Thirty-one entries

“First recording. Hello. I’m Freddy Fazbear. I am thirteen. I work as the face of the restaurant and the leader at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria. I want to share something that I have been hiding for a long time. I don’t want to live. I’ve had enough. My “mother” treats me like the best son, but I know that bitch can’t stand me. I don’t see my future. I don’t fully understand why. It’s like I’m not… alive. I feel like my world is crumbling inside me. It’s a terrible feeling.” He wanted to continue writing, but he was distracted by the screams of his parents. That day he never returned to his notes.              “Second entry. I haven’t written anything here for a long time. I don’t know if someone will read my posts, but I really hope not. For a long time I have felt like an empty place. I feel like I’m losing the meaning of life. I have people close to me who are always ready to support me in everything, but I don’t feel like I seem to be their best friend.” The recording is finished. Fazbear loses his mind and doesn’t know how to continue. There are a lot of thoughts in his head. He is ready for anything, but not for his notes to be read. “Third entry. Um, well, like, hello… I don’t even understand why I’m writing something here. But after writing those same two entries, I felt better. I feel so alive after this. I think this is normal and I’m not crazy. In general, a lot happened today… Again, rehearsal with the guys, parents are arguing and… That’s all for now. I have nothing to tell” Later, the mother found out about those same recordings and screamed loudly. She believed that writing something in personal diaries was a shame. The girl suggested that her son go to a psychologist, but he sent her and said that he would go only after her. “Fourth entry. Three years have passed since the last entry. Almost nothing has changed, but I found myself a guy. New and beautiful. Toy Bonnie. He always supports me in everything and says that I am the best… I love him for this… For me he is the most magical and amazing” “Fifth entry. God, I’m so sick of everything. Today, as usual, people are shitting. Again they didn’t like Toy Bonnie for some reason. Every day the same thing. They don’t even know how to communicate normally. Unicellular. No shame or conscience at all. But I’m not saying that they are the only ones to blame. Toy Bonnie too. He was the first to start harassing one of my people, and then he started an argument. That’s terrible…” “Sixth entry. How to find support from loved ones? What do you need to do to get attention and support? I need answers to these questions. Why don’t even the people closest to you support you, but instead spit in your face? What an injustice!” “Seventh entry. Trust… How I hate this topic. I hate trusting people. I believe that you should only trust those with whom you have known for a long time and those who trust you. To be honest, I hate it when people don’t trust me, even if I did my best… Maybe I’m crazy.” “Eighth entry. I was lied to today. Two people close to me lied. To be honest, I’m not so offended anymore. I stopped trusting them a long time ago and hoping for something from them. Neither they nor I kept in touch with each other. I think we should have stopped communicating a long time ago.” “Ninth entry. Love. Love is everywhere. Today Toy Bonnie gave me this love with his gentle smile and care… I adore this little rabbit. He is the one who makes me smile and become happy.” “Tenth entry. Anger and aggression. Fuck… I hate this feeling. Feelings of aggression, fear, anxiety. I feel as if something is about to happen. As if someone will say something against me and everyone will hate me or something worse.” “Eleventh entry. It’s probably cool to realize that someone needs you, someone is interested in you, but not in my case. I don’t expect this at all. Not from friends, not from a guy. Now I’m one hundred percent sure that I’m just empty space.” “Twelfth entry. What’s the point of living? Meaning of life? Why look for any answers to meaningless questions? Why do anything? You can just give up on everything. One day you may say to yourself: “I don’t want to live. “I’ll die” and there’s no problem.” “The thirteenth entry. I’m a lazy person. I’m too lazy to do anything. I’m always bored and want something unusual. I have no adrenaline in my life! The same thing happens every fucking day. I get up, wash, eat, get dressed, go to class, then to rehearsal, then, do reports and essays for college, help Toy Bonnie with her homework, go to bed late, and so on every day. And, I’m terribly lazy to do all this…” “Fourteenth entry. Why are people such scum? Why are there so few adequate people in the world? Why does everyone want to use someone, betray, deceive, or do some other nasty thing? Has the world gone crazy or am I going crazy? I think it’s the second… Because I don’t understand anything at all anymore.” “Fifteenth entry. I don’t want to live. I don’t want to live in a world where people are vile bastards. I do not like it. I hate everybody. I’m totally fucked up. Why do I do something if I don’t get anything in return?!” “Sixteenth entry. Hooray. Today is Friday. I can rest… Today, as usual, the guys fought over some bullshit. In principle, it’s not surprising” “Seventeenth entry. I don’t want to wake up again in the morning… Why? What’s the fucking point of this? Yes, I’m trying to find meaning in waking up in the morning. This doesn’t make any sense! This is all a waste of time. It’s better to fall asleep and not wake up. Yes, I’m talking drunken nonsense now, but it seems to me that this is true. P.s: and I’m still going to see a psychologist… what have I come to…” He throws his pen on the table and throws his head back on the chair. The guy feels terrible. He hadn’t eaten all day, he came tired after school, rehearsal and he felt like he was going to throw up if he didn’t prepare something for himself. I literally didn’t have the strength to get up and do anything for myself. He should have made himself something to eat and paid attention to his loved one, but he had no time for that. “Eighteenth entry. Today is Sunday. Tomorrow back to university. I don’t want. I don’t want to go anywhere… I’m sick of everything. I’m sick of these fucking classmates and teachers! How I want to die, live a quiet life and not worry about anything. Don’t think about these fucking exams, about the fact that you might do something wrong, while you’re writing counter notes, you might offend or offend someone… In a word: fucked up.” The guy crossed out the word “die.” He realized that this was not a solution. By dying you will make things worse for yourself and your loved ones. “Nineteenth entry. Recently returned from college, walking Toy Bonnie to his house…he’s as charming as ever. His sweet smile, those sweet little phrases, his kisses… I’m crazy about him. He is perfect. Soon it will be necessary to go to rehearsal, and after rehearsals, performances again. Well, you’ll have to turn on your hypocrisy again and pretend that everything is okay” Time has passed. And six months later, the guy returns to the notes again. “Twenty-first entry. New Year is coming soon. I think I’ll celebrate with the guys. So much has happened this year… But the most important thing for me is that I found myself and my love, with whom I am incredibly happy. Well, isn’t it cool?” How you celebrate the New Year is how you will spend it. The holiday was cool, romantic at the end and very sad. The guys cried because the old year had passed. And Freddie was the only one who did not regret that the year was passing. “Twenty-second entry. Well, New Year and new records! It’s already two thousand and nineteen! It’s January, it’s cold outside, there’s snow underfoot and I’m sad again. Toy Bonnie lives with me and I’m happy for that… I’m so glad he’s with me. He is the only one I truly trust madly and love with all my heart. I talk about him a lot, but he’s too perfect.” “Twenty-third entry. Hello again. This notebook became like a calm for me or something? It’s incredibly relaxing when you write here about all your problems. Sometimes it seems that it’s things like this that help you relax. When you write on a piece of paper about everything that worries you, and then calm down. Some kind of miracles” “Twenty-fourth entry. Four months have passed since the last entry. It’s spring already. I love spring. It’s true that there’s more winter… But it doesn’t matter! Winter is already a wonderful time of year! So magical, unusual… but it doesn’t get any easier. There is still some kind of wound in my heart. And, for the life of me, I don’t understand why! It’s like someone threw a knife at my back…” A year has passed. Freddy allowed Mangle and Toy Chica to work for him, and then talked to Toy Freddy. The conversation turned out to be sincere and Fazbear learned a lot of information about the past of this boy. He was unpleasantly surprised, but still did not regret asking. After this conversation, the guys became much closer. They communicated more, performed together and everything was wonderful. Soon, they even forgot about the very war that was between them. “Twenty-fifth entry. I started communicating with Toy Freddie… I don’t know whether to cry or be happy because of this. But he is a rather strange guy, and therefore I don’t know whether to trust him or not. I let him into work to find out if he had changed or not after our conversation. I had a serious talk with him before. Time will show” “Twenty-sixth entry. It’s like I’m talking to a friend on the phone. I talk about something, share my experiences and successes. Although, nothing is even said about success here. I am proud that I find the strength to cope with all difficulties. And I think it will continue to be like this.” “Twenty-seventh entry. I don’t know what to write here. I think my mini-blog about my life will end soon. Honestly, I enjoy re-reading my past blogs now and learning more about myself… or rather, I now know what I was like before. A couple of weeks ago. During this same time, I could have changed, right?” “Twenty-eighth entry. I’m so tired. Back to work, college. I can’t… The brain also makes Toy Bonnie. With all due respect to him, this is bad for me. Even strongly. I’m probably going back to that same terrible state again” “Twenty-ninth entry. And, again, another problem: Toy Freddy drove Toy Bonnie and Foxy, and Foxy stood up for Toy Bonnie and almost beat him up… horror. I don’t understand why I even trust this Toy Freddy, knowing what a scumbag he is” “The thirtieth entry. What can we say? I’m tired. I’m tired of calming everyone down and supporting everyone. I think I’ll need a rest soon. I think the rest will last two weeks, for sure. I’m not going to sit for long.” “The thirty-first entry. I think this will be my last post. Thank you or what? I never thought that I would say thank you to my diary… but everything I wrote made me become more open. Well, I say goodbye. Bye”