Hanahaki

      Pain. She couldn't cough, only wheezes and saliva mixed with blood erupted from her chest. The blood drops heavily to the floor, causing the girl's eyes to widen as she finally spits it out. A damn rose with a blue sheen. Almost entirely drenched in dark blood.       Fear. There's only one thought in her head: "Hide." If anyone finds out that she's in love with her best friend, it definitely won't end well. And she understands that perfectly. But she's so tired. Tired of the constant burning in her chest, tired of pretending that everything is okay. She's tired of seeing her happy with someone else. Especially with Mako.       Count. Barely making it to the trash can and throwing away the rose, the girl wonders which number she is. Definitely not the first. The first was two months ago. Approximately... the fifteenth. The girl snorts to herself, noting that she's reached a damn milestone.       “You've been so listless lately...” Asami seems to notice Akio's exhausted face. Dark circles under her eyes, a pale complexion, almost bluish lips, and tired, almost lifeless eyes. She looks really terrible. The others just nod at her comment.       “I haven't been sleeping well lately. Nothing serious,” the redhead waves it off, not even thinking to tell her friends the truth. Korra sits next to her, but her gaze is focused only on the dark-haired one. It's as if she isn't concerned about her best friend's condition, only the golden eyes looking at her with excitement.       “I think I'll go...” Akio gets up, ignoring Bolin's grumbling, and continues on. She might someday not resist and lash out at Mako, even though she knows very well that he's not at fault. He's just in love with Korra, just like she is. One might expect her to be happy for them, but she only feels irritation and disgust. Anyway, she finds playing the fan of this couple quite easy. No one even noticed the deception in her behavior. Twigs crunched underfoot, strangers passed by, and only the girl felt the metallic taste of blood in her mouth. And then someone else's hand. The girl turns around and looks into Asami's green eyes, who is clearly trying to figure something out, starting to scrutinize the face in front of her more closely.       “What's wrong with you?” she's smarter than Korra. By far. And more attentive, she definitely noticed that something was wrong with her friend.       “What are you talking about? I just didn't get enough sleep,” the girl tries to smile, but she fails, only the blood that was in her mouth before slowly trickles down her chin.       “Are you normally?” Asami frowns angrily, to which the girl sighs helplessly and, wiping the blood with her sleeve, looks around. Not finding familiar faces, she sighs with relief and looks at the still angry Asami, who clearly awaits an explanation.       “Hanahaki,” the redhead shrugs. Asami bites her lower lip and frowns – a habit that appeared because of exams.       “And how long?” another question. This time it's Akiyo who bites her lip, clearly reluctant to answer.       “Two months,” she finally manages to say, avoiding eye contact.       “What the hell, Asami?” a surprised exclamation bursts from her lips when the girl catches her friend on the doorstep of her house with a suitcase. And not a small one. And not just one. She doesn't say anything, just pushes the homeowner and goes inside, immediately starting to look around.       “You didn't tell me you live in such a big house,” the girl admires, ignoring the previously asked question. The redhead only frowns discontentedly, scanning her peer with her eyes.       “Summer vacation is coming soon and you clearly aren't going to take care of your health, so I'll do it,” the redhead sighs deeply and then, approaching, hugs her friend. Both know that Akiyo's anger is feigned. Nothing more than grumbling. Just like grandpa's.       “Thank you,” she whispers quietly. And then she steps back, coughing. “There should be an attack soon, if I calculated correctly, then in a few days,” Asami only nods at this statement, making a mental note. “So, what's for dinner?” the girl cheerfully asks, as if nothing had happened, to lighten the mood. Asami also smiles, understanding that it's better this way than spending the whole remaining evening in silence. “But first, let me show you the room,” the girl says, grabbing one of Asami's suitcases and carrying it upstairs. When you realize that you're about to die, many previously unnoticed things take on greater meaning. That's why Akio had been watching the sunset from the roof of her house for a whole week. At first, Asami was outraged, but then she resigned herself, only urging Akio to be more careful. At such moments, Akio called her 'mom.' Her real mother disappeared when Akio was 5 years old, leaving her with her older sister. By the way, about her sister. Akio completely forgot to tell her. Something pricked in her chest when she remembered this. Lina still takes care of her, even though she's not obligated to.       “Akio, dinner is ready!” Asami's voice echoed from the kitchen, causing the girl to chuckle without malice and roll straight onto the balcony. Treading softly on the floor, the girl reached the kitchen, where Asami was already sitting, devouring pasta with meat. Suddenly, the girl felt a searing pain and coughed. Asami immediately rushed to her, leading her to the couch and sitting her down. The cough continued, but now accompanied by saliva and blood. Asami jumped up, quickly fetching a bucket. Handing it to Akio, who immediately leaned over, spitting out petals, blood, and saliva, Asami looked at her anxiously. Very soon, the black-blue bud came out of her, and the searing pain began to fade. Leaving the bucket behind, the girl lay down, looking at Asami’s puzzled face.       “Korra?” There was no answer, so Akio nodded. Asami closed her lips again and turned her eyes away. Korra never called Akio, only Asami. She wrote only to her. It was as if Korra had forgotten that Akio existed. And that only made her hurt more. In the few days they’ve been living together, she’s only become more like a zombie. The bags under my eyes became more visible, my skin paler, and I’m afraid to talk about my eyes. Like a dead man.       “Hey, I’m still alive.” The girl smiles quietly as Asami looks at her with pain, regret and empathy. They understand that even if Korra falls in love, it’s too late. Akio will die anyway. ‘Korra didn’t even call me after that time at school and didn’t ask me how I felt. Although we’ve known her since childhood. What did I do wrong? Why did she suddenly forget about me? Or maybe I wasn’t important to her?’ - The girl was distorted from the last thought and shrunk, becoming like an embryo in the womb.       “9-1-1, what happened?” - Asami’s heart was pounding violently in his chest, it seemed to jump out, but it was physically impossible.       “Address: *, here the girl is sick. She’s Hanahaki, I can’t feel her pulse!” - Asami accidentally burst into a scream. She’s scared. Very scared.       “Calm down, the ambulance will be here in a few minutes.” Asami tried to do a breathing practice, but when she looked at the pale Akio, the excitement struck her again like a tsunami.       “Did she fall during, before or after the seizure?” The essence of the question did not immediately reach Asami, only a few seconds later she came to herself.       “Three days have passed since the last seizure.” She answers without a fraction of the lie. Akio just walked calmly, as at some point just fell.       “Okay... How many petals did she spit out?” The cameraman asks one last question, heard sirens in the background.       “Bud.”       

***

      When was the first attack? When did I ever realize I was in love with Korra? That’s right, when he and Mako first came to the school and kissed in front of everyone. Just a little bit more and everyone would know who I was in love with. There was only one petal. At the same time, he both scared me and howled. He was completely black, but at the end there was a bright blue tide. Just like Korra’s eyes and hair, which was a great way to weave together.       The second happened exactly a week later. Two petals, one of which was covered in blood, fell on the table in the kitchen. Korra’s stories, where only Mako was. And signatures: «only my» and «my love». How disgusting it was for me to read at that time. I didn’t even see the end.       The third happened in the same week. That time I spit out at least 10 petals. At that moment I realized how hard I hit. At the same time, Korra and Mako had a happy dinner at her place with a bottle of wine. Thanks to Asami, we were walking past Korra’s house. I didn’t want to see them, especially Korra, so I left quickly, citing poor health.       The fourth one happened a couple of weeks later. I thought I’d gotten away with it, but it was just a lull before the storm. The whole bud came out of me when I heard the conversations of my classmates. They were whispering about the rumors that went around Korra and Mako. They said they were perfect and that Mako would probably propose to Korra as soon as they got out of school. And then one of them showed a picture of Mako in the jewelry store.       I don’t want to think about the rest of them, but at some point, the buds started coming out of me as I was remembering my evenings with Korra and Asami. The way we sat and talked while we were playing a movie in the background. Every night like this, one of us would bring wine, and all three of us would. I remember one time I got drunk, I still don’t know what happened, but I woke up at home. I’d give anything to get those nights back.              

***

      

      

2 months ago

      It was one of the evenings that the girls spent together. On the table in the living room, where the three friends sat, there were already empty bottles of wine. Korra was the sober one at the time, who politely refused to let her drink, unlike Akio, who had only a couple of glasses.       “No, Akio, that’s enough for you.” Korra spoke, pushing the short glass away from her friend. Asami grinned when she heard Akio muttering, saying she tried to hold the glass again, but was stopped by Korra.       “I’ll get some water.” said Asami with laughter, and she got up and went to the kitchen. Akio watched her for a few seconds and then turned to Korra. Her face was red, her eyes couldn’t focus on one thing, but she looked serious.       “Asami, promise me you won’t tell Korra.” Korra grinned but nodded, which Akio only bit her lip and looked away. “I love Korra.” A dark-haired woman opened her eyes in surprise, then looked away, her face in her palm. At the same moment, a strange head fell on her shoulder. “She would never accept my feelings.” Korra wanted to object, but she was prevented by a quiet sniff on her shoulder.       “Korra?” Asami looked at the dark-haired one, who was smiling silly and looked a bit embarrassed. She picked Akio up.       “I’m going to take her home.” Asami nodded and skipped the guests and started to clean up. Meanwhile, Korra, after seating Akio in the front seat next to him, got behind the wheel and began a smooth ride on the road towards Akio’s house.       “You look so beautiful...” green eyes looked at her with some childish delight. Akio looked at the girl without hesitation. She just grinned as she turned the corner.       “I’ll never let you drink again.” Korra’s grumbling, parked outside Akio’s house. When she got out of the car, she picked up the redhead again and carried it inside.       The house met her... emptiness. Gray walls, floors, and there’s nothing on the cameos, not even photos. After going to the second floor, in Akio’s room, she put the girl back on the bed.       Korra left after only a few minutes, having listened to plenty of drunken delirium and confessions from... Who? Korra squeezed the steering wheel, not knowing how to name Akio. Yeah, they’re best friends, but she likes Akio, too, and she’s not even against her. The girl bit her lip from the inside and decided to call her best friend Mako.              

Our Time.

      “Mako, are you sure this whole "relationship" thing is really good idea?” Korra asked Korra again, looking at a friend who smiled.       “Of course, soon she won’t be able to bear it.” Mako assured her again, but every day Korra’s confidence grew smaller and smaller. She looked back at Akio’s photo. A long swath of red hair was developing beautifully in the wind, while their wearer looked at the sunset with the eyes of a child. Korra clearly saw these eyes getting darker every day.       She hated to watch, but Mako assured her that everything would be fine and that there was nothing to worry about.       “Asami said she was fine.” Mako said after a while, eating the fries they had just ordered.       “But not to call or write her...” every ‘tip’ Mako gave her was hard. Ignore, not to write, not to call, to pretend to be in love. It was disgusting. And it was particularly disgusting to wait for Akio to pass by the office where they sat and then kiss. It was disgusting to post these "cute" stories every time they were "in love," but she did. I did it because I believed Mako, but with every such "advice," her faith in him became less and less so until it was doubted. Korra had already thought about stopping it. To confess everything to Akio and, if she forgives her, start dating her.       “Yes, Asami?” Mako’s cheerful voice snatched Korra from her not-so-optimistic thoughts. She gave him a little anxious look. Mako’s face showed surprise, shock and fear. He stood there like a stone, and then, looking directly into Korra’s face, he whispered. ‘Akio’s in the hospital. Hanahaki.’       

***

      Probably that moment divided her world into "before" and "after". On a good part of life and on a part of life that you want to forget. Or at least. To go back in time, just to avoid standing here. Fresh land that is being poured out by different people. Friends, acquaintances, Sister Akio and Korra. They didn’t know who they were. They didn’t have time. The flowers completely bound Akio’s lungs. She died without knowing Korra’s feelings.       No matter how long it takes, Korra will always blame herself. And Mako. After Korra stormed off to the hospital, they never spoke. Even now, at Akio’s funeral, she never looked in his direction. And if the occasional gaze clung to the black top, the girl immediately appeared irritation and disgust. Not only to Mako, but also to himself. Mako - because of the plan that he came up with, and to himself - because of consent to all this shit. If she had not agreed and confessed, everything would be different? Would Akio still be alive and would she be dating?       “It’s not your fault.” Asami puts her hand on her shoulder and in her eyes, Korra reads something else. The opposite. Asami blames her. Korra wants to laugh. So long to eventually die from lack of air. But instead, she just squeezes her fists and takes a look.