…
“Nightmare!” Rarity gasped, when she opened the door a bit. “You’re soaked completely! Quick, come in, dear, I’ll make tea in a moment!” Unicorn gave room, letting me inside, and then ran to the kitchen. My lips touched a smile: it’s nice to be greeted like this… I shook off the cold water as usual and followed Rarity, only now beginning to feel, that it was really cold in the rain and wind. Also, once in the warmth, the body began to rapidly fall asleep… Bastard! I shook head furiously, trying to get rid of the pressing sleepiness. And if I drink warm tea now — no doubt, I’ll fall asleep in a second. After saying hello to Sweetie, who looked up from the stairs to see who it was, I crept into the kitchen, yawning frantically and feeling my legs weakening with every step, where I hurried to settle down at the table and rest my heavy head on it, watching the fidgeting unicorn half-eyed. The picture, for some reason, started to darken and drift somewhere aside until it was complete blackness. No, it was darkness. Impenetrable, thick darkness, which, apparently, can be chopped with a knife, came with a strong feeling of someone’s gaze behind my back. I turned around. No one. Complete silence and voicelessness — just the darkness swirling around, and the same feeling of someone else’s unfriendly gaze. I turned around again: I think I saw something appearing for a moment in the darkness… Wait. I’m sleeping. Damn it! I’m out… It seemed, that the realization of this should have calmed the growing restlessness, but… I did not know how to make myself wake up, but I knew, that the dream, sooner or later, would lead me to the darkest and scariest corners of my memory… Something chill and disgustful suddenly touched a side, causing me to jump aside… …To spread eagle on the floor noisily, with jaws and ribs hit, feeling my heart is pounding in the temples. “Nightmare!” Nervous Rarity came close to me. “How are you?” “I’m crashing.” I returned onto the place, nodding thankfully to the mare, which helped me. “Nightmares are still bothering you?” She looked at me with sympathy. “It’s so disgraceful that I cannot help you! It’s awful!” Unicorn, sighing, hugged me carefully, trying to somehow support me. Yeah… After the incident with the drawing, we had a long talk… I had told Rarity almost everything, except the nuances of the origin of the person, now living in Nightmare Moon’s body. It seemed, that we had been cuddling and crying at the same time until the night… Strangely enough, it has become a little bit easier, and even the realization of the fact, that there’s someone who knows — and who is not indifferent to it — makes my heart happier. And I told her about the nightmares, when they used to visit me, too… “Here, take it.” Meanwhile, Rarity put a tea bowl with a hot drink before me. “Thanks.” I nodded and kissed the bowl with tea carefully, that spreads soft aroma. “M-m…” “Should I bring a plaid for you?” She touched my back shyly. “No, I’m fine.” I waved away in thought. “I don’t want to fall asleep again.” “Okay… Oh, and why am I the only one who cannot help you?” Unicorn sighed sadly, sitting down across from me. “Should I bring sedative tea? Or maybe I have some sleeping pills?…” “Useless. Yes, you fall asleep, but it cannot help against nightmares at all.” I cringed. “We’ve tried it with Twilight. She’s written a letter to Celestia, maybe she would recommend something… But she hasn’t answered yet, so the best I can think of is to try to not sleep at all.” I summed up sadly and finished with the tea. “Thanks.” “It’s awful…” Rarity looked at me pitifully. Yea-ah… Funny enough — it’s exactly Rarity, who made my existence here more bearable. I didn’t think it would be possible to get along exactly with her: in canon she always seemed to me as phony with her “generosity” and did not find understanding in my eyes. And just look… Her spa was more than beautiful, and her help in getting used to telekinesis… And her worriment about me looks so sincere… Yes, I’m fucked up pretty badly, but I won’t give up. “I don’t know for how much I’d be able to stand, but if Luna expects me to crawl to her on the belly and give her all opportunities to do anything with me for the sake of ending it — good luck.” I chuckled gloomily, rising from the table. “I understand you, of course, but… Why are you so sure, that it’s Princess Luna…” Unicorn bit her lip thoughtfully, following me with a gaze. “Who is if not she?!” I fixed eyes on her. “Excuse me, but there’s only one pony with abilities to sweep across someone else’s dreams in Equestria and doing everything she wants to! And she’s a treacherous filthy bastard!” Rarity shivered, almost cringing painfully. “Nightmare! You may not get along with Princess Luna, but…” “Not get along?!” I felt my eyelid twitching. “I trusted her more than myself! I lived only for her!!! And in return, this monster left me to die from endless fear, that she turned my life into!!! Don’t call it “not get along”!” I hissed the last word right to unicorn’s face, which shrank under my furious gaze. “C… Calm down, p-please.” Hiding eyes, she asked quietly after a few seconds of heavy, unpleasant pause. “I will when I spit on her grave!” Lump stuck in the throat, fury pumped in my temples like bells, demanding a solution. I wanted to destroy something… Or someone. “Nightmare, dear…” Rarity touched me shyly with a well-kept hoof. “Sorry, but I think, that you… Overstate it. Well… It can be just simple nightmares by their nature… I mean, that no one sends them to you…” Mare melted into background under my heavy stare. “So much and on such a topic? O, really, it’s just a coincidence! And how haven’t I thought about it myself?” I put a shoe onto the forehead theatrically, making a stupid smile on the face and quickly erasing it, when I looked in the unicorn’s eyes point-blank: “I appreciate your help and yada-yada… But don’t get involved in something you don’t understand at all! I shared one body with her and know her like the back of my hoof: Luna doesn’t want some Nightmare Moon to be alive and healthy! That’s it!” I stepped back from the twitching pony and, turning around, came up to a window. There were still occasional raindrops, pounding on the glass, leaving trails of water on it. “If they were red — it would look almost like dripping blood” A strange thought came to my mind. I had never taken a cigarette in my life, but now I suddenly felt a terrible urge to smoke… To suck in the burning, disgustingly smelly smoke, full of tar and heavy metals, to feel my own life shortening… I shook my head, driving away the strange obsession. I wanted to sleep as hell… “Nightmare…” I was called shyly behind my back. I turned around with some strange grief that wasn’t understandable even for me, and gazed at the white unicorn, which hastened to look away again. “Would Her Highness Princess Celestia allow someone — even her sister — to harm you? I’m sure she wouldn’t allow this to happen!” I, sniffing, turned to the window, looking at the drops on the glass for some time wordlessly. “You’re underestimating Celestia’s exaltation and myopia in this situation…” I chuckled sadly. “If there’s a pony, that allowed to do whatever she wants to — it’s Luna for sure. I think, that Celestia wouldn’t notice anything, that can destroy her romanticized vision of “beloved and only sister”. Until she finally destroys her, like she would do with me a little earlier! Then tears for the public and accusations of me and maybe Cadence in what happened, and then Equestria would have a new ruler Favorite, only and endless: unparalleled and greatest Queen Luna! She never wanted to share power with someone and will go over cold bodies if someone stands between her and the throne!” “But it’s absurd! I mean, I’m sure, that Princess Luna missed Her Highness Princess Celestia and love her to the same degree and vice versa!” “You don’t believe me?!” I turned to the table with a dash again. Nerves hum like strings, as if something important lays by a hair’s breadth… “Sorry, Nightmare, but I’ve seen them there, in the castle, and have seen them on the party in Ponyville afterwards…” Rarity raised from the table, standing opposite to me and, for the first time in days, looked in my eyes firmly and straightly. “I will never believe, that Princess Luna, whose love and respect for sister are endless, who cried so much there, in the castle, at Celestia’s shoulder and frightened to break the embrace for her to not vaporize, to plan something… Such monstrous! No offence, but it seems, that your vision is not what’s real, but what you want to see…” “She pitched a line even to you so good, that you’re protecting her now!” I panted through my teeth. I wanted to scream, but the lump in my throat doesn’t allow it. Fury with grievance and despair are choking me. Why?! She should have understood me! I trusted her! Thought, that she really cares about me! Worries about me! And she… She doesn’t care?! How could I, imbecile, call her a friend?! What a fool!… It’s past time to understand, that there are no friends! Luna’s cute muzzle and her big sorrowful eyes mean more for the locals, than rotten and disgustful soul inside! What soul toothed Nightmare with scary dragon’s eyes has — no one cares! They can only shit their pants at the sight of me and run away as fast as they can! Herd of stupid coward scumbags! And the friendship is as cartoonish and unnatural as they are! “I hope, when Luna settles her croup down onto the throne, she will have a reason to kill you as well! Maybe choking in your own blood you’ll understand something!” I spitted, passing by the unicorn to the exit in a hurry pace. “Nightmare!…” “What “Nightmare”?!” I stopped at the entrance into the entrance hall. “Go kiss your Luna’s croup! I trusted you!!! Spit my guts, told something!… Damned goose…” “But!…” “I don’t want to know you!” Paying no more attention to the pathetic excuses that sounded behind me, I crossed the hallway-store and, with my heart, ‘till pain in the leg, I kicked the front door with my hoof, ran out into the street, without turning around, to rush away from “Carousel”, heading wherever my legs want to. Even though the rain is over, I still can feel some spots on the face for some reason. Maybe it is sprinkling a bit.…
After an hour and a half I, standing at some distance from the entrance, was examining sign of “Sugarcube corner” and, maybe for the first time in life, just didn’t know what to do. I calmed down after this for a… For a fucking nothing. I managed to at least partially get myself together, but there still was a firestorm inside of me. And I came here to fear to come in, to trust — and get another knife in the back. Damn it, I hate you, Rarity… Sighed, that came out from the chest by itself, made me angry for some reason. Traitors don’t worth sighing about them! And yeah, stop vacillating like before the wedding night, stop whining! It cannot be worse than that. Shaking head, I stepped forward. To my silent indignation, Pinkie wasn’t in “Sugarcube corner”. I had to overcome my unwillingness to speak to someone… Unwanted, and to ask questions missus Cake, that was standing behind a counter. It’s a day off for Pinkie — she asked for it — and, as far as the owner of the shop knew, planned to spend the time with Dash. Yeah, the colored one, as far as I knew, was out of jail — and this damned alive symbol of the LGBT community immediately started to make my life worse and get in the way! First, she disrupted my practice of the magic beam, when enthusiastic Twilight rushed away to meet her, feigning apologizes: I’ve been begging her for days to show me this simple combat spell! Fine, it wasn’t that hard — I could figure that out even with my head, curved from the sleeplessness. And now, instead of “Pinkie is at the working place” I have “Pinkie is nowhere to be seen” exactly when I need her! Damn it, I should have kicked this Trash for a longer while: maybe she would have left the hospital a week later and not been so annoying! You can bet your sweet life, that Pinkie ran to her to do some more “funni things” like yesterday’s ones… Got nothing to do?… They even hit upon the idea of changing Twilight’s ink to invisible one. It was a real “help” considering the fact, that she was doing magic with flasks to make a more effective sleep aid for me and was writing down intermediate results. And strangely enough, she hadn’t been laughing when her notes just vaporized. Damn it, I almost wanted the colored one to get on my nerves with her brainy creative: could have gotten into the hospital again and wouldn’t have been an eyesore to me! And this idiot wasn’t against it for sure: I remember rainbow mane, being in my area of visibility, but, unfortunately, nothing happened. But I hoped for it — there could have been a reason to break someone’s face… I doubt stupid Dash having breaks and not deciding to act first — Pinkie persuaded not to for sure… Fine: I’m sure, that there would be another reason to beat the hell out of this colored idiot, and not even one. But Pinkie would get from me for this leisure even without a spare reason — not allowed to do so. But sometime after, when I’ll have the right mood……
Damn, where the heck she is? She is here and there, and even, by the boss’ words, the pink one, that planned to spend time with Dash, has been seen around the library and alone… I felt my rage’s grow. This bumming, Sun’s blinding, stupid horses are running around to God knows where! I’ve had enough! This Twilight… What an idiot. I ask “Where’s Pinkie?”, answer — a lecture about Rainbow friend’s arrival — Gilda the Griffon — and Pinkie is very jealous of her. “Jealous”, yeah — I remembered something about that, how she was bullying Pinkie in the canon. I’m already looking forward to meeting her… Twilight, while I was trying to remember the canon, managed to lecture me about Pinkie’s “inappropriate” behavior, mention some researches about psychology, and then, only after that, finally, said the answer for my question, saying, that she gave a hint to our pink friend to peacefully rest in the cafe, drink cocktail and calm down. After that she hastened to get rid of me on the excuse of… Being busy! Couldn’t you answer my question right off the bat, fucking busy one?! She’s a fan of shooting the shit, God damn her… I’ll tackle Pinkie’s behavior without you anyway! I literally flew out of the library, then spent about five minutes, cursing quietly and digging with my hoof fiercely to blow off some steam: it was a challenge to not snap at that nerd. At least this time, the pink mare was where I was said to look for: at the market, in a cafe near it, if to be precise. She looked uncharacteristically gloomy, sitting alone at the table, with only an untouched glass of some cocktail, and seemed to be talking to herself. I paused, watching with wistful thoughtfulness as she said something to herself, gesticulating vigorously. I searched so much, and when I found her, I realized, that I didn’t know for what… I wanted to believe, that she would understand me and… But does it worth a shot? I already somehow believed, that Rarity would understand me… A rotten brute, just like her beloved Luna… There was some movement at the market, and I looked over there. People, with fleeting smiles, parted before Fluttershy, walking backwards awkwardly and leading a family of ducks or something through the square. Unwanted smile showed up for a moment even on my face. It looked… Heart-piercing. My legs carried me towards the yellow pegasus themselves — I wanted to capture a little more of the positivity, that this cute little pony was radiating. “Hey!” A barbaric shout brought me back into reality. “O-oh… E-excuse me p-please, I…” Fluttershy shrank under griffon’s gaze, which she bumped accidentally into in a stream… Where ponies gave her way preemptively. “Don’t you see — I’m walking here!” This chicken exclaimed and pushed the pegasus roughly. Atte-ention… I hastened the pace, separating and pushing aside a few spectators, that watched the scene. “O-oh, s-sorry… I… I j-just was trying…” “So-o-oryy, so-o-ory, excu-u-se me.” Griffon cringed. “Are you blind or stupid, pony? Have you shoved your eyes into your ass or your nut-like brain isn’t capable of understanding, that you have to look where you’re going? A?!” Griffon tried to grab Fluttershy by the lapels with a fore paw, but it slipped off, only leaving a bleeding wound on the pegasus’ chest from a claw. Pegasus stepped back, swallowing tears and messing about excuses. I froze, feeling the pure, unconfused rage, that started to run through my arteries instead of blood, until my teeth gritted. “Dead.” The promise, thrown out loud in an emphatically calm tone caused the assembled onlookers to turn their attention to me and disperse very hastily as I moved forward again. “Pf! I’ve had enough of stupid ponies, who do nothing, but get in the way!” Meanwhile, a pile of organic fertilizer — will be in three minutes — exclaimed it demonstratively, unfolding wings and starting to take off. Moment… Yep! Telekinesis tightened on the griffon’s tail right at the moment of blowing with wings to take off, but she got a powerful and, as I think, painful rush right back to Earth instead. Griffon, moaning, spreadeagled on the causeway. Some pony started to laugh shyly, some picked that up. “Oh, you shouldn’t be laughing, citizens: you can actually injure your spine that way… However, I don’t think back problems will ruin a chicken’s old age. The chicken would be in a soup a wa-a-y earlier.” I grinned evilly. “Ugh, bloody shit…” Raising up, Gilda shared her experience. “Keep laughing, stupid vegetarians!!! What a wanker dared…” She turned around in a hurry, bumping with her nose… Bill into my breastplate. She silenced. Lifted eyes distrustfully. “Listen, stupid big sack of hay, I’ll kick your ass for it right now!” I dropped from the reality for a second, not believing my ears. Of course, griffons have hardly heard about Nightmare Moon, but this… Griffon, using my stupor, came closer and now, unfolding wings, fluffing feathers and ruffling up truculently, gazed at me with an unkind stare. …But we can fix it. A magic beam ran out from my horn’s tip. Griffon, taking off sharply, judged it, even though a painful look appeared on her face for a moment — tail’s put wasn’t in vain. Someone from the idlers, by the scream, wasn’t so lucky. Not a bad result as well. “Hah, missed! I mean, hit: one stupid pony hit another one!” Gilda started to laugh. Laugh while you have reasons to. It’s good that you thought of taking off, that’s what I was really hoping for… Do you know why it’s better to put things on the ground? Nothing falls off the ground. Count, shut eyes for a moment, create a flash before enemy’s eyes, move closer swiftly, grab a wing’s tip by telekineses on the flap, put it down sharply — and disoriented griffon falls onto stones from solid four-five meters like a bag. A dozen of seconds. How cocky she was… Pathetic. Gilda, uttering half moan — half sob and narrowing eyes blindly, tried to get up. Wing, which was pulled by me, hung limply, and judging by some unusual pose, spine got its good part as well… “You cannot get up, can’t you?” I felt sorry for her dramatically. “I’ll help you.” Turquoise cloud of telekinesis appeared around griffon’s neck, lifting her up at the level of my gaze. Griffon twitched in the grab, twitching wings and pawing her neck with fore legs in panic. “You know, scavenger.” I smiled trustfully to the griffon, having frog in her throat.” It’s good, that I met you. I haven’t killed griffons for so long, that I can’t remember the sound of their neck breaking, can you imagine that? But it’s okay, you’ll recall it, right?” I added force, tightening the noose… “Nightmare!!!” I was bumped into a side tangibly. “Don’t! Let her go! Please!” What?! Who?.. I turned to the voice sharply. Fluttershy. Eyes full of tears. Looks at me with clear dread. Begs to… To let this creep go? I swifted gaze to Gilda, which already started to roll eyes and, waiting a little, nailed her into the ground heartily with a short rustle before loosening my grab. Okay, you’re allowed to live, bitch. After a few seconds, griffon started to move on the causeway with husky cough and painful moans, gradually recovering herself. “Listen closely, crossbreed of a garbage cat with a garbage raven.” I jabbed her with a shoe into the ribs, causing painful hiss. “I don’t know where Fluttershy, which you dared to attack, heard a hint of an appeal for forgiveness in your groans and moans, asking to release you, and I don’t agree with her, but… You’re breathing right now only because she asked me.” I nodded towards friend’s standing. “But her request doesn’t mean, that I’ll continue to tolerate your flea-ridden skin further: I give you half an hour to get out of Ponyville and never be seen by me for the entirety of your pathetic life! Failing this…” I touched her neck with telekinesis meaningfully. Judging by the Gilda’s twitch, she learned some things. “Night, it’s not right!” “What “is not” right?” I turned around and eyed Pinkie, which just came here, from head to foot with a dissatisfied look. I’m tired of you, getting in my way! From the right, from the left, from the fucking… “She’s hurt! We must help her! Of course she’s a thief, a bully and bandit, but…” “No.” “W…What? No?! But she’s in pain. You…” “In pain…” I chuckled gloomily. I’m in pain as well there, inside — but did someone of you even care about it… “In pain, sack of hay, imagine that… O-oh… Damn you a thousand times…” Somehow stood up griffon said in a hoarse voice under her breath, but the alicorn’s hearing didn’t let down. “Pain?” I specified with a feeling and sweet voice, lowering head and looking in Gilda’s eyes. She stepped back. “You know, I can easily treat that… Dead bodies do not have pain at all!!!” “Nightmare!…” Griffon stumbled, falling onto the wounded paw with hiss and squawk. “Get out of the town. Now.” Erasing any intonation in the voice, I summed up, closing in and hanging over the griffon. “Or everything, that’s left of you, would fit in a cup.” Standing up with difficulty and giving me the last gaze, in which hatred and fear on the verge of terror oddly mixed, Gilda, turning around, started to cripple away. “Damned scavenger.” After following her with a heavy gaze for a dozen of seconds, I cringed and, turning around, looked around. The square was, expectedly, practically empty: the one loser, who had been shot by a stray shot, was enough for everyone, and the few who remained, were just now beginning to emerge from their hiding places, looking towards me with outright fear. I hope this scavenger didn’t hurt Fluttershy severely… Had to intervene from the start, damn it. Scream from afar could have… God, where’s she? I turned to Fluttershy, but she wasn’t on her previous spot. I even turned back, looking behind my back, but yellow pegasus vanished into the air for some reason. But a little further away, Pinkie Pie was sitting right on the causeway. I’ll ask her. Yeah, she looks pretty bad… “Pinkie! How are you? Where’s Flutty? She’s alright? Is she okay?” There was a kind of tension, like a premonition, that didn’t leave me. Pinkie… Looked bad. Do my eyes let me down from the sleeplessness or she’s really lost some of her color?… And that pose, nervously sitting and staring at the ground… And the ears drooping… “No, she’s not.” Slowing, earthpony finally panted. “She couldn’t look at what you’re doing and fled. Where to — I don’t know. Don’t look for her, please — you’ll scare her.” A voice trembling with tension, almost devoid of intonation, which was so atypical — no, more: impossible! — for the pink mare started to give me chills. “Okay, will work it out later…” I mumbled. Flutty’s fright was clearly understandable and obvious: what’s good about fighting? Especially for such a soft and touchy pony as she. I’m not sure, but she did come up and ask for Gilda’s forgiveness during the process… And then she ran away? It’s weird, though… Okay, when in doubt leave it out. Got scared of the fight, plus… plus a scratch deep enough for me to notice, even from a distance. By the way, she could’ve gone off to get it fixed… Anyway, it seemed, that it wasn’t that bad with Fluttershy. Pinkie, on the other hand, started to give me worriment… “Pinkie, how are you?” I touched her shoulder carefully with the fold of my leg. She, surprisingly, recoiled back as if my touch burnt her. “Worse than… than ever.” She strained and looked up at me with tear-stained blue eyes. “I believed, that you have changed, that you have changed for the better, that you were no longer as creepy evil as you were when you wanted to steal the Sun! And you… And I…” “Like I hadn’t reasons to do it!” Anger rose heavily inside. “I was defending the pony I owed and which couldn’t defend herself!” It was a challenge to not let the scream out. “Fluttershy, which you “was defending”, ran away from you and now will be afraid of even getting out of her house! You was not defending!” Rising up, Pinkie made a few steps back. The pink-haired pony’s voice rang indignantly. I remembered my own thoughts after my first normal meeting with Flutty: I don’t give a heck about others, but she shouldn’t be afraid of me. And shouldn’t regret her protection. Didn’t I go too far?… “You was hurting Gilda — and you liked it!” Gradually rising tone, the angry baker continued. “You’re heartless-heartless villain! Dangerous and… And evil! Princess should have you…” I shivered. Pinkie cut herself off abruptly, clearly biting her tongue and covering her mouth with a hoof frighteningly, but the message was still very clear. Wish you didn’t exist at all. “So here we are…” A lump got into my throat. “You, the first one who called me friend, now say this, yeah?…” I remember thinking about her: “A friend in need is a friend indeed”. A need is here. And where are your friends, huh?… “Oh, no-no-no, I!…” “You have been lying to me the whole time! You all have been! And I thought, that at least you really believed in me… Your so-called “friendship” has cost me a lot, but now I see, that all these words, as it turned out, were, in fact, worthless! Nah, just an empty talk! What an idiot!…” I exhaled, feeling the burn out inside me at the same time, and the strange apathy, that came over me. “My head, of course, is not worth much either, because it has never had a brain, but I hope that now I finally understand that trusting others is a fatal mistake.” The last words sounded quiet and indifferent: there was no moral strength left for emotion. I wanted to scream, cry, kill others and die myself, but… All these desires seemed completely unnecessary and pointless. Everything around me seemed unnecessary and pointless… It just suddenly didn’t matter. Complete freedom. The will to do anything, because there is no one and nothing else that matters at all. I, laughing quietly, looked at the earthpony, shuddering and shrinking because of my laughter and turned away and wandered to God knows where. Damn it, when did it start raining again?…