Addicted to you

It was early afternoon. Warm sunlight was shining from the cloudless sky and down on Jinshi, who was walking calmly through the garden of the Jade Pavilion. He had been visiting Consort Gyokuyou and thought that he could certainly permit himself a little walk to catch his breath and clear his head a bit before heading to his next duty. Yes, he was a busy man, indeed. Sometimes busier than he would like to be. At some moment, he stopped to admire some beautiful flowers, then discreetly looked around, and after having made sure that he was truly all alone (Gaoshun was currently not with him), he wiped his eternal celestial smile from his face, let his shoulders slump, and allowed himself the luxury of letting out a yawn and stretching a bit. No point in maintaining his perfect image as the beautiful eunuch if no one was looking, right? Well, but there was also a person, who had never fallen for said image in the first place, no matter how much effort he was putting into it… Thinking of Maomao, he resumed his walk. He was a bit disappointed that he hadn't met her in the Jade Pavilion during his visit that day, but what could you do, after all, he knew that she had duties as well. However… a slight sadness was still there, he couldn't help it. But at least he knew she was there, in the rear palace, that she was going nowhere this time. That she was his personal maid, even though he had “lent” her to Gyokuyou for the time being. What a relief. He didn't have to fear to never see her again, like he had done after having dismissed her due to that incident with the former Consort Ah-Duo’s chief lady-in-waiting. Because he had misunderstood her and thought that returning home to the pleasure district was what she wanted. He grimaced, and his eyes narrowed at the memory. Oh, what a terrible experience! How he had suffered back then! More than ever before in his life. He didn't want to go through that ever again. But that time had served him to realize something: just how badly he needed that apothecary girl. What an irony to have fully understood that only after she was already gone! Not having her by his side had been consuming him to such a point that he hadn't been able to eat nor sleep properly, turning into a pathetic human being, who could only sit there, depressed and gloomy, missing her so much that it was even difficult to breathe. As if that strong, almost unbearable feeling of longing had become a giant hand that was constricting his chest.  Worse than in his childhood, when his favorite toys had been taken away from him. Ha, but of course! Maomao wasn't a mere toy, after all! And contrary to what he had thought of her at the very beginning, never had been. A horrible time, indeed. Luckily, it was over.  Still pondering about that, he looked up from the ground, and what he saw made him stop again and his eyes widen. It was as if Heaven itself was having pity with him, for there she was: his favorite little apothecary was sitting on a bench, not more than a hundred steps in front of him, and reading a book. She was clearly enjoying her lecture, since her eyes were sparkling with joy, and there was a slight blush on her cheeks. He knew that kind of expression, having already seen it on the faces of other palace women, when they were reading that novel that was currently circulating through the rear palace. But Maomao wouldn't… no way! Jinshi approached her with curiosity, getting close enough to see the title of the book: “150 types of poisonous plants and their utilization in medicine”. He chuckled to himself, having already expected something of that sort. Of course. THIS was the type of literature to elate Maomao, not some romance novel. She must have borrowed it from the medical office.  Judging by the fact that she didn't look up, she must be so absorbed in that book that she didn't even notice his presence. Jinshi pouted a little. What wouldn't he give for her to look at him the way she looked at poison and medical ingredients! That to say, he obviously did enjoy her glaring at him as if he was some kind of bug or something similar to that (alright, maybe he was a bit of a masochist after all), but if these shining eyes were directed at him, that would be something else. The most he had achieved was making her that happy by gifting her rare medical ingredients… (urgh, how to forget that ox bezoar he still owed her. To ignore her injured leg because of that… she had deserved that headbutt. But then again, she had saved his life, so maybe the bezoar was a rather small price to pay). Her reactions to his gifts had caused his heart to pound, but there was still a bitter feeling lingering inside him when he thought of it, for he knew that it were his gifts alone that were making her happy, not him as a person. Just about anyone could have given her these things, and it wouldn't have made a difference… That hurt. Sensing that dark thoughts were once again making their way into his mind, he quietly sat down next to her, in order to calm himself down by observing her for a while.  Yes. Calming himself down by watching the very one, who was the cause for all these painful feelings. Jinshi smiled. What a truly unusual lady she was, with an absolutely unique personality, a fact he both loved and hated at the same time. Never in his life had he been forced to put in such efforts to win over a woman (or any efforts at all). What an irony that it was also the first time in his life of him really being serious with one! But why? Why was he doing that to himself? Why was he trying so hard, if he could have basically almost any other woman he wanted?  Yes, true. But the only one he wanted was her. No one but her. Not a palace full of consorts like the Emperor, but only her alone. This was another fact he had realized after having brought her back from the pleasure district. Just having her as a mere maid wasn't enough for him anymore. She was the only woman he saw, the only one he could imagine his future with. It was as though she had unintentionally hypnotized him. Like a sweet, but also potent poison that was dripping on his senses until having numbed and paralyzed them. Or a drug he had gotten so addicted to that no remedy would ever help him. But what exactly made her so special in his eyes? Not only weird like many others saw her, but downright special? Well, fact was: No one had ever treated him like she did. Ever. And he loved it. First, he had believed that, despite her demeanor towards him, she was just like every other woman deep down and would eventually succumb to his charms. His unusually handsome appearance was his biggest weapon after all and had never failed him before, for people were all the same, so easily blinded by a beautiful appearance. Or so he had thought. But this time, it had been entirely useless. She had completely disarmed him just with the way she was and made him fall hard — into reality, but also for her. Before he knew it, that short, helpless-looking woman had shaken his entire world up to the very core, like a powerful wave that had soaked him from head to toe, entering his system like a drug he would never get rid of. Yes, he had believed he would be able to change her with time, but she went and changed him instead. Or no, that wasn't exactly it: she had rather revealed the parts of his personality that had already been there, hidden inside him, and brought them to light, intensified by a hundredfold. But was it rather the bad or the good ones? To be honest, he didn't know it himself. Maybe it was both. Yes, it had to be both: on one hand, her small, petite frame was making him melt away from cuteness, awakening in him the desire to protect her and a gentleness he hadn't even suspected he possessed at all. He would love to hold her in his arms, to hug and kiss her all day long if he could! To shower her with affection!  But on the other hand… there were times when she was driving him insane, stirring up a rage in him that made him want to pin her up against a wall and shout his feelings out loud for her and everybody else to hear, not caring about anything else anymore. Holding her tight, so she couldn't run away. Her deciding to openly ignore his advances, pretending not to see them (because he couldn’t believe she was truly that blind), brought him a frustration he had never experienced in his life before. He, the pampered prince who was used to getting whatever he wanted. Maybe all of this was what they called “true love”, he didn't know. Which was logical, since how was he supposed to know, having grown up in a “garden of women”, an environment where love didn't matter in the slightest? But still. Deep down, Jinshi sensed that his case had to be it, these feelings were just too intense to be considered something else. Because Maomao was holding his heart in an iron grip. Whether she wanted it or not, whether she was aware of it or not — she was, without a doubt. A shudder ran down his spine as it once again became clear to him that she was one of the very few people, who had truly seen every single side of him, not just the fake one of the beautiful eunuch, but him being sincerely happy, sad, worried, angry, childish, silly, jealous, tired, vulnerable. Everything. She had ripped off each of his carefully crafted masks, one by one, and mercilessly stomped on them, revealing the real Jinshi behind them. By her side, he could finally allow himself to show weakness. To stop being a celestial nymph and becoming human instead. And even if she often seemed oblivious (you could almost say dense) regarding feelings and despite that mostly neutral expression on her face, he had to admit that he was losing himself in her gorgeous blue eyes. Sometimes, when she directed them into his, he got the impression that she was piercing him and looking right into his soul. As if he couldn't hide anything from her. And he had to admit that it was, indeed, a scary, but also immensely fascinating sensation, since it was as if she understood but also didn't understand him at the same time. This was why she was so special to him. And also why life without her had become so unbearable and impossible. The reason why he was so determined to never let her go again.  He gritted his teeth at the mere thought.  No, he wasn't intending on giving up. Not on the one who had such a huge impact on him like she did. Not on the one who knew the real him. Not on the one who had saved his life. Absolutely not. Relaxing his hands that had been unconsciously clenching his clothes, Jinshi finally sighed and lowered his head, snapping out of his thoughts and returning to reality. Time to get up. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't sit there forever. Work was mercilessly waiting for him. Looking at Maomao once more, he registered with slight annoyance that she was still fully concentrated on that book and completely unaware that he was sitting right next to her. He pouted again, but then, a malicious grin appeared on his lips. Oh, she was going to pay for that! And thus, he raised one of his arms, bringing it right behind her, and then suddenly wrapped it around her shoulders and pressed her to his body, startling her and making her hiss like a kitten once she realized that it was him. Struggling to break free (in vain), she looked up at him, as if he was an annoying housefly she’d like to smash with her book, but didn’t because the book was way too valuable for that. He chuckled and placed his chin on her head, holding her even closer. She eventually gave up and relaxed, letting out a sigh of resignation, and finally accepted the hug, wrapping her arms slightly around his waist and making him blush a little.