Jenny’s diary

It was a cloudy day, but warm. There was none of that sullenness and lifelessness that often happens on rainy days. It was already approaching evening, I was going to do something, it seemed not particularly important, but now I don’t remember what exactly. Along the way, I was thinking about something, practically not paying attention to what was happening around me. And then my gaze fell on a familiar face. I really wanted to avoid meeting such an unpleasant person. Well, why exactly him, for the umpteenth time in the last few days?.. No, this man was not disgusting to me, but fate made us enemies. He hurt my honor twice: when he refused to fight a duel with me only because I was a girl, and also... However, it doesn’t matter. Of course, he may have saved my life, but I'm not going to admit it. The reason for that duel is also very annoying, because it was he who insulted me. Or is it just me thinking that? I still hold a grudge against him, but to be honest, I would even be a little sorry to kill a man with such beautiful blue eyes... I pulled my hat lower over my face, hoping to pass by unnoticed. But the young man, it seems, was peering into my face from afar and was sure that he saw me. This was just not enough! If I don’t say hello, I’ll insult him. Another unexpected quarrel. Sighing inaudibly, I walked up to him and, taking off my hat, said in an overly friendly voice:  — Good afternoon, sir! What a pleasant meeting! Fate itself must have brought us together!  Flattery, falsehood, lies. I myself felt disgusted by such a sweet lie. There is not a single true word here! How much I hate lying, why can’t I just say it like it is? Although I don’t really want to get hit in the chest with a sword.  — Oh, greetings, Monsieur... Madame de Gerville! Did I pronounce your name correctly?  Annoys. He does this on purpose to piss me off. I tried so long and painstakingly to create the impression that I was a man, otherwise I would have been laughed at. She’s a girl and she’s involved in military affairs, where have you seen this before? I never even wore women’s clothes, always just a cloak, a hat and a long sharp sword that inspired fear in everyone who passed by. But this man knew everything. And now he was mocking me. And with what a grin he says this! Such an innocent-looking face, pleasant voice. Devil! I can’t stand this! The desire to kill this idiot was becoming unbearable. — Yes, absolutely right.  My voice was letting me down; impatience and irritation were already visible in it. I wanted to end this unpleasant conversation as soon as possible. I tried to force out something resembling a smile, hoping that he wouldn’t suspect anything.  The weather kept getting worse. The rain intensified, heavy cold drops fell noisily to the ground and broke into pieces. It was disgusting to feel their touch. The wind, so dank and freezing, blew into my face. Well, it's almost November. My hat flew off my head, torn off by a gust of wind. Long dark hair spilled over her shoulders like silk, scattered in different directions by the wind. Noticing my absent-mindedness, the interlocutor instantly picked up the hat and handed it to me. Slightly pinkish colors began to play in his face, his deep blue eyes looked at me attentively with such a kind and pure gaze that even for a moment it seemed to me that I was ready to forgive him all his insults. I took my hat, but didn’t put it on: it would be awkward for me to tuck my hair under the hat now, especially with such a wind it would be difficult to do. And most importantly, this one would definitely tell me some kind of offensive joke! I looked at his hand, which I had just briefly touched while taking the hat. She is so neat, like a woman’s, and also very warm. I was so chilled because of this nasty rain that I even just wanted to take his hand to warm myself up. On his finger was a large beautiful ring, like a diamond. Maybe it was given to his beloved? I involuntarily thought that it would be better not to have this diamond, but I immediately pulled myself away from this thought. What difference does this ring make to me?!  My interlocutor seemed to also be immersed in his thoughts, but noticing that I looked up, he spoke:  — The weather is terrible... If you’re not in a big hurry, maybe we can go to some tavern to have a snack and warm up?” I'll pay... as an apology.  I nodded. Wait, what? "As an apology"?! Did he finally feel ashamed and decide to apologize? I don’t believe. If so, then he has at least a drop of dignity. He stuttered so much while saying this, he even blushed a little, well, for sure, he probably felt ashamed. The young man gestured for me to follow him. I walked a little further away. I felt uneasy about the encounter. The melodious voice still echoed in my head. If it weren't for his bad jokes about me, we might have gotten along. Or is that just how I perceive them and take offence? Still, I like the man. And then I got this overwhelming feeling in my chest. Without thinking, I quickened my step a little, and as I approached my companion, I said only one short phrase:  — I'm sorry for everything.