Others

      The next day, when Kiva woke up, Kenny was no longer in the room. His coat and hat were gone, and the girl realized, that the man had gone to town. The medicine in the increased portion had worked quite favorably. Sleep was deep and refreshing, and the girl felt somewhat better. She was tired of lying down, though, and decided to try to sit up on the edge of the bed. And after about ten minutes, she succeeded. The girl moved carefully, listening to her body’s signals, picking out the movements, that gave her the least pain. Sitting up the girl turned her attention to the drawer. The door, which she immediately opened, hid behind it one of her old shirts and a book, slightly stained with blood. The findings pleased Kiva, as if it gave her inner strength. The girl pulled out a shirt, examining it. It wasn’t her favorite garment, but it was certainly the cleanest she had left, which was probably why Kenny had brought it.       A faded green color, a size too big, but the girl put it on, it gave a little of her former warmth and calm. Her gaze stopped on the book. Kiva remembered, how sitting in her own blood, it made her feel bad, that she hadn’t had time to read that one all the way through. It was frustrating to leave this wonderful and new activity unfinished. “I’ll have time to read it,” but the thought didn’t make her happy, rather it brought a tinge of longing and pain. For there was also something she would never have time for again. The shards of her small family. Now those shards stabbed into her soul. Perhaps, it would have been better if she hadn’t seen them die, but she had. It changed her, she couldn’t feel this change as clearly as she had that day, when she was lying in her home, bleeding. Then everything had seemed so clear, so crisp, so understandable, so accessible.       Now there was no such thing, only something new, something worth striving for, but in his present state she could not recognize it all. It was as if death, leaving, had taken a kind of lamp with it, and the way in the labyrinth of consciousness would have to be found by memory, in the dark. She didn’t doubt, that she would find a way to understand this new part of herself, but there were doubts as to whether she would be able to step through those memories. Kiva sank into the depths of memory, unable to resist the call. She remembered running away from Kenny, confused and a little mad, running toward the rendezvous point, trying to get to her comrades, to the much-needed warmth. Soon she calmed down and stopped running, wiped away her tears with the palms of her hands and headed onward with a quick step. But suddenly something made her stop.       Sounds of fighting, shouts, commands, breaking through the general noise, and a few gunshots. Instead of rushing away, the girl didn’t hesitate for a second and ran toward the building, where the sounds were coming from. Anxiety, fear for her friends along with the feeling, that they needed help, guided her. What she saw, as she turned out of the alleyway, immediately pulled a piece of the girl’s soul. Some part of her, that she’d been clinging to for years. Military men in uniforms adorned with familiar unicorn patches were finishing off people on the street. But one thing caught her eye, and that was all she could see from here on out. At that moment, it was as if the sound had vanished from the world. She watched, as someone, a face she could never remember, used the rifle to kill Matt, who was still alive. She remembered the way the boy’s body twisted, the way his eyes went blank, she didn’t want to look at it, but she couldn’t look away. Crimson rage filled her eyes, in that moment Kiva was acting on the call of instinct, the call of blood. A couple of leaps were enough for her to reach the man, expecting nothing. A moment was enough to kill him.       Emotions were completely out of control, otherwise there was no way she could explain this uncontrollable impulse. She didn’t realize, what she was doing, how she was doing it, her body moved on its own, obeying the impulse of force from her spinal cord. The cops were confused, not expecting an attack from the street, and that allowed her to slip inside the surrounded building. Things were a little better there. She didn’t have to watch with her own eyes as life left two more people. Will and Josh were already lying still. Apparently, the first shots had finished them off. There was slight chaos, everyone was moving, some fighting, some trying to escape. She, on the other hand, was trying to find the remaining two guys, and when she saw them, she rushed towards them. Several people got in her way, which she did not hesitate to kill with the knife, that had become an extension of her hand that day. Kiva made her way through the confusion of people and noise, and Al and Jim caught sight of her.       No one said anything, everyone was united by the flow. They began to retreat to the window, but in the end only Kiva made it. She saw the others hit by bullets, at that moment she, stunned by instinct, didn’t even feel that one bullet had hit her as well. The girl didn’t move from her place, until she had spent the last breath of her comrades, realizing their irreversible death. Then her attention shifted, she suddenly noticed? that there weren’t many people left alive, and that it was easier for her enemies to hit her. The body made its own decision, leaving no time for the mistress to think about it. The girl saw people outside the window, but that didn’t stop her. Maddened, driven by a wind known only to her, she jumped out the window. Shards of glass tore the skin on her legs, but that didn’t slow her from knocking down and stabbing the man as she flew.       A sharp pain in her abdomen prevented her from landing successfully, and she landed unluckily on her left side. She jumped up quickly, not paying attention to anything else, and ran toward the alleyway, she could see. She heard gunshots and screams, but they were distant. Two flashes of stomach pain flooded her consciousness for a moment, but she didn’t slow down. A gray haze covered the rest of the memory. Kiva remembered running until it was too bad, the pain of every breath. She stopped, leaned against the wall, pulled the shards of glass out of her legs, scraping her fingers. The shirt on her stomach was soaked with sweat and sticky blood, and suddenly the girl coughed, spitting out some of the scarlet liquid. For a moment she wondered, if it wouldn’t be easier to go back and let herself be killed, to die with her family, but instinct drove her inexorably home, to safety. An inner voice wanted to live. Others were already dead.       Further memories remained blurred, but there was no strength or desire to manifest them. The pain of loss now made itself noticeable. It was delayed, perhaps because now Kiva could bear it with her sanity intact. The girl sat motionless, not even trying to hold back her tears. After a while, she stood up, ignoring the heaviness and aching sensation in her body, took the glass from the nightstand, walked over to the table, where the decanter was visible. The water drowned out the pressing and burning feeling in her throat. Was it getting better? No, now she was reliving that day all over again. When Kenny returned, he found the girl crying quietly on the edge of the bed. Of course, he could guess, why she might be crying, but he wasn’t in a peaceful mood to ignore it at best. Walked over to the table and placed the paper bag, he’d pulled from his pocket, on it. The sight of the crying girl made him angry and annoyed, he hadn’t picked her up to whine like a little girl. It ruined, what he saw in her. He had to beat it out of her, before it was too late. Let her get used to this new life. Kenny approached Kiva, who still didn’t raise her head, apparently sensing the threat looming over her. “What is it? What are you doing here?”       The steely voice didn’t bode well. It was cold and deliberate rage, and she shook her head, still holding it down, trying not to move. “Well, answer me, little one.”       Kiva knew it was better to answer herself and not make the man angrier, than he already was because of her tears.       She managed to squeeze out a reply, praying the words wouldn’t make it worse. She didn’t want to get a beating from him. “Remembering my friends, wondering, why it happened.”       She couldn’t say, “Remembering friends dying,” because she felt, it would make her cry harder. Kenny didn’t really need her answer. He took her by the neck, forcing her to look up at him. “That’s it? Now answer me, why the fuck are you sitting here crying? You’re only humiliating yourself.”       Kiva inwardly screamed: “Because I’m in pain, I don’t know, what to do about it at all!” but didn’t dare to answer anything out loud. “Don’t look for reasons, why this happened. Just move on, that’s what you’re good at. I remember that’s how you got over that time I fucked you in your own house.”       The nasty grin made the inside go cold.        Yes, because she just accepted it as a given, but the death of friends… She parted her lips: “Death is different.” “Oh, yeah? It’s no big deal, it’s the same fate you can’t change. You didn’t question why I did it, you just accepted it. Do you want to know why, though?”       She didn’t really want to hear it, but he leaned closer, and now she could smell the odors of alcohol, tobacco, something luscious, musk. She also felt this invisible pressure on herself. “I wanted to fuck, and why go to a whore, when there’s a girl walking by that I want to have fun with. Makes my day. You know, nothing gives more pleasure, than to be feared and obeyed”, he smiled, probably savoring the memory. “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind feeling that again. You were different from your buddies, you weren’t like those scum, that’s why doing that to you was so enticing.”       She was silent, thinking over his words. Now all he had to do — was cement that simple truth in her head: “And you know it’s going to happen again and more than once,” he pressed his thumb to her throat. “What are you going to do about it? Sob every time something hurts you, just like it did today?”       Kiva looked at him calmly, finding all the arguments logical, but for a moment there was a sparkle in her eyes.       She quickly extinguished it, not letting him recognize emotion. The girl finally answered: “No, I won’t cry.”       Kenny hummed and squeezed her throat a little tighter, staring at her face. “So get it through your head, little girl, if you whine and whimper, there’ll be nothing left of you. And be sure, I’ll be the first to crush such a person.”       Satisfied with the submission and calmness in her gaze, he let the girl off. That was definitely what it took: pressuring her mentally. To crush all these impulses of humanity, she didn’t need them at all, she just must realize that. And he wasn’t going to spare her in these little life lessons. Kenny, taking off his coat and hat, sat down in a chair. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, as she wiped away her tears with her sleeve, as she began to breathe more evenly. She seemed to be pulling herself together, and he didn’t expect anything else from her.       Ackerman reached into the bag and pulled out some food. His mood returned to a relative, albeit fragile, normalcy. The girl must have been hungry, she hadn’t eaten in days. Knowing, that Kiva had already calmed down, the man, without turning to her, said, even commanded: “Good girl, now bring me the bottle, you’ll find it in the dresser.”       There was no need to watch her to know, that she got up and carefully, trying not to hurt her stomach, went to the dresser, opened the first shelf and took out a bottle of wine. The girl went to the table and set the bottle of dark green glass on it, and stood hesitating, not knowing what to do next, what she was entitled to. Still not looking at her, Kenny waved his hand toward the chair, reached for the bottle and began to open it. “What’s the matter? Sit down and eat.”       There was no appetite after the emotional outburst and this unpleasant conversation, but she needed to eat, so Kiva walked to the chair and carefully sat down, assuming the most comfortable position.       Meanwhile, Kenny pulled the cork from the bottle with his teeth and began pouring the contents into two glasses. The girl watched, as the man slid one glass toward her, and said: “I don’t want any. I don’t think, I can drink it all.” “And if I were you, I’d ask for another round. There’s no medicine tonight, the wine will dull the pain.” “I see.”       The girl hadn’t thought of that, and it made sense to her. She took a sip and found the drink better, than the one she’d had at the inn, although the food was better: more nourishing, more flavorful. Kiva didn’t even have to push it into herself, she ate almost with pleasure, the reverberations of the past hysterics were making themselves felt. They were silent for a while, the girl drank half of her glass, Kenny poured himself a third.        Kiva remembered, that the man already reeked of alcohol, when he came in, put that together with the fact, that the man wasn’t going to stop at this activity now. Curiosity took over, and she asked with a smile: “Isn’t that a lot for you?”       Kenny laughed, pouring the last drop into his glass. He looked at her relaxedly, even with a kind of approval: “It won’t even be enough for me, little one.”       Kiva tried to estimate, how many bottles it would take for the man to get hungover. No definite answer came to mind, her search interrupted by Kenny’s voice: “People change a lot when death touches them directly. Only fools and dead men don’t change.”        Either the wine had done its job, or Kenny’s lecture had set something in her brain, or all together, but the girl felt nothing wrong with asking the next impertinent question: “And how did it affect you?” “Not really, like I’ve always been like this. On you more intensely.” The girl clung to the last phrase, she herself felt the changes.       But could not yet fully understand, what kind “Can you tell me exactly how?”       She thought, the man gave her a very serious glance: “Look at you, you’ll see for yourself,” he ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it back. “Hell, you don’t look tense, even though I just threatened you with more violence, and you know, it’s not an empty threat. I don’t think, you’d ever talk to me before, more like try to ignore me. By the way, I still don’t know your name, even though you sleep at my house.”       Kiva laughed this time, she found it funny. Indeed, a lot had happened, and he still didn’t know what her name sounded like, it was a bit rude of her. Kenny didn’t react to her amusement, thinking about something of his own. The girl, looking into the almost empty glass, said softly: “My name is Kiva, but I don’t think, it realy matters to you.” “You’re right, you were a little girl, and you’ll remain a little girl.”       They sat in silence for the rest of the day. They didn’t need words to understand each other, because they had a common comprehension.        Kenny could have reminded her, that she was alive for a reason, that everything would have to work out. But he was sure, that the girl herself understood it perfectly well and didn’t even mind. It avoided unnecessary conversation and added another positive attribute to her. Kiva kept silent, because she felt, that everything important had already been said both aloud and mentally. She should pull herself together and brace herself, move on. The silent harmony was interrupted by Kenny: “That’s it, it’s time for bed, there’s a job to do tomorrow.”       He got up and headed for the bed. The girl was a little embarrassed by this fact, but the man did not give her time to think: “Lie down on the bed, today I will not touch you.”       This phrase did not cause relief, rather a wave of dislike, but it was stupid to argue.       Kiva slowly stood up, and made her way to the other side of the bed, staying away from the man, who was sprawled out on the bed. The girl lay on her healthy side on the very edge, so there was a slight sense of security. One arm she overhung, the other tucked under her head out of habit. Falling asleep like that was… unaccustomed at best, and one glass of wine didn’t do much for the pain in her stomach. But soon she fell into a light and jerky sleep. Kiva spent the next day partly on the bed, partly doing chores around the house, to the best of her ability. If she thought, Kenny was joking about the household stuff, she was sorely mistaken. Kenny judged, that since the girl was walking and eating, she could take care of the house as well. Just a little bit.       Mopping the floors, dusting, laundry, scrubbing the walls in the second room, which turned out to be the bathroom, cleaning the knives of dried blood — it all fell to Kiva. And she’d done the work without much objection, occasionally scowling at Kenny for his carelessness. It amused him, though, as he smugly read the paper and watched the girl working, glad that for once he wasn’t the one doing such stuff. He decided for himself not to touch and not to fuck her, until the girl’s injuries had cleared up. Knowing his temper and its consequences, he didn’t want to take her back to the doctor with her wounds open.       As the weeks passed, everything began to heal and should be gone soon, Kiva felt good. She began to go out into the yard, resuming the gradual exertion of her body. She knew, her skills would soon be needed, though Kenny had never once watched her training, nor had he ever said out loud, that she was going to run errands for him. Recovery was hard, but it wasn’t annoying like before. The girl saw it as an opportunity to correct some of her training deficiencies. She thought about increasing her flexibility and adding strength to her muscles, but it was not a quick process. It was with some measure of regret, that Kiva found that she couldn’t see her usual knife anywhere, having had to occasionally borrow weapons from Kenny’s collection.        Unfortunately none of those knives fit in her hand, but there was nothing to do. Sometimes Kiva read the book, Kenny had brought from her house, but not as often as she wanted to. On the day, that this even flow of days was interrupted, Kiva sat on the floor, cursing through her teeth as she scrubbed the knife clean of the bloodstains and the rust stains, that had already appeared. Then she would have wiped the blade with an oily rag, but her work was interrupted by Kenny walking home. The girl immediately looked up at him expectantly, and the man stared at her, as if evaluating and considering something in his head. Finally he made up his mind and said to her: “Drop this metier, I have a job for you.”