Wrong love

Pov Sasha Hello everyone, let's start with the fact that I am 18 years old and I love someone whom, according to morals, I should not love. My name is Sasha and I love my brother Vitya. He is 23 years old and rents an apartment, so he does not live with us now. We both have brown eyes, only I am fair-haired and my brother is brown-haired. I took after my mother, and he took after his father. Parents and brother work at the factory. Today he works 2nd shift, so he stayed at home with me. It's summer now and I'm on vacation. 3 years ago I realized that I like my brother. I was scared at first, but I decided to do nothing, and doing nothing was ignoring him. It seems that I succeeded. Vitya once asked: “Why do you hate me?” Then I realized that I was on the right track. If he thinks that I hate him, it will be easier for me. “Easier” - that’s how I calm myself down. I'm sitting on the Internet in my room and then HE comes in. — Sasha, how long can this go on? - He looks at me and waits for an answer. - What exactly? - All this. You've been ignoring me these days, I want to know why? - He wants to know, heh, he’s unlikely to like the truth. - I’m not ignoring you, I’m just... - Just what? - You just piss me off! — It pisses me off that I’m in love with him. And not into someone else. - What did I do? - Was born! — I said and left the room, and then the apartment. We are sometimes rude to those we love. I called my friend Anton, he was at home. So I went to him. When I arrived, he asked: — What, did the lovebirds quarrel? - and smiles, he is aware of my feelings for my brother, so he’s joking. He was shocked when he found out my secret. But he still remained my friend, despite the fact that I am abnormal. These days, you don't find such wonderful friends, but I was lucky. After all, we have been friends with him since kindergarten. — Hello to you too. You have the same greeting, change it already. “It’s not my fault that when you quarrel with your beloved, you come to me,” I went into his room and sat down on the bed. “We didn’t quarrel, I just was rude to him and left,” I said in a sad voice, looking at the window. It's not his fault that his brother is mentally ill. It was easier for me not to see Vitya, so I could at least not be rude to him, because I was not able to confess to him. - You're an idiot? This way you will be even further away from each other. — Vitka just wanted to know why I was avoiding him. — And, naturally, you were rude to him. — What should I have told him? That I love him almost from the cradle? Why do I want him when he's nearby? That I'm tired of wet dreams with his participation? I thought that if I avoided him, all this would not happen. But it only intensified. “I don’t know what to do anymore,” I whispered the last phrase. “You still shouldn’t have been rude to him,” Anton looked at me reproachfully. — I know, but what should I do? - Go to him and apologize. If necessary, explain to him. - What? Are you crazy? How can I explain THIS to him? He’ll hate me and won’t play like me,” I looked at my friend in shock. “You’re tormented by this, and you’re also torturing your brother,” we both fell silent. It was decided that I would stay with him. I don’t even know how Vitya will behave if he finds out the truth about me. I'm afraid to imagine it, so I won't admit it. Pov Vitya After Sasha left, I stood in shock. Does he hate me for existing? But why? What have I done? Well, yes, he said because I was born. But it’s still not clear. I didn't do anything bad to him. He took care of him, helped him do his homework, explained to him when something was not clear. I walked with him, took him to kindergarten and to elementary school. They played and fooled around. I had a lot of time then and I devoted that time to him. But how did I deserve such an attitude towards myself from him? I can't understand what's going on with him. I asked him, but he just snapped like today. My phone rang and I picked it up: — Hello bro, how are you? — I heard the voice of my friend Andrey. - Hi OK. And you? — I won’t tell him that my things with my brother, to put it mildly, are not very good. - So stop, you’re not saying something. Tell me what happened? - Nothing, it’s just going to rain soon and... - Wait, what kind of rain? I know you well, did you get into a fight with a little guy? — He’s almost as tall as me and we didn’t quarrel. Why did you decide? - I just know you. Do you want to talk about it? — I have to go to work soon, let’s do it later, okay? “Okay,” he disconnected. I started getting ready for work; I don’t like b eing late. I got dressed, took my keys and phone with headphones and went to work.