Chapter 9 Are wanting and loving the same thing?
November 24, 2023 at 5:24 AM
They quietly entered the apartment. And Pauline took off her coat as someone from the living room shouted to her.
— Dear Pauline, you’ve been wandering somewhere for a long time, I’ve been waiting for you for a very long time. There is nothing in this city that would attract me, let me pack your things and let’s go faster. — Pauline stopped in the doorway and looked at the hall where her suitcases actually stood, she looked at the books, they stood on the shelves.
“But you didn’t collect the most important thing,” Vladimir looked at the books and made a dissatisfied face. He waved it off and put his feet on the table with his dirty shoes.
— Pauline, let’s go from here. These books… Let’s leave this junk here. There’s no point in them. Why did you buy them here? They are trash resting on the shelves. With the money you spent on a book, you could spend it on a beauty salon or on new shoes.
— Vladimir, but you know that I don’t need new shoes, because I love my old ones. — Vladimir ignored her remark and lit a cigarette. Martin, who watched this only in wonder, was amazed.
— Darling, you’re lying to yourself, who doesn’t need new shoes, a dress, jewelry, what girl doesn’t need beauty salons and mountains. Mountains of compliments that rain down on you from all sides — Vladimir stood up and began to walk around the room, dancing a waltz.
— Oh, you won’t believe it, Vladimir. But for some, the apartment is so cramped that it won’t even fit two closets with clothes, but there will be a chest of drawers with books, for others, they don’t need shoes and jewelry, because the most beautiful decoration they have is their words and smile. O Vladimir, a person is decorated not by furs, but by knowledge and brain. You did not know?
— Dear freedom in your case, lies only in depending on someone and on the fact that someone will give you money for your freedom. You see, this world is not ruled by books and paintings, which you talk so much about, but by the money that rich boys earn — He came close to her — so that girls like you can buy themselves anything,
— Vladimir, you know, I didn’t live badly without you. Why did you come, tell me honestly? You like that you have me, but take any one, it seems like brains are not in fashion now as I know, so I’m afraid now my price is low and I won’t be able to surprise your friends at all, take another newer model. A person like you needs to follow fashion, otherwise, waking up one day in a hole, you will not be able to understand when you fell from your peak. — Pauline began to rearrange her suitcases while Vladimir watched her and thought about what to answer.
— But…
— Oh, I forgot to tell you, the stupidity of those girls who move in your circles is a guarantee that they will always choose you and depend on you. Dependence may be freedom, but only until you come to your senses. Then all this fog clears, and you realize that you cannot take a single step without permission.
— When did I allow you to be so arrogant and smart?! — Vladimir took her hand and squeezed it with such force that Pauline screamed.
— Let me go! Ignorant! Do you want to know when? I’ll tell you when. When you left me alone and didn’t let me go anywhere and your library became the only entertainment for me. Oh how I loved spending time there
— Well, come back! What is the problem? Will I bring you books by car there? — Pauline stopped him.
— Sorry Vladimir. But no. I want to live freely. Go away Vladimir, go away and forget me. I know you don’t love me. This is your ride to keep what you want to have, but it is far from the same thing.
— What then can I do? Tell Pauline you ran away so suddenly that you thought you were going crazy. You didn’t even go to your parents, did you disappear into thin air? What were we all supposed to be thinking and I as your fiancé in the first place?
— Sit down and think about why I ran away. I wasn’t kidnapped, and I left you a note saying that I was just going on vacation.
— For undefined period?! Sorry honey, but normal people don’t do that.
— Why did you decide that I’m normal? — Vladimir curbed his anger. This phrase seemed incomprehensible and unknown to him until that time.
— Sorry, but what are you?
- Well, I’ll tell you a secret, Vladimir, that in the modern world the concepts of normality have become greatly distorted, for example, the fact that I read books and don’t want to go to festivals is already a sign that I’m different from others. Let’s add here my reluctance to get involved in general meetings — she listed one finger at a time while walking around the room. Let’s also add here, as you said, for example, that I don’t want to go to beauty salons and I think that intelligence is better than money, and the whole set is ready.
— But if I say that I love you!
— Oh, what does it matter Vladimir. You don’t love me, you love the emotions that you experience when possessing me, it’s not the same thing. What can you offer me in exchange for the freedom I demand from you? Nothing? That’s all. Let’s end this conversation quickly.
— Who else is this? — Vladimir pointed at Martin, who came out of the shadows and looked directly at Vladimir. No, he did not see him as a rival, he saw a deeply unhappy person.
— Tell me, what difference does it make to you? — Vladimir skipped this question and passed Martin, catching up with him.
— I’ll repeat the question: who are you?
— They answered you, what difference does it make? I do not play a special role in the fact that she decided to rid you of her presence in your life.
— And why is that? You’re not just a person, are you? You are a corrupt person. I see it. So what did you offer her?
— You won’t believe it, but it’s okay. If nothing has value to you, then I offered her nothing and she agreed to it.
— This is true? — Vladimir turned to Pauline.
— Yes it is. It has nothing to do with anything, just knowing what a thug you are, I asked Martin to come with me
— And his name is Martin. Interesting name.
— At least it’s not scary like yours.
“Don’t start talking about Pauline, not me,” Martin pushed him in the chest; he was pretty tired of these bickering, which he knew back in the barracks.
— She is not a subject to talk about. The only thing you need to do for Pauline is to make her happy, and not bargain like two merchants at the market.
— You think? And you insist on your point of view?
— I have nothing to insist on. Besides, why did you turn your attention to me, you were talking to Pauline, not me
— Yes indeed! — He shook his head as if he had come out of sleep and looked at Pauline, with sadness and a bit of duty. She pointedly, not seeing anything good or kind in him, sat with her back perfectly straight, so that at any moment she could rush to the door. “So you don’t want to go and want to be free,” he sighed. “Well, live, breathe, and sing, but know that I’m nearby, admiring you from afar!”
His eyes became sad and he himself drooped. Pauline, seeing him unstuck for the first time, gave him a kiss goodbye, and then shook his hand.
The man stood up, hugged her, realizing that something valuable to him was leaving his life, and took his coat and left the apartment, leaving Pauline with a diamond ring. She recognized him immediately. This ring was the first piece of jewelry that he once gave her and was a sign of her enslavement. Nowadays it has become a sign of her freedom.