The Unwanted One

Pencil strokes laid onto the sheet with quiet rash. I draw — and I don’t know what. Just drew, as during a boring class on the notebook’s margins. There was absolutely no sense in that. Except for, maybe, training telekinesis… This has no sense as well. Nothing in this world had sense, nothing! From the start to this day! Everything, that I have done, led to nowhere. From the get-go. Settling down, familiarizing, looking for a job, friends — it was useless! It was useless for, if I can say so, “friends”, which always, every moment, had been seeing some scary ugly in me, only pretending, that I’m not, and it was for the world as well, which is not tired of showing its inhospitality towards me. I wasn’t happy about this world either — surprise, huh? A childish cartoon, yeah? A piece of simulating shit, fucking bitch… Just take Luna alone… Crunch! Fucking shit! I threw the broken pencil at the wall furiously, which it slammed into, splattering splinters and slivers of lead. The last week has been a shit week already, but the past few days have broken all records. Well, how was I to know, that ponies are only good at talking about friendship?! Stupid horses, burn you all in hell… Just when you think someone is normal, you realize, that he’s an asshole after a week… Luna, for her fucking sake, at least does not pretend, that… Oh, no, she does, but not to me, but to the others, dammit… Even started sending letters: look, sister, how I try to reconcile! And that bad Nightmare just doesn’t want and won’t! Yes, fucking cunt, I don’t want to! I’ll carve that mockery on your tombstone as an epitaph, bastard! I couldn’t get this paper out of my head, filled with subtle mockery, in which Luna told me, in a condescendingly arrogant way, that it was bad to be hostile and that it was bad in general… Filthy bastard… I wish I had never read it… “Submit, kiss my feet, become my toy — then there would be no hostility and the nightmares would stop” — is that what it means?! I was able to deal with the nightmares, though… Oh, Scoot… The only normal pony… I probably shouldn’t have told you about the nightmares then, but I just couldn’t find the strength to be silent. Then, after the memorable “day of betrayal,” when I was walking away from Ponyville to the familiar lake shore, I suddenly bumped into the little pegasus, walking towards me. She could have just passed by, not even glancing at me, but she suddenly said: “Good day, Nightmare. You look worse than I feel”… She returned the phrase to me, the little brat… Yeah… For some reason, it made me say hello back, and then the little one somehow managed to hook tongues with me and… The only thing, that kept me from blurting it out was the fleeting thought, that I’d already turned my soul inside out like that once… in front of Rarity, let the fucking traitor have no bottom in hell when she finally rid the world of her presence… It was even more surprising, that Scootaloo, with a determined shift in her eyebrows, volunteered to “help me today, don’t worry!” with a certain “reliable thing”. And she did: when I was already struggling with sleep, wistfully awaiting the inevitable, the little one knocked on the library door, with her “reliable thing”. I don’t know how she knew, that a double dose of sedatives with a glass of strong — by local standards — alcohol knock off feet anyone, and where she got the prescription-only drugs, but it worked. Taking triple dose just in case — we’re talking about an alicorn — which took the rest of the almost empty pack, I, to my amazement, slept more or less well. The little one just saved me… And in the afternoon she came by again, handing me a brand-new unopened packet of drugs and hurrying to hide from questioning. Not that I wanted to ask her about it… As long as it worked, I didn’t care what it was or where it came from: it might have given me a headache, but at least I wasn’t afraid to go to bed because some nightmares were so creepy that the mere memory made me shiver. I was especially impressed by Luna’s idea that she could send her faithful thestrals to me so that certain Nightmare Moon would “go missing” in their endless mountain catacombs, becoming a laboratory specimen there to study the reproductive system of the alicorns… I twitched and swallowed a lump in my throat, remembering the image from that dream of a thestral with a medical saw, trying on my wing and commenting phlegmatically that… I shook my head and bit my cheek furiously. The pain helped distract me a little. A dream, huh? This is not a damn dream! This is a damn offer to go and die! Because if you don’t — you’ll envy the dead, and Luna will surely take care of that… I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my face with my hooves to recuperate a little, and looked down at the drawing still in front of me. A dozen eyeballs stared back at me, dangling from the top edge of the sheet at the nerve endings. “What the fuck are you staring at?” I asked them grimly and turned the sheet, looking at it with an angle. The eyes were still staring at me. With a chuckle, I turned the sheet over. Pampering. One of phobias — manias? Fantasies? — of Nightmare. That the stars in the endless sky of the Moon are the eyes of the Abyss, watching her… I wondered why I feel so uncomfortable outside in the evening… Hell with it, let them watch. There’s nothing to look at. Except for the all-out betrayal of one trustful cretin… It already seemed, that there were those here who understood me… Well, “seemed.” Even Tia, who was trying so hard to gain her trust, showed herself. I hoped, that after Twilight’s letter she would help — yeah, keep saying that, helping Nightmare Moon… First “Write to me, I’ll try to help,” and then, when this help was really needed — silence. And it was Twilight, who asked for it! But it had been before, and now it was strange, that she hadn’t thrown me out on the street: her look was too eloquent, and that promised many lectures and sanctions, and this gaze was awarded by the unicorn, packing a medical bag, to me, when I returned to “Golden Oak” after my meeting with Scootaloo. He didn’t stand my gaze for a second, though, resulting in her keeping complaints quiet… For the time being. But the feeling, that they barely stand me here, was growing every hour — and I don’t give a heck, honestly. This world doesn’t want to see me? So be it. Will choke over! Had to put me into the waste until I wasn’t against that as well. Well… I don’t want to live here, honestly. But if they chase me away so forcefully — I’ll try to retire with light behind my back, if a chance appears. Damn it… Cannot trust anyone… Only Scootaloo didn’t betray… How?… “Nightmare?” Twilight’s voice sounded in the half-dark suddenly. “What else?!” “There… Someone came, asked to call you…” “Who?” “They said they brought a package. Personally to hooves.” Wanted to say good words to Twi with her visitors. Unfortunately, basement’s door has no lock… A-a, heck with it… Let’s see who is there. Maybe I’ll find a reason to scream at them… Getting up reluctantly, I moved towards the stairs. There wasn’t even a trace of the unicorn: she didn’t have a desire to meet with me more than needed. And that’s right, go away, hoofed skank… Opening the entering door, I found two unknown pegasus in the same uniform, also unknown for me. The first one, hoary and with a dark mane, shivered upon meeting my gaze and hastened to lower eyes, as gray as she herself. A Monochrome one. Her companion, pale-pale purple owner of a bicolor sky blue-just blue mane, chose to have something instead of saddle bags, that looked. Like sadomasochistic transport harness, to which a thick long parcel was attached. “G-good day…” Not lifting her gaze, the “monochromatic” one greeted. “Postal service of the Canterlot castle. There’s a letter and a package for you. We’ve been ordered to wait your answer and pass it on.” With these words, the gray one approached her partner and, unhooking the long thing from her harness, handed it to me, and after I picked it up with my telekinesis, deftly extracted the envelope from her bag with her teeth. “My answer…” I mumbled thoughtfully, catching the envelope. Telekinesis’ trainings paid off: holding two items, while not looking at them, wasn’t a challenge for me… “We won’t go inside, we will just wait here!” The black-white one exclaimed for some reason nervously, feigning a crooked smile and causing her colleague to sigh heavily. Ah, what a shame!… I grunted indefinitely, and as I closed the door and went back down to the basement, I finally got a chance to indulge my curiosity. A tug, ripping off a shapeless sheath of some cloth — and the metallic gleam of a blade in the dim light of magical lamps. I stared in a stupor at the predatory curve of the blade. A very familiar curve. There were even blood spots on the blade: subtle, slightly darker marks, as if etched into the metal with acid. With a sharp jerk, I got rid of the rest of the package and stared thoughtfully at the Luna’s glaive, floating in front of me. The thin engraving pattern on the silver blade, the incomprehensibly glowing crescents on both sides of the blade, the underlay in the form of a curved spike… It’s a challenge. Extremely unambiguous. And it’s well-timed: don’t have to wait and wriggle to find a loophole to her neck… The only strange thing is that Luna gives up her weapon and not the first cheap piece of iron that comes along. Very strange. What’s on her mind…? I picked up a plain white envelope, made of thick paper. No inscriptions, no seals, nothing. What have we got there? From the opened envelope, as expected, fell out a letter on a folded sheet of paper. I ran my eyes quickly over the text and crumpled it slowly, with feeling, trying to understand what was going on. The letter contained lengthy reflections on the subject: “It cannot go on this way, I can’t take it anymore,” a plea for forgiveness, a few words about giving me the glaive, and a request, that if I can’t forgive her, I should tell her where and when to meet to settle things once and for all. And a signature: “Luna”. Abyss, what she is up to? Maybe she cursed the glaive before she gave it to me, to make my skin peel off? I eyed the weapon cautiously. However, a curse hardly kills quickly, and Luna, for some reason, let me choose the time and place… In fact, the glaive and the choice of a meeting place are not the strangest things here… Why does she make these hypocritical apologies here? Why does she need them if she’s just going to get rid of me out in the open? Trying to buy time? But then she wouldn’t let me make an appointment. Or would she only come if she liked the time? What’s the logic?… Wait. “What’s the logic”… Playing to the audience, of course! Wrote this letter with the some Cadence under her side, for example, so that later, showing my corpse to Tia, she could say: “Cadence is a witness: I suffered so much, I tried to make peace, but evil Nightmare didn’t want to! I had no other choice, I’m so sorry, so sorry!” Trying to get away with it in every situation, huh, creep? The place and time she left to my choice is because she understands, that if she appoints them herself — I wouldn’t go there at all, to avoid it. Also, she’s sure of her strength if she’s not afraid to challenge me to a fight. Why she gave me the glaive, though, is still unclear… To show some semblance of nobility? “Semblance”, yes… That’s what Luna is all about. She pretended to be a good Princess at first, and when she hadn’t succeeded, she started to pretend being her sister, so that Tia would let her in closer. Tia had let her closer… After that, Luna successfully led me astray, making it look like she needed and cared about certain Nightmare, and now she is pretending, that she has reformed and nice and sweet and peace, joy and happiness. And they believe her again, as if nothing had happened… Not that the other ponies were far behind her, though. Vision of understanding, vision of friendship… But if you go deeper — it finds out, that the only real thing they had and have is fear. They all fear and hate me… Except for Scootaloo, I think… But in the end, who am I to her? A casual acquaintance, practically… It would be a pity if my death upset her. However, does it matter? You, Luna, for some reason, didn’t hide behind your sister and decided to take me out personally, didn’t you? After destroying real Nightmare Moon, after torturing me with bad dreams and depriving me of everyone, who could be my friends by messing with their heads? You couldn’t think of a better gift! “Tonight, after the rising of the Moon. The Castle of the Two Sisters. NM.” The road to the castle was well remembered by the Nightmare’s memory. Will get there. Die in a battle — a good finale. And if I can drag Luna away with me, it’ll be bright as well. Just right. Today was definitely the best day I’d had all fucking week.

…

Yeah, well, it’s a good thing, that I thought of securing the sharp parts before swinging that thing, otherwise I would have been without wings, horns, and at least two legs. Telekinesis on weapons turned out to be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, as compared to my hands, my mobility was incredibly increased: I could strike from the most impossible directions and in any position of my body. On the other hand, control was severely depressed: the weapon not only did not feel like an extension of my hand, it was hardly felt at all… Without looking, it was extremely difficult to understand its position and to feel its size and location relative to myself — hence several sensitive blows, the worst of which — on the tip of the horn — felt almost as bad as a groin blow in the old days. Luna, fuck me with your horn! I had never been in so much pain before… A terrible pulling pain, brings sparks into my eyes, rolling all over my body in waves and reverberating in my skull forced me to give up my training for a good dozen of minutes and just lie on the grass and swear like a schoolboy. I was also able to get a good kick out of a well-twisted stick over my head… After that, I wiped away the tears and realized that telekinesis was not as cool for holding weapons as it had seemed before… By the way, the shaft, which before this training had caused some confusion by its very presence, also turned out to be more than in demand: the experiment showed that, first, the telekinetic grip, covering the blade with its field, makes it practically safe and one can just take the blade without any hilt, but one cannot use it in the fight, and, second, the size of the gripped area matters — and the long shaft allows to vary this size widely. The full-length field allowed a much better sense of the weapon and its position in space, but slowed it down considerably, as if it increased air resistance, and dampened the inertia needed for powerful blows. The narrow ring grip allowed you to spin the glaive at propeller speed, but the glaive’s position, while using it, is very vague. In addition, as it turned out, the weapon can be dropped from such a narrow grip… As a result, the impression is, that by changing the area of coverage in a flash and shifting it higher or lower along the shaft, you can achieve exceptional control of the weapon: strike sharply and quickly, instantly extinguish inertia and strike again, block powerful blows or naturally knock down arrows flying at you… The problem is that this is clearly a pro weapon, that requires serious training, not some “peasant axe”… Damned Luna “graciously gave” the weapon, that requires months for training! It’s good to have some time to get used to it, especially since my body seems to remember something… I stopped, paused to catch my breath, and stared thoughtfully at the swath of woods as I finished moving and put my weapon down. It’s a path to nowhere, isn’t it…? “If you’re going to take revenge, dig two graves,” and all that… Except… Why would I want to live, anyway? For what and for whom? It was scary and hurtful to die the first time, when I lost everything and everyone along with my life… But here? And here, in this stupid world, so outwardly similar to a children’s fairy tale, I have nothing but an unkind name. Is it scary to lose? Yeah… I chuckled sadly. Avenge Nightmare and myself — or die trying, that’s all. If I fail — heck with it. Don’t I know that death is not the end? But if I succeed, I’ll make this hypocritical world a little better. And you… You’d say my chances aren’t great, wouldn’t you, “Princess”? I barely know how to use a weapon, and I know a few spells that are good for fighting… Of course, that’s not enough to win with confidence. Less than all you have, Luna — influence, money, men, and behind me there’s nothing but emptiness, vengeance, and hatred. But that hatred is enough for three of your kind, bitch. It’s time for you to pay your dues.