, smiled at him and moved closer, hugging him around the waist. Her friend’s gesture seemed somehow sweet to the guy, and his lips curled into a small smile.       — Yeah, I guess so.       — Way to go, kid. Cheer up.       Kira stood up and walked back into the building, leaving the boy alone with his thoughts.       The last class was gym, where almost all the kids were playing with balls. A small group of three girls and two boys sat on a bench. The boys were busy playing games on their cell phones, and one of the girls was sometimes stuck in her gadget. In the last seconds before the collision, she deftly dodged the ball by hiding her head.       — Careful, damn it!… — she sometimes cursed, but then giggled as she read the messages again and discussed them with the girls. The boys didn’t pay much attention to the girls, laughing when something went wrong, acting like little children. What can you learn from them…       The P.E. teacher, as usual, went off to talk to another teacher to discuss something. In these moments the boys began to play with the ball as they pleased, as they pleased, until the almost bald, grumpy man came and the game was not resumed at his request. A break was as good as any after all that running around. Undeterred, Kiren walked over to his briefcase, froze, and began rifling through the pockets, looking for what he so desperately needed. Textbooks, unnecessary junk, a crumpled little bag. He muttered something to himself, trying not to listen to all the shouting in the locker room. And just when he found what he needed, the guy could only half change his clothes.       Pills taken, you’re clean, now you can go home. Simon patted Kiren on the back and caught up with him. Alice stayed for an extra math lesson to get a better handle on her math. Kiren said goodbye to the boys and ran to her father’s car, which pulled up behind her.       It turned out that Simon was going to spend the weekend with his grandmother, whom he hadn’t visited in a long time. Was it worth it to take a break from all the problems, just to get away from the city and enjoy the beauty of the countryside? Yes, it’s exactly the kind of life Mom would have wanted. A vacation away from the city, just to enjoy the fresh air and the simple life. Dad didn’t really join in, saying it wasn’t the right time because their baby was on the way and the trip could be anything. There was no telling where the nearest hospital or maternity ward would be. A few times Kieren had suggested the possibility of at least getting some rest somewhere small and secluded… “Not now,” was his answer. Embarrassment, slight desperation, sadness, a desire to take his father somewhere to forget all the troubles of his life.       — Are you going somewhere for the weekend?       — I don’t think so. Dad doesn’t want to go yet. He’s putting it off until the last minute. — Hugging his arm, Bebin looked into the window where the cages with the cute animals were. Some were sleeping, some were playing with their tails/toys. It made the guy smile.       — Hey, don’t be so upset. I’m sure you’ll go somewhere else, as a family. — Kiren shrugged and watched as the two parrots huddled in their cage, chirping and enjoying each other, then flew to the kitten on the shelf below. — By the way, you haven’t mentioned your mother once. How does she feel about this?       — She doesn’t think anything. — Cutting off all hope for a positive answer about his mother’s opinion, Kieren continued without looking at his friend.       — But how could she? They might have discussed it, didn’t you hear them talking?       Simon ran to his friend and put a hand on his shoulder. At the same moment, his hand was pulled back and squeezed.       — No. There was no conversation, and there never will be. I haven’t had a mother since I was born! — the boy said angrily. He pursed his lips in annoyance and muttered something to himself as he walked briskly into the shop. Simon didn’t dare start a conversation right now. He decided to wait until Kieren had cooled down and then try to apologize. He walked between the counters, looking at the glasses, twirling them in his hands, not so stern anymore. He shrugged at the stammering apology:       — Hmm. Okay, you’re not being mean. — He gave the guy a dull look, grabbed some horror CD’s from the shelf and went into another store next door.       — Wait, what are you doing? — Watching his friend in bewilderment, Simon noticed him putting the disks into his briefcase, supposedly “accidentally” dropping the others, putting them back, taking another disk titled “Halloween”, 1978 edition. — Hey, Kiren, wait!       — Quietly.       Worth taking a few more movies off the shelves, they both go to the cash register to pay for what they took. The cute girl behind the register looked at the boys and quickly entered their purchases. They paid.       Leaving the store, Bebin gives his friend “Poltergeist” and “Evil Dead 2” while taking the comedy for himself.       — I’ve seen those two disks before, and all I remember is you talking about them.       — But you stole them.       — Yeah, I stole them. But, wait, look. The cameras are nowhere near where you and I were. Perfect place to grab some disks. — The guy gets up and looks at what he’s picked up to watch. Horror movies: Scream, Nightmare on Elm Street.       There was nothing left to do but to sigh and accept such a gift from a friend, to listen to this advice. Although such an action was not the right thing to do.       — Listen… am I sure I didn’t offend you?       Raising his head, the guy didn’t answer anything, just raised an eyebrow. His piercing gaze was unrelenting, even with the sedatives. Still, I had to agree that everything was fine.       On the way home, the young man listened to music, looked at his feet, straightened his briefcase.       There was no one waiting for him at home. His father wasn’t there, so he could sit quietly in front of the TV, make himself some flavored tea, and watch whatever he could get away with. The boy knew that nothing would happen to him for what he had done. So, after stripping almost naked, the young man sat down in front of the TV with some treats. The TV hissed strangely and unpleasantly as he turned it on. “What the hell’s the matter with you?” it hissed — it seemed to calm down. Finally there was more than an hour of pleasant movie to watch. “Scream” was interesting for the guy at first.       His young body made him watch anything to satisfy the needs of his brain, which only wanted adrenaline, which he hadn’t had for a long time.       As much as he wanted to, it was worth recognizing that horror movies make the brain work well. Memorize the way the characters acted, the body tries to adapt, and even if the situations shown in horror movies will not happen in reality, all the information is still stored. “Just in case.” Sometimes Kiren just wanted to be in the same conditions as the characters in the book or movie while he was watching/reading. Some moments in the movie brought back unpleasant memories that made him cringe, tuck his legs under him, but keep watching with his knees resting on his knees. His eyes would sometimes drift to the floor, as if the guy was hiding. In fact, he didn’t want to look at the screen. Either because he was tired or because the scene just wasn’t interesting.       The crackling of the refrigerator made me turn around. Realizing that no one was there, Kieren continued to watch.

***

      The door to the room creaked open. Simon walked in, threw his briefcase on the bed and locked the door behind him. He sat down in the chair and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. How he didn’t want to come back here… But he should. There was no substitute for his home at the moment. And it was worth it now, when one had nothing: no money, no moral strength, no chance.       The boy listened with bated breath to the footsteps outside the door. Changing pace, looping back and forth, so familiar… His father’s voice echoed through the apartment:       — You’re home already, Si… Simon?       Drunk again.       There was a heavy sigh of disappointment. Annoyed, the boy said nothing. His father’s voice grew more irritated.       — I heard you coming!       The footsteps came closer and closer. The boy pulled his feet up and stared at the door, the handle of which began to twitch under his father’s pressure. He tried to get in, moving the door back and forth, getting more and more irritated. He could hear him breathing heavily, taking another swig of beer from his throat.       Tears welled up in his eyes. Simon tried not to squeal, not to make a sound, and prayed that his father wouldn’t break down the door. Mom couldn’t do anything to him at times like this, so she just kept quiet, knowing she was weaker than her husband when he was angry.       The door cracked under the man’s drunken blows, but she tried to hold on. Simon prayed the door wouldn’t come off its hinges.       The man twitched with each blow, his heart pounding in his chest, threatening to break his rib cage if he jumped out.       — Please go away. — He mumbled to himself before his father went into the bedroom.       Trembling, Simon opens the door about five minutes later. From the room came the sound of a man snoring. Afraid to do anything, the boy just watched from the doorway as his father slept, holding his breath for him to turn around or for the snoring to stop. Frustrated with the situation, the young man went back to his room to do his homework for the next day.       A small shiver ran through the boy’s body as he wrote examples in his notebook, essays that made the notebooks not too pretty when you looked at them. The effort could be justified, it was worth a little more effort. Tears fell on the notebook, almost staining the fresh ink.       The rustling outside the door made her jump, and she quickly wiped her wet face so as not to appear weepy. His mother’s soft voice made the boy open it, peek out and, making sure nothing was in danger, step into the kitchen. The woman sitting at the table did not look well. Rubbing her temples, she sighed, raised her head, and invited her son to join her.       — Come in, sit down… At least eat something. — Mom was obviously upset.       She was silent as she listened to the snoring in the bedroom. She put the bottles from the table into the garbage can while Simon picked at his soup with a spoon.       — Mom, when is Dad going to stop drinking? — Simon looked up at his mother sadly. She leaned against the counter and shook her head:       — I don’t know, honey. One day he’ll stop.       Gathering her hair, the woman began to tidy up the kitchen, trying to get everything in order. Some corners were still dripping with alcohol. The wine stain on the wall was covered by a painting, which at least somehow improved the mood in difficult situations.       The music was soothing. Soft, pleasant, so familiar, something to get away from this cruel world. Simon sighed and covered his eyes. All he had to do was finish his lessons, and then he could rest, enjoy the free time he could spend alone, or cuddled up with a pillow. Or in conversation with his mother, who would always support him no matter what.       He didn’t hear the door to the room open. He didn’t hear the footsteps, the stiff, hungover voice of his father calling him. He grabbed his wrist — and only then did he gasp in horror. The headphones had fallen to the bed, and horror was in his eyes. He saw a drunken father just coming to his senses. Immediately his body began to send out alarm signals, the man scolded his son for not hearing his fucking screams. His breathing quickened as he raised his hand.

***

      When the movie ended, so did the fun. Mike came over and sat down next to Kieren, putting his arm around him as he dozed off, making him shiver, sitting up properly, adjusting the blanket.       — What are you still doing up?       — I was watching a movie. — He took the tape out of the TV and threw it in with the other disks.       Bebin sighed and stroked his son’s shoulder.       — All right. Do you want dinner or later?       After being told no, James nodded meekly and carried the empty cup into the kitchen. The young man sat down on the edge of the couch and turned off the television before drifting off into his own world, where there were no worries. Still, as time neared its end, Kiren went back to his room to enjoy some solitude. There were no emotions left from the movie other than interest, a little frightened by the events that had happened there. Kiren stayed at his desk, sketching in the margins of his geography notebook. Sometimes he would be distracted by the window to see something interesting, something that would shape his already unstable subconscious to sketch something in a strange shape in the corner or halfway down the page.