Locked In

TW: Panic attack October 12, 3030 5:20 P.M.         Karter joins our table, moaning about how sore he is. Madison soothingly rubs his back while Karter gripes about how his leader made him throw knives and various targets all day. I narrow my eyes, inspecting Madison’s behavior. She did that often with Ashton. There’s no way something could be going on between them… right?         The thought of Madison so quickly replacing Ashton with Karter makes my stomach drop. I stand from the table and rush out of the cafeteria. As I weave through the corridors, my blood pounds in my ears. My hands shake and my feet begin to tingle. I need to get away from this place. My vision begins to disfigure as if I was suddenly looking through a fish-eye lens. I can’t stay in this damned place anymore. I turned a corner, finally finding an empty hallway. I leaned against the wall, blinking rapidly to gather my surroundings. Breathing was hard. Really hard. It felt like I had ran fifteen miles. Tears began to sting my eyes, my chest growing tight as vomit rose in my throat.          I know these symptoms, it was a panic attack. They became common, living in with those god-awful parents of mine. Trying to calm down, I take long and slow deep breaths and lower myself to the ground. I begin to picture my happy place, the beach. I have never been to a beach, but I read about it all the time. I visualize myself standing on the beach, smelling the salty sea breeze as it gently blows across my face. I feel the soft, white sand between my toes, the cool ocean water flowing past my ankles. This is where I want to be.          Once I’m calm and the panic attack subsides, I open my eyes to find Bennett crouching worriedly in front of me. I give him a weak smile.          “Are you okay?” His concerned eyes peer right into mine.          Instead of responding, I rest my head on my knees. I continue to breathe, trying not to cry again. Bennett sits next to me, waiting patiently until I feel ready to talk.          “No, I’m not okay,” I finally say.          "What's wrong?"         "Everything."          “I hope you know I’m proud of you.” Bennett’s words caused me to raise my head in shock.          I furrow my brows. “You… What?”          Bennett clears his throat before repeating himself. "I’m proud of you. You’ve been through so much. You’ve watched many friends die, you’ve fought not only to survive but to also keep Chloe and me alive, you’ve been shot, betrayed, hurt, and now we have to fight to stay in the top twenty or risk being killed ourselves. You’re so strong Scarlett, and I’ve never met anyone as brave and strong as you.”         The walls I've been building since childhood really finally breaks. Tears begin to stream down my face, the world seemingly crashing down on me. Everything is hitting me at once and all I can do is cry. Bennett softly rubs his thumb on my knee, allowing me to cry against his shoulder.          "My parents," I croak. "They abused me."         "I know."         I swallow hard. "It's why sometimes I wouldn't go to school."         "I know."         "Then why does it hurt so much to know my mom is dead and my dad betrayed me?"         Bennett sighs, rubbing my arm soothingly. "I don’t know, Scar."         I sniffle, resting my head on his shoulder. "Why didn't I tell Chloe about Ryker in the first place?"         "Maybe you just couldn’t accept it yet."         I slowly nod, knowing he’s right. We sit in comfortable silence, with only an occasional sniffle to break it.         "I need to tell you something in case things don't go right," Bennett says quietly.         I sit up, wiping away my tears. "What is it?"         Bennett sighs, clearly struggling to find his words. "When I broke up with Penelope, I thought it was because I thought it was the best thing to do at the time." He gnaws on his lower lip. "But now, thinking back, I realize that it was because I had fallen in love with someone else."         My heart leaps. Could he be talking about… No. It couldn’t be me. He just sees me as a childhood friend, right?          "Who?" I find myself asking. Some part of me didn’t want to know, especially if it was some other girl who was smarter or more beautiful.           "Someone who is brave and kind. Someone who fights for what she believes. Someone who is the strongest person I ever met."         I bring my knees closer to my chest, resting my chin on my knees. "She sounds amazing."         "Yeah, she is. Although, she's a little dumb because she's sitting right next to me and doesn't even realize I'm talking about her."         My eyes widen and I snap my head up to look at him. I stammer, trying to find my words.         Bennett chuckles, rubbing his hands on his black pants. "Yeah, Scarlett, I'm talking about you."         I laugh because I don't know what else to do. For years I have dreamt of this moment, and now it's actually happening. Or am I dreaming? I immediately begin counting my fingers, since apparently when you dream, you have extra fingers. Ten.         "What's so funny?" asks Bennett.         "I'm sorry." I quickly sober up. "It's just. . . I never thought that this moment would come."         "What do you mean?"         "I love you, too, Bennett. I have for years. And when I found out you and Penelope were together, it hurt. But then you two broke up, and I felt… whole. Like a part of me knew I had a chance again."         Bennett slips his hand in mine, giving it a light squeeze. "Well, now I'm yours."         I give him a small smile. "And I'm yours."